By Shane from Centerpoint
Forget the mundane drudgery in all the activities you associate with your normal daily life – the 2009 college football season is about to start. Leave those worries about bills, rising taxes, and your health in limbo for a while because it’s game week. Banks may be collapsing around you, but have no fear, America’s favorite pastime is alive and kicking.

Actually, the story lines and scenarios surrounding this great game are a welcome relief from all the unpleasant things we encounter in today’s modern society. In college football we find a place where we can release our frustrations, fight our battles play-by-play, and live vicariously through our chosen team.

It’s about time for the tailgating to crank up. Some of the best food in the world can be found in tailgating lots around the country. Tailgate chefs create some of the most unique food ever served; and some of it tastes pretty good too. Besides, nobody really complains about the food because the beer is so good.

Don’t forget the television game parties that will be coming to the guy’s house that owns the biggest flat-screen and awesome surround-sound audio system. People he’s never seen will just show up and join in the fun.

Time to put the golf clubs in the closet, leave the hunting and fishing to the diehards, and focus on the play-by-play. College football 24/7 can fill up an entire weekend, while leaving no time for anyone to do his or her normal outdoor activities.

Put the lawnmower in the shed. Tell your wife to put the landscaping plans away until next spring, and if you have to cut the grass, take off work early Friday and get the chore done, well before the beginning of the week’s football activities.

Send notification to all relatives and friends that no weddings or other social functions are to be planned on game days. If anybody wants to die they’ll just have to wait until after the BCS national championship game to do it. Just kidding about the dying thing of course.

Everybody needs to load up with information about their favorite team. The conversation around your work place is about to turn from who got votes on American Idol to what key plays affected the outcome of the big game – you know, something that is really important.

The female gender – including some who you would never expect – will suddenly become a supporter of and expert on college football. If they pull for a team who beats yours, they’ll shove the loss down your throat and make you like it. A fanatical female football fan is a truly dangerous breed.

Some of you dads will get to carry your little boy to a game. During these tough economic times it will take a miracle in some cases for that to happen. I wish all fathers could do it just once. The sight of a young kid watching the pageantry of college football is a sight to behold. The sheer magnitude of the event can be breathtaking to a child (and to us adults, too).

The main point is: we’ve made it through the desert called the off-season. Now talk-radio will improve. The local television sportscast will step it up a notch. Finally, the newspaper’s sports section will be filled with something interesting for a change.

There will be a continuous electric buzz flowing through the air for the next five months or more. College football ignites a passion inside its fans that is explosive. That is what makes the game unique among all sports. Besides, “real” football is the only genuine American sport. It also serves as a reminder why we don’t need soccer in this country.

So tune up your remotes or check the seating arrangements on your season tickets. College football is about to take over. Grown men are about to yell and scream while coaching their team from the stands and lounge chairs across the nation. Let the games begin!
—Shane writes a weekly column for the Call News and the Capstone Report.

35 thoughts on “Shane: Let the games begin”

  1. “…Put the lawnmower in the shed. Tell your wife to put the landscaping plans away until next spring,…”

    I see you’ve never met my wife!

  2. Did I miss something here or what? I feel like I just read a 3rd grade essay on what you did on summer vacation.

    Surely this is not the best you can do, and they pay you for this?

    I feel as if my eyes have been raped reading such childish ramblings, not to mention my thoughts.

  3. Carl, I’m with you. I actually feel dumber having read this. Did you write this on the short bus with one of those really big pencils? Little shaney likes feetball…

  4. Shane, these are Bama fans…..Think about that….Bama fans.

    This kind of writing does get picked up by other media outlets , and it will show that you can write something not about Auburn. That , in turn may get you a job at the Lickskillet Gazzette, or some other major media power, though that would be a step up from the Western Sizzlin….I mean Western Star.

    Really, I thought it was alright. Something different for once.

  5. Guys, I’ve thought of a great business opportunity for an entrepreneurial minded bammer. Bullet proof jackets. Now hear me out. Several salesmen can position themselves around the Tuscaloosa hood, on gameday, and rent bullet proof jackets to the fans walking to the game, for their protection. Maybe specials can be run……if you rent 4, they’ll throw in a snub nose. You could call it the “Bammer Family Special.” I know time is running out, but if you could somehow get houndstooth pattern jackets, the idea would be golden. Just throwing it out there.

  6. Wow Shane. You actually wrote an article where you didn’t bash Auburn or stick your nose up Saban arse. Congrats.

  7. AUROX,

    Good one! Don’t forget the crack pipes. You could probably have a brisk business selling those around the UAT athletic complex…

  8. Funny how the third word in this “article” was ‘mundane’. That is funny!!!!

    Come on now, Shane is just trying to exercise his latest ‘new word of the day’, LEVITY.


  10. Kinda quite on the board as of late…..I guess having 2 hot shot players in trouble with the NCAA, among others, and a senior defensive linemen getting shot in the Tuscaloser hood will do that to you. Was Deaderick out past his curfew when the shooting occured?????? Great little scenario saban has on his hands leading up to VATech.

  11. Actually if you had checked, the area where the shooting occurred was a very nice and quiet area. The shooter is the one who was out of his element.

    Of course I know this type thing has never happened close to any other College campus. Certainly not in Florida, Tennessee, Georgia, and heaven forbid awebeen.

    It is a tragic thing for anyone, but even more so if you are trying to live right and do the right things, and things like this happen.

    Aurox, your last few posts have been a little over the top. I would never enjoy this type thing happening anywhere to anyone, but like your type, you seem to be enjoying it. We’ll see how well you are enjoying things in about 6 weeks.

    My heart goes out not only to the victim, but to his family and the entire team. I really thought you were a cut above this type stuff.


    TICK, TICK, TICK…………………..

  12. Nice Part of T-Town?

    Don’t lie, is there really anywhere that is nice. Mommas don’t let your babie grow up to got to Tuscaloosa… odds are they will robbed and/or shot.

    Don’t hate the shooter Bammers, he did the same thing a former player did last year except this time the guy pulled the trigger. Awful but completly preventable. Don’t go to Thugcaloosa = Don’t get shot! ya dig?

  13. Oh Carl, lighten up. The kids OK. The enjoyment I’ll get dancing on bammers grave will come by midseason.
    As for Julio and Ingram, y’all may just have more of a problem on your hands than first realized. Saban may want to put winning the west on the backburner and focus rather on staying out of NCAA trouble for at least 4 consecutive weeks. I swear, what’s going on???? Shorty talks a good game, and can certainly play tough guy with the media, but who really is running that program??? Oh wait, those were Shula’s players…….I mean going 12-2 was Saban, but when the problems arise that was Shula…..wait, didn’t Saban sign Julio?? I’m confused.

  14. Yeah well for all you Aubs, to bad, Ingram and Julio has been cleared by the NCAA to play. Sooooooooooo I guess ya’ll will have to go back to work to dig up something else thats not important.

    Seems to me you would be worried about your on SUX program. After you spend another holiday season sitting at home ya’ll will be more intent on dreaming up problems for Bama. Meanwhile Saban will continue to kick your asses on and off the field.

    All I can say is get used to it.

    TICK, TICK, TICK………….

  15. And Ausux if you are going to dance after each Bama win, you had better get your dancing shoes on baby…………………


    This is gonna be a great year!!!

  16. But you see, I’m not worried about my program. I have no reason to be worried. Everything, up until now, seems to be back on the right track. And shorty is still 4-5 against the Mighty Auburn Tigers, so if he’s real lucky, he might crack .500 this year. Doesn’t sound like ass kicking to me.
    I love the conspiracy bullshit….anytime anything bad happens to bama, Auburn must be behind it.

    Carl, I really do hope bama is undefeated when they roll into Auburn this year. That will be sweet when we lay down the Ute on y’all. Nothing personal man, I’m just ready for the rivalries.

  17. Aurox, you can talk all that you want, but you aint fooling nobody but yourself.

    Saban is 1-1 against the mighty chessers since coming to Bama, and that is about to grow, big time.

    I hope you are ready, because its about to happen, and there isn’t shit you can do about it.

    The moon is almost full, God’s little lanterns are twinkling on and off in the heavens, and the college football world is almost back to the correct order.

    It’s amazing how the longer things remain the more they stay the same. You see roxs your boys lost their chance by not taking care of business the last few years, and now its over, times up, didn’t do it, was more concerned about fingers than games, and rolling with a “river boat man”, and I LOVE IT!!!!


  18. “Everything, up until now, seems to be back on the right track”. What has changed? Reality I would imagine.

    I believe you had better start to worry about your on sux team, cause by this time on sadday La. Tech will have kicked that ass.

  19. We shall see! I would say good luck this season, but I don’t like to lie.

    I do hope this season provides plenty of trash talking for us both.

    WAR EAGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!

  20. I hear ya, and right back at ya.



  21. Dear Shane,
    It would behoove you to take English 101 and 102 before you deign to write a “column”. My 6 year old has better syntax than you! Never thy nouns and verbs shall agree, doth say me. You are pitiful! I know that you are stupid enough to think that others take you seriously. All the while, “serious” journalists are laughing at you, and at any publication that carries your so-called column. You can’t be married! Anyone who cared about you would have tried to stop you from making such an ass of yourself! What a moron!

  22. YO! Just a few thoughts…”JARROD,” go and finish eating your Subway sandwich! Shane is our whipping boy and gives us BAMMERS with common sense the much-needed “comedic relief” after a long day. Also, if I WANTED to do what Shane is TRYING to do I WOULD. “BAMMERTHUG,” go take a bath, YOU STINK! “AUROX,” YOU WILL WORRY about your Tigers come midseason! CARL, keep on ROLLING WITH THE TIDE, DUDE! You’re alright. As for myself…Saturday can’t come too soon. ROLL TIDE!!! This is just our FIRST trip to Atlanta for 2009.

  23. Amen to that St. Clair. I’ll be leaving Tuscaloosa around 11:00 headed for Hotlanta and looking for a whale of a Bama tomorrow.

    Well guys its here, no more wondering, guessing or wishing, it all starts to unfold tomorrow.

    Aurox I would wish you well also, but that on my part would be a lie also. I hope La. Tech beats the crap out of the Chessers!!!!

    ROLL TIDE ROLL…………………..


  24. I thought you hoped the best for every team that hails from Alabama, unless they are playing Bama?? I could have sworn you said that. It’s all good though, the gloves are off, and the pads will soon be popping. WAR EAGLE!!!

    Is South Carolinky gonna be a defensive juggernaut this year!?

  25. Here are my picks:

    South Carolina
    Ole Miss
    Miss. St.
    and La. Tech!
    Georgia Tech
    Ohio St.
    Notre Dame
    Penn State
    West Virginia
    Wake Forest
    North Carolina

  26. Yeah Aurox I have said that in the past and actually meant that, but over the course of the last few months people like you have drawn the battle lines, so no more will I wish well for the Chessrers. You see it goes both ways, and I’d have to say some of the worst sport fans I have ever encountered claim to be Awebeen fans.

    Deep down I do wish all SEC teams well, but year after year feeling the hate from some teams, especially Awebeen, Tenn. and LSU has began to take its toil.

    I will still say though that it would be better for all concerned for the SEC teams to be undefeated when they play each other, to the extent that is possible, for it makes no sense for us to hope a team from the “outside” to beat one of our on.

  27. And South Carolina will not be a defensive juggernaut this year.

    Was that not one of the boring s games to ever watch last night.

    For the Ole Ball Coach to be called an offensive guru…….. they are in for a long year.

    1.AUBURN 29 LA TECH 6
    2.VA TECH 17 BAMA 15
    3.VOLS 34 WKY 10
    4.LSU 35 WASHINGTON 13
    5.KY 37 MIAMI OHIO 20
    6.MICHIGAN 31 W MICH 17
    7.NDAME 44 NEVADA 20
    8.OK 45 BYU 31
    9.OLE MISS 30 MEMPHIS 20

  29. I can’t wait to read what MORON Shane will write next week after his Crimson Turd loses to Va Tech!

  30. Just what the doctor ordered…..offensive production. 2 Auburn offensive records set in one night, against an 8-5 bowl game winner. Not too shabby.

    Bama was very good in their opener as well. If Ingram can’t run around you, he will run over you. Very powerful runner.

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