They say if you want to be the best you have to beat the best. Conversely, if you want to be the worst you have to get beaten by the worst.

With that thought in mind, Auburn’s loss to John L. Smith and the Arkansas Razorbacks leaves no doubt: Auburn is the worst team in the SEC.

Yesterday’s loss, coming off an off week, was not just embarrassing. It was a barometer for the program. If Auburn were a hospital patient, hospice would’ve gotten a phone call right about the time the flea-flicker reached the waiting hands of Arkansas’ Javontee Herndon.

In the next two weeks Auburn travels to Ole Miss and Vandy to defend its honor…or what honor it has left. But what reasonable person gives the Tiggers a chance at sweeping these two perrenial cellar dwellars? Not this prognosticator.

We at have been sounding the drum since little brother hired Gene Chizik back in 2009. The guy is a clown. An idiot. The Mike Dubose of Lee County. Perhaps a good coordinator, but a total boob at the helm.

The 2010 dream season blinded the eyes of an already delusional fanbase, where the slightest glimmer of hope is cause for drunken exhileration by its cult-like following. The Auburn hatred for Alabama is so pure, so intense, anything served up as hope that Auburn is on the same footing with the Tide is gobbled, slurped and swallowed without question of the facts.

In 2007, the University of Alabama hired the best head coach in the country. Not just the best available at the time. The Capstone loosened the purse strings and paid an unprecedented amount for its head man, the game’s premiere head coach of this era.

What did Auburn do? Well, let me tell ya.

Auburn ignored every warning sign in bringing in a loser.

In hiring Gene Chizik, Auburn brought in a coach who was 5-19 at Iowa State, including an astounding 2-14 conference record. As the words “We need a leader, not a loser” were hurled at Auburn Athletics Director Jay Jacobs following the coaching search, most with a brain agreed. And now, four years later, never, ever have words rung more true.

And now as Auburn moves forward, more warning signs loom:

Cam Newton was a one of a kind. A childish, selfish walking example of immaturity, but a physical phenom. The 2010 season was one that Auburn fans everywhere had waited for their entire life.

But taking a closer look, even with the biggest freak college football has seen in 30 years, Chizik avoided 8 near losses where the Tiggers had to come from behind to win. That included narrow 3-point victories at hapless Mississppi State and Kentucky, and another 3-point win at home in overtime against Clemson. Not to mention the improbable 1-pt. escape in Tuscaloosa. His team gave up an astounding 337 points on the year.

Putting that in perspective, in Saban’s worst season at Alabama (his first, 2007), the Tide gave up 51 less, at 286 on the year. And that, limping to a 7-6 record. In his second season, the equivalent of Chiz’s second on the plains, Nick Saban led the Tide in giving up just 200 points.

In the last three seasons, (’10, ’11 and so far in ’12) Alabama has surrendered just 317 points combined…20 less than the Chiz handed over in his single “championship” season. That includes the mind boggling 106 points Alabama gave up in 14 games in its 2011 BCS National Championship run.

Why are these numbers important? Why does Alabama besting Auburn’s opponent’s point totals in its fictitious 2010 championship year by 173 in Bama’s championship run in ’09 and 231 in ’11 make a difference? Because it illustrates just how dominant Cam Newton was.

Hence, my 85 year old grandmother would’ve had the same 14-0 record Chizik enjoyed if she were roaming the sidelines in his place in 2010.

Gene Chizik’s conference record while at Auburn is 15-12…7-12 without Newton. His overall coaching conference record is 25-26 (17-26 without Newton). His conference records are:

2007: 2-6
2008: 0-8
2009: 3-5
2010: 8-0 (Cam)
2011: 4-4
2012: 0-3

In other words, without a freak of nature running a perfect offensive system to compensate for a porous defense, Gene Chizik has never finished better than .500 in conference play.

But as the next warning sign shows us, it gets worse.

Why is conference play so important? Because it illustrates a coach’s ability to perform against familiar competition. Or more accurately, competition that is familiar with you. While at Auburn, Gene Chizik’s teams lose big when they lose.

Chizik’s average margin of defeat in conference play while at Auburn is 18.75 points. In his coaching career that margin climbs to 20.8. So when Chizik loses in conference play, the opposition is almost three touchdowns better than him.

Which leads us to the next warning sign:

Despite last Saturday’s lay-up opportunity to even the mark, Gene Chizik is now 1-3 against Arkansas. The same is true against LSU. Against Georgia he’s 1-2, with loss #3 coming. Same deal against Alabama.

The only teams he owns winning records against are Tennessee and Florida (edging them in his only opportunities), the Mississippi teams, and in an oddity, South Carolina. Chizik is 3-0 against Steve Spurrier (including two wins with Cam in 2010). But don’t get too excited; Dubose also enjoyed success against Spurrier.

With seven games left, you have to combine optimism and creative thinking to find a game that Auburn can win. Auburn fans, don’t kid yourself: Alabama A&M can beat you. Will Chizik survive? Will Auburn fire the coach that led them to their first title since the 1950s?

And will any kid in his right mind want to enroll and play at a school clearly going down the toilet? As the 2012 season continues to play out, these questions will surely be answered.

But one thing is for certain: Auburn got where it is today because it ignored every warning sign known to man in bringing Gene Chizik to the plains. And with a losing season all but a foregone conclusion, any Auburn fan will tell you, this is one case where ignorance is NOT bliss.

(Follow me on Twitter for Bama news, commentary and smack.)

42 thoughts on “Numbers don’t lie: Auburn and Gene Chizik are the SEC’s worst”

  1. ITK,
    i know you are right about the chiz but can’t we keep him for 20 more years and keep the aubs in their place????

  2. Now with you giving the Aubbie Kittens hints like that ,they may go and look for another Cam…I can see ole fat dye now counting out his change and stealing grandbaby”s piggy bank!!!

  3. I’ll be watching ESPN in 3 hours to see the first BCS rankings, though I don’t think there will be any surprises. Bama is #1 with all 60 1st place votes in AP, #1 with 58 of 59 1st place votes in Coaches, #1 with all 17 1st place votes in Legends, #1 with 108 of 113 1st place votes in Harris, and #1 overall and in the BCS EloChess in Sagarin. As usual we were not #1 in the pre BCS computers. Have ti wait for the official computer results tonight, although they don’t have enough clout to make a difference with evertything else unanimous. Anyway, what do you expect from fucking Left Coast computers, one of which is on the UCLA campus. By the way, there is an interesting interview on the Legends Channel with Don James, Gene Stallings and Pat Dye. Dye eas all gushy, syrupy sweet over Alabama and Saban, but he comes off as if he’s got Alzheimers. I think ya’ll would like it. Google ‘Legends college football poll’ and select ‘ Legends Channel’. Look for ‘Saban has built Alabama to last’. Truth is Dye was probably just drunk. Bwaa Haww Haww. RTR!

  4. Glad Chee-Sucks didn’t get back on the damn plane.
    Long may he reign!
    As for PFD: Alzheimers = Jack Daniel’s.

  5. I’m still looking for all those trolls that wouldn’t stay off this blog 6 weeks ago. Guess they’ve gone back under their bridges.

  6. I just want to know two things.

    1) Who does the fambly fire first? It can’t be Trooper he knows where all the bodies are burried.

    2) If they do decide that “All In” is not such a good idea and they do let the Chiz go for a $7 million buy out. Will the man buy a good set of teeth? I mean what does he eat?? Grits??


  7. How bad do the crop facility suck?

    We have gone WAAAAAYYYY beyond takin’ the chrome offa bumper hitches here folks.

    Now we’re talkin’ black holes in the universe.

    Grab your asses and hang on.

    They ain’t done yet.

  8. Chizik, Dye, Trooper….take your pick on which one is running the football program, or at least think they are running it.

  9. This is historical bad. Try explaining that to a barner in reasonable words and they get all steamed up. Delusional fan base, corrupt and incompetent program. And chizbland gets to walk out of the deal a multi-millionaire. Who ever said life is fair?
    Roll Tide, baby!
    There’s a barn burning going on in Barnville, and the flames keep getting bigger!

  10. They’re getting exactly what they deserve…I tried explaining this to Hoopie and FinebaumJunkie in reasonable terms when Cam was winning, but they chose an assault campaign on me. Who’s having the last laugh now, you pussies??!!

  11. Wow. I didn’t think Auburn would sink this low before the season. I thought they would be a 6-6 team at worst. I thought it was funny that there were so many Auburn fans that truly believed that Chiznik had done enough in hiring and recruiting to be able to match up with Bama THIS season. What happened? This is got to be one of the worst slides from winning a national championship ever. And if they fire Chiznik, he has a $7 million+ buyout, and risk losing all those recruits they are so proud of, but can’t coach up. I guess this is what can happen when the inmates run the asylum. There is no coincidence in the disciplinary problems and poor leadership at Auburn.

    Where is Hoopty at to compare Bama and Auburn when you need him?

  12. There is a plane, with an Auburn emblem, flying somewhere over this great country at this moment.

  13. Hoopie is a hypocritical pussy like so many others in the Auburn’ fambly’. The Auburn jet is somewhere in the Silicon Valley right now with Trustees telling the Apple CEO that gay money is just what the Auburn fambly needs to find a new coach who fits the mold of the Auburn fambly but also wins. Of course, they’ll have to ‘pony down’ when Petrino tells them he won’t compete annually with Saban, I. E. Career suicide

  14. I don’t go to barner boards because I hate when they come here and act like they know something. But I have gone back after this weekend and read some very interesting threads. Pre last weekends choke job they were all still completely delusional, especially after their “moral victory” when they barely lost to LSwho. But when Arky but a smack down on that candy a$$ they have seen that the emperor has no clothes. About 95% are now calling for heads to roll. The best one I saw said this “Penn St is embroiled in the worst scandal in college football history and ALL of their good players transfered. They are 4-2 for God sakes. We suck”. Well spoken barn tard, well spoken.

    1. You know, I’ve used the Emperer’s New Clothes fairytale to describe Chiz from the beginning. That story is eerily similar to his.

      Auburn fans have such an intense hatred for Alabama, any glimmer of hope offered they’ll take and run with. And the idea that they had a coach who could compete with Saban, their worst nightmare since the Bear, sent them over the top in seeing things in the Chiz that weren’t there.

      Auburn fans = DELUSION to the 1,000th power.

      1. LMAO! ITK!! right on,but I do remind you that ol Cheesez will be a rich man when Dye runs him off! I think he has a 7 million dollar pay off if he’s fired, even Petrino didn’t have that kind of a buy out, least wise I don’t think he did! LOL. …. RTR

  15. It is amazing that while every fan base in the country recognized what was stinking in the barn that they refused to smell it and would come here and spout their idiocy. They also show who they are by staying away. Some of them appear to be waking up to the truth that has been published here. This is not the only fan base that has recognized the sorry state of affairs in barnville it s just the only fan base they care about. Now if they can just go 2 and 10 and beat bama they will give chiznik an extension on his contract.

    1. When the Chiz came to Auburn, an Iowa State beat writer appeared on the Finebaum show foretelling what we’re seeing in Auburn now. Total chaos on the sidelines, poor tackling, poor fundamentals.

      Funny thing is I ran into an Iowa State booster in Disney in the spring of 2011, and though he tried to be nice, he couldn’t say enough about the disarray the Chiz brought to the Cyclones.

  16. Brando ..I never came on here and compared Bama and Auburn. I came on here to point out your ignorant redneck bias. I talked about YOU redneck. I realize that you are ignorant, but surely you can finally understand this concept and stop claiming otherwise.

    I didn’t even call out the Bama fan base. Once again ..I only called the CR regulars.

    I never stated that Auburn would have a good team this year. I did think that they would go 9-3, but never stated that on here. I don’t come on here to talk football, because you fools don’t talk football …you talk biased based rumor and innuendo …just like Finebaum.

    2-3 weeks ago when I was on here I agreed with the CR that Auburn was a dumpster fire. Well …the CR and I were wrong. Auburn is much worse than a dumpster fire. The coaches have let the players hang around thugs and now the players aren’t focused and committed. We are going to have to start all over and clean house. I’ll leave it up to the PTB as to whether it is with Chiz or another coach.

    As far as Dye??? He needs to shut up and go away once and for all. If he knows what is really going on, then he needs to shut up and not talk about it. If he doesn’t know what is going on, then he especially needs to shut up. More important than that ….If Dye really still has power, then he needs to be banned.

    Now …I hope this is clear enough. If I show up 2 weeks from now and see you rednecks putting words in my mouth …I’ll just refer you to this post.

    So ….copy and paste it onto a word doc to keep. I’m sure that you know how to do that …right?

  17. It’s getting so bad over there that I almost feel bad for Cheezdick, almost. It’s really not his fault that he’s a lacky for a gang of crooks, cheaters, drunks and idiots. If the lucky bastard didn’t have a 7.6 million dollar buyout I probably would feel sorry for him. Bwaa Haww Haww! RTR!

  18. SEC Coaches winning vs. teams that finish in Top 25

    Auburn’s Gene Chizik (since 2009): 11-7 (.611)
    Alabama’s Nick Saban (since 2007): 14-9 (.609)
    LSU’s Les Miles (since 2005): 21-14 (.600)
    Georgia’s Mark Richt (since 2001): 18-27 (.400)
    South Carolina’s Steve Spurrier (since 2005): 8-24 (.250)
    Tennessee’s Derek Dooley (since 2010): 1-9 (.100)
    Kentucky’s Joker Phillips (since 2010): 1-9 (.100)
    Mississippi State’s Dan Mullen (since 2009): 1-13 (.007)
    Vanderbilt’s James Franklin (since 2011): 0-5 (.000)
    Florida’s Will Muschamp (since 2011): 0-5 (.000)

    1. That stat on Chizik will take a hit the latter part of this season. He will probably be ranked right below Mark Richt in December. So, enjoy that small stat for just a little while longer.

      1. Nah, he’ll be 11-11 behind the grass eater. In any case it’s nothing to be proud of since it’s a skewed stat. He had one amazing season that balooned his stats out of proportion. His other 3 years sucked big time. In fact two of those 3 years he won’t have won a single SEC game. (That’s assuming he won’t pull an upset this year).

        1. Jizzit is 9-8 vs end of season AP 25 2009 -2011. LMAO@ HooptyDoopty. Camdingo got 7 of those in 2010.As usual, HooptyDoopty is lying through his tooth.

          1. Bama is 12-6 vs end of season AP top 25 2008-2011. All six losses were to ranked teams. 2 to the NC, 2 to the #2 team and another to a top10 LSU. HooptyDoopty is too stupid to know the difference between a week 2 ranking and an end of season ranking.

    2. I think Chizik just moved downed the list today. Maybe you can select another time period to make him look good again….and make you feel better.

  19. Hey stupid ass I don’t have time to check your figures, but they look bogus to me since you haven’t beaten a ranked tean this year or last year and it’s highly unlikly in ’09 other than who was it – Northwestern and you sure as hell didn’t beat 11 in ’10. You wouldn’t be counting Nick’s vacated wins against him now would you? How about we just say Saban 60-12 and Cheezedick +/- 28-12. What’s your point tard? You want to keep your super coach and we’ll keep Saban? OK! You trying to mash figures to say that Cheezedick is as good or better than Saban. Exactly what the fuck is your point, retard? Should we call the men in the white smocks to come for you? Ok, I’ll bite – you think Awbie shouk keep Cheezedick and raise his pay to 5 million a year since compared to Saban he’s obviously earned it. Geez, I’m coming down with larengitis from all this laughing. Bwaa Haww Haww! RTR! Dumnass Awbie!

  20. Actually, I’m going to contact my civil rights/wrongful termination attorney with those facts and stats Hoopie provided us about ChizWiz. Those stats could be grounds against Auburn University for wrongful termination of ChizWiz!!

  21. It would be a travesty if barn fired that excellent cgc. Whatever koolaid it takes to keep him there is fine by me. I personally got to enjoy36-0 and am looking for more of the same this year. I m just glad we have Coach Saban since we could never hope to get someone like chisnik to come to Bama

    1. 36-0 was Tubbs. But last year was a much worse beatdown even though the point differential wasn’t as much.

  22. Please don t let actual fact into this discussion or they might actually try to straighten out their program. After all if they are missing anything it s only what has been stolen

    1. What was stolen in that Auburn trailer park by those ex-Auburn players? Now, THAT was a robbery. Arkansas just beat that ass.

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