On December 4, 2012, the Auburn University football program made a statement, but nobody is sure what it is.
It could be “We don’t have a clue what we’re doing.”
Or it could be “We want a head coach that we can control.”
Or it could be “We asked everybody and literally everybody but one candidate turned us down.”
Whatever the statement may be, Auburn football spoke loud and clear on this day in history, screaming that it is content to stay exactly where it is.
For you see, after firing the only coach to lead the Auburn Tigers to a national title since before the Kennedy administration, Auburn replaced their axed coach with, well, Gene Chizik part two.
The author of the Dipsy-Doo, Trickeroo Offense© is back in town.
Yes that’s right! The head man who was trolling high school sidelines just a handful of years ago, with only one year of head coaching experience…if you call Arkansas State college head coaching experience…is now the head coach in Lee County.
Let me repeat…the husband of Krazy Kristi is back!!!
The creator of sissy football, where we try to trick you rather than line up and play man football to beat you, is back!
And the recipient of this barb from Alabama strength and conditioning coach Scott Cochran…
…is back!
Tide fans everywhere sat on pins and needles for a few hours as it was unknown if the Tide defensive coodinator Kirby Smart would be offered and/or accept the job. Losing Smart would “smart” just a bit, though it’s hard to imagine true angst over any new head Auhbuhn man with Alabama head coach Nick Saban still at the helm.
But a Smart departure for the Plains would have served more of an in-your-face than a “here-we-come” statement.
Instead, Tide fans are celebrating Christmas early as the baboons in Lee County continue their cultish, fambly ways.
The only time Malzahn’s offense succeeded against Nick Saban’s defense was when he had a once-in-a-lifetime, lightening-in-a-bottle, freak of nature quarterback under center. And that was an improbable, narrow one point win. Luckily for Malzahn, Cam Newtons come along every year. Oh wait….
And the other times?
26-21 and 42-14.
Saban said in his first press conference in Tuscaloosa “We have an opponent in this state that we work 365 days a year to dominate.”
Looks like that job just got a little easier.
(Follow ITK on Twitter for Bama news, commentary and smack.)
WE ARE BACK YA’LL, WHOO HOOO!!!!
Now if Ya’ll will excuse me, I will be candy shopping down in the locer room. Mama’s gonna have a sweet box full of chocolates tonight!!!!!
P.S. Bammer sucks and cheats and everybody hates them.
To my freind ITK.
For once you missed a prediction (Petrino to Auburn). But hey, this is probably going to end up even better. Ge the popcorn out This should be something to watch.
YEE-HEE-HEE!!!
IM GETTIN’ OFF THE GUS BUS AND RIDING THE SOUL TRAIN NOW SUGAR!!!
LOO HOLTZ LISP LIKE SYLVESTER THE CAT!!!
I AM THE QUEEN YA’LL!!!! I’ AM THE QUEEN!!!
NEAL BEFORE ME!!!
YEE-HEE!
And Gus said, “SHUUUTTT UPPPPP!!!”
The answer to your wonderings as to why Auburn hired Gus …lies between answer #2 and #3.
We couldn’t hire a top coach because we won’t fully give him the keys. Gus is the best that we could hire and still “control”.
You folks are familiar with this. Bama had the same problems before hiring $aban and agreeing to give him full control.
I believe you are right Hoopie. I thought that maybe Auburn would open up the pocket book, and hire an experienced coach. Someone that could take control and get it done.
I wonder how popular this is with the majority of the Auburn fanbase?
NOBODY CONTROLS MY GUS BUT MEEEEEE!!!!!
NOW KNEEL BAMMERS TO YOUR NEW SMOKING HOT FOOTBALL OVERLORD QUEEN!!!!!
Its Christmas time and I am getting my stocking filled early and often. I can’t wait until that Kyle Frazier plays Santa and slides down my chimney…. HE IS JUST YUMMY!!!!
Can I get a WHOOP WHOOP!!!
Gus back to the Fambly…yawn….
I think the big question is how many will he be told to keep from the old staff, that will tell you how much control he really has.
Any that he keeps know where all bodies are buried and in what cow pasture.
RTR
Wow – what a crew of cretins, load of losers, dozens of dumbasses, jibbering jerkoffs, muckheaded monkeys running barnball off the freaking cliff. Saturday morning funnies continues! Stay tuned for fore drama in “As the Barn Churns”!
WHOOOO! I CANT BELEAVE SOME IDIOTS ARE PAYING MY NERDY GOOFBALL OF A HUSBAND MILLIONS OF DOLLARS AND I GET UNLIMITED ACCESS TO THE LOCKERROOM !!!!!
I DONE DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN YA’LL!!!!
P.S. Bammer still cheats, stinks, lies, steals, and everybody hates them. Except for maybe Eddie Lacey(Yummy, but not as yummy as CamDaddy) (You know, when I found out about that Laptop thing I went out and bought a toshiba and a deep sea fishing reel and girls… let me tell you I went fishin’ that day…..WOOOEEEEE!!!!) And his running mate T.J. Yeldon (thats one tandem I wouldn’t mind seeing in my backfield, if you know what I mean). And that one hunk Quadagio ( I am having an “out of africa” moment here). And the linebackers. They look delicious.
Malzahn is a Sun Belt Conference spread offense nut job!
Someone’s about to get tazered!
Its great to be a Bama fan.
Charlie Strong (also known as) Charlie and the infractions factory.
Brett Bulemia finally get some more pork in his diet. He will be pining for the days when he was getting the “big” easy wins up north.
And Auburn answers these hires with a…. the…..uh…..Gus. And his kooky wife. Thier was no real search. There were no real interviews. They have known they were firing tha Chiz for months and they just phoned this one in. If I were an Auburn fan I would be on top of the tallest building in Auburn with a 30.06 with a scope. Instead they mostly seem to be thinking that this is great managerial move because thier fake “commitee” and Jacobs made this happen.
Pat Dye and the Lee County Mafia have done it again. Turned cow shit into fertizer. And the Auburn family doesnt realize its all the same old shit with a different name.
A least Petrino would have made the games interesting in the general football sense. Malzahn is about to go into full Dipsey-do trickeroo mode. The really good thing about this is. When the DDT offense fails it is in a spectacular fashion. 5 yard losses become 35 yard losses
I am also looking forward to seeing Auburn run a fumblerooski statue of liberty punt fake with a hook and ladder against some poor creampuff like eastern Arizona College for the Blind for a quick 6. Then reading about how marvelous it was at al.com. (Complete with obligatory article about how Malzahn will win the NC soon.) And then watching some team like LSU return the hook and ladder for a touchdown. (Complete with the obligatory article about what a overly compicated Boob Malzahn is, again courtesy of al.com.)
The most hilarious part is watching 5 of the players on the sideline hold up pictures of people like Liberace and Cam Newton, and 5 more doing interpretive dances to signal the play call. Its the gayest thing I have ever,,,,, EVER seen.
Seriously, it looks like a bad impression of a Gay Pride Parade gone horribly wrong. I keep expecting the Auburn Dama club to come out dressed as the Rocky horror picture show and start singing “Lets do the time waro again!”
who knows? now that tha Chiz is gone….Gus can go all out and get some mimes to help.
I will leave you guys with this….
It truly is a gay brand of football indeed. Have fun with it, barners!
LOL!!! This is too much! A Christmas present indeed. Now Queen please shut up.RTR
First things first I am a die hard Alabama fan the son of 2 graduates of UA and younger brother who is an Auburn grad and die hard tiger fan, who is by the way a bama law school grad, anyway I think it’s a little shortsighted by you to say Kirby Smart was a more “in your face hire” than here we go hire, I mean from all info I understand Lance Thompson, Scott Cochran, and Jeremy Pruitt were going with him to Auburn had he took the job, that’s the biggest part of our young motivated staff, and oh yeah the 2 best recruiters in Pruitt and Smart, I think this sight and you are a little quick to get arrogant about what’s going on, I mean I remember the Shula, price, dubose years, things go in cycles, too finish I’m happy they didn’t get Kirby Smart and got Malzahn, however Smart he will leave soon and we will have too fight, to hire a good D coordinator and whoever he takes with him quickly, the SEC is a cutthroat world, interested to hear your response to this?
First of all, can I introduce you to the use of periods? Interpreting that run-on sentence was like trying to digest an entire vat of seafood gumbo.
Kirby Smart will get a shot somewhere, someday as a head coach. When he does there is a better than average possibility some coaches would elect to see if the grass is greener with him. It’s human nature to advance one’s professional interests when the opportunity presents itself.
But a coordinator hire at a place that takes football seriously reeks of desperation. Malzahn is basically the same thing…one year removed from being a coordinator and six years removed from high school football!
I didn’t want Auburn to get Smart more for the “We got your guy” thinking that was inevitable from their cultish fanbase than for the longterm detriment it would have been to Alabama football. Coordinator hires crash and burn every year. Not all of them. But just ask USM how good Ellis Johnson was as a head coach. Or heck, ask any Auburn fan how they like Gene Chizik.
Auburn wanted Smart to begin immediately, and Smart wanted to coach the national championship game. He also wanted full disclosure on their NCAA issues, and wanted full control of the football program. AU would offer none of this, so, hence, Auburn hired a coach with one year of head coaching experience from Arkansas State…that following a hire of a coach with two years head coaching experience from Iowa State.
But if and when Smart leaves (and he may just stick around until Saban retires and slide into position), I disagree that we’d have to “fight” to hire a good defensive coordinator. Being a coordinator for Saban pays good dividends. Just ask Muschamp, Fisher, McElwein… In short, excellent coaches would line up to work for Saban.
Read a book on grammar and sentence structure and sharpen your prose a bit…
And $cam is still winning friends and influencing people:
http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/story/21274642/unpopular-newton-received-rough-treatment-from-other-players-during-pro-bowl
A coordinator hire at a place that takes football seriously reeks of desperation? Richt at UGA? Muschamp at UF? Chip Kelly at Oregon? Bob Stoops at OU? Jimbo at Fla. State? Pelini at Nebraska? Every one of those schools takes football very seriously, and not a single one of them were in a desparate situation when they hired their current head coach. It’s worked out pretty well for those guys. Coaching hires that are a “sure thing” are pretty rare. Bama got one in Saban, but it seems to be forgotten that, but for a Rita Rodriguez hissy fit, Bama fans would have been embracing the Rich Rod era. Malzhan has been wildly successful every where he’s been, and his one year as a HC worked out very well also. He certainly has a resume that is at least as impressive, and probably more impressive, than each of the coaches listed above at the time they were hired in their current positions.
Not everyone was happy with the ‘Rich Rod’ almost hired at Bama, just like not every Auburn fan is happy with the Malzahn hire. Malzahn was a good high school coach, but as a coordinator, it has been a mixed bag. As a head coach, he arguably took over a team that was already successful from the previous season, and ran a similar offense. That was a team built and coached up by someone else. Just like Terry Bowden winning with Pat Dyes remains. Malzahn does not have that luxury coming back to Auburn, his work is cut out for him, that is for sure.
But anyways, I sure am glad Auburn hired him. Bama fared pretty good against him as Auburns OC. I don’t think he will match what Bama has in Saban. But anyways, there is nowhere to go but up for Auburn, at least you get to look forward to that!
Will Gus hire Gene as his defensive coordinator? Sounds like a perfect fit.
I am going to laugh my ass off when you classless INBRED, GOAT-HUMPING MORONS lose to Auburn and Arky next year!
GO IRISH; I hope the Irish beat your sorry, classless ass in the NC game!
Living vicariously. The NEW volunteer way of life. What is the number of coaches to turn the TenneRsee job up to now?
I have a suggestion where you can ram that yeller hammer!
You are a different kind of moron.
Let’s see, Indy. We have nine seniors on this team that’s about to play for it’s 3rd crystal football in four years.
And Arky and AU are going to knock us off next year. Go back to bed. The alcohol has affected your brain.
The Irish might beat the Tide in the NC, I kinda doubt it but in reality they do have a chance, in any case it’s the same at Bama, another season, another playing for the NC.. Can your bunch say the same?….. RTR
Indiana VOL,
The janitor of the women’s locker room turned down the UT head football coaching position too!
Rotten Crotch,
UP YOURS!
I agree with you about assistant coaches Abraham. At one point Urban Meyer,and Bob Stoops were nothing more than young motivated assistants before they got there shot, everything goes in cycles like I said. I’m just enjoying one of Alabama’s best runs while it last, and Indiana Vol what’s your deal have you seen Tennessee’s fan base lately. It’s definitely far from cosmopolitan.
Sure have!
No fanbase in America is as classless and idiotic as the Crimson TURD Nation!
Moose, I’m so sorry about my grammar I had been at a friend of mines cookout and had a few drinks. Also I sent that grammar monstrosity from my iPhone, anyway I don’t agree with everything you said ITK. There are plenty of examples of big time young Coordinators who got there first shot at big programs, Muschamp ring a bell. However there is one thing we can agree on ITK Alabama is the finest program in the nation right now, and we will bring one more crystal ball back to T-town on January 7th. Not getting ahead of myself but I think we can limit Notre Dame’s offense to under 230 yards passing and rushing, and grind them down with our rushing attack. Only thing is I think we win by 2 touchdowns, but I also thought UGA would beat them by at least 7. Hopefully you don’t berate this post. Roll tide.
Alcohol + blogging = disaster.
Other than Muschamp I can’t think of another coordinator who has done well. Jimbo Fisher has underachieved at FSU. And Muschamp is just in year two. Let’s tap the brakes before naming him the next Nick Saban.
I’m just saying it takes a while for a head coach to get his sea legs under him, and a coordinator hire is a risky bet any way you look at it. Look, nobody knows this more than Alabama fans. We’ve lived it.
And basically, that’s what Auburn has done. Malzahn is a lifetime high school coach, turn coordinator for a few years turn one-year college head coach. We’ll see, but the odds aren’t in Auburn’s favor.
You can’t think of another coordinator that has doen well besides Muschamp? Chip Kelly is going to his 4th BCS bowl in a row. Stoops has won 8 conference titles and a NC. Fisher could do more, but he just finished a 10 win season with an ACC title. Richt has won 10 or more games in 8 of his 12 years at UGA, 2 SEC titles, and has been to Atlanta 4 times. I know you’re proud of what Saban has done, as well you should be. But if your sole definition of success is what Saban has done over the last 4 years you’re crazy.
Malzahn isn’t the ‘proven’ head coach that you want to think he is, yet. You are really in the same shape you were when Auburn hired Chizik, except with an offensive minded coach, with a gimmicky offense. And this is the guy you think is going to be able to hang with Saban. This is going to be fun to watch as it implodes over the next few seasons.
In fact, Malzahn has one less year of HC experience than the Chiz did when he took over.
Well I hate to get too technical but Bob Stoops was Spurriers D- coordinator at Florida before he was given the keys to restore a football power, and he has fared well. Although I am in total agreement with you, most assistants have to cut there teeth at a smaller program. In finishing I think Malzahn looks like a assistant jr. High principal, he will not resonate with recruits and ultimately want get the job done!
Has he though? Stoops won a NC. So did Chizik. Was Chizik a good head coach?
“Big Game Bob” hasn’t earned his reputation of losing big games for nothing. I can’t recall a meaningful game the Sooners have won in recent history. Same is true of Richt.
Kristi sure did openly give Gus credit for getting Cam signed. And stupidly… after Daddy Cecil had admitted his crimes.
Pride commeth before the fall.
Looks like some followup questions are in order!
Um yea….no words to the comments. Wow. The coaches: yes, this will def shake things up, but I am not sure if it is in a good way for the Tide fans, we shall see!
Welcome to Miami!! ROLL TIDE!!
~Tracie
Alabama Grid Iron Girl
http://alabama.gridirongirl.org/
http://www.usanetwork.com/series/themoment/
I think it’s ironic.
Go back a year. Look at the stories of Malzahn taking the A.State job.
He was celebrated.
It was a story of everything that’s right in college football, taking a lesser-paying job to be with family and to help student athletes and to make your own mark, etc.
I kinda agreed with it, too.
Well, now we know that was all garbage as it’s all been flushed down the drain in favor of the money-grab, flushing the recruits he picked up and the promises he made at A.State. I think that’s the real story here.
This isn’t the Miami Dolphins, where the players didn’t want discipline and therefore didn’t get along with their coach taking a big paycut to fulfill his promises to make them better men.
This is Auburn.
This is where liars and hypocrites come to break their promises for money.
It’s really that simple. I couldn’t be any less surprised or any more pleased. I’m struggling not to swear right now but, more importantly, ROLL TIDE. I hate trick football, that’s why I love the matchup with Notre Dame and the Tide in the BCS Title game.
Merry Christmas, indeed!
Conduit, what in the #$@! are you talking about? Malzhan didn’t say he was taking the Arkansas State job to be with family. Malzahn took the ASU job for 2 reasons. First, Chizik told him he wanted to go to an I formation, pro-style offense. Malzahn wasn’t going to have any part of that. Second, after coming in 2nd at both Kansas and North Carolina to two guys with head coaching experience, Malzahn realized he probably wasn;t going to get a good job without the same experience. Guess what? His plan worked out.There is not now, nor will there ever be, a coach in the Sunbelt Conference who wouldn’t leave for a good SEC job.
“Where hypocrites and liars come to break their promises for money.” That’s funny. Here’s a quote you might remember: “I’m not going to be the coach at Alabama.”
@Abraham
Man, sometimes I feel bad responding here. I feel like I’m not helping you.
But first let me start off by saying I am not a Miami Dolphins fan. Just wanted to make sure that was clear on the record. The NFL plays by different rules on and off the field, that’s why, for example, we got to watch a bunch of games that meant literally nothing this past weekend. Congratulations to the Charlotte North Carolina Panthers on their fourth win of the season…
Second, I said to go back a year and look at the articles during the time of Malzahn’s hire. But you didn’t, that’s why you are upset with the “family” thing (he didn’t do it for family?). Read the articles, then it will make more sense before you get so upset. He left Auburn for the right reasons, now he’s coming back not necesarily for the wrong reasons, just in spite of all those “right” reasons he took the A.State job.
Does that help?
If not, look up a guy named “Lane Kiffin.” Same thing, same reasons, left after a year of making promises.
No Conduit, that didn’t explain anything. All you did was crawdad away from your previous assertion that Malzahn was wrong to leave a job in the Sunbelt for a job in the SEC, i,e. “Well, now we know that was all garbage as it’s all been flushed down the drain in favor of the money-grab, flushing the recruits he picked up and the promises he made at A.State.” Now you say Malzahn is coming to Auburn for “not necessarily for the wrong reasons”. Make up your mind.
Only a bama fan would sit there with a straight face and pretend that Malzahn was wrong to leave a Sunbelt job for Auburn. There wasn’t a single person at ASU that ever doubted for one second that Malzahn would leave for a solid BCS conference job if it was offered. I’m sure they hoped it would take longer than a year for him to get a good offer, but ASU isn’t complaining. He won a conference championship and left them in good shape. What else can they ask for?
Malzahn was the only coach that was offered the job. It was convenient for Auburn to hire him, since he wasn’t asking for answers to the tough questions like “Full disclosure on the impending NCAA investigation”.
Malzahn was linked to a recruiting service company in Arkansas that was run by one of his high school QBs. That was the pipeline that Dyer came from. And Dyer followed him to Ark. St, where Malzahn had to let him go for continued trouble. Even when he was hired at Arkansas under Nutt, there was questions about him getting Mitch Mustain at Arakansas, (who also transferred after Malzahn left). See any kind of pattern there? I thought Chizik was the more discipline oriented coach of the two. Time will tell if it ends up being business as usual for Auburn. One big sign would be if Trooper Taylor was re-hired.
ASU was left in good shape for Malzahn to take over. Look at what Ole Miss has done with that hire. Nothing changes the fact that Malzahn is still not a proven head coach. One season in the Sunbelt will not make him an SEC juggernaut. Just like you all held out hope for Chizik before this past season started (And there were many Auburn fans that believed this was Chiziks year to shine again), you are ‘all in’ on the Gus Bus. Do you really have a choice?
One thing is for sure: These times for Auburn are as desperate as they have ever been. Auburn having to watch Bama’s success every year with Saban is keeping a short fuse on Auburns hiring and firing. If Malzahn can’t compete in two years he will be fired, watch and see. But the bright side is, he can’t go anywhere but up from what he is starting with.
How well would a 6-5 season go over in Malzahns first year?
Again, you didn’t read what I asked you to read. You’re getting upset with me for what I’ve said but you simply haven’t read what everyone else has read. You’re picking whatever you want just to pick a fight because you haven’t got anything else to say or any other value. That’s Auburn.
Congratulations to Johnny Football. Bama losing to A&M is the only thing that kept Notre Dame from winning the Heisman. That in itself almost makes the loss worthwhile. Notre Dame is is meltdown right now. Bwaa Haww Haww! Hiw about that 2013 schedule? Man it has Natty written all over it. This team needs to understand that they only have to beat Notre Dame and they are almost guaranteed a shot to hsve their own private place in history with a 3 peat next year. RTR!
ITK, I’m a die hard fan but your UA rhetoric is a little old, I’m loving our ride at the top right now but everything comes to an end. Don’t tell me your one of those fans who just think it will never end!
Also, he got the big game bob moniker from his early successes. However I know we will win it all this year and be a power house for years to come, Saban besides the title at LSU wasn’t wildly successful before he got too us. Everything is cyclical, when I was little I thought Bowden’s and Spurtiers runs would never end, there’s did and so will ours. Just enjoy it while its here buddy!
@Joshua———no, you’re right, nobody ever enjoys success in football forever. Everyone loses football games, including Alabama just this year even.
But here’s the trick——-you have to enjoy the success when you have it BECAUSE it doesn’t last.
The problem is you’re confusing Alabama’s success with the Auburn rivalry. No matter how good or bad Alabama is, we will always hate Auburn. They just make it so easy regardless.
But just because Alabama is enjoying another season of unprecedented success does not mean Auburn is all of a sudden doing things the right way and earning respect, etc. It would be different if he was talking like this about Bowling Green State University, for example, but Auburn is always on Alabama’s chopping block. Always.
Two major ticket outlets have 13,400 tickets for the BCSNCGG available for the bargain basement price of $1,100.00 each. That’s only $15,000,000.00. Don’tcha just love Capitalism? Bwaa Haww Haww! RTR!
Well stated conduit, Indiana Vol. what’s your deal you generally don’t even have a point, you just make some ridiculous hateful comment and leave. I don’t understand, why all the anger?
Once again Barnie is living vicariously through our opponents. They are making t-shirts transposing a tiger for the Notre Dame Fighting Irish image. al.com just got around to printing this story, but it showed up on the Irish Rivals site last week. They didn’t think it was funny.
Conduit, you’ve said two different things about the nature of Malzahn’s departure from ASU that are polar opposites of each other. Which one do you claim I’m upset about? As to this mysterious material that you’ve “asked me to read”, I have no idea what you are talking about. Perhaps you’d like to provide a link or at least a web address.
Brando, what recruiting service are you talking about? Are you talking about Willie Lyles, whose former clients include Trent Richardson? You think it’ strange that Malzahn successfully recruited Dyer and Mustain? You are aware that Malzahn was Mustain’s freakin’ had coach in high school, don’t you? You do know that Dyer went to high school a rock’s throw away from where Malzahn won 3 state titles and built a legndary reputation don’t you? Yeah, it’s real suspicious that Malzhan could recuit those guys.
No, not Willie Lyles. It was an ex-high school QB under Malzahn, whose business has since been closed. There was a lot of buzz in Arkansas about it at the time. But you can pretend that never happened if you feel better.
Of course I knew that Malzahn was his high school coach, dipshit. That was my point. Arkansas hired Malzahn to get the QB recruit. That was pretty obvious. He butted heads with Nutt, ran a gimmicky offense there, and left for Tulsa before he came to Auburn.
But look, good for you. You want to believe Malzahn is the man for the job. We are very happy that Auburn hired Malzahn. Other than the year Cam was at Auburn, what was Auburns record with Malzahn? I guess y’all are hoping for that next big Heisman winning player to bail y’all out again. And once again, Auburn has hired a defensive coordinator that was a fired head coach with a losing record. But I know you guys are just looking and hoping for something good.
That gimmicky offense beat your redneck ass in your own stadium and won a NC. Nuff said.
Lets see, 1 win by 1 point in three tries. As I recall, it was a 42-14 beatdown that last time, (on the way to a 2nd NC in 3 years) and that gimmicky offense couldn’t even score a point. So, obviously, there wasn’t ‘Nuff’ said by you to even make a point. I am VERY HAPPY that Auburn chose Malzahn. He won’t have long to get it going, and he won’t match Saban.
I every time spent my half an hour to read
this weblog’s posts all the time along with a cup of coffee.
BamaBendover go felch your gay lover ITK.