By Hunter Ford
Brother Finebaum’s traveling football salvation show made a stop in Huntsville last week.
As part of a campaign to promote the Paul Finebaum Network, the home of the state’s most listened to talk radio show, Finebaum spoke to an invitation only crowd of about 400 at the Holiday Inn Select, last Wednesday. (Aug. 20)
Finebaum has made a career riffing off of the pride and prejudice of SEC football fans.
While Finebaum has recently suspended his popular newspaper columns, he delighted the Rocket City audience with an oratory column comparing the football programs of the SEC to Middle Eastern countries.
“What if Tennessee was a Middle Eastern country?” Finebaum asked. “It would be Iraq. They have a bunch of history and an overstuffed pig as a leader. Eventually they will kill themselves off.”
Finebaum’s commentary prompted several outbursts of laughter. Here’s a rundown of Paul’s analysis:
“Florida is . A bunch of evil punks who will stoop to whatever it takes. They have no real history, but think they are the cradle of civilization.”
“Georgia is â€¦tons of riches and unrealized potentialâ€¦but vulnerable to Iraq.”
“Vanderbilt is Israel. Leave them alone. What did they ever do to you?”
“Kentucky is Morrocco, not really in the Middle East. They have better things to do, like play basketball.”
“They are Lybia. They have a charismatic leader in a land of nothingness. He will rattle his sword from time to time but doesn’t really have the weapons to back it up.”
Mississippi State and Arkansas
(Writers Note: I forgot what country Paul said Miss. State was. I was a laughing too hard at his exchange with an audience member. A similar occurrence kept me from recording the Arkansas country. Paul sensed the audience was having trouble with his concept. “Do you need me to give you a map?” he asked)
“Any Mississippi State fans here?” Finebaum asked. “Oh. Good we have one. Whatâ€¦ are you in charge of cutting the grass out at Redstone? Mississippi State fans are the nicest peopleâ€¦they are just fans of a loser program.”
“They are . Wild parties and lots of hot women.”
“LSU is Iran, They are the current super power in the region with a highly dysfunctional village idiot as their leader.”
“ . Once a proud kingdom, torn up by internal fighting, surrounded by Iran and Iraq and beset by terrorists that want to kill them.”
“Auburn is Al-Qaeda. They have no real country and their only goal in life is to blow up Saudi Arabia.”
Finebaum said he “suspects” he will continue his weekly newspaper columns that have been put on hold due to complications from a recent eye surgery.
Finebaum also said he has been working on a book which is halfway completed.
Guests at the Finbaum even included: Dale Jones, editor of The Western Star; former Huntsville Times Sports Editor John Pruett; University of Alabama Board of Trustees member Peter Lowe; former Alabama football star Tommy Lewis; Tim Walker, mayor of Boaz, Alabama; Shhane from Centerpoint; John from Huntsville; Mary from Decatur and attorney John Falkenberry.