Firing out a column from the shotgun

By Hunter Ford

I was talking with my buddy Shane the other day and he said he had a couple of ideas for a column and couldn’t decide which one to go with.

“Do them both at the same time,” I advised.

How do you do that?

Occasionally, when writing a weekly column, inspiration can come in fragments or not at all. But the glaring white light of the blank screen will be there one way or the other and the monster must be fed.

Here’s how to fill it up. Anybody remember the rambling columns that Larry King used to write for USA Today? (Does he still write them?)

No, I scanned the Net and found this bit of info from a 2001 newspaper article:
“Larry King’s USA Today column, a weekly offering studded with plugs, superlatives and dropped names — all usually in close proximity to one another — will cease publication at the end of this month.”

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King would say something like, “For my money there’s no better movie out now than Raiders of the Lost Ark.”

And he would follow it up with another completely random thought like, “Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack were some of the best entertainers to grace the stage.”

You know, for my money, the summer Olympics are excruciatingly boring and a complete waste of time.

I saw a picture of some U.S. swimmers winning gold medals and instead of national pride, I felt annoyed.

One of the guys was wearing tights that were pulled down across his hips, coming just shy of exposing a lot more than should be seen in a family newspaper.

I also read that a pair of Auburn swimmers won some medals. Yay Auburn! The kicker, however is that the Aubies won the medals for their respective home countries of France and Australia. Viva La War Eagle Mate!

So, I was watching the Olympic coverage on TV Sunday night and switched channels when I couldn’t make any sense of it. I caught an old movie called “Teachers Pet” with Clark Gable and Doris Day. Gable plays a grizzled New York newspaper editor and Day is a journalism professor at a local college. I found it very interesting that some of the discussion of the state of journalism in this 1958 movie still rings very true today.

At one point a character, playing another editor, bemoans the fact that “We can’t beat radio and TV.” There was discussion of going back to doing “think pieces” that give readers more of the “why” behind important stories and not just the “where, who and how” that TV and radio will get first.

One thing that is different in the industry is that experience doesn’t seem to count for as much as it used to. It is much more important to have a college degree in order to get a job.

Gables character didn’t even finish high school. He learned the newspaper business through the school of hard knocks. Lots of shoe leather. He scoffed that anyone needed to go to a college to learn the trade. “Amateurs teaching amateurs to be amateurs,” Gable barked.

Day’s character was the daughter of a famous weekly newspaper publisher. On her desk was a plaque of her father’s that read: “If you want to sell newspapers tomorrow, try deception. If you want to sell newspapers ten years from now, try the truth.”

There are some weekly newspaper editors in this area that might heed that advice.

Coming full circle back to my pal Shane. I ran into an old classmate from my hometown of Huntsville.

He said he had heard me on the radio a few times last year, and he wondered what Shane was like, if I knew him.

“Shane is exactly like he is on the radio,” I said. “He’s honest and unabashed with his opinions, and if he’s your friend he’ll take a bullet for you.”

My friend asked about Paul Finebaum.

“Oh, he’s a jerk,” I said. “But you have to give him credit, he is very, very good at what he does.”

And nobody wears the number 12 better, or has worn it longer. Not even Namath, Stabler or Trammel.

For my money the Finebaum Show is still the best sports show around.

Hunter’s and Shane’s columns can be read in The Western Star and on Capstone Report at capstonereport.com. Contact Hunter at hunterford27@gmail.com.

17 Comments

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  1. 1
    capstonereport

    He scoffed that anyone needed to go to a college to learn the trade. “Amateurs teaching amateurs to be amateurs,” Gable barked.

    I loved that line. I posit there is a strong correlation that the decline of newspaper quality/reporting coincided with the development of journalism as a college career path.

    The problem wasn’t necessarily the training, but that newspaper reporters no longer look or think like the general public. Journalists are more liberal and less religious than the general population–and that plays a major role in the way stories are assigned, written and edited.

  2. 2
    Bama Fan in NYC

    I couldn’t agree with your statement, “the Finebaum show is still the best sports show around” anymore!

    My only downside is I’d wish they’d focus more on sports than Obama bashing/praising, like they’ve done more than once on recent shows. Then again, if no Alabama players are getting busted for cocaine, and if no Alabama PolyTECHnic Institute students are getting busted for earning a degree, but not showing up for class, then politics is always the alternative for ANYTHING!

    I’d also like to say congratulations to the Alabama PolyTECHnic Institute swimmers on earning medals. I’ve already read on other Iron Bowl forums where the teenage Barnies are making it known that their swimmers won medals and ours didn’t. Either way, they do have one hell of a swim team that no other school can touch, and it’s showing in the olympic games.

  3. 3
    Pluto

    What is really disgusting is the “Auburn Swimmer” from Zimbabwe. Parading the Flag for Mugabe. White Woman. Beyond Stupid.

  4. 4
    Shane is a BLOGGER

    How many bammur swimmers are in the Olympics? AUBURN appreciates bammurs watching their students win medals. Here is an easier question. How many gymnastic bammurs are in the Olympics? Oooops,sorry. How many pool cleaners and jock washing bammurs are there? The answer? 323 aight.

    The TIGERS are coming!

  5. 6
    rolltideroll

    who cares about the damn olympics and gymnastics. What about Julio and the football team? I really see us winning many games this year boys.

  6. 7
    Hunter Ford

    Bama in NYC

    I should probably amend to say that I still think PFs show is the best Alabama/Auburn college football oriented show around.

    PF is an aggravating, SOB, but he still does the best job of retaining the interests and flaming the passions of us college football fans.

  7. 10
    IhateGeorgeW.

    I agree with Ballplay. He’s only there to play sides and stir the pot, but he does do a damn good job of it. That’s why I love him to death. I had a chance to meet him after the Alabama/W. Carolina game last year, and he’s a totally different person out of character. His job requires him to be the Jerry Springer of talk show radio. Why do people hate him for that?

  8. 12
    007

    How many bammur swimmers are in the Olympics?

    LOL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    MOMMY DADDY LOOK AT ME! MOMMY DADDY LOOK AT ME!

    LMAO!!!

  9. 13
    Bama Fan in NYC

    He’s right, Alabama PolyTECHnic Institute is now officially more relevant on a national scale simply because they had (get ready for it), TWO SWIMMERS PARTICIPATING IN THE OLYMPICS THAT WEREN’T EVEN REPRESENTING THEIR SCHOOL, BUT THEIR COUNTRY!

    That’s like a U of A student going off to war, and having Alabama fans claim he’s representing UA in the war instead of our country.

    I’m willing to bet when the school they attend was announced, 3/4ths of the country silently asked themselves, “Which school in Auburn, NY are they representing?”

  10. 15
    IhateGeorgeW.

    Shane, in 90,91,92,94,96,98,99,01 or 2002*-2007*?

    *denotes rapid coaching changes and the loss of scholarships which led Bama Tech to quick success within that time period.

  11. 16
    Christopherson

    How many times has an API coach been featured on the cover of Forbes or Time Magazine? How many songs have mentioned anything to do with API or Aubarn? How many films have made references to API or Aubarn? How many people in the world have ever heard of API or Aubarn in the first place?

  12. 17
    Bama Fan in NYC

    Chris, we’ve all seen Big Fish!

    The roses really symbolized the true beauty of Alabama PolyTECHnic Institutes’ campus, or as Danny DeVito said, “AWBUN”.

    But wait, the scene wasn’t shot at The Alabama PolyTECHnic Institute, nor did they have the right to refer to Awbun as Awbun University!

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