GameDay: Auburn’s zero entry season continues as the Tide takes it to the Aggies

It’s week three of the new college football season, and today Bama finally gets back into action to answer the questions presented in its first outing. In our fan review from last February, we covered the very, very odd Texas A&M fan. The response from Aggie fans defending their peculiar brand of football fandom could only rival Auburn in cult-like loyalty.

Members of the A&M yell squad.

Simply put, Aggie fans are weird. There’s no other word to describe it. Not LSU fan weird, but a sort of Marty McFly meets Biff Tannin weird. When the all male yell squad runs out in their ice cream parlor whites today, Bama fans are sure to feel like they’ve hopped in McFly’s Delorean and traveled back to 1955. Rammer Jammer will meet “Shish-boom-bah” today in College Station as the world watches Bama plays in its next “Game of the Century.”

After a stellar 6-1 start, last week this prognosticator took a beating, going 1-6 on the day. So at 7-7, it’s a new day for redemption, something the Tide will get in College Station, Texas. Staying in the SEC this week…

Mississippi State @ Auburn

Auburn’s 2013 football season so far.

Do you know what a zero entry pool is? My family vacations at a couple of resorts that have them. They’re pools without steps as you enter, but instead have a slow slope that you can literally wade into 1 millimeter at a time. Yeah, that’s Auburn’s season to this point.

The Tigers have a schedule built for an Upward flag football team. Back-to-back back breakers against Washington State and Arkansas State is now followed up by a visit from the fighting Dan Mullins’. In his farewell season, look for the Bulldogs to flounder, again, look for Auburn to edge the Bulldogs in the fourth quarter, and look for the Auburn delusionalists to really believe Auburn is doing something by beating these three GiGi Cupcakes to start the season, asking State fans afterward for their “We Believe” towels from last year. In a close one…

Mississippi State 24
Auburn 33

Tennessee @ No. 2 Oregon
The Volunteer Navy won’t be able to take their pontoons all the way to Eugene, but the Vols will need more than a navy to have a fighting chance in this track meet. The Ducks should score early and often, making this a snore fest by late in the 3rd quarter. The Butch Jones era notches its first loss..

Tennessee 21
Oregon 42

Vanderbilt @ No. 13 South Carolina
These two schizophrenic teams face off in a battle for 3rd place in the SEC East. Vandy is the sensational pick every season, with optimism flying high every August. And why wouldn’t there be optimism with two back-to-back bowl seasons for the Commodores. The Gamecocks were expected to do more than show this season, which with last week’s mollycoddling performance against Georiga is exactly what they’re on pace to do. The expectations were set too high for Jadeveon Clowney, who is the victim of his own success, and everyone seems to forget that Steve Spurrier’s best years are well behind him. This one will be as ugly as Connor Shaw…

Vanderbilt 24
South Carolina 35

No. 25 Ole Miss @ Texas
The anti-Dan Mullen takes his show to Austin today for a rematch of last year’s 66-31 Longhorn blood-letting in Oxford. Mack Brown is clearly on life-support in Austin, especially with this week’s announcement of Texas athletic director Deloss Dodds’ decision to “resign” at the end of the season. This can be a sign of sweeping change, and if there is a program in need of change, it’s Texas. Brown clearly can’t compete with today’s brand of football, and his band of underachieving brothers will show this again today at home.

Ole Miss 34
Texas 21

Kent State @ No. 8 LSU
LSU warms up for its SEC opener next week with Auburn, facing a team that suffered a double digit loss to Bowling Green last Saturday. Looks like the Bengal Tigers have a zero entry season of their own going…

Kent State 10
LSU 45

Southern Miss @ Arkansas
This would should be interesting. I said “should be.” Ellis Johnson, now the DC at Auburn, worked his magic in Hattiesburg last year, setting Southern Miss football back 20 years. Arkansas is a bad team this year, as evidenced by Samford’s 21-17 lead heading into the 4th quarter last week against the Hogs. But Southern Miss is worse. Much worse. The Razorbacks win big..for the Razorbacks…

Southern Miss 14
Arkansas 28

No. 1 Alabama @ No. 6 Texas A&M

Just, gay.

Talk about optimism. Aggie fans haven’t been this excited since they learned they wouldn’t have to lose to the Longhorns anymore. The injection of sheer giddiness that Johnny Manziel has brought to his program is impossible to put into words. The guy is electric, the likes of which Aggie fans have never seen. In one year A&M secedes from a hapless conference they couldn’t even compete in, joins the daddy of all conferences, and with one quarterback becomes an instant player in the national picture. That all changes today.

Setting hyperbole and fanatacism aside, Nick Saban’s record in these kind of games speaks for itself. There hasn’t been a day gone by from last November’s meeting that Kirby Smart and Nick Saban haven’t thought about stopping Manziel. The two defensive gurus hate the little shit. They’ll never say it, but Manziel represents everything that is wrong with college football. Self-entitlement and immaturity aside, Manziel and A&M’s brand of football introduces trickeration in place of real, man football. If you ever had a little brother who wanted to race you, yelling “go” as he’s already running away, that’s the hurry up, no huddle style of offense. It’s wussy football, built for programs that can’t man up and play you head-to-head. Saban and company would love nothing more than to squash it and Johnny Football himself on Kyle Field for the all male cheerleading squad to see for themselves, and if he could score 100 points today, Nick Saban probably would.

All the pretend soldiers A&M has won’t save them today…

No. 1 Alabama 38
No. 6 Texas A&M 27


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