I t’s week three of the new college football season, and today Bama finally gets back into action to answer the questions presented in its first outing. In our fan review from last February, we covered the very, very odd Texas A&M fan. The response from Aggie fans defending their peculiar brand of football fandom could only rival Auburn in cult-like loyalty.

Members of the A&M yell squad.

Simply put, Aggie fans are weird. There’s no other word to describe it. Not LSU fan weird, but a sort of Marty McFly meets Biff Tannin weird. When the all male yell squad runs out in their ice cream parlor whites today, Bama fans are sure to feel like they’ve hopped in McFly’s Delorean and traveled back to 1955. Rammer Jammer will meet “Shish-boom-bah” today in College Station as the world watches Bama plays in its next “Game of the Century.”

After a stellar 6-1 start, last week this prognosticator took a beating, going 1-6 on the day. So at 7-7, it’s a new day for redemption, something the Tide will get in College Station, Texas. Staying in the SEC this week…

Mississippi State @ Auburn

Auburn’s 2013 football season so far.

Do you know what a zero entry pool is? My family vacations at a couple of resorts that have them. They’re pools without steps as you enter, but instead have a slow slope that you can literally wade into 1 millimeter at a time. Yeah, that’s Auburn’s season to this point.

The Tigers have a schedule built for an Upward flag football team. Back-to-back back breakers against Washington State and Arkansas State is now followed up by a visit from the fighting Dan Mullins’. In his farewell season, look for the Bulldogs to flounder, again, look for Auburn to edge the Bulldogs in the fourth quarter, and look for the Auburn delusionalists to really believe Auburn is doing something by beating these three GiGi Cupcakes to start the season, asking State fans afterward for their “We Believe” towels from last year. In a close one…

Mississippi State 24
Auburn 33

Tennessee @ No. 2 Oregon
The Volunteer Navy won’t be able to take their pontoons all the way to Eugene, but the Vols will need more than a navy to have a fighting chance in this track meet. The Ducks should score early and often, making this a snore fest by late in the 3rd quarter. The Butch Jones era notches its first loss..

Tennessee 21
Oregon 42

Vanderbilt @ No. 13 South Carolina
These two schizophrenic teams face off in a battle for 3rd place in the SEC East. Vandy is the sensational pick every season, with optimism flying high every August. And why wouldn’t there be optimism with two back-to-back bowl seasons for the Commodores. The Gamecocks were expected to do more than show this season, which with last week’s mollycoddling performance against Georiga is exactly what they’re on pace to do. The expectations were set too high for Jadeveon Clowney, who is the victim of his own success, and everyone seems to forget that Steve Spurrier’s best years are well behind him. This one will be as ugly as Connor Shaw…

Vanderbilt 24
South Carolina 35

No. 25 Ole Miss @ Texas
The anti-Dan Mullen takes his show to Austin today for a rematch of last year’s 66-31 Longhorn blood-letting in Oxford. Mack Brown is clearly on life-support in Austin, especially with this week’s announcement of Texas athletic director Deloss Dodds’ decision to “resign” at the end of the season. This can be a sign of sweeping change, and if there is a program in need of change, it’s Texas. Brown clearly can’t compete with today’s brand of football, and his band of underachieving brothers will show this again today at home.

Ole Miss 34
Texas 21

Kent State @ No. 8 LSU
LSU warms up for its SEC opener next week with Auburn, facing a team that suffered a double digit loss to Bowling Green last Saturday. Looks like the Bengal Tigers have a zero entry season of their own going…

Kent State 10
LSU 45

Southern Miss @ Arkansas
This would should be interesting. I said “should be.” Ellis Johnson, now the DC at Auburn, worked his magic in Hattiesburg last year, setting Southern Miss football back 20 years. Arkansas is a bad team this year, as evidenced by Samford’s 21-17 lead heading into the 4th quarter last week against the Hogs. But Southern Miss is worse. Much worse. The Razorbacks win big..for the Razorbacks…

Southern Miss 14
Arkansas 28

No. 1 Alabama @ No. 6 Texas A&M

Just, gay.

Talk about optimism. Aggie fans haven’t been this excited since they learned they wouldn’t have to lose to the Longhorns anymore. The injection of sheer giddiness that Johnny Manziel has brought to his program is impossible to put into words. The guy is electric, the likes of which Aggie fans have never seen. In one year A&M secedes from a hapless conference they couldn’t even compete in, joins the daddy of all conferences, and with one quarterback becomes an instant player in the national picture. That all changes today.

Setting hyperbole and fanatacism aside, Nick Saban’s record in these kind of games speaks for itself. There hasn’t been a day gone by from last November’s meeting that Kirby Smart and Nick Saban haven’t thought about stopping Manziel. The two defensive gurus hate the little shit. They’ll never say it, but Manziel represents everything that is wrong with college football. Self-entitlement and immaturity aside, Manziel and A&M’s brand of football introduces trickeration in place of real, man football. If you ever had a little brother who wanted to race you, yelling “go” as he’s already running away, that’s the hurry up, no huddle style of offense. It’s wussy football, built for programs that can’t man up and play you head-to-head. Saban and company would love nothing more than to squash it and Johnny Football himself on Kyle Field for the all male cheerleading squad to see for themselves, and if he could score 100 points today, Nick Saban probably would.

All the pretend soldiers A&M has won’t save them today…

No. 1 Alabama 38
No. 6 Texas A&M 27


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19 Responses to “GameDay: Auburn’s zero entry season continues as the Tide takes it to the Aggies” Subscribe

  1. peachy September 14, 2013 at 7:12 am #

    Digging at Auburns schedule?

    doesnt alabama play 5 of the next 6 at home? against Colorado St, Georgia St, Arkansas, Tennessee and Ole miss while playing a road game @kentucky? Of course you still have that tough road game @Miss St and that big tangle with Chattanooga.

    Funny to hear about schedules coming from a team that only plays 2 tough games this year.

    • ITK September 14, 2013 at 7:42 am #

      Well, show me a conference opener tougher than what the Tide faces today. Lose today and none of that matters. Hard, you know, like MSU at home.

      • LMAO September 15, 2013 at 2:08 pm #

        LMAO ITK,
        So you had a tough conference opener, that doesn’t have anything to do with Peachy’s comment. Like Peachy said that was one of the 2 though games bama plays all year. It just happened to be your conference opener. Georgia and S. Carolina had pretty tough conference openers also. I guess you want to claim another championship for bama because they had a tough conference opener and won?! Typical gump response.

        • ITK September 15, 2013 at 4:48 pm #

          Nah, I’ll claim a championship for Bama because we’ll likely win 14 games this year.

          BTW, congrats on your win in the “Battle for 5th place in the West.” That was an offensive showcase. Very offensive.

          • LMAO September 16, 2013 at 10:29 am #

            Spoken like a true arrogant gump, which claim victories and championships for bama before the games are even played. ITK as mentioned before it is that exact attitude that endears the bama fan base (not) to the rest of the country.

            Oh and by the way that was a very defensive showcase your vaunted defense put on against Manziel and the A&M offense. Crimsonite and McCarron used the excuse last year that they were worn out and tired after playing LSU the week before. What’s your excuse this year for allowing over 600 yards.

  2. Hate Smurf Coach September 14, 2013 at 2:02 pm #

    Your team is getting schooled bitches

    • ITK September 14, 2013 at 6:39 pm #

      Scoreboard, ass.

  3. Crimsonite September 14, 2013 at 2:53 pm #

    How about that offense? Three straight scores, and as good as A&M’s offense is, Alabama’s offense is making A&M’s offense look slow. If the D can tighten up this cou;ld be a blowout. RTR!

  4. Crimsonite September 14, 2013 at 3:08 pm #

    What’s more A&M has not laid a hand on AJ. Not a single hand! RTR!

  5. Crimsonite September 14, 2013 at 3:16 pm #

    TJ you were only telling the truth. Providing that A&M doesn’t score now, we’ll forgive you this time. RTR!

  6. Crimsonite September 14, 2013 at 3:50 pm #

    Now I want to hear another motherfucker say something negative about Vinnie Sunseri. RTR!

    • LMAO September 15, 2013 at 2:16 pm #

      Wow Vinnie Sunseri can catch a tipped ball that bounces high in the air! LMAO I will give him credit for one thing his return of that lucky interception was the difference in the game. Other than that, which provided the difference in the score, which I know is all that counts unless gumps like Crimsonite are trying to make negative comments about other teams, Johnny Football and T&M out played the bama team.

      Crimsonite what happened to that check your ass wrote about how bama and it defense was going to completely kill Manziel, especially since you wouldn’t have the excuse this year about your team being worn out from have to play LSU the week before. Isn’t that the excuse you used for losing to A&M last year?! LMAO
      He put up over 500 yards on little Nicky’s defense, is that what you were calling stopping him before the game. What a gump you are. That bama defense might have given JFF back to back Heisman Trophy’s.

      • ITK September 15, 2013 at 4:51 pm #

        Your hatred for all things Bama is absolutely delicious. Just lets us know what kind of hell you’ve been living in the last seven years.

        Can’t wait to see how Auburn fares against Manziel. May need to add some lights on the scoreboard.

        • LMAO September 16, 2013 at 11:11 am #

          Maybe you should be a little more observant, I am no Auburn fan nor have I ben living in any kind of hell for the last seven years.

          • The Conduit September 16, 2013 at 2:11 pm #

            @LMAO——–my question is do you really think Alabama wouldn’t have scored on that drive?

            You’re less surprised Sunseri returned a 60+yard interception for a touchdown than any one of those hail Mary passes being caught at all, let alone by a TAMU receiver?

            I’m only surprised you weren’t upset when the booth said the targeting call wasn’t even a foul. The foul still counted though, which resulted in a touchdown instead of another punt for TAMU, but still, it’s the Sunseri interception that got Alabama “off the hook,” right?

            Good grief.

            It’s going to be a very long season for Alabama haters, contributing to the long decade we’re now in the middle of…

  7. Crimsonite September 14, 2013 at 4:02 pm #

    Hey Smurf Fart, where did you go? RTR!

  8. RC September 14, 2013 at 7:30 pm #

    HATE SMURF is your typical White Trash Auburn Fan. Why do Auburn fans not believe in a process, or at least a 60-minute football game?

    I called Peachy out on the “DJ Fluker Speaks” column. Another ignorant Auburn fan who bases their law assumptions on Judge Judy and Ben Matlock

  9. Crimsonite September 15, 2013 at 5:14 pm #

    Funny, you turd breath corndog piece of shit. How does it feel to be the only stupid motherfucker on the face of the earth. Outplayed us? Check the polls cumbreath. Even with Oregon curb stomping UT the worst beatdown in their history, we s widened our lead over the rest of you dumbass wannabees. Appears you are the dumbest sumbitch in the forest. Besides the fact that A&M has the best QB in the country and played a hell of a game, there were only a few lucky bounces for them and a few unlucky bounces for us that kept us from winnig by 28. And I never said a Goddamn thing about the game other than my prediction of 28-24. I’m gonna laugh my ass off when Manziel smokes that Corndog ass by 24. Hell’ won’t surprise me if Awbie pops that ass this week. Bwaa Haww Haww! RTR!

  10. LMAO September 16, 2013 at 11:23 am #

    “turd breath corndog piece of shit”, that just reeks of redneck gump intelligence. Crimsonite as long ass you are on the face of the earth, no one will be the only stupid MF there. “A few unlucky bounces…kept you from winning by 28″ LMAO and if you aunt had balls she would be……oh wait, never mind I forgot I was talking to a bama redneck gump. Your aunt might just have balls. LMAO

    “Hell won’t surprise me is Awbie pops that ass this week”.
    Are you making a prediction Crimsonite, are do you not have the balls to do that and are going to just hide behind a weak ass statement like that just in case Auburn was to get lucky and win, so you could then say you predicted it. Come on redneck, show you have some balls and make a prediction so everyone can see how much football knowledge you have in that head along with your three teeth. Bwaa Haww Hwaa HEE HAW redneck.

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