Six quick facts about Auburn and its coaching search Bobby Petrino edition

Petrino can win at Auburn; He is vast improvement over incompetent Gene Chizik and Gus Malzahn; Petrino could win at least 7 games his first season as head coach

F act 1: If Bobby Petrino is hired as head football coach at Auburn University, he will win. It will be tough, but Auburn is a much better job than Louisville or in most years Arkansas. There are some disadvantages facing Auburn right now with the ascendance of Alabama, but that is just part of it. Auburn’s recruiting area is shared with other powers on the rise including Georgia, Florida, Florida State and LSU. Ouch. That is rough. However, Auburn is still within a good recruiting area, is in the SEC and can recruit talent on both sides of the football. It is foolish to think Petrino cannot improve Auburn over the incompetence of Gene Chizik and Gus Malzahn.

Auburn can win with just about anyone. How big Auburn wins will depend on several factors including the resolution of another major NCAA investigation into Auburn’s recruiting tactics.

Fact 2: Petrino’s system is much better than Gus Malzahn. Petrino’s offensive scheme will attract NFL-caliber athletes, and Petrino has proven he can develop offensive talent. This will be a major boost to Auburn’s recruiting and on-the-field performance. If you look at Arkansas’ record under Petrino, he performed very well relative to his recruiting rankings.

Rivals ranked Arkansas recruiting 34th in 2012, 24th in 2011, 49th in 2010, 16th in 2009, 36th in 2008, 31st in 2007, 27th in 2006 and 24th in 2005. And how did his offenses perform? In 2009, 2010 and 2011, Petrino’s Hogs averaged 36 points per game.

Think about that for a minute.

Fact 3: Unless the NCAA does something about Auburn’s creative recruiting *cough* transcript fixing *cough* and other recruiting methods, the bagman combined with Petrino would make for a very successful team.

Fact 4: Petrino’s defenses will improve at Auburn compared to his defenses at Arkansas. For Petrino, defense was never a priority, but moving to Auburn will yield far better access to defensive talent. The recruiting area including Alabama, Georgia and Florida will expose him to far more dynamic defensive playmakers. He will also, if hired at Auburn, pick a strong defensive coordinator.

Fact 5: Auburn needs a leader, not a loser and if Auburn picks Bobby Petrino then Auburn has a leader. Sure, the guy has no morals and probably broke many laws or at least HR policies when he involved the explosive issues of sex and hiring, but since when did you need morals to be successful. Petrino will not allow a power vacuum. When he arrives, he will own the job.

Of course, Auburn fans will face the embarrassment of being exposed as hypocrites for hiring a guy who isn’t all about God, Family and righteousness. However, the sanctimonious Auburn fans who recite the creed while rolling oaks in some bizarre pseudo-religious ritual more reminiscent of the Hare Club (Hippitus Hoppitus Reus Domine) rather than major college football will get over their embarrassment once Petrino turns things around. Once Petrino wins 10 games at Auburn, he will be viewed as a saint. Saint Bobby the patron saint of motorcycle riders, volleyball players and mad cow disease.

Fact 6: Petrino as Auburn head coach means the Tigers could be bowl eligible as soon as next season. A quick look at the 2013 schedule gives Auburn what appears to be six reasonable wins. These wins include Arkansas State, Mississippi State, Western Carolina, Florida Atlantic, Arkansas and Tennessee. Auburn should be competitive with Washington State, Ole Miss and Texas A&M. It is not out of the realm of possibility that Auburn wins seven games out of this schedule even while dropping games against LSU, Georgia and Alabama.

15 Responses to “Six quick facts about Auburn and its coaching search Bobby Petrino edition” Subscribe

  1. WhoreEagle November 29, 2012 at 3:03 pm #

    Fact 7: Petrino may be the only decent coach that would actually take the job….especially with the NCAA cloud hanging over the loveliest village.

    • Jo Momma November 29, 2012 at 5:16 pm #

      Another AlaBubba Bammerneck that isn’t alumni but has a GED knows how to use the computer LMAUAO

      • WhoreEagle November 29, 2012 at 7:58 pm #

        1999 UA Grad, Jo.

        So…..I guess you can just suck it.

        Also, we may have more non-alumni fans…so what? That is normal for a team with as much tradition and appeal as Alabama. After all, we are THE State University.

        Just admit you are jealous, then go throw some shit paper in a tree. It will make you feel better.

        • Jo Momma November 29, 2012 at 11:00 pm #

          I can tell by your language you are well educated. You go make up another national championship AlaBubba

          • WhoreEagle November 30, 2012 at 10:35 am #

            Don’t have to, they are starting to hand the NC’s to us on an annual basis.

            Maybe Auburn can buy another one in 50 years.

            Wait, does Auburn buy them, or does God provide them? What do you prefer?

  2. Auburn78 November 29, 2012 at 3:57 pm #

    If Petrino is hired I will not watch another Auburn game. Until the day he is fired

    • WhoreEagle November 30, 2012 at 10:37 am #

      Auburn78, I think you and Abraham are the only Auburn folks who can give honest responses and intelligent debate.

      May not always agree, but at least it can be respected.

  3. RC November 29, 2012 at 9:22 pm #

    Jo Momma:

    I attended both Universities and graduated from UA. Most AU fans didn’t go to AU either. Your family lied to you…and they’re probably hypocritical racists too=Auburn University

  4. Michael Andrews November 30, 2012 at 12:23 am #

    ”THE state university” you are a University of the state, and things look great for you right now but these things work in cycles my ignorant friend and whether Auburn hires Bobby Petrino, Charlie Strong, my Dad, or Kirby Smart for that matter it will not be long before the Tigers can march into Bryant-Denny Stadium and push your team – namesake of a menarche by the way – right back on their heels where they belong!

    • pete4tide November 30, 2012 at 8:23 am #

      Waiting. Bring it on. See you in about 4-8 years.

    • WhoreEagle November 30, 2012 at 10:28 am #

      “where they belong!”

      I guess you forget we have a better overall record, more conference championships, more National Champions, 4 coaches in the college football Hall of Fame, more players in the college and Pro Hall of Fame, and (getting ready for it) more wins than Auburn.

      Exactly, where the hell do you think “we belong”?

      Auburn…where delusion is as real as shit paper blowing in the breeze on a dead tree.

      War Eagle!

  5. Dport4short November 30, 2012 at 1:43 pm #

    What moron wrote this?
    Auburn will be lucky to get 4-5 wins next year not 6-7.
    Also, Gus Malazahn was not even on the team this year. How did he screw them up? All he did was engineer an offense that won the National Championship.
    Gus 1 NC
    Bobby 0 NC

    • capstonereport November 30, 2012 at 2:47 pm #

      Gus Malzahn was involved in recruiting the refuse that created the discipline problem for Auburn.

      Also, the offensive scheme handicapped Auburn. Why? Because the offense had too many 3 and outs when he was there and it pressured the defense. Without a rented QB acquired via the free agent market, Gus’ offense didn’t work in the SEC.

      Now as for next year, with a GOOD coach like Petrino, it is entirely possible the team can win six or possibly seven games. It will require a real change in discipline and attitude.

  6. Bobby Petrino December 1, 2012 at 4:24 am #

    My name is Bobby Petrino, I used to be a football coach. Until tragically one day I was caught doing something that some people think is wrong. I was innocently riding my motorcycle and had a horrible crash. Because of that crash I was terminated from my job. For something that someone thought might be wrong.
    I have spoken to my good freind and new spiritual advisor Chette from Auburn University and I wish to make the following statement.

    I am here today to testify…. I said ……ohhhhyeahIamfeelin’yalord!!!!… ha, I am ready…. ha… to testify… ha…. that I am a changed man….ha…that I shouldnt have….ha… gotten caught…ha… doing that thing…ha …. that other people… ha… thought was WROOOOONG!….HA… But it felt so right ….ha….can I get a witness here! …. ha….I fell to the pleasures….ha… of the flesh…ha… ANY MAN COULD DO IT!….ha…..but I got caught….ha….. which is an ABOMINATION… ha… I SAID…ha….. IT WAS AN ABOMINATION….ha….FROM HELL…. that I got caught….ha…doing that thing…ha…. that I do so well… ha…..
    I am a changed man… ha…a changed man…. ha…. and I wont get caught again…. ha…..Now…I am looking for a good Christian program that can keep me on the straight and narrow. One that can keep me from getting caught……..

  7. Jay Jacobs, Auburn AD December 1, 2012 at 4:33 am #

    After reading that amazing and spirit filled testimony, I was feeling the wetness of tears on my face. I wish to say that Auburn University is the place where you should be coach. It is clear that you are truley sorry for getting caught and you should be where you can grow as a fine Christian man.
    Auburn University is God’s beacon to all of those souls with talent out there who get caught doing things that some may hastily judge as being immoral or wrong. We do not pass judgement. Just ask Cam Newton. That fine young man suffered and was persecuted until we here at Auburn took him under our wing.
    I cant believe I am so emotional right now. Call me.

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