Verily, verily Auburn football sucketh, but Dye and Jonna Chizik urge unity

A theology of Auburn football, or how to win football games without really trying by blaming Satan

T he football gods (or God) are not smiling on Auburn. Verily, dark clouds have gathered upon the horizon. Will the storm pass Gene Chizik by?

The Satans of this state have taken something from Auburn.

Just ask Jonna Chizik.

Mrs. Chizik posted a long homily for Auburn fans. A homily that inspires and points out the enemy is at work.

“My humble suggestion is to create a VERY POWERFUL ‘ALL IN’movement of your own. We have fans all over the US and I think it is time that they RISE UP and snatch back what satan, himself, has stolen,” Jonna Chizik posted on Facebook. “We serve a God who recovers ALL that ‘has been stolen’ from us and there are times that He requires the efforts of His people to accomplish this truth.”

It looks like A God Thing(tm) has become a Satan thing!

Satan? Seriously? Methinks, Mrs. Chizik misspelled Saban. Or, perhaps, she was talking about Paul Finebaum.

Everyone knows Mrs. Chizik bitched out Finebaum in 2009 following Auburn’s loss in the Iron Bowl. (SEE Auburn harpies gone wild). And Finebaum’s show has been anything but kind to the bumbling incompetence on display at Auburn.

Finebaum talked to Pat Dye following Auburn’s fall to 1-4 on the season. Dye was blunt in his comments. He warned the football staff must “not lose the players.”

My Dye! Why hast thou forsaken Gene?

But fear not Auburn fans, Pat Dye had a message of encouragement. It is a warning that surely resonates with Auburn fans.

“They want us divided,” Dye said. “They want us split and people jumping off the bandwagon…That is what they want in Athens. That is what they want in Knoxville. That is what they want in Tuscaloosa and Baton Rouge. They want Auburn in a weakened state with controversy and turmoil and disarray. Because if we are weaker, it means they have a lesser opponent to play against. The Auburn people that I believe in, they will stick together.”

Heed the warning of Pat Dye! Auburn fans should unite just as Mrs. Chizik asked.

All In!

Just as it was in the days of Cam, even so is it today. If Auburn fans unite, use social media and work for God’s purpose, then Auburn can win football games.

Perhaps with enough All In working together, the bagman will turn his face upon Auburn again and Cam will return in all his shekinah Heisman glory!

Let it be so! Auburn fans must put aside controversy. Auburn fans must unite behind Gene Chizik. It is the right thing to do. Auburn needs Chizik. He is a superb leader. He is a Christian man. I mean, if you doubt it, read his book! Trust in Gene. Trust in Pat. Auburn will win big.

28 Responses to “Verily, verily Auburn football sucketh, but Dye and Jonna Chizik urge unity” Subscribe

  1. The Conduit October 11, 2012 at 9:30 am #

    I don’t like to get hateful, and I don’t think this is going to be explicitly hateful although some might see it that way.

    But when I read about Chizik being in the hot seat I always seem to hear from Auburn fans about how much character he has and how important that is to them and that the losing doesn’t matter because he has so much character that he will rise up from it and take the team with him.

    What I don’t understand is why? Why do they believe Chizik is such a good character? Why would someone say they would rather have 1 Chizik than 20 Sabans?

    I’m not going to argue for Saban’s character because I think if you listen to what he says it speaks for itself. But Chizik, he spreads prayer. That’s a good thing. But that’s kinda the only thing? I might not like Chizik but I’m trying to learn, and I haven’t seen him say anything that made me think, “wow, that’s what you call character.”

    That’s what I love the most about college football—-the lessons the coaches try to teach, not just to their students but to their fans. I listen to Brian Kelly and Nick Saban and other coaches who try to help people succeed in life with lessons they use to succeed on the field.

    I just haven’t heard any of that stuff from Chizik? I am not saying he’s not a man of character, I just don’t understand where the sentiment comes from that his character is any amount of multiplication stronger than Nick Saban. If you like character in college football, I don’t understand how you can’t at least like coaches like Kelly and Holgresten and Saban, maybe even Chizik, I just haven’t seen it.

    Regardless, since I often hear so many Auburn fans love Chizik for his character (and his extremely expensive contract buyout) I don’t think we have to worry about him leaving Auburn soon. I say “worry” because I think any coach Auburn gets after Chizik will be better and more successful on the field (not that anyone should actually worry).

  2. The Conduit October 11, 2012 at 9:37 am #

    One other thing I wondered about is when Mrs. Chizik came back to say she was NOT talking about winning football games.

    But why not?

    Why wouldn’t you care about Auburn winning football games?

    Listen, winning is important to Alabama, but it’s also certainly not the only thing that’s important to our culture if that’s the argument.

    But winning IS why you pay a coach enough money to guarantee he will be incredibly rich for decades after he coaches your team, win OR lose.

    I think I understand why she wouldn’t want to call Arkansas “Satan,” or any of the other teams Auburn has lost to this season. But what else should Auburn fans care about that Gene Chizik does if the most important thing isn’t football?

    Look, Chizik wasn’t hired to promote academics and encourage the rowing team and to put the Auburn brand in local Ford commercials. He was hired to win football games. It’s the reason why he’s there—-everything else is supplemental, right? I’m not saying they should necesarily fire him (not that they could if they wanted to but that’s incidental), I’m just saying it’s NOT WRONG to be upset when your coach is losing football games, especially so many against such slight competition and after recruiting relatively extremely well.

    So when you take it back and say you aren’t upset about the football part, what exactly are we supposed to think Satan is doing in Chizik’s life? What the hell is going on?

  3. WhoreEagle October 11, 2012 at 10:01 am #

    All loser coaches have “character”.

    As with most things in this country, success is vilified. Saban is a successful coach. He is paid to win. Since he is successful, then he must be evil.

    All Auburn has now is “character”. But how much character can you have if you let someone like Trooper roam your sidelines?

  4. Chuch October 11, 2012 at 12:20 pm #

    Character is shown by your actions not by what others say about you. An inability to perform the job you were hired for Says little about your character and more about your competence. However if you see you can t perform or if you see you must use illegal methods and don t resign that speaks to your character. I think mrs cgc must be a believer in the health and prosperity gospel. A 7 figure contract might contribute to that. I don t find any support for that in the Scripture nor do I find support for telling each other how holy you are . The Pharisees did plenty of that along with criticizing others for being loss holy

  5. BamaBrando October 11, 2012 at 3:25 pm #

    I have a hard time believing that God chooses sides in a football game. I DO believe that preparation, discipline, and strong leadership create an environment for success in college football. It is very evident that Auburn is lacking in those areas. If anything, this has ‘been stolen’ from Auburns team by the people in charge at Auburn.

    While I don’t have a problem with religious freedom, something just seems wrong about praying to God to ‘take back what was stolen’ from Auburn (i.e. getting beat by better prepared teams). It is truly like a cult with those people, from the administration all the way down to the fan base.

  6. Be4Bama October 11, 2012 at 3:40 pm #

    I’m still looking for those AU trolls.
    RTR

    • WhoreEagle October 11, 2012 at 6:15 pm #

      You won’t see many of them till they win some games. Auburn fans get humble and nice when you beat them….at least some of them get that way.

    • A Ganger October 11, 2012 at 6:17 pm #

      They are all over at the Cheesedic’s house having a prayer meeting…Go figure…They got more character that Carter has liver pills…

  7. JW October 11, 2012 at 8:10 pm #

    Cheeze may want to get into another line of work like becoming a Pastor..He may have better luck at that..Because what he is doing now is not working to well.. RTR

    • # 1 al. fan October 12, 2012 at 6:57 am #

      Well………. he could get a new gig as a spokesman for Doublemint chewing gum!! Which from my observation, is better than that other ‘coach’ at Lousyana eating grass…. LOL RTR

      • WhoreEagle October 12, 2012 at 9:43 am #

        I always wondered how he could chew gum with no teeth.

  8. Be4Bama October 11, 2012 at 9:11 pm #

    True A Ganger……All In Family and all that stuff. LoL
    RTR

  9. Bamartr49 October 12, 2012 at 8:59 am #

    Maybe it’s time to pull Housel out of the straight jacket wacko ward of the Lee county mental facility and let him go on another one of his tirades. Now that would be funny to all of us bammer voyeurs cowering in the corner in fear they coming after our children. On second thought he makes more sense than Dye and Ms Chiz

  10. WhoreEagle October 12, 2012 at 9:47 am #

    I remember a time when articles like this would bring the Auburn trolls in force! They would come out like they were defending Middle Earth!!

    I guess losing turns them into a bunch of *ussy’s.

    Can’t blame them….I would be embarrassed to be an Auburn fan too, right now.

    • BamaBrando October 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm #

      Most of them have quietly folded up their Auburn flags, put away their Cam jersey, and jumped off the Chiznik bandwagon. Even the most blow hard of Auburn fans are starting to forget about this season and the only thing the are rooting for now is any team that is playing Bama.

      You are right, the resident Auburn cult members that live here are too embarrassed to say anything at this point, plus they will probably break down and cry when we make fun of them now. Nearly the entire fan base had unrealistic expectations this season, so this blow is especially hard this season. Will they ever fully recover?

  11. Almightytmc1 October 13, 2012 at 8:44 am #

    Pat Dye is and always will be a fanatical cow sh*t Moses. The reason why anyone would want Auburn to fail is obvious. Everyone hates that damn arrogant, elitist wannabe cow college.

  12. prophet October 13, 2012 at 4:23 pm #

    My predictions and info goes back over a decade….it has been documented. Just got off phone with big au guy. Its over…Gene is gone. BOT has just made their decision. Im waiting on details of when the announcement will be made. Wheels are up. Im told they need a “bastard to combat a bastard, a pos for a pos”. Thats their words not mine. They see BP as an equal to CNS. They want us to be worried. Yes a step up in coaching but its not a one to one ratio. The fambily is torn but must sell their soul and destroy the creed to try to compete with CNS. The comparison to BP to CNS is laughable on many levels. Get ready for an energized and hopeful au soon.as they say “Chizik is a done deal”. More details to follow….

    • WhoreEagle October 13, 2012 at 9:56 pm #

      I guess they can get Petrino cheap right now. Regardless, they have to pay Chizik over 7 mill to get rid of him.

      Not sure why they want to fire him. I remember the Aubs telling everyone that Chizik was as good if not better than Saban.

      Too bad the “menswear” thing didn’t work out for them….

  13. Be4Bama October 14, 2012 at 7:23 am #

    Petrino + AU= perfect fit.

  14. Hunter Ford October 14, 2012 at 2:12 pm #

    Pat Dye is a former Georgia football player who learned coaching as a member of Bear Bryant’s Alabama staff. Why does Auburn still have him hanging around?

  15. Bamabino October 15, 2012 at 8:46 am #

    BARNERGEDDON is showing no mercy. LMAO at being a 7 point underdog to Vandy this week.

  16. Be4Bama October 15, 2012 at 9:27 am #

    Hmmmm….7 points? I thought it would be more!! RTR

  17. WhoreEagle October 16, 2012 at 9:58 am #

    At least they have “family”…..well they did have “family”.

    As long as they win some games they have “family”.

    Are the coaches included in the “family”? If so, then the “family” is breaking up….unless they win some games. If not, then the “family” is still together.

    I don’t know. Who exactly are the members of the “family”? Does Pat Dye decide who is in the “family” or do the fans?

    I’m so confused….

    • BamaBrando October 16, 2012 at 10:26 am #

      You misspelled ‘Fambly’. And, as you already know, ‘Fambly’ is just a code word for ‘Cult’ at Auburn. And Cults tend to make sacrifices for the perceived good of the ‘Fambly’. Some Cults tend to worship trees and what not. The Auburn cult is unique in its use of toilet paper in it’s rituals. The direct result of a lack of toilet paper usage usually leads to the sacrifice of the current ‘leader’ of the cult. The ‘leader’ is usually just in title only, for the real decision making is made by chosen select ex-leaders of the cult, with the use of the top-secret ‘Fambly-jet’ in emergency sacrifices.

      • WhoreEagle October 16, 2012 at 2:28 pm #

        I understand now!

        Lack of toilet paper in tree = sacrifice of “leader”
        - So “family/fambly” stays intact based on sacrifice.
        - ex-leaders are selected based on some “family/fambly” criteria. Maybe if they have a field named after them or a campus building?

        • BamaBrando October 16, 2012 at 3:23 pm #

          I think I must have something to do with having knowledge of where the bodies are buried. It is indeed one of the great mysteries of the Auburn cult. You may be onto something with the naming. Gene Chizik has won a National Championship, where Pat Dye has not. So winning championships does not seem to be the criteria for becoming an ex-leader that wields the power to sacrifice. I wonder why that is?

          • WhoreEagle October 16, 2012 at 5:29 pm #

            I think we need an Aubie to answer this question. I don’t think a Bama man could figure this out.

  18. Be4Bama October 16, 2012 at 3:15 pm #

    Y’all are making me LOLOLOL.
    RTR

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