A new Birmingham News

The Capstone Report has obtained exclusive details of a redesign of the Birmingham News. Several interesting stories in this edition. There is also an interesting change in the nameplate, and a new motto for the newspaper. The motto was inspired by this.

(illustration by ITK)

While the newspaper might not really plan to change its name to Pravda, the arrogance of its staff shows contempt for the average reader. So, they may as well change the name to better reflect the attitude and purpose of the paper—to instruct the poor miserable masses.

A reminder: any Alabama fan that buys the newspaper, subscribes to the newspaper or advertises in it is doing harm to the University of Alabama. Your money would be better spent in the Tuscaloosa News or on television or radio.

24 Comments

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  1. 1
    Crimsonite from the planet Crimson in a galaxy far far away. FormerlyE.G. White

    You do realize what you just opened yourself up to? Are you a masochist? Do you have a 250 lb violent wife? Or do you just get off on being verbally abused by Awbies and journalists? Ha ha ha! RTR!

  2. 2
    BamaCLT

    Am I the only Bama fan that has love for Shula? I mean, c’mon. Give the guy a break. He took on a team that others destroyed and abandoned. AND, given the circumstances, he did quite will. Bama used him as a patsy to get through the probation and tossed him. I have love for Shula. As a player, and a coach. He deserves gratitude. He’s better than DuBose.

  3. 4
    capstonereport

    I think lots of people like Shula. In truth many of the most vocal haters were his loudest defenders during the last season. That is just how fans operate.

    Shula hopefully learned from his time at Alabama. I think he’d be a better coach in the NFL than in college. He just wasn’t able to hold players accountable, but in the NFL, you are dealing with adults instead of children.

  4. 5
    julio

    THE TUSCALOOSA NEWS

    Inside: Sports Editor Cecil Hurt gives an editorial on ethics in journalism -“Sources and Financial Benefactors – Forget the Time Honored Rules of Yesteryear, Co-Sign My Loan and You Can Be Both!!”

    Cecil Hurt also writes: “Grease my palm, and I’ll use my position as Sports Editor to write scathing editorials about the NCAA to influence the jury pool so you can win a multi-million dollar verdict in your lawsuit against them!!”

    TN Executive Editor Doug Ray opines: “Just because I go on the record saying that a guy is due to disciplined for blatantly breaking an obvious rule of journalistic ethics and integrity doesn’t mean I’m actually gonna remove him from his position as Sports Editor. Bammers love the guy, and the subscriptions are rollin’ in!!”

  5. 8
    ITK

    BamaCLT, I liked Shula too; the joke here is the News presenting that fans favor him over Saban…an obvious departure from logic, which we feel they employ A LOT. It’s an exaggeration to make a point.

    Shula was brought in to put a patch over a very dark period in Bama’s history. He did a yeoman’s job, but was over his head from the beginning. But finding a replacement better than him in that dark, dark May of 2003 was a bleak endeavor.

    By the way, if you want to pay me $1.5 Million annually to be a patch for your organization for four solid years, I’ll be glad to give you my cell number.

  6. 10
    capstonereport

    Better slogan than that gossip sheet the NY Times. I mean really, “All the news that’s fit to print”? How lame from that gossip rag!

    I’m just glad we have the Birmingham News to instruct us poor, simple fools in what and how to think.

  7. 11
    julio

    Yeah ITK, you’d point it out once and then never mention it again if you found out that Jimmy Rane co-signed a loan for Kevin Scarbinsky, right??

    BTW, I’ll outbid you on the patch job. I’ll do it for $1.3 million a year and even let you kick me in the nads on my last day.

  8. 12
    BamaCLT

    No, I got the pun. The entire visage was great, and I laughed my ass off. The B’ham journalists should be held to higher standards, as far as accountability is concerned. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a patron and loved the article. I just hate it when people come down on Shula. For some reason (bring on the jokes), I have a soft spot for Shula. I think that the only reason he took the job is because he loved the University. I still feel like he was shunned. Love the guy, or hate him, he was the best thing since Stallings. DuBose, Fran, Price, they all disgraced Bama. Shula embraced Bama and brought top talent to the University again. Let’s not forget his recruits. I’d be willing to write an article paying homage to his efforts, as I am a current contributor to Bleacher Report. The guy deserves it.

  9. 13
    CRIMSON HAMMAH

    I LOVE AND HATE MIKE SHULA – GREAT BRIDGE FOR BAMA IN THE PROBATION YRS TO HOLD US OVER TIL WE CAME OUT OF IT…CLASSY RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN …GREAT RECRUITING CONSIDERING THE PROBATION THAT KEPT US COMPETITIVE…..THE ONLY THING I HATE ABOUT HIM AND HE WAS IN TOTAL CONTROL WAS THE BONEHEAD CONSERVATIVE PLAY CALLING ….OVER CENTER OVER CENTER OVER CENTER FIELD GOAL WHICH COST US MULTIPLE GAMES

  10. 15
    wareaglenews

    I agree most people go overboard about recruiting, but getting the number two quarterback is impressive. Plus he’s already beaten Bama as many times as Brodie beat Auburn.

  11. 16
    ITK

    #2 quarterback by whose standards? ESPN.com didn’t have him at #2. Is the Opelika Times at it again?

  12. 17
    wareaglenews

    Lets see…I could tell you by whose standards, but lets face it you don’t care he is an Auburn recruit. I do have to say this post is a step up from all the classy gay stuff in your last article. Why don’t you just talk about Chizik’s mama…that’s classy too.

  13. 18
    capstonereport

    Come on now, you have to admit some of those quotes were too funny to ignore. And since Auburn fans are much more conservative than other SEC fans, it makes it even better.

    As for rankings, I remember Auburn fans saying it didn’t matter back when Tommy Tuberville was the coach.

  14. 19
    wareaglenews

    Auburn fans are a little conservative, which I tend to like. I
    will admit those quotes were a little strange, but we are talking about kids on a recruiting visit.

    Rankings always matter, in 2004 we finished number two….I’m not stepping into this one with ya’ll being the defending national champs.

    My whole point was this post (by you I believe) was pretty funny…as opposed to the previous couple by ITK.

  15. 20
    capstonereport

    Kids on a recruiting visit always provide interesting quotes. But, I just wish one would say, I hated Urban Meyer. Gene Chizik smelled like cabbage. Saban drinks blood. Or at least something negative about a trip. Any trip.

  16. 22
    Crimsonite from the planet Crimson in a galaxy far far away. FormerlyE.G. White

    Ya’ll are a little late in wishing for negative remarks from recruits. Seastrunk pretty much ripped Saban a new one during BCW. Hell, I think the honesty is refreshing, even if it proves you’re dishonest. Probably 7 out of 10 journalists can have their integrity influenced by greasing their palms. Probably 10 out of 10 if the grease is heavy enough. I certainly have my price. You only get one chance in this life and what the fuck good will it do you when your dead, for people to say “He was a good ole boy”. How sanctimonious. Give me an honest crook any day. Ha ha ha! Shula was a good man and a loyal Alabama alumnus. But college football at Alabama’s level is big, big business and Shula just wasn’t the right manager for the time or the future. And before you get all sanctimonious about him, consider how many previous coaches had been allowed to lose 4 straight to the Awbies – exactly “0”! RTR!

  17. 23
    ITK

    wareaglenews, strange quotes equal discussions in a place like this.

    There are two ways for you not to read about them anymore…but neither do I want your recruits to stop saying them nor do I want you to stop coming here. Both are equally fun.

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