Auburn fans don’t let facts get in the way of a good blog
by intheknow72
Tis the season…the off season, that is; under 50 days until kick-off of college football 2008, and the mud slinging between Alabama and Auburn is in full swing. Ahhh. Breathe it in…it wouldn’t be July without it. Thanks to The Capstone Report (and other “lesser” blogs like it), we get to talk smack with each another, cranking out one liners like there’s no tomorrow. Just conjure up a screen name, feverishly hammer out a blog, hit “submit comment,” and our little hearts race as we excitedly await our post making it to the screen. “That’ll show ‘em,” we think, as we sit back and cross our arms, proud of both our accomplishment and contribution to humanity.
For those of you that don’t know, The Capstone Report is a blog for Alabama fans about Alabama sports–primarily football. It is unapologetically Alabama, though its creator (my opinion) does a great job of relaying information down the middle. Amazingly, at least half of the readership are Auburn fans. Don’t get me wrong; they’re welcome here. But while they won’t purchase tickets to their own games, they’ll hit this site like fish going after a dough ball. And I think it is hilarious. Heck, we all think it’s hilarious. Why? I’m glad you asked. I’ll explain in a minute.
But first, there was a term birthed on this site a while back that absolutely epitomizes the Auburn fan. The term was one I had never heard before, but whoever came up with it deserves some sort of recognition. Just like the men who contributed to the discovery of the atom, the one who coined this term uncovered the very matter that makes up our little brothers across the state.
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The term? “Aubsessed.” Defined, Aubsessed means this: an overwhelming obsession with all things Alabama.  The Auburn fan eats it.  He sleeps it. He breathes it.  Heck, he lives it.  Like an albatross weighing down the Ancient Mariner, the Auburn fan cannot pull away from his engrained Aubsession to get just one more zinger across ”to them bammers” before prying his fingers from his sticky keyboard for the night. Correct spelling and grammar are electives in his quest, but the main thing is that he defends all that is holy to him. And that thing is NOT Auburn football.
There has long been a debate in this state over what is most important: your team winning, or your hated rival losing. Without question, the Auburn fan’s Aubsession zeroes in on Alabama losing. Whether on the field or off, Alabama moving in the opposite direction of success is the orange and blue holy grail. If they have an actual part in that demise, it’s just a bonus.
I’m not a prophet, but as you read this, your comments that will inevitably follow will prove my point for me perfectly.  From the time this site was called “FireShulaNow” till now, nothing invokes a response from the Aubsessed nation like an article that heralds an Alabama accomplishment or sheds light on an Auburn shortcoming.
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Comments rain down in a downpour as something strikes the Auburn fan at his/her core. Like a moth to the flame, with your Aubie brothers and sisters you just have to let out a collective “Unh-unh!” And yes, we that follow Alabama football, again on an Alabama website, think it is hilarious. Why, again you ask? Okay, you’ve been patient…here is the answer:
Because, over the last decade, if the fortunes were reversed between our two schools, from where we stand, it would be as if Auburn didn’t even exist.Â
A nine game streak–which Alabama still owns and Auburn doesn’t–would wipe Auburn from our every day conversation. Talk would be of championships, and while this may have become cliché to the Auburn fan, championships still actually matter in Tuscaloosa. But the most delightful thing to the Alabama fan about Auburn’s “success” is that the Auburn fan can’t enjoy it. Instead, he is stuck in the quagmire of continually trying to remind everyone of how great he–or in this case, his team–is. We’ve all known a person like that in life, and we all nod to appease him as we turn to walk away, chuckling under our breath.
If Alabama competed in a two team Western division, which essentially Auburn has done over the last decade, we would be MOST concerned that we had only made it to Atlanta twice and won there once. We would question how a program like Arkansas, seemingly in a constant state of upheaval, had been there as many times. And our focus would be on what we could do to make our program even better. We might even gawk at the fact that LSU, if they get there this year, would merely tie our number of appearances as the West’s representative.
But despite the myriad of problems Alabama has faced–most of them self-inflicted–what baffles the Auburn fan is how optimistic but realistic the Alabama fan is today. And the reason for this is, Alabama fans embrace the facts, while the Auburn fan just tries to win the blogfest. Facts like Auburn’s Iron Bowl “streak” being a direct result of an uneven playing field. Or stars mattering on the plains back when Auburn could still land top talent. Or Auburn having 19 commitments that no other school of note wants. Or Auburn going 0 for 15 in head-to-head recruiting with Alabama last year. Or the latest revelation that at the height of its success and Alabama’s low, Auburn can’t sell out and Bama can. So much commentary could be added about these and many other facts, but it’s not important. Like the sun rising in the east, these are facts that can’t be disputed.Â
In closing, no one is suggesting the Auburn fan shouldn’t be happy with the present state of the two programs. All that’s been suggested here is that somewhere along the way, the Auburn fan should take a hard look at himself and pose the question, ”Why am I so Aubsessed with an Alabama blogsite?” And then possibly take a casual stroll in the direction of fact and truth. Both endeavors may do him good, and possibly set him free.
Julio, when you speak, it’s as if flatulence bypasses your ass and comes directly through your mouth.
Your worship of our program and continued paranoia over the shadow ou see on the horizon literally makes my day. You and those like you make me giggle.
Now quick! Say something clever!
“Bamuh aaen’t never gonna beet us agin!”
-Julio
ooh, another one of those whimsical posts laden with insults that state no facts whatsoever. How do you muster all this intellectual fortitude? Maybe in your next post you can pepper in some snappy words like “idiot”, or “aubbo”. That’ll put me in my place. For God sakes though, whatever you do, do not astound us with any more “facts” such as that fantasy you espoused about Bama being magically crippled by a lack of depth during the Iron Bowl 7 days after beating LSU 31-0. BTW, Does your shift manager at Krystal know that you’re in the office on the computer? You better get your a$$ back out there and change that grease in the deep fryer before you get canned.
Cappy, can you seriously not find any better talent than this?
P.S. You made my point again by responding to my remarks.
FEAR THE FUTURE:
The 2008 UAB rejects (the same breed of talent who led UAB to an impressive two win season in 2007).
Julio, what more facts do you need? Talk about loss number 1 to The Alabama PolyTECHnic Institute seven days after thumping LSU, why don’t we talk about 8 Iron Bowl losses over a 12 year period, then immediately after we’re placed on NCAA sanctions and just prior to coaching turmoil you suddenly own us on the playing and recruiting field? How do you explain that, other than the typical Tubby, the guy who never found success in the SEC until six years after debuting as a head coach, done so all on his own, without capitalizing on Alabama’s weakened state. State your next false fact or something other than is typically expected from lowlife Opelika trash such as yourself.
Why don’t we talk about equaling Louisiana Monroe by only beating an Alabama team in the aftermath of chaos by 7 points.
Or winning by 5 points against a 4-8 Alabama team in Shula’s first year?
Or back to back 7 point wins against a 6-5 Alabama team?
Even another touchdown victory over an NCAA and injury beleaguered, Alabama during the greatest season in the lackluster history of your program?
Is Alabama Tech going to continue to squeak out wins with Division 3-A caliber talent, when they couldn’t win big with better talent than us?
Julio, if you would have said Jack’s I would have DIED! Thanks for rolling out your A material for me. Let me get on my knees so I can talk to you eye to eye, son.
You don’t care about facts, so I don’t know why I bother. But, for the sake of everyone else reading this, the 2002 win over LSU came in Saban’s second year there after he took over a delapidated (it’s in the dictionary, in the D’s) program. LSU had had two winning seasons in ten years. They were a shadow of what they are today.
Julio, stop reading here, because I don’t want to bore you with something as petty as the truth…this is for everyone else. After beating LSU 31-0 in 2002, it is a FACT–you know, the thing Julio ignores just like women ignore Julio–that Coach Fran spent the next week negotiating with TAMU. I have friends that were on that team that testify that he was only present at one team meeting that week, the Auburn game. And he missed one of the practices altogether, something he NEVER did. This from a man who was a control freak and micromanager. His mind was a million miles away from T-Town or that game. I’m not saying he threw the game, but he definitely didn’t put anything into it. And if you watched the season unfold, that particular game didn’t resemble any other game they played all season, and it wasn’t because of the competition. It was preparation. And that’s coaching.
Okay, little Julio, back to you…when I come to an Auburn site to interact with you, then I’ll be whatever you want to call me. But as long as you keep coming here to feed your insecurities and paranoia, your Aubsession is as plain as the empty spots in Auburn’s trophy case.
Now quick, say something funny about working at a gas station…or a pizza place! Or just write another long post that I won’t read. You desperately need a family.
Didn’t Alabama lose to Hawaii that year as well after losing to the BCS Champions that year by a hair and dominating UT and LSU?
No. They beat Hawaii 21-16 and were the rightful SEC West Champions. Arkansas, who they beat 30-11 in their house earlier in the year, went to Atlanta by default.
To quote the legendary Charles Barkley (verbatim): “Auburn (Alabama’s Polytechnic Institute) is like me, and Alabama is like Michael Jordan. They’ve been through some tough times this decade, and we’ve won because of that. But Alabama will get better and they will start beating us again.”
One of you Barnies should reassure Barkley of his “delusions”.
yeah, hawaii almost beat us and alabama tech did. stomping lsu, tennessee, losing to the SEC champions by 3 points, and almost upsetting the national champions, i’d say the reason the last two games of the season were so close was because tommy tuberville was just that good… so good, he was the reason we only beat hawaii by 5 points. fran’s departure had nothing to do with it.
Count this as my signature:
Hey Intheknow,
They still dont get it. The whole might of the Auburn think tank (on this blog) still hasnt figured out that the running punch line to your post is that every time they post a comment they look like the losers. The revel in their own shitheadedness so much they cant even figure out when they are the butt of a joke.
Boy, intheknow, you really make this far too easy. You headline your article stating that AU fans don’t let “facts” get in their way, you berate my posts by stating that I don’t care about facts (all the while ignoring that my posts are regularly filled with nothing but solid facts), and then you attempt to insult me in return by stating loads of BS that are blatantly incorrect. Let’s break this puppy down, shall we?
1. Saban’s 1st yeat at LSU was 2000. By my Auburn math, I believe that would make 2002 his third year, not his second. (On second thought, I guess you don’t work at Krystal. You have to be able to count to three to get a job there.)
2. Your stated “fact” that LSU was “D”elapidated at the time of the 02 game and a shadow of what they are today is also pure fantasy. LSU won the SEC the year before, and was ranked #14 at the time of the 02 game. (You remember crowing about all them SEC titles Saban won, don’t ya?)
3. Oh, where to begin with the oft stated excuse of Fran’s iminent departure as the “crippling” reason for the 02 IB and these hilarious “facts” you cite in support therof. I am particularly fond of your reliance upon your friend’s cousin’s sister’s hairdresser’s mother-in-law’s next door neighbor’s third cousin who knows a guy that overheard someone in the hallway talking about a guy that was a janitor at the football complex saying that Fran missed practice and meetings that week because he was negotiating with A&M. Hallelujah, folks! Intheknow is our own deepthroat. We can cancel all those subscriptions to newspapers, and quit relying on those idiots like Paul Finebaum, Cecil Hurt, Ian Rappaport, Randy Kennedy, and others who place their name and reputation on everything they write. We have our own rock solid source here who anyonymously writes articles on a blog, so who needs those fools? I’m especially impressed that no other sports writer in the country was able to uncover the “fact” that Fran missed practice and meetings that week, but you are able to scoop it!! I mean, it’s not like there would have been sports writers crawling all over the football facilities the week of the IB, so it’s easy to see how those unobservant writers would have failed to notice that the freakin’ head coach was strangely absent. Finally, your statement that Fran missed these practices and meetings because he personally involved in “negotiations” with A&M is where you really display your razor wit. See, there are these guys called “agents”. The reason coaches hire them is to do all the negotiations for them so the coach can truthfully tell the fans and media that he has not spoken with or been contacted by the other school. No, you would have us believe that Fran bypassed his agent and dealt directly with A&M himself during the week of the IB. Please, astound us with more “facts”.
Cappy who the hell is this guy, your freakin’ retarded cousin? Did you lose a bet or something? Why are you letting him write on your blog? For God sakes, it’s fun to banter with you, and we all certainly spin and cherry pick our facts sometimes, but we don’t commit blatant fraud. At least teach the guy how to use google so he can check his facts a little before embarrasing the blog.
I’m anxiously awaiting your next “article” intheknow. Maybe it will be about proving the existence of Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster.
On final note to NYC – I don’t offer excuses for Bama winning 8 of 12 during the time period you speak of. Bama lined up and whipped AU’s a$$. Bebes was a damn fine coach who did a damn good job who laid a good foundation, and Dubose even managed to put together a couple of good teams with those players him and Logan Young “recruited”. See, I’m man enough to admit that rather than making up a bunch of excuses about Dye being on the way out the door, then probation, Bowden not recuiting, etc.. That’s all AU’s fault, and it’s part of football. You bammers are nothing but a bunch of crybabies who aren’t even man enough to admit when you get whipped.
P.S. I’m “lowlife Opelika trailer trash” simply because I correctly point out some factual inaccuracies posted on this blog? Gettin’ a little touchy there, ain’t ya?
I’m sorry Felacio; did you write something?
And losing by a touchdown is not getting whipped. At the depths of our existence these past ten years, that’s all you’ve been able to muster. What we did to you on the plains in 2001 was a whipping. The only thing you’re capable of whipping, Felacio, is your own monkey.
I just decided to read your post, for the heck of it. By the way, “imminent” has two m’s, and there is no such word as “anyonymously”. If I promise to check my facts better, will you promise to quit raping the King’s English?
Since you rely on half truths and hype, you won’t get this. But the bit about the cousin’s yadda, yadda…not quite accurate. But then, what does accuracy matter, my Aubsessed little man? Just muddy the water with hyperbole and let the fun begin, right?
I was off by a year, and I’m man enough to admit that. But the bit about Fran is just true. You don’t have to like it, and you sure don’t have to admit it. But it’s true. Thank you for explaining the whole agent phenomenon, Copernicus. But the point was, whether he was talking to TAMU himself (which I never said he was) or his agent, his mind was elsewhere.
Okay, quickies…
You’ve done more to puppies than we’re comfortable hearing about; please stop.
Count to 3 to work at Krystal? “A” material, but if you would have said five I WOULD HAVE DIED!
That bit about my cousin’s yadda, yadda…HILARIOUS! And original. Once again, muddy the waters so that truth gets watered down. Brilliant move, Obama.
But my favorite is your appeals to Cappy. Pathetic.
You lead the pack of Aubsessed Auburn fans, scurrying to your sticky keyboard to vomit up your next post. And each time, after reading them, we all walk away just a little bit dumber.
Just ask yourself what keeps you coming back here? Save the “it’s just too easy” stuff. It’s predictable, and anyone who has read you knows you’re far from being an intellectual giant. What are you missing in your life that makes Auburn football your god?
I think Julio said it best when he said
he is “lowlife Opelika trailer trashâ€
Julio… you’ve said it all.
ok, one last post on this article.
1. I point out several fabrications that you posted, and the best you can come back with is that I had 2 typo’s?
2. Ummm, the phrase is the “Queen’s English”, not the “King’s English.” I guess they didn’t teach you that in deep fryer school.
3. We’re all relieved that you’re man enough to “admit” that 1+2=3. For a minute there, I thought you were gonna fabricate an excuse for how 2002 actually was Saban’s 2d year at LSU the same way you do IB losses.
4. Yes, Cappy’s retarded cousin, we all believe that you and your “sources” know better than Finebaum, Kennedy, Pruett, Barnhart, Maisel, Hurt, Dooley, etc. We truly believe that you were privy to information that they were not. What were the names of those “sources” who “testified” again? (btw, you do know that to testify means going on the record, right?)
5. I keep coming back here because Cappy runs the best blog on the net for AU and UA to trade barbs back and forth. You do a great job, Cappy. Keep it up!!
6. Finally, it takes too long to type Cappy’s Retarded Cousin. From this point forward, I will refer to you by the acronym “CRC”.
Felacio,
Cappy does run a great blog, even with you here. I hope trading barbs is fun for you, because it is for me too. While we both tend to go for each other’s jugular on a daily basis now, I hope you know I’m just having fun with you. I’m sure you’re an okay person. You’re just another delusional, Aubsessed A-barn fan who thinks beating a weakened rival places them on the map of significance in history. Since everyone other than the Aubsessed nation knows you’re just the Clemson of the SEC (always good but never great), we can tolerate you on here. But just know that I don’t take any of this personally.
Okay, now for the fun:
Actually, either option (Queen or King) is readily accepted. Deep fryer school…there you go with the fast food jokes again. You’re throwing the high heat today! I wonder what will come first, the Apocalypse, or a post from you without a reference to Krystal or deep fryers…
“2d” isn’t anything. “2nd” means “second”. You know, the best AU can expect to ever finish in the West. You’d think you’d have that one down by now.
Why is it you only post during the day? Do you do this from work? Have they shut the power off to your trailer again? Who do I need to call to help you out?
And you can call me CRC if you like, because I’m sure it’s just too embarrassing to call me daddy since I own you. I am under your skin like a rash. I can just see your red little face when I pull your pants down in front of everybody in here…again! I just wish it were harder to do. You make this too easy for me.
When you begin to admit what everybody else on the planet readily accepts—that Auburn’s recent success in the Iron Bowl is a direct result of Alabama’s weakened state—then you can climb on your high horse and proclaim the tragedy of me getting a date wrong. A date? There’s a long term goal for you. But I digress…
I guess the fact that A-barn has never experienced such a streak before in their 100 years of football leads you to believe that Auburn’s power was now something reckoned with. We who dwell in the shadow of truth tend to call it what it is: A good program barely edging a depleted one for six years. Which reminds me…one National Championship in over 100 years of football? Really?
But once again, what are fact, Felacio? Why do I keep bothering you with them?
Now quick! Say something about the LSU 2001 year thingy again! It’s gold, I tell you. Gold!
One last thing, Felacio; how old are you? I’m not sure I need to be abusing a minor like this.
CRC, of course this is all in good fun and nothing personal to me. I have no doubt that you are actually a fine upstanding (an even educated) citizen. (Don’t deny me my fast food employment jokes, though. That can be some really good material). That should go to anyone who posts smack on this blog- if you can dish it out, you better be able to take it. You might want to go console tmc, though. He made a dumb-a$$ post earlier about Senderrick Marks and “white women”, so Ballplay and I had a liitle fun crucifying him as a racist in several posts afterwards. He got so uptight and defensive I thought he was gonna have a stroke.
Alright, enough smack on this article. Let’s move on to something else.
Intheknow,
In Julio’s case, It IS the “Queens English”.
Very well. You do make me have to think, which is much more than I can say about any other Aubie on here. I’ll see you somewhere else, I’m sure. Have a good weekend.
ballplay. still waiting on why that is consdered racist….
I’m UGA, Class of 1975. We’ve got our own Gators to fry, but I have to admit all of UGA’s rivalries (including the ancient Tech hatred) are little league compared to Auburn-Alabama. My son will be a freshman in the Auburn band this fall – I’ve spent the summer being introduced to everything Auburn. The Auburn folks won’t even use the term “Alabama” when speaking of the western side school. I’ve never had a better time than the Cocktail Party in Jacksonville, but I look forward to being in Tuscaloosa in November to witness the vitriol myself. War Eagle! (Tough for a Dawg to say that!)
tmc1..If you cant see what is wrong with your comment , then you are black hole stupid. Let me ask you this. If you were in taco bell and saw Marks “lookin at white women”. Would you say Hey, hes lookin at white women. Hell no you wouldnt. Why ? Because you would get your ass stomped, thats why. Dont try to act like your comment was anything but what it was. A dummass bigoted comment. I realise that you were prolly just joking. But the damage control and denial just makes you look all the more ignorant. Dam man, buy a freekin clue and just say YOU were out of line, and quit bringin the crap up already. Just when I thought that bammers were evolving you manage to screw it up.
Bill..Yall have to play the necks this year again. Youll get to see first hand what a bunch of bammers are like. The more you whip there ass , the worse they get. Good luck.
Wow intheknow, you’ve put an awful lot of thought into the Auburn psyche. In fact, your column could be perceived as smoking-gun evidence of an “overwhelming obsession” with the six-year-running state champion you so hate.
I think I understand, though. Your obsession with Auburn and its fans is a natural result of pulling for ‘bama as it spirals through the greatest downfall of a football powerhouse in CFB history. After hearing all those stories from grandpa about the “good ol’ days” of bama football, it must suck to have to tout your “recruiting championships” these days. (Have you guys printed a “National Champs” T-shirt for that yet?)
I’ll say this — maybe your “Aubsession” term did apply to Auburn fans three decades ago, back when bama was nationally relevant every year and we consistently struggled for recognition. But that’s cool — we’ve come to expect bama fans to live in the past. Honestly, though — the tide has turned these days, wouldn’t you say?
Six year running state champion? ROFL
I think MSU won the state title last year.
Oh, and UGA…
From intheknow’s original post:
“There has long been a debate in this state over what is most important: your team winning, or your hated rival losing. Without question, the Auburn fan’s Aubsession zeroes in on Alabama losing.”
So, capstoner, let’s re-examine the above statement. Which team among us can celebrate its own victories (the on-the-field ones) these days, and which is reduced to celebrating the other’s losses? I offer this as evidence:
“Six year running state champion? ROFL
I think MSU won the state title last year.
Oh, and UGA…”
This thread has been the most side splitting thing I have seen in some time. Can you Auburn fans possibly prove the point more thoroughly and not even seem to realize you are doing it.
The fact that you are even here is strike one. I have never wasted 5 minutes of my precious time on a barn blog. But then you just keep posting this garbage. Ballplay Indian went into a full blown temper tantrum.
It is like you can’t stop yourselves. What is the definition of the term obsessed…. I can’t stop myself.