A letter to Nick about discipline problems

Dear Nick,
I know you don’t have time for this shit, but I wanted to give you some helpful advice on how to run your football program. I have years of experience giving helpful advice on the Internet (just ask Mike Shula about all the helpful advice I gave him!), so I’m sure you’ll understand I am eminently qualified to tell you what to do.

Jimmy Johns arrest shows there is a real problem around your program. I heard on talk radio and on the Internet that this is like the 100th involving the football team. I’m deeply concerned about this.

I had never heard a football player being arrested for anything before. And now there is more than one?

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How could this be possible?

Have you lost control of the program?

Why didn’t you know about Johns’ problem? Did you fail to notice trips to South America? What about sniffing? Was he sniffing a lot during the linebacker meetings? I heard Kramer on television one time say that was a sign of cocaine.

Of more concern is the future of the football team. With so many players facing suspension or kicked off the football team, will we have enough quality players to field a competitive team this season?

What are we going to do about quarterback? I heard Kenny Stabler was arrested for DUI. Wasn’t he going to start?

But don’t think I’m being negative. I understand it can be hard to run a successful organization. So, here is a helpful idea: Since these troubles occur during the summer months, why not begin a summer basketball league for the players. They could play basketball at midnight instead of visiting the Strip or selling drugs!

Anytime you need additional help, please give me a call. I’ll be happy to help you fix your problems.

Your fan,


Add Yours
  1. 1
    freaking genius

    brilliant, capstone. deflect. make light of.


    Saban used this guy and then spit him out.

    when i first started reading your letter, i thought, “wow, someone is going to call ST. Nick out? Try to hold him accountable?”

    but then reality set in… the same old UofA ‘win at any cost’ philosophy. no concern for anyone off the field.

    With UofA it’s as if it’s a professional football team (think Oakland Raiders-proud history, miserable present, arrests, arrests, arrests) with no school or any other responsibilty attached.

    but you had a GREAT recruiting class, right? that’s all that counts.

  2. 2

    The only problem with writing a great satirical piece, is above. Some people, even self proclaimed geniuses have trouble actually comprehending the written prose.

    Anyways, a great letter. I hope Saban takes the advice and institutes the summer basketball program!

  3. 3

    By the way just to get it out of the way, for it will inevitably follow in this thread:

    “6 in a row”

    “Parole Tide”

    “It’s a process”

    “Jimmy cracks cocaine and I don’t care”



    “Shula recruit”

    “Tommy Tuberville…recruits character kids”

    Feel free to add any that I missed. My favorite ones are when you change the spelling, and make the word have a negative connotation. Those are always so creative!

  4. 4

    A note to Freaking Genius

    Okay… FG sometimes in this crazy world we lose our compass and miss our left turn at Albuquerque, (Just ask Bugs Bunny sometime).
    So in order to help you discern between the right and the wrong I have made this simple guide for you.
    Harry Potter is not a documentary.
    There is no Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, or Tooth Fairy (sorry dude.)
    Dressing up as Mr. Frodo doesnt mean that “Lord of the Rings” just became real.
    And Finally?
    If Jimmy John’s was selling drugs. It was because Jimmy John’s is a shithead.
    The rest of it about Nick Saban is just fairy tale shit YOU made up.

  5. 6
    freaking genius

    kenny, you’ve never seen those posts from me.

    say what you want, but the head coach accepts a HUGE responsibility when he signs a kid. he owes something to the kid and his family. and it’s not just playing time.

    it’s about more than football. or at least it should be. Auburn gets this. Alabama used to.

    tmc, what the hell are you talking about?
    this is the reason it’s great to be an auburn tiger. you will not understand.

  6. 7

    cmyster: and you forgot:
    “tradition, classless, mooooo, bear, and wire road trailer park.” All terms bammer fans use on a daily basis.

  7. 8


    I will address the one salient point you made.

    “it’s about more than football. or at least it should be. Auburn gets this. Alabama used to.”

    I have no idea how you could possibly come to the point that some group of people care more than others, about a select group of people. There are too many people to even be able to make that a reasonable assertion. As always, it always a few people who are ruining things for the whole. It is plain to see that anyone who is even paying some attention to the program that fans care about what the students are doing, but also how it is perceived. People like Capstone, myself, and most of the other commentors on this blog are obviously passionate about what goes on.

    Other comments I thought of:

    “Auburn fans are obsessed with Alabama”

    “Alabama fans are obsessed with Auburn”

    Usually those two comments will follow each other in the thread.

  8. 9

    How does that bammer cheer go? Rammer hammer yellow jammer.. ? right? well how about this: rammer hammer yellow jammer give em hell barack oBAMA. If you take barack obama’s name and change around the letters you can spell bama back.

  9. 10
    freaking genius

    i agree, kenny, that a few loud ones are speaking for the the more…

    i will never be one to defend AU simply because it’s AU. I care too much about the entirety of Auburn University, not just football. if football brings discredit to the University, it pisses me off.

    these capstone reports refuse to assess blame and hold St. Nick accountable.

    it’s piss-poor discipline, but instead, the letter above states sarcastically, “I heard on talk radio and on the Internet that this is like the 100th involving the football team. I’m deeply concerned about this.”

    well, no, capstone, only the 10th in the last year. so is this not a problem? Man up and take a stand.

    cow college.

  10. 11

    This is very sad, for a young man has ruined his life. But, the real tragedy of the situation is that many of you (Bama Fans) are so concerned with trashing a young man (ex:shithead)so you can defend Nick Saban and the state of his program. You can’t even see the real issue, it is not about how Great a coach Saban is, but that another young person has made the wrong decisions in life that will hurt his future. Do I blame Saban, no I don’t…he couldnt make the decision for this kid whether or not to sell drugs. But like it or not, it does but a question mark over his ability to control his players. If my students were to constantly break rules at or near my school, like it or not the first person my principal would look at is “ME.” Also this “SHULA RECRUIT” excuse has got to cease. I see why your players didnt play with much heart…”It doesnt matter, I’m nobody, only Coach Saban’s recruits will win, I’m just a non talent, thugged out Shula recruit.” These are kids for Christ sake, and truth of the matter is you have what you have, you paid Nick to come in and recruit talent (which he has), but better yet coach up the talent that was already there. It amazes me that when “Shula Recruits” are shown in a positive light they are “Saban’s team”, but when they mess up they are merely a “Shula recruit.” You can’t have it both ways.

  11. 12

    Let HIM PLAY.. Let’s postpone the trial and get this guy back into school.. We need him at linebacker… It was Auburn police,,, he was framed in an attempt to hurt Alabama’s team.. this was selective prosecution… We need him, let him play… Is that how this works?

  12. 13

    Cap, let me ask you a couple of questions. Have you ever known a kid that came from a good, respectable family that got involved in drugs and was eventually arrested on serious drug charges? Of course you have, and there is probably a number of kids like that you’ve known. If not, you’ve lived a very sheltered life. Now let me ask a second question regarding that same kid(s)…were you the slightest bit surprised when the kid ended up getting arrested on drug charges? Hell no you weren’t, because everyone had noticed the changes in the kid’s behavior, everyone noticed the change in the kid’s attitude, several people had told you that they had seen the kid around town obviously stoned out of his gourd (and you had probably seen him that way also), and everyone damn sure noticed that the kid had begun hanging out with a bunch of seedy characters. But you would have us believe via the sarcasm of your latest post that none of these tell tale signs occurred with Johns, and that anyone who thinks Saban could have possibly been aware that Johns was into something shady is a blithering idiot. How about this…Isn’t it part of “the process” to build a true team in every sense of the word? Don’t true team members watch out for each other, and seek the help of the coaches when they see that another team member is obviously involved in soemthing shady? If that isn’t happening within the frame work of the team after a freakin year & 1/2 and 6 Million Dollars, isn’t that the fault of the head coach? Of course it is.

    Finally, let me be clear on this final point. This is not the arrest of a young kid who got caught having too much fun and booze on the strip on a Saturday night. That IS the kind of thing that happens without warning, and could certainly happen at any school in the country. I’ll certainly admit I’ve had my chuckles as an AU fan about those recent arrests, just like you Bammers did about Tray Blackmon and Kevin Sears. This is different. (P.S. Yes, I know about Robert Baker at Auburn. I also know that he had been academically ineligible fom the team for over a year when he was arrested.) If Saban had no idea that Johns was into something shady, then “the process” ain’t working.

  13. 14


    They are not kids, they are young men. It has become chic for people to refer to college students as children, and to continue the trend of pushing back adulthood. It seems like a rather an adult decision when you decide to be a drug dealer. Oddly enough I do not feel much sympathy for someone who was selling drugs. If you think Johns is a kid should he be charged as a minor?

    You are right that it is their fault for the decisions they made. Of course, outside of that you have no point. As with most people your argurment always falls in to generalities. You paint everything with a wide brush. The problem for you is that you are too narrow minded to see the forest from the trees.

    Also, you contradict yourself. In one sentence you blame Johns, and then the next one you say that Saban is responsible. It is problems like this that makes your argument incomprehendible.

  14. 15

    For people who say Saban should have seen changes, was John a user or a seller? It sounds like he was selling not using. What changes of behavior should Saban have noticed? As usual Aubarn fans talking out of their ass.

  15. 16


    It is an interesting premise, but I have another one. Have you ever had a friend who got into serious trouble (drugs, crime, whatever)? You find out a whole bunch of things you had no idea that the person was doing. I think a lot of people have had the same situation happen to them. I know I have.

    It is pretty easy to construct a hypothetical and have an alternate ending. The fact is you and I have no idea what happened, and who knew and when they knew (to steal a too often used Watergate reference).

    You are going to get no argument from me that this is an incredibly serious crime, and it is important problem for the university. You would not even get an argument from me that Saban should have had more foresight to eliminate Johns before this incident. The problem is, as a rival fan you will always look at this as an opportunity to blame Saban.

  16. 17

    Kenny- Think about this: Johns was selling drugs. I do not believe he was doing drugs. I think he was merely selling them. Now the point trying to be made is this: Did anyone notice the amount of money Johns had and say “gee Jimmy where you gettin all that money?” or “hey Johns nice looking SUV you got there, how much did those rims set you back?” Things like that– I would think someone would take notice, as much time as the players have to spend together especially during spring practice? I don’t know maybe this kid was very good at hiding things who knows. I don’t think Saban is to blame, he can’t be with the kid 24 seven but maybe he or someone else in the program should have noticed something? Just a question, not blaming Saban or anyone else.

  17. 18

    I think that is definitely a legitimate point. The fact is this is an incredibly serious charge, and I would agree that is at least worth looking into.

  18. 19

    ok let me put my two cents in,kenny spoke like a genius in a few of his statements,augirl is a moron i have seen this same crap from her on other blogs here are two words of advice SHUT UP,its not sabans fault ,its not shulas fault,ITS JIMMY(SCARFACE)JOHNS FAULT!!!!!

  19. 21

    Kenny, I’m not blaming Saban for anything. This is no one’s fault but Jimmy Johns. My point is that it is naive to think that Saban should not have been aware that serious problems were occurring with Johns. My God people, he was openly selling drugs to other students on campus. His activities became so notorious he caught the attention of the Tuscaloosa PD. Of course some other teammates were also aware that Johns was into something shady. If those teammates weren’t running to the coaches for help, then “the process” is having serious problems. If teammates did turn to the coaches, why the hell wasn’t something done? Either way, it’s a bad reflection on Saban. If it happens tommorrow at AU, I’ll say the exact same thing about Tubs. In fact, it would be worse because Tubs has been there longer.

    Finally, I adamantly disagree that my previous questions were simply a hypothetical. I was asking about memories of actual events that have happened in all of our lives. I’ve seen the scenario I discussed too many times. Unfortunately, I have never been surprised when the kids ended up getting arrested on drug charges. If you’ll be honest, I think you’ll admit that you also know some kids who got in similar trouble and that you were never surprised when they got busted.

  20. 22

    I have know both sides. I have seen people I knew were doing drugs get busted, and I have also see friends that I had no idea how deep they were get busted too.

    Regardless, I agree that there is no way to spin this as a positive for the university or the coaches.

  21. 23

    You have the audacity to actually say Coach Saban has lost control of his program? Coach Saban hasnt been seen a full year as head coach. Those players were not recruited by CS either. I think you should keep giving your advice to the former coaches. I hate this for Jimmy Johns, but I am glad that he is off the team. He is a cancer to our program. Coach Saban has everything going in the right direction. We will return to our DOMINANT place at the top!!!

    ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  22. 24

    Here is what we will do.
    Lets just blame Nick Saban eh?
    Then we can call it done.
    End of story and all that.
    Whatever we do… Lets not blame Jimmy John’s for selling crack on campus. Nope THAT WOULD BE TOO MUCH LIKE BEING RIGHT.
    We all know that Nick Saban didnt tell him to sale drugs. Mr. Johns took it upon himself.
    And as far as debating the merits of the socioeconomics that drove poor Mr Johns to betray Bama Nation’s trust, Honestly I dont care. I have a daughter who attends at Bama.
    My sympathy ends at “Cocaine Dealer”
    I am greatly offended and saddened that this SHITHEAD could have ruined her life and/or many more in his greed.
    So while all you ignorant Aubbo trash feel like evaluating this and using it for a club to bash Nick Saban. Please remember that this is a sad day for some of us. And we dont give a shit for your analysis. How happy do you think you would be if you thought someone you trusted was selling drugs… Possibly to YOUR CHILDREN?

  23. 25

    tmc1- You trusted Jimmy Johns? Why? I get what you are saying. Drug dealers are everywhere. It is a fact of life. I said from the beginning this has nothing to do with Saban. Johns made his choices to sell the drugs. Maybe just maybe someone should have noticed something? No one has blamed your precious Saban for anything. You have valid points at times tmc then you go and say something really stupid and really show your bammer ignorance. case in point: “So while all you ignorant Aubbo trash feel like evaluating this and using it for a club to bash Nick Saban.” That really says it all. You are typical.

  24. 26

    Kenny, I never once blamed Saban in my comment, please tell me what you read? What I said is that it puts a question mark over his ability to control his team, but did I ever say it was my personal question mark? And for the record, a question mark is not a bad thing it only means that there are unanswered questions, for some. I also stated that like it or not when you are over a group of students those in control will look at you first…but did I ever say that was right or wrong? The only argument I made is that everyone is making this a issue of football or coaching when there is a greater issue at hand…a young man ruining his life. I would never say he should be charged as a minor that would be crazy, but college kids are not mature adults they are “entering” adulthood…meaning they are not quite there, and they still need guidance I am 25, and at times I still need it. I am not defending the guy, he did wrong and he should pay for it, but my point is you shouldnt trash the kid (for he was misguided) or any other kids in the Bama program for the sake of proving the greatness of Nick Saban and the weakness of a past coach…if you can’t see the tragedy in a kid going down this path of destruction, then I suggest you find a heart sir.

  25. 27

    “Do I blame Saban, no I don’t…he couldnt make the decision for this kid whether or not to sell drugs. But like it or not, it does but a question mark over his ability to control his players.”

    You just blamed him for not having control of his players.

  26. 28

    All you Bama fans crave the opportunity to jump down an Auburn’s fan throat. I haven’t seen one post that has directly, or indirectly blamed Nick Saban for this incident…seriously life is too great to be this uptight I suggest you find a little happiness and stop looking for opportunities to throw insults angry people! Cmyster unless you are talking about two days ago…when I broke my blogging virginty on this site, then you are telling a complete lie you have never seen me on any other sites except for my Obama take on Tidedruid. Cappy (2 topics) Tidedruid (1) are my only ones EVER….I’m new.

  27. 29

    Kenny, but did I say…It puts my “personal” question mark on his ability to control his team…well let me rephrase it so you can comprehend it a little better…”Like it or not, for some it may put a question mark on his ability to control his team.” Is that better!

  28. 30
    freaking genius

    truck: you say, “I hate this for Jimmy Johns, but I am glad that he is off the team. He is a cancer to our program.”

    if Coach Saban had no knowledge, then why was he “cancer”? i mean no one on the team or staff knew, right? how is he a cancer? how did you know he was a cancer but not Saban? i’m confused.

    tmc, if i had some degree of gaurdianship over someone and he was selling drugs, you can bet your ass i would have a clue about it BEFORE HE WAS ARRESTED. quit providing an excuse for Saban. i’m not bashing him, so quit whining. we’re discussing. that’s what these boards are for.

  29. 31

    Sorry I meant…”Like it or not, for some it does put a question mark over his ability to control his team.” And I still don’t understand whats so bad about a question mark…every team, player and coach has questions marks about some type of ability…seriously this is not a perfect world.

  30. 32
    Shane is a BLOGGER

    “Staring down the barrel of a gun” Keep making excuses, I love it!

    War Chicken!
    Punt Bammur Punt!
    Blow Tide Blow!
    The TIGERS & NCAA are coming!
    AUGirl #1

  31. 34

    I enjoy reading her blogs. She is very well versed for someone new to it! YEP im sure of it Shes better than SHANE!

  32. 35

    Awww!! Thanks alot SHANEHATERS, and Shane is a BLOGGER!! Believe it or not I was actually kind of nervous the first time I blogged. I must say though I haven’t been treated very well…I guess they don’t discriminate they only see Auburn fan and not Girl. Good I have tough skin…I first blogged two days ago and was called a WHORE my first day and a moron today. And I think, I’m pretty polite…Oh well Big Girls don’t Cry.

  33. 36

    augirl i am not telling a lie because i AM talking about the obama blog,if you dont believe me than go and look at the comment i left after you.dont accuse bama fans of jumping on the chance to bash auburn when you are the one who seems to be taking shots at coach saban,and the fact that you show sympathy for that thug jimmy johns show’s your warped sense of reality!!!!

  34. 37

    Ok Cmyster you are VERY petty…maybe you should grow a pair considering my opinions bother you after the shots that others have taken at you.What shots have I taken at Saban, show me one, I was the one who said I didnt blame him? Ok so I support Obama thats my constitutional right, and you have to be an idiot to get mad at my opinion. Did I once attack Bama or Saban on that blog, which I stated I posted earlier, even better did I even mention Bama or Saban…no I didn’t. All I said was I believed in Hope and Change and was supporting the guy…so you disagree well thats your choice. But grow up, and learn to agree to disagree, and not attack or name call just because I dont share the same brain as you. Ok so I have sympathy for JJ, that doesnt give “a warped sense of reality” that makes me a CHRISTIAN sir, everyone makes mistakes…and who gave you the God given right to judge anyone? Thats whats wrong with the world today, people who lack compassion…and feel that football and Saban is all this situation is about. Wise up, and stop being so shallow. Show me one person walking this earth who has not sinned and fell short of the Glory of God…and then report back to me. Until then you have nothing else to say to me because you sir have managed to piss me off for the evening…and ur comment above has not an ounce of validity.

  35. 38

    Clarification: You are writing in the comment section of a blog. I am not sure it is really a big deal, but too many people fail to distinguish between the comments on a blog and the blog itself.

    It only irritates me, because you will hear people bemoaning the lack of quality of a blog when in fact it is the actual comments that are on the blog. Though, in all honesty at some times the blog is worse than the comments.

  36. 39

    Though, in all honesty at some times the blog is worse than the comments.

    I resemble that remark.

  37. 40

    Thanks Kenny, I know the difference just didnt know there was a need for clarification and plus blogged is so much easier to write than “when I commented on a blog” but I guess I could just say “Commented” huh? You are very technical sir, are you sure you’re not a school teacher? Lol!

  38. 41

    Jimmy Johns <<<<< Crack Dealer
    CNS<<<<<<<< had nothing to do with it.
    Hindsight is always 20/20.
    Mr. Johns was invited and accepted into the Bama family. Everyone (I believe) liked him and really wanted him to find a place on, (and off) the field where he could be sucessful. Instead he took his time here to sell the worst of drugs to people.
    Blaming Nick Saban is the same as blaming any of his professors, teachers, mentors, and parents. Nobody wanted Jimmy Johns to turn out this way. And he was given ample opportunities to get ahead in life without taking this short cut.

  39. 43
    arnold ziffle

    So that is how Tubsy “coaches ’em up”.
    That would explain all the paperweights Auburn is “crootin” lately.

  40. 45

    Bammers cheat.
    Yall KNOW you do. And WHEN you aint cheating you are trying to bring AUBURN University down. Everyone in the SEC loves Auburn and hates Bama.
    I cant believe that PEOPLE are saying that AUBURN has 7 NCAA violations, because we dont. I cant believe YALL keep coming to OUR blogs and saying we CHEAT. Everybody knows this is LITTLE NICKY $ATANS fault and yall should fire him and get a crappy coach so we CAN win a few more. yall suck

    6 in a row.

  41. 46
    Mike in Arkansas

    Why is Auburn so obsessed with Bobby Petrino and Nick Saban? They will walk by a book full of Tommy Tuberville to read on page about Petrino/Saban.


  42. 47

    Bobby Petrino aint shit, Bobby Lowder says so!
    I know it looks like Bobby Lowder was trying to get Petrino but he wasnt. They were just talking about upcoming duck hunting trips that CTT would be making. Then Bobby Petrino had to go and tell folks Auburn wanted him, because he envys Auburn so much. They need to fire him at Arkansas and get a crappy coach that we can beat again next year.

  43. 48

    thanks for the link Redneckaubie.
    Auburn players using steroids….Whodathunkit?
    I guess you aubbos need to clean up your own yard intsead of hanging around like a bunch of starving maggots trying to feed on the carcus of Jimmy John’s career. Go Home Aubbos.
    You are already on super secret probation with the NCAA over the “independent study” fiasco. One more episode and you lose your acreditation. (again) And once that happens the scholarships go and then….well… you have to shut the doors.
    You people are stupid. You are already skating on thin ice. And still trying to make more enemies.
    Seriously dingleberrys. One more mess up and you will have to shut your doors. If I were you I wouldnt be trying to light a fire wearing gasoline drawers.

  44. 49

    augirl,i did not mean to ruin your evening to begin with,but now that you bring it up i did come on a little strong and i apologize , but first of all i never said that you bashed saban in the obama blog i dont even have a problem with you supporting obama but what set me off was the comment you made about the state of alabama.also i dont recall anyone taking shots at me, and you stated that i didn’t have to call names and a few sentences later you called me an idiot and then you called me shallow that seams a little hypocritical,and yet you still have nerve to pull the christian card!!!!!

  45. 50
    freaking genius

    good grief, TMC, can you not tell that the “piedmont” piece is made up? you get whipped into a frenzy over something that is made up. nice work.

    also, tmc, the following two items do NOT jive:

    a. saban is at the office 20 hours/day. he controls every facet of the program. he is over and in charge of every little thing. this is what we have heard (as thought it’s a positive) since saban arrived in t-town.

    b. he had no clue of JJ’s involvement with drug activity, yet fans, students and the blogasphere knew.

    which view is BS?

  46. 51

    TMC, you seem like a pretty intelligent man, so you do realize that the Auburn and Steroids piece was a joke? Well at least I hope so…not attacking you, just making sure you understood.

  47. 52

    Cmyster, I don’t have a Christian card to pull…I am what I am. Secondly typically the State of Alabama goes to the Republician Presidential candidate…meaning questioning Obama or any other Democratic presidential candidate is the norm in this state…is that wrong, NO! People are entitled to their own choices. Thats all I meant about Typical State of Alabama. You said I didnt Bash Saban on the other site, and I say I havent either on this one…but whatever apology accepted.

  48. 53
    Bama Fan In N Y C

    Could we please stick to the original thought process, please people?

    I understand discipline is a major issue, however, you can’t control what players do during their “off-time”; however, it is time for Saban to put his foot down on the situation and implement some sense of fear into his kids. Obviously their parents couldn’t do it, so he needs to step up to the plate and fill their shoes.

  49. 54

    “Jimmy cracks cocaine and I don’t care”

    I will admit, that is freaking hilarious!

    But hopefully severe punishment will straighten this guy up.

  50. 56

    The way CNS moves around constantly and waves his drawfy arms in the air, no wonder they had a good class. While Tubs was out huntin and shootin, he was out crootin and tootin.

  51. 58

    If anyone needs a letter of forewarning written to them, it should be all the borderline kids on the team. You piss away something 3/4ths of the kids in this state would kill to have, like it’s nothing. What a shame!

  52. 59

    We UA fans should humble ourselves. Dont we know that AU students spend their weekend nights in bible study? Why cant we be more like them.

    AU fans are pathetic. Your jealousy and hatred are out of this world. Are you still that upset about the nine in a row in the 70s? Or is it that you know that UA will always be the most popular program and university in the state?

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