The NCAA conspiracy

The NCAA is part of a vast Republican conspiracy to control the United States.

At least according to a United States Senate candidate in Alabama; Mark Townsend is running as a Democrat here, and has declared war on the NCAA. According to Townsend’s website, he has filed suit against the NCAA—and is seeking a review of his case by the U.S. Supreme Court.

But while we all knew the NCAA sucked, it never crossed my mind that the NCAA was linked with sinister political machinations.

Townsend’s name on the ballot will be listed as Mark “No NCAA” Townsend. In a campaign release to the AP, Townsend said: “I believe the National Collegiate Athletic Association is the devil’s pitch fork.”

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Here are a few of Townsend’s allegations against the NCAA:
•Halliburton owns the NCAA, and Halliburton is owned by the Bush family.
•The NCAA is the reason evolution is taught in public schools.
•The NCAA was founded by the “big money men” behind the formation of the U.S. Federal Reserve System.
•The leadership board of the NCAA is composed of persons in “defense contractors, in the oil business, in the pharmaceutical business, or in the banking business.”

And why is Townsend worried about sports? Here’s his answer culled from his website:

1. History proves whoever controls sports controls the world.

2. It was said in the days of Rome, “Give the people a circus and bread and you can control them.”

3. Today in America, NCAA sports is like our days of the Roman circus.  Our bread is secured jobs or social security.

Townsend’s website calls for the end of the NCAA, but who would replace the NCAA to regulate sports? Townsend’s plan is for the U.S. Marine Corps.

“In this ideal Marines would be fair and tuff to all in sports.”

When compared with Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and John Edwards, Townsend just might be the most reasonable Democrat on the ballot this election cycle.