Today Auburnites will take a short break from their NCAA fantasies, glancing away from the long-awaited, fictious unicorn parade across the state that will bring an end to their suffering.
Instead, today Auburn fans will be slurping up the next orange and blue fantasy, the triumphal entry of Jeremy Johnson. It’s homecoming on the plains, and the feel good mentality will be flowing full and free.
This is in no way an indictment on Jeremy Johnson. The young man is talented and hopefully has a bright future ahead of him. But to hear the Auburn scribes trumpet Johnson is downright funny.
It’s a well-known fact that Auburn fans will believe whatever they’re told by their appointed mouthpieces. If Jay G. Tate or Phillip Marshall says it, and Stan White and Al Del Taco repeat it, it must be gospel.
We’re to believe that Jeremy Johnson is the second coming of Cam Newton, the Auburn Messiah. We’re to believe that a team that hadn’t won a conference game in the better part of two seasons was confident enough to sit this blessed redeemer for the first give games in favor of the lesser Nick Marshall. As of the time of this article, we could not confirm whether or not the athletic department had in fact installed a small moat around Pat Dye Field (so AU fans cans watch Johnson walk across the water).
Today Auburn is reportedly sitting Marshall, who won the job outright over Johnson and Jonathan Wallace. After a brief stint on defense and offense, last year’s QB Kheil Frazier is reportedly now cleaning the stadium bathrooms to retain his scholly.
Auburn isn’t releasing the severity of Marshall’s knee injury, but you can bet Al.com will neither ask nor report a torn ACL, MCL or ACLU until Auburn’s spring game. Meanwhile if AJ McCarron emerges from his hotel room wearing a bandaid the bright lights of speculation will be rampant, and every news outlet in the state will be quick to question what they’ve been told.
Look, the point is, Auburn football is just funny. It is a wild casserole of hype, talking points, propaganda, and unmet potential, topped with a healthy dose of Auburn Kool-Aid drinking fans ready to slurp it all up with two straws.
Today Johnson should have a good game, as most of Western Carolina’s opponents do against them. Just when he does, be ready to tap the breaks on the orange and blue jubilation coming from Lee County. Unless you’re amoung the brainwashed barner brethren. In that case, accept what you’ve been told, hook, line and sinker, and don’t ever, ever question it.
Afterall, it’s the
cult Auburn way!