Drink it up, Aubies!

Drink it up, Aubies!

by ITK

Today Auburnites will take a short break from their NCAA fantasies, glancing away from the long-awaited, fictious unicorn parade across the state that will bring an end to their suffering.

Instead, today Auburn fans will be slurping up the next orange and blue fantasy, the triumphal entry of Jeremy Johnson. It’s homecoming on the plains, and the feel good mentality will be flowing full and free.

This is in no way an indictment on Jeremy Johnson. The young man is talented and hopefully has a bright future ahead of him. But to hear the Auburn scribes trumpet Johnson is downright funny.

It’s a well-known fact that Auburn fans will believe whatever they’re told by their appointed mouthpieces. If Jay G. Tate or Phillip Marshall says it, and Stan White and Al Del Taco repeat it, it must be gospel.

We’re to believe that Jeremy Johnson is the second coming of Cam Newton, the Auburn Messiah. We’re to believe that a team that hadn’t won a conference game in the better part of two seasons was confident enough to sit this blessed redeemer for the first give games in favor of the lesser Nick Marshall. As of the time of this article, we could not confirm whether or not the athletic department had in fact installed a small moat around Pat Dye Field (so AU fans cans watch Johnson walk across the water).

Today Auburn is reportedly sitting Marshall, who won the job outright over Johnson and Jonathan Wallace. After a brief stint on defense and offense, last year’s QB Kheil Frazier is reportedly now cleaning the stadium bathrooms to retain his scholly.

Auburn isn’t releasing the severity of Marshall’s knee injury, but you can bet Al.com will neither ask nor report a torn ACL, MCL or ACLU until Auburn’s spring game. Meanwhile if AJ McCarron emerges from his hotel room wearing a bandaid the bright lights of speculation will be rampant, and every news outlet in the state will be quick to question what they’ve been told.

Look, the point is, Auburn football is just funny. It is a wild casserole of hype, talking points, propaganda, and unmet potential, topped with a healthy dose of Auburn Kool-Aid drinking fans ready to slurp it all up with two straws.

Today Johnson should have a good game, as most of Western Carolina’s opponents do against them. Just when he does, be ready to tap the breaks on the orange and blue jubilation coming from Lee County. Unless you’re amoung the brainwashed barner brethren. In that case, accept what you’ve been told, hook, line and sinker, and don’t ever, ever question it.

Afterall, it’s the cult Auburn way!

ITK


(Follow ITK on Twitter for Bama news, commentary and smack.)

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28 Responses to “Auburn Propaganda: The Glorious Coming of Jeremy Johnson” Subscribe

  1. A Ganger October 12, 2013 at 8:11 am #

    LOL…I don’t care who you are…That’s just “Plains” Funny.

  2. A Ganger October 12, 2013 at 8:18 am #

    Looks like Harry Pothead has pulled a magic trick on the Sisters of the poor, deaf, dumb and blind…

    Playing a Red Shirt Freshman Warlock at QB…WOW…What kind of spell will he cast next???

    Shake that wand Harry…Ride that broom…

    Smoke….Mirrors…High School Offense…Yeah they are going to win a National Championship with this kid…this year…mark it down…(X~D)

  3. A Ganger October 12, 2013 at 8:49 am #

    Drank at’air Kool-Aid Barnie…Drank it all up..Go’head…

    It won’t hurt you…I promise…

  4. Elite tiger October 12, 2013 at 10:42 am #

    If you weren’t worried that JJ might be the second Cam, you wouldn’t have to write anything. Those are tough shoes to fill, and time will tell if he can meet the standard set by Cam. Most Auburn fans don’t compare them like that till we see how he does. But the other freshmen this year have played up to the hype. So we see no reason he won’t be successful.

    • ITK October 12, 2013 at 12:26 pm #

      Man. Was hoping my worry wasn’t that evident. Just, dang.

  5. Curse of Fluker October 13, 2013 at 7:39 am #

    ITK is not worried about JJ. This is just an classic bammer attempt of deflection. The entire Fluker gang scandal is still alive and well and poor ITK is just trying to cope in the only way he knows how. What comes next from this pulitzer prize winning author? Maybe he will write a scandalous piece on what Auburn is serving in their Cafeteria! Maybe even write how Tiger Walk is the reason for the next big NCAA investigation of Auburn. There will never be another Cam . Not in our lifetime anyway. The truth is that ITK and the rest of the gumps HOPE there will never be a player of that magnitude to call Aubrun home. Hell we have had 2 players of that caliber in the last 30 years…..bama is still trying to come close to having 1. Regardless of how many 5* players nicky signs, and how many NCs bammer buys, the fear of the so called ” little brother across the state” terrifies the hell out of the mullets. It is a proven fact that alabama can only compete for a NC when Auburn is having a down year. Outside of 1979 , alabama has NEVER beat a good Auburn team on the way to a NC. 2010 bama was an LSU loss from playing Auburn for the chance to play for a shot to play for the SEC/BCS titles. The fast start auburn has got off to this year is just early signs that bama buying……oops I meant winning another NC is highly doubtful.And if bama was to break the trend and bring it home while beating a good Auburn team in the same year…..the NCAA will just take that away in a few months. What does the 12 readers of the CSR have to say!? lmao!

    • ITK October 13, 2013 at 4:50 pm #

      There is literally nothing funnier than a desperate barner beating a dead horse trying to garner attention while the rest of the world ignores him.

      Curse, go tell your pals at the Never To Yield Foundation I said hi. Oh, and look out for leprechauns and magic fairies. They’re all reality in your world.

    • RC October 13, 2013 at 7:29 pm #

      If you scream a little louder, maybe someone will hear you!! NAAAAAH

      • ITK October 13, 2013 at 8:00 pm #

        Nobody hears him. Don’t offer false hope. That’s just cruel.

    • Niner October 13, 2013 at 8:21 pm #

      Talk about deflection. Lol, Bo Jackson Cam and Pat Sullivan were great players. No doubt. And you barners have a lot to hang your hat on there. Arguably 2 of the best players to ever play the college game have been there. Ever since I was a little kid though, it seems like we would win another championship and all the barn can come back with was “Oh yea, we have Heisman trophy winners here.” Well in case they don’t teach it on the plains, football is a FREAKIN TEAM SPORT! And who is the one on an opposing teams site arguing about how scared we are. You! Puuhhhlease. You people are foaming at the mouth praying to the orange and blue gods that we get hammered for something…anything! Because you know you can’t compete straight up, and it’s true what the say every Saturday “Only Bama beats Bama.” The only way you guys can catch up is when we do something stupid. So go downstairs, light a candle and keep sticking pins in your Nick Saban voodoo doll and offer up a chicken head sacrifice to the alter of Albert Means and maybe just maybe your prayers will be answered.

      • ITK October 14, 2013 at 10:09 am #

        Pat Sullivan is one of the class acts of college football, not just at Auburn. It turns my stomach how Auburn has turned their back on him through the years. He deserved a shot on the plains, far more than Gene the fraud Chizik. Maybe his integrity was too much for the pay-for-play commitment the barner cronies employ. Afterall, he was there pre-Dye, which is the era that defines the classless Auburn football that we all know and enjoy today.

        Bo Jackson has the instestinal fortitude of a loanshark. Hmmm, wonder why I picked that reference. An incredible player, back when the middle linebackers he faced were 185lbs.

        Cam Newton, good grief. He is the very definition of the Auburn flash-in-the-pan success. Like a goober tourist dipping his toe in the Pacific ocean just so he can go back and tell his buds he’s surfed in California before.

        Of the three, Pat Sullivan has my utmost respect and admiration. He could sling the rock and was a winner. The other two are fr-fr-fr-fr-frauds.

  6. LMAO October 13, 2013 at 11:06 am #

    Curse you could be right, this article could be just a classic bammer attempt of deflection or it could just be because bama plays such a week schedule with hardly any competition to even make their games interesting until they play LSU, that ITK is just bored and is too much of a gump to find something good to write about his own team that he has to articles like this one and the previous one where he proved what a man he is by writhing an article attacking the Oregon Cheerleaders!! Made him look small and appear that he would actually be worried about playing Oregon. That and the fact, like most gumps can’t stand the fact that they are not the center of attention and hate that Oregon and Auburn are getting positive press, while nobody in the national media gives a crap the bama in beating up on weak poor teams each week. Bama has a good team with many good players and I’m sure there are many good positive stories that could written about them here, but he is too much of a gump to take that route, he would rather use this space to attack cheerleaders for other teams.

  7. Crimsonite October 13, 2013 at 5:41 pm #

    Texas A&M #7 ahead of the Corndog’s in all 3 polls. Va Tech consensus #20. Of course we beat both. Georgia consensus #16 and Florida consensus #22. Of course you lost to JawJaw. As for the others, Ole Miss is better than Miss St. Kentucky is much better than UAB, Colorado St is better than Kent St. Ok, so Aubie is better than Ga. St. Maybe. Bwaa Haww Haww! And you have played one more game than us – TCU who is unranked and that will all even out later. From what’s left you will gain one better game by putting TCU against Chattanooga. But we will gain it back and then some with the SECCG, while the Corndog;’s sit at home and lick their balls with at least 2 losses. So fuktard, who has played a weak schedule?

  8. Curse of Fluker October 14, 2013 at 7:38 am #

    Well Crimsonshite , not trying to knock your football expertise , BUT according to Phil Steele and many other major football sources , bama plays a weak schedule. Steele has it as the #40 toughest schedule in college football. Notable teams ahead of bama are :

    1.florida
    5.arkansas
    9.Kentucky
    11.Missouri
    14. South Carolina
    16. LSU
    18.Auburn
    19. Tennessee
    23.Georgia
    28. Texas A&M
    33. Miss. State
    34. Ole Miss
    39. Vandy

    So not only does bama play a weak schedule BUT a person that is considered by many to be a College Football Expert, says bama plays the weakest schedule in the SEC. So a lot of people say bama has a weak schedule….fucktard.

    • RC October 14, 2013 at 8:05 am #

      Youv done way too much research to prove, well, what again??!

      • ITK October 14, 2013 at 9:54 am #

        That’s just it. Bury B.S. in numbers and it’s still B.S. Aubies can quantify bullsh*t into chicken sh*t like no other program in the land.

        But when the lights come on and it’s all on the line, they still perform and smell like sh*t. It’s why I love them.

        Unless of course if you count 2010, which is the single year that justifies their existence in their minds. I can’t wait to see the 20 year reunion of that team on Pat Dye field at halftime…20 years removed from their last taste of anything remotely significant.

        Weegle!!

    • ITK October 14, 2013 at 10:03 am #

      Well good. When we raise crystal football #4 this January I hope this eats you up.

      Oh, and any more profanity and you’re banned. You’ve been warned. Pass that on to the girls at the NTYF for me too, sweetheart.

  9. Crimsonite October 14, 2013 at 1:07 pm #

    Well fucktard why don’t you get with the system instead of using preseason bullshit. Oh that’s right, you’re an inbred Barnturd moron. With Va Tech, Auburn and even Ole Miss and Kentucky being better than advertised, we’ll see at the end of the season just where Bama’s schedule ends up. All those tough assed games everybody else was supposedly playing don’t look so tough assed anymore. LSWho has lost. Georgia has lost twice. Florida has lost twice. USCjr got bitch slapped by Georgia who has lost twice. TCU is mediocre. Of all the SEC’s Marquee matchups so far, only Bama’s opponents A&M and Va Tech have excelled on the field. What does it matter anyway shit-for-brains, when Bama hands all of its opponents their worst defeats of the season, even when there are common games with Florida, USCjr and #6 Louisville with Terry Bridgewater. So tell me something besides Barnturd propaganda, retard. RTR!

  10. Curse of Fluker October 14, 2013 at 3:22 pm #

    Do you spew that same “early prediction” crap when bama gets a #1 recruiting class??? No fucktard, you do not. Do you say ” lets wait and see” when bama is ranked preseason #1″ No fucktard you do not. So what is the difference here? Nothing fucktard. You are the typical bammer hick and as long as any poll , opinion, survey , etc paints bama in a positive light you are all for it. Bama is the Ohio State of the SEC. Constant rumors of cheating , cupcake schedule, and fan egos are out of control. Then as far as bama giving teams ” their worse defeat of the season”….who did they play before hand? Don’t put that bammer spin on this. And who in the blue hell is TERRY BRIDGEWATER??? God gump , you havent been out of the trailer since wallace was governor. Get out sometimes you toothless hick.

    • Crimsonite October 14, 2013 at 5:25 pm #

      Hey Cunt Of Fluker, Surprise Pussy Fart, but it’s not preseason anymore. Try checking current strength of schedule. Oh that’s right, they have to pump sunshine in to Lee County, so I guess you have no current info. According to Sagarin through last Saturday, Alabama’s schedule is #36 and Aubies is #54. Of the Top 11 simply because Ohio St is #11, there are only 2 teams with tougher schedules than Bama. LSU and Texas A&M. Texas A&M’s schedule is tougher only because they played ALABAMA. Dumbass. Before your dumbass goes quoting your source, let me point out that your fuking source, whoever they are, are not part of the BCS system and Sagarin is. I guess I hit the diagonal key when typing, but what the hell, apparently you are to stupid to figure out who Louisville’s QB is. Well let me see shit for brains. VT and A&M’s only losses. Ole Miss, Kentucky, Colorado St and Georgia St’s worst losses of the season. Ga St also played West Va’s HUNH. Ole Miss played A&M, Texas and Auburn’s worthless ass. Kentucky played Florida, So Carolina and Louisville. We also stomped shit out of Awbies punk ass worse than anybody the past two years with #3 on the way in your own Battle Buzzard stadium. RTR!

  11. Niner October 14, 2013 at 5:42 pm #

    So if we are going to use preseason strength of schedule #s here then you have to use preseason strength of schedule #s for your 2004 mythical champ team. Remember? That team that got screwed out of playing USC (Who would have spanked the barners almost as bad as they did Okey). And believe it or not I was one of the non barntards that felt they deserved a shot. Their strength of schedule looked pitiful pre season. But once the dust had cleared it turned out they played one of the toughest in the land. So which is it Barney, preseason strength of schedule or looking at it as it plays out. You can’t have it both ways.

  12. Curse of Fluker October 15, 2013 at 5:29 am #

    Perfect example of what is wrong with majority of the bammer fanbase…..crimsonshite. Guy is here claiming to be up to date on ALL college rankings, stats, and anything else college football. The shitehead then throws out a few ” funny” insults as his attempt to put the ” cherry on top of his beat down sundae ” he just served up to a fan of another school. Then the other gumps here basically sit by and watch this poor guy make a major ass of himself , and not a single one cared enough to tell him ” umm dude, you are wrong”. So then he comes back with another idiotic post and instead of claiming a typo , he reinforces the fact that he truly does not know shit about CFB. That 99% of the crap he post here is merely crap he read on another gump board/site. Look crimsonshite, at least make it hard for rival fans to make fun of you. How could such and “expert” of CFB not know the name of one of the Heisman front runners? His name is TEDDY and not TERRY. Stop selling your food stamps for beer money, get into a dentist once in a while, stop trying to make babies with you own family members, and join the rest of the REAL world. I will end this post in tribute to crimsonshite……dumbass bubba response in 1…3….6 BWAAWHAWWHAWW fucktard

  13. Curse of Fluker October 15, 2013 at 5:36 am #

    Niner…..WTF are you getting at????? Auburn DID have a very weak schedule that year. So I guess in true bammer fashion , you are using the ” everyone else does it” defense like bammers do in every other negative thing that comes out about bama? That is truly a sad example of being a fan . The truth about 2004 Auburn schedule is Bowling Green dealt Auburn a death blow at any chance of making the BCS game. When Bowling Green paid to get off of Auburn’s schedule but still went on to play Oklahoma. At the time Bowling Green was still considered to be a good team . So Auburn replaced them with some directional school that hurt their Strength of Schedule.

    • peachy October 17, 2013 at 11:11 am #

      Weak schedule? Compared to who? They beat 5 final ranked teams. That’s more than twice as many as 2011 Alabama beat, more than 2012 Alabama beat and as many as 2009 Alabama beat. It wasn’t the toughest schedule for an undefeated team (that would be 2010 Auburn who went 7-0 v/s final ranked teams; only team in history to do so) but it wasn’t as bad as some others (2012?)

  14. Niner October 15, 2013 at 4:38 pm #

    Wow dude, I don’t know if I can make the point any more simply. I’ll try writing it slower maybe that will help. At the end of the 2004 season barn’s schedule turned out to be a very tough one. At the beginning of the season it looked easy. You still with me? So Barney was yelling about how they had a tough schedule when all was said and done, save that one against Bowling Green. I as an aub hater had to agree. Again you guys looked at SOS at the end of the year instead of the beginning. As you should. Now you come on here yapping about Bama’s SOS (ironically, and pathetically after playing one of the weakest teams in the history of college football) when again looking at it now or at the end of the year it isn’t the same as the beginning of the season. So let’s re-cap, barners look at strength of schedule at the beginning of the year or the end of the year based on what makes their argument for them.

  15. Curse of Fluker October 15, 2013 at 5:18 pm #

    you mean the very same ” weakest teams in the history of college football ” just played them self? You really think I care waht you or crimsonshite have to say about college football? You are part of the most delusional fanbase in the country. You are also the fans of the most BS football team in the history of CFB. They make up more crap and you gumps just eat it up. From number of championships, type of hat the bear wore, etc. There is nothing in the history of bama football that was not made up by someone at the university to make a few extra dollars of of the bubbas.

    • Niner October 15, 2013 at 6:55 pm #

      Damn dude, you didn’t understand that either?!!! I said YOUR team just played one of the worst teams in history, are you brain damaged? Well, I’m done with you. You can’t deal with facts. You seemed like an intelligent aubie that one might actually have a conversation with. But I was wrong, You are a typical barntard jerk off. You aren’t happy with your own teams minimal success so you have to try and find some bullshit to complain about. You are obsessed with big brother. I get it though, during the Shula years all I had to look forward to was hoping you pricks lost. You, along with your other brethren suffer from Bama Derangement Syndrome. And the most ignorant thing you have said so far “you think I care WAHT(?) you or crimsonshite have to say about college football?” You obviously care or you would be here running your stupid mouth numbnuts.

  16. Crimsonite October 15, 2013 at 5:46 pm #

    You ridiculous piece of horse shit. I wish I could find you so I can knock the shit out of you and see if just maybe it would clear up what ails you. Yeah, dipshit, we just made up 3 out of the last 4 Natty’s and nearly unanimous #1 now. We just made up the 67-7 which is a new National Record for the period. We’ve just moved into 2nd place in scoring defense and if we finish 1st again it will be another National Record. Every week that we win we increase the National Record. There will be a new National record if we win another Natty this year. And the current beat goes on. Which one is made up. Retarded dipshit? RTR!

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