It’s July in SEC country, and visions of sugarplums…er, magical seasons…dance in the heads of every SEC football fan.

But nowhere is that magic more mythical than in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

It’s said that necessity is the mother of invention, and nowhere in America was it more apparent that a quarterback was needed to wear purple and gold than in the Superdome last January.

But the invention…the idea that Zach Mettenberger, who hasn’t taken a meaningful college snap, of any kind, is going to save the world and lead LSU to a title is baffling. Even in Les Miles country, where baffling happens every day.

I remember when Tim Tebow graduated. I honestly heard a radio interview with a member of the Florida media saying that John Brantley, at the time Tebow’s backup, “might honestly be better than Tim Tebow”, and was the second best quarterback in the country the year before. We see how that turned out.

Long story short, it is utterly amazing the premium we humans place on “the unknown.” Nowhere is this more apparent that in sports, when we so desperately want something to be true. I don’t mean to get all philosophical, especially on a Saturday, but where have all the reasonable people gone?

I have no doubt that Mettenberger will be good; programs like LSU get good quarterbacks. But if he were better than what they had, wouldn’t he have made an appearance in New Orleans a few months ago? It is proposterous to think a team would hold anything…ANYTHING…back when the crystal football is on the line.

When Alabama played Texas for the first of their National Championships in the last three years, it was well-documented that if something happened to Alabama’s starting QB Greg McElroy, Alabama head coach Nick Saban’s next option was to burn the redshirt off of AJ McCarron and put him in the game. In game 13 of a 13-game season.

And yet, last January, with the walls of LSU’s season finale burning down around them, Mettenberger stood on the sidelines, without so much as a sweatbead gathering on his forehead throughout the game.

He has never faced a 3rd and 16 on the road. He has never had to take a snap after throwing a pick the last time he touched the ball. He has never been drilled by an SEC linebacker. And he has never faced the complexity of a Nick Saban defense…the kind of complexity that still has Jarrett Lee in a fog.

Jordan Jefferson could have been a spokesperson for Depends after the BCS game.

So save me the notion that Mettenberger is the answer. Don’t bother telling me that he’s the difference in Nov. 3′s latest game of the century.

With few exceptions, Nick Saban has made a living devouring top quarterbacks in his time at Alabama. And we’re not even sure yet that Mettenberger is a top quarterback.

But that doesn’t mean that if LSU’s QB completes eight passes in a row some restaurant in Baton Rouge won’t add the “Metten-Burger” to its menue. We tend to worship potential saviors for our football teams in the south by doing stupid things like that.

I’m just not convinced that the dish won’t sour by the time Bama comes to eat in November.


(Follow me on Twitter for capstonereport.com news, commentary and smack.)

34 Responses to “LSU’s new QB Zach Mettenberger to save the world” Subscribe

  1. RC July 7, 2012 at 12:03 pm #

    Mettenberger could give a spark to LSU like Cam Newton did Auburn. Auburn would have had ANOTHER 8-5 season. Newton & Mettenberger are very similar morally & ethically

    • ITK July 7, 2012 at 12:48 pm #

      He could. But don’t kid yourself. Cam was a freak; lightning in a bottle….the kind that Auburn’s continual mediocrity afterwards proves that it doesn’t come along every day…or decade. The odds are overwhelming that time will shred that comparison.

  2. Crimsonite July 7, 2012 at 3:10 pm #

    One way to beat hell out of the Corndogs is to get a hot as hell 15 year old babe, dress her in a thong and put her in at deep safety. Frickin’ Meth-in-burger wouldn’t complete a pass the whole game. Wouldn’t even remember what play he called by the time he got to the L.O.S. Bwaa Haww Haww! Hey, Rivals finally got the Pac 12 back on line after nearly a year. My laptop is down and I can’t link with this phone. On the USC football board there’s a thread that asks if your team was a drug what drug would it be. It links an artical by SB Nation. It wasn’t designed to rank anyone but they defnitely gave Bama cudos. It’s the funniest shit I’ve read in a long time. Someone should go over there and link it so everyone here can enjoy it. Even the Barnturds will like it.

  3. Scott Reppond July 7, 2012 at 8:02 pm #

    Your article is very biased and your info is way off. Noone is expecting Mett to be a Superman. Just a good game manager. Before posting dumb, biased articles like this, you should do some studying up on how teams manage their business first. Last year was Jefferson and Lee’s year. They were seniors. Their last hurrah! It had nothing to do with how good or not good Mett was. Wake up and smell the coffee. You are in lala land!

    • ITK July 7, 2012 at 8:14 pm #

      If this is “lala land” as you say, you’re apparently the mayor.

      So you have a chance at a crystal trophy and you don’t play your best player at a skill position because it’s a lesser player’s “last hurrah”? Are you really that crazy? Are you personifying your coach (Lester) now?

      How do you like your unicorn steak, sir? Medium well? You’re dreaming.

      And perhaps you should ask your parents to get cable TV and/or buy you a radio because that’s all you hear the talking heads saying is that “Mett” will be the difference for LSU this season. The Bleacher Report even tabbed him as the conference’s top QB…before ever putting a game on his shoulders. I just say it’s ridiculous.

      LSU has a lot to prove before they make it back to the title game…any title game. And you can bet, despite any talk of revenge leading up to Nov. 3, ‘Bama will still be between their ears, with the same defensive coaching staff that shred them like pulpwood still in place, coaching the next crop of 5-star athletes/future NFL first rounders as Mett craps his pants for four quarters, and the after game presser.

    • BamaBrando July 8, 2012 at 8:47 am #

      We seen how well Lees last ‘hurrah’ was. All you have to do is look at the LSU base newspapers and listen to the LSU based radio stations to know that ‘Mett’ has some pretty big expectations, and they usually being very critical of Jefferson and Lee in the same conversations. So if you are an LSU fan, you really aren’t paying attention to what is going on. Your fan base is nuts, and they will run Miles off if ‘Mett’ can’t lead them to no less than the National Championship.

  4. RC July 7, 2012 at 9:12 pm #

    I love how rival fanbases call our blogs “biased” while their publications self reward National Championships (Auburn 2004) or prop up players or tar and feather opposing coaches (Auburn AND LSU). Even after 6+ years on the job, Les Miles still hasn’t proven he can win a Natty or beat Saban consistently with his own players

  5. Crimsonite July 8, 2012 at 4:38 am #

    Flash. Is that you in desguise again? Don’t make me have to get down on your ass Boy. Go on now! Git! Damn Corndogs. RTR!

  6. Crimsonite July 8, 2012 at 4:47 am #

    Somebody really needs to go link that SB Nation artical. Don’t make me have to write it down and retype it with this damn cell phone. I have it saved in my favorites, but I can’t link it.

  7. Blake July 8, 2012 at 10:14 am #

    You Bama fans kill me. Have you so soon forgotten how you guys said McCarron is better than McElroy and will lead Bama to the promised land and all that before he ever took a meaningful snap. Turned out pretty well I’ll admit so what difference is it that we have hyped of Mettenberger. He has been a good QB coming out of JUCO, in fact the player of the year in JUCO football the year he played. Cam Newton was the same way. He was supposed to start over Aaron Murray at UGA who we all admit is one of the best in the SEC. So all the pieces are in place to hype him up and we have just as much right to do it like you bammers did McCarron last year or anybody else that you hype up for that matter. I can’t tell you why Les didn’t put him in but football is all about preparation and I’m sure JJ and JL took most of the sanps in those practices and to put Mett in unprepared would be throwing him to the wolves. All I’m trying to say is that he will be a better passer and help our offense become more fluent and that is all, and anything else is a bonus if he becomes something great. He has the leadership the other guys didn’t and tiger nation is just excited to finally have a decent QB since 2007. You guys should be more worried about this new kicker you are getting thats supposed to be the best ever according to you guys. Or will we have to add field goal posts all across the endzone to give you guys a fair chance in 2012.

    • BamaBrando July 8, 2012 at 10:03 pm #

      McCarron actually looked really good in his time as a backup to McElroy, which is something you can’t really say about Mettenburger. I am sure Mettenburger won’t be a bust, but with the way the last few QBs from LSU have been coached up, he might have to rely on just his ability, because he may not be getting help on the coaching up part.

      But, you guys are thinking Mett is going to come in and win a national championship. Bama has had answers to QBs that have had more distinguished careers than even Mett has. It really is going to take more than just a good QB to beat Bama, and you guys will have to beat Bama if you want to get the National Championship.

      We know we have a good QB. We know we have a stable of good RBs. We know we probably have one of the top offensive lines in the SEC. We know that the defense is always going to be in good hands with Nick and Kirby running it, and replenishing the talent. But maybe, just maybe, with a little luck, you guys might cross the 50 yard line more than once this season against Bama.

      And if thats the case, all we need is a halfway decent kicker to beat your asses.

      Two games and counting, LSU hasn’t scored a TD or put more than 10 points combined on Bama. But you keep running your mouth, the pressure is all on you guys this season. (and we know what happens then now don’t we?)

  8. Crimsonite July 8, 2012 at 11:17 am #

    Hey, I don’t blame you. You certainly suffered with those other two duds long enough. Besides, after last year you gotta have hope in somebody. Now that Claiborne is gone you’re stuck with that loudmouth fool Horney Bugger who our receivers made a an idiot of and Richardson outran. Aside from that we had legitimate reason to hype McCarron. #1. He was the #9 QB in the country as a recruit and being from Alabama we knew what he could do. #2. Jim McElwain, one of the best offensive minds in the country continuosly said he’d take McCarron over any QB in the SEC and that his potential was unlimited. #3. He was outshining Phillip Simms who had been the #1 QB recruit. #4. Unlike Muffinburger, McCarron wasn’t an underage girl molestor. As for our kicker, dumbass, he set an all time Bowl record for field goals, and our entire special teams and kicking game outdid yours in every phase of the game. The one who needs to worry about QB’s, DB’s and kickers is LSWho. I’d advise looking for someone who can kick an 80 yarder.

  9. ITK July 8, 2012 at 11:35 am #

    Blake, then your coach is stupid for not having his best QB ready for the biggest game in his career.

    Don’t make excuses. Just admit you’re Tigers are grasping at straws with the stability and power in Tuscaloosa staring you in the face.

  10. Blake July 8, 2012 at 12:08 pm #

    So we are grasping straws huh. Tell me why this power you call Alabama out recruits LSU every year but we consistently beat you guys. LSU has won 9 of the last 12, and 2 out of 3 aganst bama, but let me not be naive bc most of those years we beat you you did not have Saban. But since he has been there LSU is 3-3 against bama so if anything they are almost alike yet you always win the best recruits. Maybe it could be Les Miles coaching ability that tops bama those three times but who knows. I will give you credit though to say that bama is a power but to say LSU is grasping just to stay par is silly. Right now LSU and bama run the country and each win every other year over the other. Also as far as Mett, all he did was slap a waitress on the butt and she presses charges. He made a mistake no doubt but don’t act like bama has angels there. Didn’t someone recently get caught for smoking pot ( the real stuff). Anyway, the thing is I’m able to take the purple glasses off and say that yes bama is very good, but don’t knock on LSU because they are doing the same things that bama fans do and say, well other than teebagging people and poisoning trees.

    • ITK July 8, 2012 at 3:55 pm #

      Blake, your vile fanbase has been soiling everything it touches for years. Every member of your putrid, disgusting, drunk, coonass fanbase deserves a teabagging, make no mistake. When I watch Swamp People I think of low-lifes like you, teeth missing, wearing overhauls and no shirt.

      Les Miles is an idiot; the same kind of idiot Gene Chizik is. The difference is, Chizik had the player of the century for one season. Miles has an unreal recruiting class every year. Idiots with great players are still idiots. They’re just idiots with talent that makes up for their idiocy.

      Make no mistake, LSU is a solid football program, thanks to the foundation Nick Saban left. You won’t hear me say LSU isn’t good. But the tables are turning, and you know it. And it scares the living poop out of you, “I gahr-rone-tee!”

      As for your math…hold on to those memories. Oh, you know the numbers are chocked full of error, filled with our coach on your sidelines, a total boob (in Mike Shula) and probation through most of it all.

      But the most telling stat is that first loss in 2007. Saban is in his first year at ‘Bama, with a roster filled with soft, Mike Shula recruits with quitters’ mentalities against Miles in his prime, fresh off a Natty. And it STILL took our QB fumbling inside our own five for LSU to win.

      The only math I can remember right now is 21-0, with your sorry arse football team cracking the 50 once. ONCE! ONCE!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHA~

      One freaking time did you cross midfield!!!!!!!!! ONCE!!

      Give you ten points every time you make it across the 50 and you STILL lose by almost two touchdowns!

      But don’t worry, Blake. Mett is the answer.

  11. the man July 8, 2012 at 4:43 pm #

    i went to HS with mettenberger. I’ve seen him play. He’s got a cannon of an arm. Watch for big things

    • ITK July 8, 2012 at 4:54 pm #

      I’m sure he’s going to be good; not doubting that. LSU gets good players. But the missing link to a national championship, before he’s done anything? Really?

      That’s all this article is about. That’s what people are saying. I’m just saying he needs to beat a Nick Saban defense…or even an Ole Miss defense…first.

    • pete4tide July 9, 2012 at 9:36 am #

      Every player in major college football was the sh*t in high school. You can’t take a player’s high school numbers and accurately predict how he’ll do in college, no more than you can take a college players stats and predict how he’ll do in the NFL. I doubt Mett had large fast defensive linemen and linebackers in his face every time he took a snap in high school, or faced the kind of defensive schemes he will see in SEC football, especially from Bama. If you’re going to use some stats on the guy, at least use his JC stats – they will be much more accurate than high school. But they still don’t have SEC caliber players in JC’s, either.

    • pete4tide July 9, 2012 at 9:38 am #

      And as for Mett’s “cannon of an arm”, I predict at least 3 Bama picks off him in November. If he makes it all the way to November.

      • The Truth July 9, 2012 at 4:11 pm #

        Typical bammer comment right there.

        • ITK July 9, 2012 at 4:15 pm #

          Did you watch the BCS game? Or heck, even the one last November? It’s not a crazy notion to think Saban and Kirby Smart own the LSU passing game, friend.

          You don’t have to like it though.

          • The Truth July 12, 2012 at 4:36 pm #

            Yes I did attend and watch both games and in the November game each team had two interceptions. However the quaterback for LSU who threw those two interceptions won’t be on the field this November, but the quaterback and coach who were responsible for Alabama’s two interceptions in last year’s November game will again be on the field for Alabama in this years game. So using your logic, I guess Miles and Chavis owned the Alabama passing game as much as Bama owned LSU’s passing game. Right freind?

            In the BCS game, as bad as Jordan Jefferson was the only pass Alabama picked off was a shovel pass Jefferson pitched directly to your linbacker.

            So it took bama two games to get three picks off LSU’s worst quaterbacks in many years, so to predict three picks in one game off a quaterback who will be signifacantly better than either Lee or Jefferson were, is what I would call a typical bammer comment!

            You don’t have to like it though.

  12. Crimsonite July 8, 2012 at 5:56 pm #

    Corndog, you better check your figures. For LSWho to have won 9 of the last 12 you would have had to win 7 in a row. I don’t think so. If memory serves me correct, Shulas 10-2 team in ’05 lost only to Awbie and Tennessee. Be that as it may. Saban came into a rebuilding disaster while Miles was winning a Natty with the team that Saban built, and still the mutual record is 3-3. If you want to say the Corndogs have won the last 2 of 3, then I’m going to say Bama has won the last 3 of 5. And that 3-2 record is extremely impressive. In ’08 we beat your defending Nat Champs in Baton Rouge by 7 with only 9 seniors. In ’09 we beat you down by 15. Last year we annihilated your best team in history in a game you’ll never live down. Meanwhile in ’10 you managed a 3 point win over our 10-3 team, and last year you got an “excuse me” 3 point overtime win you did not deserve. During this 4 year period we’ve won 2 Natty’s and gone 48-6 while you’ve won none and gone 41-14. During rebuilding that’s domination. See ya in BDSw!

    • ITK July 8, 2012 at 8:07 pm #

      No, we beat UT and lost in OT to LSU, 16-10.

      But it is always humorous when rivals stack up wins against Bama while they were on probation and point to them like they mean anything.

      • The Truth July 9, 2012 at 4:23 pm #

        LOL Crimsonite telling someone to check his figures, then he proceeds to make a statement where his own facts are wrong!

        But when do facts matter to bamers, they don’t want to give Miles any credit for any of his players winning the National Championship in Miles’ third year at LSU, saying its all because of “Saban’s Players” still there, yet when Saban won the National Championship at Bama in his third year it had NOTHING to do with any of Shula’s players still there it was all because of Saban.

        Bammer = Hypocrite (or stupid take your pick)

        • ITK July 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm #

          How many National Championships has Miles won since Saban has gotten his machine at Bama up and running? I count two in Tuscaloosa. And how many in Batowhn Rooooge?

          • pete4tide July 9, 2012 at 5:27 pm #

            Ain’t gonna happen in the ol’ Red Stick this year, either. Miles has had his run. If he couldn’t finish it last year with all the tigers had going for them, then there’s no way he makes it that close again. Snake bit.

        • Bamabino July 9, 2012 at 6:23 pm #

          Miles had 20-22 Saban seniors in 2007. Saban had only 5-6 contributors from Shula’s leftovers and one of them was a kicker. THETRUTH hurts again.

          • The Truth July 12, 2012 at 4:41 pm #

            Funny how you qualify info to fit your argument Bamabino. You quote, incorrectly I might add, how many “Saban Seniors”, not contrbutors Miles had, yet you only state how many contributors and not Seniors of Shula that Saban had. Typical bamer giving half the information and calling it the truth!

  13. Bamabino July 9, 2012 at 7:21 pm #

    Mittenboogers is da’ MAN!

  14. Crimsonite July 9, 2012 at 9:32 pm #

    The difference is asshole, Miles walked into a mini dynasty at LSWho while Saban inherited a team still sanctioned from 15 years of probation, coming off a losing season and full of assholes with a Country club mentality. After he weeded them out he barely had enough players left who had ever seen action at the college level to field a team with. As it was there were still a few assholes left like Rolo McClain who were neccesary if the team was going to win. And at $4 million a year he had to win. So munch mouth, which coach do you think had the toughest job and the least help from his predecessor? Are you a Rocket Scientist? As for me you stupid Corndog, I clearly said “if my memory serves me correctly”, and ITK corrected me. I also made a typing error when I said LSWho’s record is 41-14. If my memory serves me correctly their record is 41-12. So fuck off! RTR!

    • The Truth July 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm #

      Saban lost 3 or more games in 4 of the 5 years he was at LSU and you call that a mini dynasty Crimsonite? If so then wos you’ve got your head so far up Saban’s butt you’ve lost touch with reality.

      And if Saban inherited a team still sanctioned for 15 years of probation and full of, how did you put it…oh yea, “assholes with a country club mentality….like Rolo McClain, then Mike Shula must have been a hell of a coach, because as you point out in 05 (two years before God, I mean Saban) he took a team, that according to you was still sanctioned from 13 years of probation and full of assholes and went 10-2, thereby losing less games than Saban had loss in 4 of his five years at his mini dynasty at LSU. You can’t have it both ways Crimsonite.

      And it was nice of you to admit your facts were wrong only becaues your memory is not worth a shit.

      And like it are not Miles, with his own players, has beaten Saban 2 out of the last 3 games, with Saban playing with only his highly rated players none of which you would now call assholes with country club mentalities. So what’s your excuse for that of brilliant one?

  15. RC July 17, 2012 at 9:10 am #

    The Truth:

    BOTTOM LINE: Your team blew its wadd all over the Superdome turf in THE GAME THAT MATTERED!!:) 21-0. CASE CLOSED. No other biased expose’ written by you or any other biased mud dog from LSU matters. Alabama–2011 National Champions. However, congrats, Les Miles thinks it’s great to be #2!

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  1. LSU's new QB Zach Mettenberger to save the world - Capstone Report - Gulf Coast Rising News - July 7, 2012

    [...] LSU's new QB Zach Mettenberger to save the worldCapstone ReportBut nowhere is that magic more mythical than in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. It's said that necessity is the mother of invention, and nowhere in America was it more apparent that a quarterback was needed to wear purple and gold than in the Superdome last …and more [...]

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