Harvey Updyke trial put on hold; Judge declares fair trial not possible (duh)

In the “no duh” moment of the day, Lee County Circuit Court Judge Jacob Walker granted a continuance in the case that has gripped a fambly.

Harvey Updyke, the notorious villain in the minds of the nation’s largest cult, will get his day in court. It just won’t be today.

According to the judge’s ruling, the jury pool in the case is so tainted by news and gossip that it would be impossible for the man accused of poisoning the Toomer’s Corner trees to get a fair trial.

He went on to say he would entertain the defense’s request for a change of venue at a later date.

News flash: Water is wet!

The odds of Harvey Updyke receiving a fair trial in that county, in a courthouse a stone’s throw from the trees themselves, are laughable. An exposed snow cone has a better chance on dark pavement in the middle of July.

Walker said today, “We had a very unusual set of circumstances that occured at the Justice Center Tuesday.”

What he was talking about was the catalyst for the ruling, when Tuesday a reporter for an Auburn student newspaper claimed Updyke had confessed the crime to him outside the courtroom. We’re all to believe this really happened, of course.

Updyke isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but a man accused of destroying the altars of worship for an entire cult fanbase is going to tell the enemy’s scribe, pen and pad in hand, that he did it?

Auburn’s twisted followers have no shortage of mouthpieces wanting to be outfront with morsels of carefully spun information to feed to their hungry, zombie-like fambly. But from this blogger’s standpoint, there are more than a few doubts about that confession, and the motivation a no-named student reporter and lame newspaper would have in making the claim.

Al.com reporter Evan Woodbery, an Auburn beatwriter, had this to say earlier this morning:

“While Updyke has expressed doubts about receiving a fair trial in Lee County — and his attorney is likely to renew his request for a change of venue today — there seemed to be plenty of jurors who knew only the bare minimum about the case, had no connection to Auburn or were only vaguely aware of the tree-rolling tradition.”

I’m glad I wasn’t drinking my morning coffee when I read that; my computer would’ve been history! PLENTY OF JURRORS “vaguely aware” of the tree-rolling tradition?? In LEE COUNTY?!? A cattle farm doesn’t produce that much bull you-know-what.

Harvey Updyke deserves his day in court. That day just shouldn’t be in a place where the massess are wetting their sponges for the electric chair over a crime that anywhere else would result in probation.


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