Alabama Football: dark omens point to bad 2012 season

We’ve been upfront with our readers in trying to forecast the 2012 Alabama football season. So far, good things appeared on the horizon with the development of leadership and players improving with the repetitions of spring drills. However, this optimism is now gone. A truly bad portent has been reported via ESPN’s Tide Nation.

According to ESPN’s Alex Scarborough via twitter, “Alabama had its BCS Coaches Trophy crystal ball shatter on Saturday. Story coming soon. Here’s what’s left:”

Broken Crystal Shard from Alabama's BCS National Championship Trophy

Broken Crystal Shard from Alabama's BCS National Championship Trophy via ESPN's Alex Scarborough

This is the worst omen since Halley’s Comet’s 1066 apparition that presaged the fall of Harold II to William the Conqueror.

Halley's Comet and Harold II

Halley's Comet and Harold II

Other bad omens in history include the infamous brick through Curry’s window not hitting the former coach in the head, celestial events foretelling the fall of Julius Caesar in 44 BC, a horse’s head on a pillow from The Godfather and the continued blathering of Keith Olbermann.

All we Alabama fans can do now is resort to specialized protections to ward off this impending doom.

For this case, the best example is to consult renowned television personality and hex defeater Barney Fife.

Barney Fife

Barney Fife

His best advice is to use this incantation which he believed worked once in Mayberry, “Wink ‘um pink ‘um, nodamus rex, protect us all, from the man with the hex.” (Said while reaching your right arm over your head and touching your left earlobe with your eyes closed.)” Alternatively another protection could be had from this important spell, “Fly away buzzard, fly away crow, way down South where the winds don’t blow. Rub your nose, and give two winks, and save us from this awful jinx.”