UAB rumored to have had a spring game

No one was for certain, and with little or no eye witness accounts available making it extremely hard to verify, rumors were rampant over the weekend that UAB’s fledgling football albatross program may have held a spring game last Saturday.

The team that tarps entire end zone sections in surrender to the realization that it’ll never attract a real fan base concluded spring practice on the Southside of Birmingham, reportedly.

“I was walking to the Arby’s from the VA,” said Stanley Schmidt, “and I swore I heard some sort of whistle. Like what a coach would blow. I don’t know.”

The Blazers, who have fielded a money pit team since the early 1990’s, play their games in historic Legion Field, reportedly. But an ultimate Frisbee exhibition was already on the books for the Old Gray Lady when UAB scheduled their game that was suggested to have happened last Saturday.

UAB, members of the gritty Conference USA, faced plenty of obstacles to having a crowd of any kind for a spring game.

Of course, Alabama drew the largest crowd for a spring game in state history with a record 92,310. Then there was Auburn with another 50,000 or so. Then Talledega was filled with race fans. Then Alabama State held their game. Then the Barons were in town. Then there was an antique cruise-in at the Home Depot in Trussville. Then there were several neighborhood yard sales in Pleasant Grove, Decatur and Pelham. Then the Sonic in Gardendale extended its happy hour, offering half off beverages from one till five.

If the game did occur, the odds were simply stacked against those adorable little Blazers.

Sources believing that the game happened were confirmed Saturday night when all four Birmingham network news stations devoted time on their Saturday night broadcasts to UAB, juxtaposing footage from their game that drew tens right next to Alabama and Auburn highlights. Sports announcers for each station were said to have accompanied the UAB clips with phrases like “Ooooo, that’s a good catch by that player right there,” and “Man, he can run.”

Sadly, no one interviewed by had seen these segments as they were watching the DVR recordings of their school’s spring game at the time of the broadcasts.

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