T his week Abarn head coach Gene Chizik was awarded a $200,000 pay raise for a “successful season” by the Abarn University athletic department. All of the assistant coaches received raises as well, including the architect of the vaunted “Dipsy-Doo, Trickeroo Offense,” Gus Malzahn.
The difference between 2008′s 5-7 regular season record and 2009′s 7-5? Wins over Furman and Ball State.
Only in America.
The Tiggers went on to outlast the feared “Vandy North” (Northwestern) in overtime, a team with 8 bowl appearances in their history and one lonely win, coming in 1949. And Abarn had to hurt their kicker to do that.
So let me get this straight: Coming close against Alabama, beating a mid-major and defeating a 1-AA opponent, all at home, gets you a pay raise? Is there a better coaching stop in America than Abarn?
Compared to a “real” successful season, earning state, division, conference and national championships, this is just sad.
Is it any wonder why we laugh at Abarn?
Whatever keeps the tears from flowin’, Baghdad Bob.
Truly the most impotent retort I’ve ever gotten from you. You’ve lost your heat, julia. You’ve become a junk pitcher.
I do know you love substitutin’ apostrophes for the letter g to make yourself sound more folksy. That’s really workin’ for you.
Now please go back to your good stuff and give me a reply with the words “Gee” or “Golly” in it. Or talk about anuses. Or invent something that I’ve said out of thin air. Or write me a seven paragraph dissertation that I won’t read, like the others.
That came to you in the middle of a deep sleep at 3:07 AM and you felt so strongly about that you had to run to your computer and type it out?? You shoulda stayed in bed, ITK.
You’re assuming I sleep.