Chizik Gets $200K Raise For Beating Furman

This week Abarn head coach Gene Chizik was awarded a $200,000 pay raise for a “successful season” by the Abarn University athletic department. All of the assistant coaches received raises as well, including the architect of the vaunted “Dipsy-Doo, Trickeroo Offense,” Gus Malzahn.

The difference between 2008’s 5-7 regular season record and 2009’s 7-5? Wins over Furman and Ball State.

Only in America.

The Tiggers went on to outlast the feared “Vandy North” (Northwestern) in overtime, a team with 8 bowl appearances in their history and one lonely win, coming in 1949. And Abarn had to hurt their kicker to do that.

So let me get this straight: Coming close against Alabama, beating a mid-major and defeating a 1-AA opponent, all at home, gets you a pay raise? Is there a better coaching stop in America than Abarn?

Compared to a “real” successful season, earning state, division, conference and national championships, this is just sad.

Is it any wonder why we laugh at Abarn?

54 Comments

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  1. 1
    Pluto

    I’ve been bitching about this shit for years. There is a serious disconnect between the “Real World ” and College Athletics . Mediocrity is rewarded and in some cases – failure.
    I think that all Contracts should be Performance Based. Imagine what Cheezit would make based on Losses and Quality Wins.
    I would also like to see Performance Based Contracts in the Pros.
    There is a real fucking world out here . If we do poorly or just mediocre in what we do – are ass is gone.
    Even an Aubie.

  2. 3
    Pluto

    How much would a Conference Win be worth ? How much for a Non-Conference Win ? Shall we use RPI to determine Value ?
    Same could go for Losses.
    What about just paying for Wins based on the RPI of the Opponent ?
    Let’s start with $200.000 for a win and move that up or down on whether it is a Conference Win – Non- Conference Win and RPI.
    I would say right now that Cheezit should make $ 800,000 dollars for what he did the whole year.
    Argue Anyone ?

  3. 5
    crimson hammah

    i told ya – au mp football is a scam – when u hear au mp footbal – remember to think to urself ur being setup.

  4. 6
    BamaBino

    Hell,Troy University football has accomplished more against their peers than the Barners have.3 National Championships and 7 Conference Championships as opposed to the Barn’s 1 and 6 means Troy is now the #2 team in the State.

  5. 7
    13andCounting

    No need to discuss this too much. I remember when we upped Dubose and Shula contracts (although, they were after successful seasons). We know how that ended up. An 8 win season and 3-5 SEC record. The raise was not for that. The raise was for the good recruiting class. Which was still behind Bama’s in just about all the recruiting services, except Rivals. I can’t predict the future, but you can always look at history to get a good idea of what is coming. The follow-up coach that comes after a coach with a successful tenor, doesn’t usually end up that well. Some examples…

    Name the coach that came after these coaches at their respective schools…

    Bear Bryant (Alabama)
    Gene Stallings (Alabama)
    Pat Dye (Auburn)
    Shug Jordan (Auburn)
    Steve Spurrier (Florida)
    Lou Holtz (Notre Dame)
    Barry Switzer (Oklahoma)
    McKay (USC)
    Royal (Texas)
    Dooley (Georgia)
    Brown (North Carolina)
    Ford (Clemson)… etc.

    Since Tuberville had more success than anyone at Auburn, what does it mean for Chizik? The guy that comes in after Saban will probably be a rebound coach too.

    Also, Dubose came off an SEC championship and a TOP RECRUITING CLASS. Didn’t end pretty.

    Pop quiz, the coaches and schools I mentioned above…What happened to the coach that followed them? They ended up getting FIRED !

    You can also look back and find exceptions… Miami in 80’s come to mind. You can say that Larry Coker and Les Miles had success, but where is Coker and Miles is about to be on the hot seat.

    Knowing all this, Auburn fans still want to talk trash when, in all likelihood, Chizik is a rebound coach?

    I’m more concerned with the guy that comes after Chizik.

  6. 10
    DAMAGE INC.

    Fear the spelling police — naww — great stuff 13andcounting —- I only break out the spell police when a rival comes in here and starts barking about how we are toothless bammer’s with no education — when their post is misspelled and grammatical errors are present — anyways lmao! I thought Royal was at Oklahoma — no wait — he QB’ed there — well, you learn something new everyday…

  7. 11
    BamaHate

    You guys never quit do ya? Saban in the first year? Ring any bells….

    It’s the first year, are you all insane? And for the cheating capital in the NCAA to be pointing fingers at someother Univ is laughable.

  8. 12
    BamaHate

    We won the Outback bowl which is more than the IMP did in his first year. I think you made a strong showing getting your ass beat in the second half from CO. Remember that?

    I will enjoy watching you mullets get beat this year.

  9. 13
    intheknow72

    Bamahate, care to wager on chiznik’s 2nd season?

    If he goes 12-2, wins the west, goes undefeated in the regular season and makes it to atlanta and a bcs bowl, and blanks us by 5 TD’s, I’ll leave this forum and never come back. If he doesn’t, will you do the same?

    Didn’t think so. Where’s that mouth now?

  10. 15
    julio

    There you go again, ITK. Would you have made the exact same bet on August 15th, 2008 about Bama and Saban? Of course not. (Although I’m sure Shane would have.) It’s not like you predicted that type of success for Saban’s 2nd year before it happened, and that doesn’t mean that you didn’t have confidence in him.

  11. 16
    intheknow72

    There you go again, julio.

    The essential element I have on my side is retrospect. It is you barners who become entangled and inebriated in comparisons with Bama, not the other way around.

    I’m simply asking how confident you are, and to date I can’t get a single barner to take me up on my offer.

    Where is your confidence in the chiz, the dipsy-doo, and abarn football?

  12. 17
    julio

    “The essential element I have on my side is retrospect.” I know you think that sounds intelligent because it uses fancy words with lots of syllables, but do you not even realize that you’re contradicting yourself when you say that? See, you’re asking for predictions. There is no “element of retrospect” in making predictions. You truly don’t understand that, do you?

    As to “predictions” for AU next year, I’ve given you mine about three times now. If you want to look for them, just do a search on the multiple times that you’ve asked AU fans whether they thought AU would go 12-2 and to a BCS bowl next year, all the while forgetting that you “predicted” no such thing yourself for Bama before the 08 season. My predictions are posted immediately thereafter.

  13. 18
    julio

    BTW, I love how you try to attribute the improvement in AU’s season to non-conference patsies. AU beat its non-conf patsies in 08 the same as they did in 09, and every SEC team plays those. (North Texas, Fla Intl., and UT-Chatt ring a bell?) AU improved the record by beating WVa and Ole Miss which they lost to both in 08, and by winning a bowl game. It’s much more fun to be blatantly misleading and hope that readers have no common sense whatsoever though, isn’t it ITK?

  14. 19
    intheknow72

    Gee, Julia. What happened between 8:38 and 8:50? I’ll tell ya. Those 12 minutes went by and you had a burnin’ feelin’ to get in another zinger! Didn’tcha?

    As for your P.S., give me a buzz when Chiznik does better than 3-5 in the conference. That’s just stellar.

  15. 20
    julio

    I tried to withdraw my first post and retract my previous statment, but then I remembered that you’re the only one who can do that.

    Yeah, 3-5 in the conference in the first season certainly leaves room for improvement. But hey, it’s not like he lost to La-Mo…

  16. 21
    intheknow72

    Nice. Editing for accuracy apparently bugs you, but from a humor standpoint, well played.

    Nope. Just had to hurt a kicker in overtime to beat a pitiful Northwestern. But cheap shots in Lee County are nothing new.

  17. 22
    Ballplay Indian

    Cao, if you cant see an inmprovement betwwen 2 years ago and last year, your hopeless. A ten year veteran in Tommy Tubberville couldnt do what Chizik did with better players. So what gives ? Your whining and anti Chizik tantrums only prove that you are worried about the man. He out recruited your world beater this year. That is a fact. We physically whipped the national champs asses in the Iron bowl…Another fact. You know that Chizik is going to beat your football team very soon. I dont balme you for getting all the smack in while you can. You had better do it now. You know whats coming.

  18. 23
    Big red A

    He lost to UK though julio. You bitch about ITK’s use of the kang’s anglish, but you aren’t intelligent enough to make an accurate comparison between Bama and the barn.

    Good stuff ITK you sure know how to piss in the right barnstalls.

    Bamahate, nobody cares about the asscrack bowl aight. Is abarn (the cheating capital of the NCAA) pointing fingers again? Glad to know y’all can get ’em out of your noses long enough to point at someone else.

  19. 24
    julio

    Also love how you bammers brush of Northwestern by baselessly calling them “pathetic” or Vandy of the Big 10. I guess you’d like everyone to forget that NW had a solid season in the Big 10 and beat a 10 win Wisconsin team and an Iowa team that was ranked in the top 5 at the time and won a BCS bowl. Bammers act like NW went 3-9 last year.

  20. 25
    intheknow72

    Well, considering a “solid season” to you is 3-5 in the conference, I guess NW blew the doors off last season. They went 5-3 in their conference but finished 8-5.

    The other wins came against I-AA Towson (who finished 2-9), 0-12 Eastern Michigan and the ever pesky Miami of Ohio, who wrapped up their 2009 campaign at 1-11.

    And that’s who you celebrated your win over well into the new year’s night.

    That’s “kinda” like defeating 13-0 Texas for the National Championship.

    And you wonder why we “bammers” laugh at you.

  21. 26
    julio

    Gee ITK, I guess you really need a lesson on scheduling for BCS teams. See, all of them play a few patsies every year. They still count in the record, just like they did for Bama. (or are you saying that Bama only won 11 games last year?)

    As usual, you try to change the subject on what you actually said hoping that no one will notice. You first said NW was “pathetic”. Now you’re just pointing out that they went 8-5. Is beating an 8-5 team meaningless? If that’s the case, the only SEC games that Bama won this year that “mattered” were Ole Miss (who AU also beat) and Fla.

  22. 27
    intheknow72

    True, we all play patsies, but very few teams do so in concert with their other games to go 14-0 and win the National Championship. We did that.

    Anybody can get up for a big game…Abarn’s failed attempt at an Iron Bowl win proved that. But that doesn’t make them a good team.

    And a good team CERTAINLY doesn’t play a 13 game season only to win just three more than they lost, especially when one of those is a 1-AA.

    But Abarn is the only team who passes out rewards and attempts group psychology to convince themselves and their constituents that it was a “successful season.”

    Another tired diatribe, down in flames julia.

  23. 28
    julio

    And once again, you pretend that the entire subject (which you brought up) is something other than whether Northwestern was a pathetic team last year.

    “Another tired diatribe down in flames.” You’re funny, ITK. You’re just like that Baghdad Bob guy that was the spokesman for Iraq. You just keep baselessly, shamelessly, and publicly awarding yourself victories. (and contrary to your vicarious fantasies, Saban’s victories are not your own.)

  24. 29
    intheknow72

    I can’t see where I awarded myself anything. Just pointed out your failure.

    Anyone who reads the dung you shovel in here (publicly) clearly sees any reply Pluto, Cappy, Alex, Big Red A, almightytmc1 and me hands you is neither baseless nor shameless.

    To borrow a fairy tale, there’s a naked emperor in the room, and you keep dragging your aubsessed self in here to tell us he’s wearing clothes. We’re simply pointing out that he is not.

    Your heart belongs to a traditional pretender, not a contender. Why you continue to come here and expect anything less than the truth escapes me.

  25. 30
    almightytmc1

    BamaHate Says:
    February 21st, 2010 at 9:09 am
    You guys never quit do ya? Saban in the first year? Ring any bells….

    It’s the first year, are you all insane? And for the cheating capital in the NCAA to be pointing fingers at someother Univ is laughable.
    _________________________________

    Auburn leads the SEC and is currently no#3 all time leader in the NCAA behind Arizona and SMU.
    You ignorant, misinformed gullible rube.
    Jesus Boy, Only a Moron would point a finger and say “cheat” when their school stes the standards.

  26. 31
    Big red A

    Julio avoids me like the plague, cause I whip her ass in every debate. Auburn sucks. Couldn’t beat a Bama team who only practiced 3 days for the game, put the shit in perspective for god’s sake.

    Julio, ballsack and hate aren’t gonna let a little thing like the truth get in the way of their stories.

  27. 32
    julio

    Bid Red Anus, I don’t avoid you. It’s simply that you rarely make a remark worth responding to. When you repeatedly make hollow and baseless insults riddled with obscenities and profanity, your comments speak for themselves. There’s no need to post a response pointing out what an uneducated boob you are. Your comments provide all the proof that is needed.

  28. 33
    Big red A

    Well aren’t you sensitive. Way to not respond. Hollow only describes the space between your ears. I only use profanity when it comes to you and your husband Ballplay. Once again you miss the mark, attempting to diminish my “education” when you clearly don’t know how dumb you are. Your attempt at wittiness falls just shy of Down’s Syndrome, and your sarcasm is weak at best. You continuously avoid the questions I ask you because you are scared to face the actual truth of the matter. You try to paint everything in some kind of wierd “everything auburn does is better” light, but we all know that won’t hold water. Please explain why you think auburn is a better football school than Alabama. The history and tradition at the Capstone will state who clearly is, was, and ever will be the best this state has to offer on the subject.

    P.S. my insults to you are not hollow and baseless, they are right on, ask anyone who likes you enough to tell you you are a whining pathetic confused aubie with no stick to shake. Hollow and baseless would be “moral victory in the IB”.

  29. 35
    julio

    Wow big smelly anus, I bet that’s the first time you’ve said more than twelve words without dropping an f-bomb in your adult life. I guess my last post slapped you around a little bit. Glad I could be of service.

    Nice moral support for your fellow bammer, ITK! Way to go!!

  30. 36
    Crimsonite from the planet Crimson in a galaxy far far away. FormerlyE.G. White

    Bama Hate, the Independance Bowl was an accomplishment for a 6-6 team. And Colorado would have beat the shit out of your Minnesota. What’s more, Bama, unlike Abarn didn’t buy their way into a new years day bowl they didn’t deserve. RTR!

  31. 37
    Crimsonite from the planet Crimson in a galaxy far far away. FormerlyE.G. White

    Bama Hate, the Independance Bowl was an accomplishment for a 6-6 team. And Colorado would have beat the shit out of your Minnesota. What’s more, Bama, unlike Abarn didn’t buy their way into a new years day bowl they didn’t deserve. RTR! LMAO!

  32. 38
    Big red A

    Please julia, give me more of your wisdom, sitting there with a pocket thesaurus attempting to sound intelligent. I lay down the F-BOMB like Slash plays his Les Paul, aggressive, on time, and as rich as pure chocolate.

    Exibit A, Fuck you julia, you’re always gonna be a bitch.

    Exibit B, Fuck aubie.

    The only thing you have successfully slapped around is the miniscule bump between your skinny legs. When you bitches get in the riing with us big boys you always get your feelings hurt.

  33. 39
    julio

    Gee big pink anus, who ever said anything about a thesarus? I think you just gave away your secret. While you have it handy, enlighten us with some synonyms for your favorite curse words. That should provide you with some fresh material for your next post.

  34. 40
    Ballplay Indian

    Only morons use curse words in place of well thought out dialect. It only shows how immature a person is . Big red a-hole. You are immature. Your also not very bright.

  35. 41
    intheknow72

    julio lectures someone for cursing while simultaneously employing grotesque references/descriptions of the “anus”, three posts in a row. Classic.

    What a hypocritical, whiny anus.

  36. 42
    Big red A

    The spelling bee champ says I’m not too bright, now I’ve heard it all.

    Says here auburn is synonymus with shit, damn thesaurus is handy, thanks for the idea. Now recruits can say I’m going to the U of Shit instead, it is more accurate.

    You girls are still avoiding the questions I’ve asked. Don’t blame it on slang terminology, just admit you can’t say anything true about college football in Alabama.

  37. 43
    Big red A

    I’m enjoying slapping her around ITK, you just keep pissin’ in the barnstalls and I’ll kick ’em in the head as they run out.

    Julia is the kind of transvestite that would stab ballplay in the back if given the opportunity, if you know what I mean.

  38. 45
    Big red A

    BINGO, as all Bob (the dick) Riley haters say. Why doesn’t he just push for legalized and taxed gambling? We may be able to fund more “special” schools for little aubies and vols.

    Have you ever seen that picture of the kid straining himself pushing on a door? Beside his hands is PULL on the door’s handle, and on the top half of the door is a sign saying St. Mary’s school for the gifted.

  39. 47
    intheknow72

    No julia, with your recent obsession with anuses coupled with your longtime obsession with me, it took me that span of time to decide whether or not to even post at all.

  40. 50
    intheknow72

    Well, I guess Mutt and Jeff have spoken then.

    I just refer to him as your daddy. Speaking from a third party, he gets the best of you even better than I do, julia.

  41. 52
    intheknow72

    Truly the most impotent retort I’ve ever gotten from you. You’ve lost your heat, julia. You’ve become a junk pitcher.

    I do know you love substitutin’ apostrophes for the letter g to make yourself sound more folksy. That’s really workin’ for you.

    Now please go back to your good stuff and give me a reply with the words “Gee” or “Golly” in it. Or talk about anuses. Or invent something that I’ve said out of thin air. Or write me a seven paragraph dissertation that I won’t read, like the others.

  42. 53
    julio

    That came to you in the middle of a deep sleep at 3:07 AM and you felt so strongly about that you had to run to your computer and type it out?? You shoulda stayed in bed, ITK.

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