Chizik Gets $200K Raise For Beating Furman

This week Abarn head coach Gene Chizik was awarded a $200,000 pay raise for a “successful season” by the Abarn University athletic department. All of the assistant coaches received raises as well, including the architect of the vaunted “Dipsy-Doo, Trickeroo Offense,” Gus Malzahn.

The difference between 2008’s 5-7 regular season record and 2009’s 7-5? Wins over Furman and Ball State.

Only in America.

The Tiggers went on to outlast the feared “Vandy North” (Northwestern) in overtime, a team with 8 bowl appearances in their history and one lonely win, coming in 1949. And Abarn had to hurt their kicker to do that.

So let me get this straight: Coming close against Alabama, beating a mid-major and defeating a 1-AA opponent, all at home, gets you a pay raise? Is there a better coaching stop in America than Abarn?

Compared to a “real” successful season, earning state, division, conference and national championships, this is just sad.

Is it any wonder why we laugh at Abarn?