Dear Curtis Anderson…

A Letter To Curtis Anderson
by intheknow72

Dear Mr. Anderson:

Good day to you! I hope the day finds you well as you bask in your new celebrity status. You’ve endeared yourself to a portion of our state, while becoming an object of disdain to the remainder. It’s rather incredible how a man like yourself finds himself in such good company. You have had tremendous luck in making new friends lately, haven’t you?

I can identify with your situation though. The other day I bumped into someone who looked familiar, but I couldn’t quite place him. We struck up a conversation over this and that. It was lunchtime, so we agreed to grab a bite together. Over lunch we couldn’t believe how many “favorite movies” we had in common, so we decided to watch them that night, even had a make-shift sleep over after Caddy Shack ended. It was so late. He crashed on the couch, but in the morning I was embarrassed because I hadn’t gotten his full name. Danged if it wasn’t a guy named Woods, Tiger I think it was. I don’t know though, I don’t even care that much about golf. Never been a golf fan. It just made total sense for me and him to become friends, since we’re so similar in so many facets and stages of life.

I know the coincidences must be killing you right now. I mean, your whole family are Auburn fans…you know, that “other SEC school” you mentioned in your first interviews with the pesky ole news media. And here you find yourself in the presence of two, now three young stud athletes, two of which are star players for your family’s arch nemesis, the Crimson Tide. That is SOOO WEIRD!!!! I mean, one holds the freshman record for touchdowns there, while the other is a sure 1st round NFL draft selection when his amateur status has expired. I mean, he’s practically unstoppable! Having HIM off the team would SURELY make things go better around your family’s Thanksgiving table, huh?

Then there’s the new revelation about the up and coming star, Jerrell Harris. Turns out he needed a laptop, and since you live in nearby Athens, you just happened to bump into him at the Apple store…or wherever you do your laptop shopping. I mean, just because you can’t get to Athens from Gadsden via interstate, and it’s 90-100 miles in between as the crow flies, and muuuuch further away from Tuscaloosa, it irritates me that anyone would start trying to draw a line between you and suspicious activity. I mean, like you, I can’t seem to go a day without running into an Alabama football player. What gives?

After all, I’m sure you have just as many good, young, athletic, African-American friends on your family’s beloved Auburn team too, right? And you do just as much for them too. Am I correct?

The down side is, you’re now under the microscope. For one, there will be those who watch your every move now. I hope conspiracy theorists don’t take those next steps, moving toward suspicion of malicious activity with the intent to do damage to an individual or institution. In this economy, there are a lot of attorneys who need something to do, and this kind of track record you’re laying down…the kind of story that John Grisham has made a career writing…would keep them busy. Especially if the University deemed your actions too strange to pass over.

But the other bad thing is, your family is going to really hate you now. You see, Alabama’s coach already hates Auburn. Screamed so on the sidelines of Bryant-Denny last season well before tacking on the last two touchdowns. Such perceived activity by anyone with Auburn ties that impacts the young men he cares about and coaches, while affecting the hard work and preparation he puts into his job…well, that might irritate him to a point that makes 36-0 look like pre-game warm ups. Top recruiting classes contain players that can make for a long afternoon. But then, you know all about football players. What am I talking about?

It’s all just a shame though, because we all know everything that went on was completely innocent. Now people are going to bash Auburn some more, saying the only way they can compete against Alabama is to try and pull shenanigans like this. That when the field is level, they get reduced to what they are: a Division II school with a big stadium. So they have to try to get Alabama on its knees in order to take their shots. So unfortunate.

Well, best wishes to you,

Your friends,
Every Alabama Football Fan Alive