Dear Curtis Anderson…

A Letter To Curtis Anderson
by intheknow72

Dear Mr. Anderson:

Good day to you! I hope the day finds you well as you bask in your new celebrity status. You’ve endeared yourself to a portion of our state, while becoming an object of disdain to the remainder. It’s rather incredible how a man like yourself finds himself in such good company. You have had tremendous luck in making new friends lately, haven’t you?

I can identify with your situation though. The other day I bumped into someone who looked familiar, but I couldn’t quite place him. We struck up a conversation over this and that. It was lunchtime, so we agreed to grab a bite together. Over lunch we couldn’t believe how many “favorite movies” we had in common, so we decided to watch them that night, even had a make-shift sleep over after Caddy Shack ended. It was so late. He crashed on the couch, but in the morning I was embarrassed because I hadn’t gotten his full name. Danged if it wasn’t a guy named Woods, Tiger I think it was. I don’t know though, I don’t even care that much about golf. Never been a golf fan. It just made total sense for me and him to become friends, since we’re so similar in so many facets and stages of life.

I know the coincidences must be killing you right now. I mean, your whole family are Auburn fans…you know, that “other SEC school” you mentioned in your first interviews with the pesky ole news media. And here you find yourself in the presence of two, now three young stud athletes, two of which are star players for your family’s arch nemesis, the Crimson Tide. That is SOOO WEIRD!!!! I mean, one holds the freshman record for touchdowns there, while the other is a sure 1st round NFL draft selection when his amateur status has expired. I mean, he’s practically unstoppable! Having HIM off the team would SURELY make things go better around your family’s Thanksgiving table, huh?

Then there’s the new revelation about the up and coming star, Jerrell Harris. Turns out he needed a laptop, and since you live in nearby Athens, you just happened to bump into him at the Apple store…or wherever you do your laptop shopping. I mean, just because you can’t get to Athens from Gadsden via interstate, and it’s 90-100 miles in between as the crow flies, and muuuuch further away from Tuscaloosa, it irritates me that anyone would start trying to draw a line between you and suspicious activity. I mean, like you, I can’t seem to go a day without running into an Alabama football player. What gives?

After all, I’m sure you have just as many good, young, athletic, African-American friends on your family’s beloved Auburn team too, right? And you do just as much for them too. Am I correct?

The down side is, you’re now under the microscope. For one, there will be those who watch your every move now. I hope conspiracy theorists don’t take those next steps, moving toward suspicion of malicious activity with the intent to do damage to an individual or institution. In this economy, there are a lot of attorneys who need something to do, and this kind of track record you’re laying down…the kind of story that John Grisham has made a career writing…would keep them busy. Especially if the University deemed your actions too strange to pass over.

But the other bad thing is, your family is going to really hate you now. You see, Alabama’s coach already hates Auburn. Screamed so on the sidelines of Bryant-Denny last season well before tacking on the last two touchdowns. Such perceived activity by anyone with Auburn ties that impacts the young men he cares about and coaches, while affecting the hard work and preparation he puts into his job…well, that might irritate him to a point that makes 36-0 look like pre-game warm ups. Top recruiting classes contain players that can make for a long afternoon. But then, you know all about football players. What am I talking about?

It’s all just a shame though, because we all know everything that went on was completely innocent. Now people are going to bash Auburn some more, saying the only way they can compete against Alabama is to try and pull shenanigans like this. That when the field is level, they get reduced to what they are: a Division II school with a big stadium. So they have to try to get Alabama on its knees in order to take their shots. So unfortunate.

Well, best wishes to you,

Your friends,
Every Alabama Football Fan Alive

11 Comments

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  1. 1
    Pluto

    Yeah. If the Aubs want to escalate the War by sending this Trojan Horse into our House – they damn sure better watch out for the coming response.
    Something needs to be said about the 3 nitwit players. They are preached to from day 1 to avoid shit like this and they lack the intelligence to day no. I will again hope that the Laundry Money can be increased to take some of the pressure off these kids that come to school with nothing. However – nothing can compensate for – stupidity and simple greed.

  2. 2
    5-19

    Funny how the barn fans are blaming THE KIDS while the ‘Bama fans are blaming THE BUG WHO’S INFECTING THE PROGRAM. You can’t blame children who take candy from a pedophile whose parents preach to them from day 1 to avoid those situations now can you?

    As unbelievable as it sounds, it’s VERY EASY TO DECEIVE AN 18 YEAR OLD KID! Especially when you’re as old and as wise as Curtis Anderson is. The kids aren’t to blame for this, it’s the pest. If someone was trying to corrupt your child’s future, would you blame your child for it or the man doing the corruption?

  3. 4
    OMNIPRESENT

    Thats stupid as hell. ITs the KIDS FAULT!!! Ok lets see are they old enough to play GREAT football in front of 100k? And oh DO they KNOW JUST WHAT TO SAY to get in ol Mary Palmers PANTS???!! Sure they do and YOU know Saban HAS tore their heads open and poured it in ” DONT DO STUPID STUFF” and they did,and its their fault! Now if Mr. Anderson was a BIG CONSPIRACY we may never know? BUt dont try and take the blame off of these manchildren!! Thats whats wrong with our youth now. We dont hold them accountable for their actions @ 18 …

  4. 6
    Pluto

    That’s right. Man- Children. Poorly raised and lacking common sense. They were told dammit ! Do not do this ! No hell no.
    Maybe Nick needs to spank their asses.

  5. 7
    Auburn is a joke formerly the fan known as Ballplay Indian

    Would you jackasses just stop it already…Get a life. Own up to the B.S. and move on.

  6. 8
    Auburn Man

    You ought to be ashamed of yourself. So the guy meets Whooolio while he’s still in HS, befriends him, and waits three years to try to “set him up”. Just a vast Auburn conspiracy carried out over a three year time period…an intentional set up that just waited and waited and waited for the perfect moment to………..take a couple of guys fishing. By the way…have you guys not figured out that UA reported this themselves, not Auburn, and not Whoolio’s 56-y-o weirdo friend. Please keep this up. Great comedy!

  7. 9
    BleednCrimson

    It seemed innocent until he has shelled out some more money to a 3rd player of his arch rival…. HMMM . AU fans are justthis sick and malicious, U hate what u fear and AU hates us… Oh and the AU man says the 56 yo weirdo friend, LOL he’s another weirdo AU fan is what he is. We may just roll Toomers corner when La Tech whipps yalls A$$ Sat… LMAO

  8. 10
    CrimsonBlood81

    I’m tired of this shit about — when you’re 18 — you don’t know right from wrong and blah blah blah — that’s all bullshit — sure you make some mistakes here and there but when you’re 18 — but you know what the hell is going on

    Switching subjects:

    Barners just don’t want to recognize the fact that their program will be battling the Mississippi’s for years to come for 3rd or 4th place in the SEC West. Barners just can’t admit the fact that their program has “nothing going on about it” — there is no enticement. Alabama will always be *THE* team in this state. Just like Georgia is and not Georgia Tech. Just like Texas is and not Texas A&M. Just like Tennessee is and not Vanderbilt — you get the point. Barners will always be the bottom feeders —- oh — good luck against Dooley’s team (they went to a bowl game actually) — I foresee an upset at the University of Bovine Studies — and the “faithful” will start screaming for another Turner Gill at the end of the season — I really give Cheezy 2 years max — and you’re Colonial Bank puppet boy Jay Jacobs will beg for money from Jimmy Raines for a contract bail out and all the other suckasses like Spina (you know — all the peeeps who lost hella money)

    Move over Pat Dye field — say hell to Raines-Dye field. Might even be Jordan-Hare-Raines stadium. LMF’ingAO at the whole debacle in cow town. Middle fingers ablazing.

  9. 11
    OMNIPRESENT

    CB81 is that you Shane? You sound like his stupid ass. Changing subjects my ass you regurgitated the same shit thats been said and said and you didnt even have to respect to change the words any…but thats bamma shit at its finest.
    LMF’ingAO now

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