Capstone Report launches new recruiting service

Want to get the latest information on recruiting?

We don’t either.

Want to help smear your rival and hurt their recruiting?

We sure do! And you can help us since this all looks fine if we cloak ourselves in the First Amendment and call ourselves “journalists” like those guys at Rivals, Scout, ESPN, etc. For a nominal fee ($1,200 per year!), you can support us as we call top recruits in the South and around the nation to tell them all the super secret details about your SEC rivals.

We will tell recruits that Gene Chizik smells like cabbage and is 5-19. We will tell recruits that Gus Malzahn is the poor man’s Tony Franklin. We will tell recruits all the horrible things about Lane Kiffin that Phil Fulmer has already told us. And more! Much more!

But we need your support to make this happen. Sign up below if you are interested in learning more about this exclusive service to Alabama!

(Coming soon: The Capstone Report will begin a recruiting service for Auburn. We’ll share all the nasty details about Sabear with recruits. We’ll also edit videos to make sure recruiting violations aren’t reported with any sense of journalistic integrity! Act now and help us help Auburn.)

35 Comments

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  1. 2
    stuartmark

    of course if you did what the cow college sites did then, they would try to haul you up against the fcc.

  2. 5
    Gene Cheez-it

    Sign me up! I’ve gotta find a new method to prevent Coach Saban from planting a fat one in my behind this year in recruiting. Does anyone have Pat Dye’s phone number?

  3. 8
    capstonereport

    I don’t call up recruits and bad mouth schools.

    Though that is about to change thanks to this loophole in the NCAA law.

    Stay tuned this week! MORE Details!

  4. 9
    Auburn is a joke formerly the fan known as Ballplay Indian

    Cap………If you do that, then you are as bad as I had originally thought. And just as bad as those you claim to be better than. You will have absolutely zero journalistic cred with anyone.

  5. 10
    capstonereport

    Screw integrity! I want to make buckets of money like Rivals, Scout and ESPN!!!!!

    Integrity is overrated. Buckets of cash isn’t!!!!1

  6. 11
    Auburn is a joke formerly the fan known as Ballplay Indian

    Cant argue that….Good luck on your endevours. But Im sorry to inform you Rivals has the market cornered on Bama bias in the recruiting ranking dept.

  7. 12
    capstonereport

    And next week I’m set to open the Auburn recruiting service. Then Tennessee and LSU the following week.

    I can bad mouth everyone….

    ….for enough cash! 😉

  8. 13
    Auburn is a joke formerly the fan known as Ballplay Indian

    Now that has to be a lesson learned from our state Representatives. A man can learn a lot from those crooks.

  9. 14
    Iron Elephant

    I dont mean to spread rumors…. but…
    I keep hearing that All of the new Auburn recruits are dribing new Ford Mustangs that are being supplied by a Dealership in Lee County. The main man there is a notorious Auburn rogue booster. From what I understand, a local Dr. and attorney are footing the bill through offshore accounts in the Cayman Islands. They are also giving various family members and girlfriends jobs and scholorships on campus. Can anyone verify these things for me?

  10. 15
    Korry

    I have several sources in Barnland and I can verify that as correct. The NCAA is onto it and should be sending the paperwork requesting an investigation any minute now.

  11. 16
    Coincidental 3rd party

    Yeah. I know the ones you fellas are talking about. I cant reveal my sources, but someone on the inside is saying that the admins are really running scared over this. I have hired a private investigating firm to look into this matter and if anyone wants to donate any money to it, I would greatly appreciate it. Just send cash to
    PO box #434
    Tuscaloosa, Alabama.
    I prefer to keep my anonimity.

  12. 17
    Iron Elephant

    Thanks fellas.
    I knew that them Barners were cheating.
    Cappy, you (wink wink) dont need to be calling any of the Auburn recruits with this information… It might be (wink wink) damaging to Auburn’s recruiting efforts. (cough cough.)

  13. 18
    korry

    I just got off the phone with a close personal freind of mine who is a secretary at that car dealership. I cant give any names (because she doesnt want to get into any trouble but….)
    She says that those rogue boosters from Auburn have been in every day looking for a customized Mustang in Burnt Orange with the words “Lache for Hiesman” on the side in Blue letters. to be continued…..

  14. 19
    Coincidental 4th party

    I have a close freind who woks there who has been telling be about it too!!!!
    BARNERS CHEAT!!!!

  15. 20
    Recruiting Site Senior Editor

    Well there…. This is very very interesting stuff. I am not saying its true, BUT where there is smoke there is ALWAYS a fire.
    I will not go on record as saying these rumors are true BUT it would not surprise me if they were…….

  16. 22
    Recruiting Site Senior Editor

    Remember, We dont spread lies or gossip on this website. And we encourage our bloggers to (wink wink) excercize thier right of free speech. We would truly HATE TO ban anyone who was spreading falsehoods that would increase our paying memberships.
    Really we would. So plese keep the rumors off this website unless you get them from a reliable source. (you dont have to mention the name of the source, your word of honor is plenty good enough for us here.)
    BRB another phone call…..

  17. 23
    Auburn is a joke formerly the fan known as Ballplay Indian

    Pretty funny……….do you have a picture ? Does it say ” LACH SKRUNK” on the side ? Does it have his number on the front ? That would be a killer ride if he had some 22′ spinners on it.

  18. 24
    IronTiger

    I can produce one if you will give me 20 minutes. But everyone knows that his family lives on section 8 and cant afford to save money. Now I aint trying to sound racist but If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck…….

  19. 25
    korry

    To the Auburn Fan (who sponsors a bunch of cheating lying scum.)
    Yes. He does. My sources told me so.
    The NCAA will be giving Auburn the “Death Penalty” shortly.
    I wish someone would inform the Auburn recruits so that they dont waste thier athletic careers at that place. That Gene Chizik is a liar for not informing them of Auburn’s impending doom. He knows its coming but he is withholding the information for these kids. he should be fired for it.
    he would be if auburn had any ethics and werent a bunch of cheating fatcats.

  20. 26
    Senior Website Editor

    I think I will gauge the recruits reactions to this latest turn of events. I am sure the public would like to know what they are thinking and if they will be changing thier commitments. i wold nt be much of a journalist if I didnt try to save them from those lying cheating inbred auburn bastards……BRB talking to Lache right now.

  21. 27
    .......

    Get it? Or are you still trying to justify all the assinine bullshit and undermining that some of these supposed “jounalist” try to pass of as being a good reporter.

  22. 29
    Auburn is a joke formerly the fan known as Ballplay Indian

    Cap, thats pretty funny, but what you just cant explain away is that “D. Kirk” IS riding around in a charger. That is not fiction. I know that makes you nervous. I would be nervous if he was an Auburn committ. Even if his grandma did buy him the car. Which , who knows, she might have. But unless I was at Crown Dodge watching her sign the papers, I would be nervous.

  23. 30
    almightytmc1

    Ballplay
    this has been looked into from several angles. it always comes back to the same thing. Dre’s family has legit

  24. 31
    OMNIPRESENT

    Auburn is a joke formerly the fan known as Ballplay Indian Says:
    June 22nd, 2009 at 6:15 am
    dont you already do this ?

    Funny BI

  25. 32
    almightytmc1

    Ballplay
    this has been looked into from several angles. it always comes back to the same thing. Dre’s family has legitimate PROOF that the transaction was above board.
    You know that it is not a crime to have a personalized whip. LOTS OF YOUNG MEN DO.
    The message some auburn fans (and websites) are sending to recruits is becoming loud and clear.
    “If you choose Bama over Auburn we will trash your reputaion and make the lives of you, your family freinds,and community, miserable.”
    You can mark my words on this. Gadsden and Mobile have done nothing but make AUBURN look small minded and petty in the eyes of the people in those communities. And all the internet fodder has pretty well ceded recruits to Bama for a long time to come.

  26. 33
    Auburn is a joke formerly the fan known as Ballplay Indian

    Harris’ was legit……Not sure about Kirk’s…….

  27. 34
    alexfhamilton

    Speaking of journalistic integrity,,,,, how much did the Barners show when they stuck a camera and microphone in Tony Franklin’s face as he was leaving his office immediately after being fired. I really couldn’t tell myself due to the fact that they were laughing and making such fools of themselves during the “interview” that I really couldn’t evaluate their work.

    The fact is that Auburn people have a sick obsession with denegrading Alabama and its fans. And, if Alabama is successful, it HAS to be SOLELY because Alabama cheats. Never once was Alabama more talented, nor did Alabama ever have better coaches. You see, when Auburn wins it is because of all those primrose fairy tales of valor and courage that you hear about in the Auburn Creed. And, when Alabama wins, it is only because some rogue booster bought and paid for the boys to come to Tuscaloosa.

    It’s the same reason those people were howling when Alabama came up short vs Florida. They revel in any shortcoming Alabama may experience. So, have your fun. Enjoy it when and how you can. And keep sending packages to Paul Finebaum in late May when there is nothing else to talk about so he will pay attention to manufactured manure. Get your private investigators ready. Try to dig up that dirt. We’ll just keep kicking your ass in November and every day in recruiting.

    Tell me Aubies,,, in all those glorious years that the Barn “dominated” Alabama,,,, did your team ever once beat Alabama by 36 points? Did you ever shut Bama out? Did you EVER win convincingly? No, you didn’t. And that is what eats you up inside every day. It’s what burns your ass when you see a fan with a UA tag. It’s why you hate us. Because even on your best day, you Auburn will never dominate Alabama the way we dominate you.

    In 2004, we were kicking your sorry little ass in the rain without an offense. If we don’t turn the ball over to start the third quarter, that game isn’t decided for Auburn until very late, if at all. And yet, that was your crowning glory. The best season ever for your Awbs saw you almost loose to a defense alone. DeMeco Ryans and the boys just about whipped your ass with no offense. Where was your 36-0 beatdown that year?

    Did you not buy Carnell enough clothes or gold chains? Maybe you didn’t say the Auburn creed enough before the game. Woe Eaguh.

  28. 35
    alexfhamilton

    Here’s a thought. Why don’t one of you stupid inbred Barners hire a lawyer and sue the car dealership over some trumped up BS claim and then request a copy of the videotape from where Kirkpatrick’s car was purchased. You see, every car dealer videos the purchase process so as to enforce the arbitration clause in the sales contract. If you have the tape, you can verify WHO bought the car, WHETHER the transaction was legitimate and HOW MUCH was actually paid for the car.

    But wait a minute,,,,, maybe a few AU fans with some damn sense already thought of this, obtained the tape, and figured out that there is no way to prove that Kirkpatrick’s car is illegitimate. After all there are Auburn fans with law degrees and I heard one guy that used to run a Bank has a lot of free time on his hands these days.

    You can’t tell me that there aren’t some intelligent Barners (you know, people that don’t waste their time on Alabama Blogs) who haven’t already thought about this key piece of proof. And, they know that the transaction either is legitimate, or, can’t be proven to be illegitimate. So, all you fucking morons are wasting your time. If you had any sense, you would know you can’t prove the bullshit you’re flinging,,,, you’re just hoping a few pieces take a while to slide off the wall.

    Or are you too busy wallowing in your own bullshit to actually find the facts?

    My money is on that none of you that spew this crap have enough sense to really figure out how or why Kirkpatrick got the car. All you know how to do is bitch, moan and complain that we cheat. Why don’t you go after the facts or shut the fuck up?

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