Auburn response: masturbatory fantasy

What was the Auburn response to Alabama’s textbook troubles?

An orgasm.

At least if you judge by Auburn blogs. The delusional and wishful thinking ranged from “serious scholarship losses are coming to Tuscaloosa” to the always faithful, “Saban is going to bolt!” (You can see both typified at Track ‘Em Tigers)

Auburn fans are in the throes of passion as Alabama fans are in the throes of the NCAA.

None of those scenarios seem to be even a remote possibility. But it won’t stop Auburn fans’ masturbatory fantasies—if you can’t beat Saban in recruiting or deal with a 36-0 thumping, you resort to fantasy.

Alabama fans are familiar with fantasy. Many Crimson Tide fans nursed dreams Mike Shula would be successful. He wasn’t.

Auburn fans are now getting familiar with fantasy. First, it was the spread will save us! Second, Tuberville and his assistants are at fault, a new coach will save us. Third, Gene Chizik doesn’t suck! Fourth, the spread of Malzahn will save us! Fifth, Saban is going to leave and that will save us!

Auburn is now as impotent as Alabama was under Mike Shula. It is both sad and hilarious. Sad because so many of the problems are self-inflicted. Tuberville scrapped his offense in panic at Nick Saban’s recruiting. Auburn fired Tuberville in a panic and hired a 5-19 failure because of Nick Saban. It is hilarious because Auburn’s only hope to right the ship is for outside forces to hinder Nick Saban.

Keep wishing and dreaming and hoping.