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What’s next for Bobby Petrino? My money says it’s Auburn.

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In the wake of Bobby Petrino’s firing as the head football coach at the University of Arkansas, it’s never too early to predict the future.

If you want to write Petrino off, go ahead. But we live in a society that forgives and forgets A LOT.

We had a president, ironically from the state of Arkansas, “get serviced” from a White House intern. Like Petrino, Bill Clinton lied about it, then subsequently kept his job as leader of the free world. Today this incredible happening barely gets mention as his wife holds office and he makes his presidential rounds.

Patrick Fain Dye was caught red-handed by the NCAA shoveling money to players, resulting in another NCAA probation on the plains and the loss of his job. Today, Dye is still a beloved figure down on the farm, has an office in the athletic complex, and even has the freaking field Auburn plays on named after him.

They say time heals all wounds, and given time, somebody is going to roll the dice on Bobby Petrino again. Somebody is going to allow themselves to be part of his redemption story. Not because they want to help him, but because of the lust for winning.

That somebody? My prediction? You’re hearing it here first:

Auburn University.

Let me lay it out for you.

For the rest of this year, Bobby Petrino will go underground. There’ll be talk of him taking time away from the game to heal the wounds he’s inflicted on his family. But you won’t see hide nor hair of Bobby Petrino for the rest of 2012.

Meanwhile, at Auburn Gene Chizik will prove for the for the sixth time in seven seasons as a head coach that without Cam Newton and the stars aligning he is a complete sham. Auburn will finish the 2012 season with a little luck and go 7-5 again, benefitting from some crappy middle of the pack ACC team in a mid-tier bowl to up their win total to 8. But two years removed from winning it all, the grumbling will begin.

The University of Alabama, in the meantime, will be contending for its third national title in four years. The Tide will drum Chizik and his porn star looking defensive coordinator 34-10 in Tuscaloosa, making it four out of the last five with no end in sight. Bama’s continued dominance will make the grumbling even louder in Lee County.

And the beating goes on.

The outcry from some (and the ultimate resolution) in the fambly after 2012 will be that Chizik needs more time. The eternal Auburn excuse will be in play again: That Auburn is just young, and next year is their year.

After the 2012 season, whispers will begin for Petrino to take a job somewhere. But publicly Petrino will issue a statement that he is still working on being the husband and father that he always should have been, and that one day he’ll return but not now.

In February of 2013, for the second straight year, Gene Chizik will fail to sign a full class at Auburn, while big brother across the state signs the top class again, getting five of the top ten players in the country to come stand in line to play at Alabama. The grumbling will continue.

Chizik will make his rounds in the offseason, talking a good game. He’ll call reporters by name at press conferences, looking over his glasses to explain the wisdom that is Gene Chizik football.

Meanwhile Auburn will again struggle in 2013, and even for the most delusional Auburn fan (and there are a plenty) it will become abundantly clear that what happened in 2010 was as likely as Helen Keller singing the National Anthem in perfect pitch on the first try, and it’s never going to happen there again.

The grumbling will grow into full-scale discontent as Alabama once again uses Pat Dye Field to clean its cleats with the Auburn Tigers, posting a multiple touchdown victory over Auburn. Alabama will not have to punt in the game, and will end both halves taking a knee inside the Auburn five yard line.

Alabama will have 637 yards rushing on 20 attempts.

Inside of the 2013 season will be the first Bobby Petrino sighting. Petrino will appear on the 700 Club with his wife to talk about the pains of infidelity. He’ll also make appearances on Dr. Phil and The View, promoting his new book “Riding Into Marital Bliss”. The cover will show his wife on the back of his motorcycle. His story will be of how he found forgiveness in the darkest time in his life.

Rallies will begin again in Fayetteville to bring him back, as Hog faithful take to the streets to burn couches in protest of him not being rehired.

Petrino will make his first appearance on the set of CBS Sports’ coverage of the Alabama-Arkansas game in 2013, offering expert analysis of the Tide’s seventh consecutive stomping of the Razorbacks.

Appearing healed from physical and emotional wounds, the drum will begin to sound for Petrino to get back into coaching.

Auburn will fail to make a bowl in 2013 for the first time since Tommy Tubberville’s first year, and the time will come to make a change. The state media won’t remind us daily that Chizik won a national title just three years before, as they would if this scenario were playing out in Tuscaloosa. Instead they’ll continue to print what they are faxed from the Auburn Athletic Department, and Chizik will step down as head coach of Auburn University.

Chizik will remain on the payroll however, taking an administrative position inside the Auburn Athletic Department earning six figures once his seven figure buyout has run its course. His job will be to take care of the trees on Toomer’s Corner, which continue to be fine four years after “the national tragedy caused by them mean ole Bammers.”

Gene Chizik's new job, netting him $934,000 annually.

Auburn Athletic Director Jay Jacobs will stand at the podium saying Auburn will rise again, “and that a national search will be made to find the man of integrity and championship caliber to lead this program.”

One phone call will be made to Bobby Petrino’s home, offering him $6.3 Million. Auburn’s sheep cloning program will be suspended in order to meet his salary, but it’ll be worth it, Fambly insiders will say.

Athletic Department officials will leak information to the media, breaking the story of Petrino’s hiring as Alabama gets off the plane in Pasadena in preparation for another BCS National Championship Game. The next day, cameras will be on the runway of the Auburn airport as Petrino’s plane touches down.

Jay Jacobs greets Auburn's latest savior.

Not to be outdone, Auburn will secretly hire two women to rush Petrino and try to kiss him in the airport terminal, Nick Saban style. But the staged event will conclude as Petrino steps back and firmly tells them on camera “I’m in love with my wife. Get thee behind me.” The Auburn Fambly will eat it up.

A short while later, as all state news affiliates follow Petrino’s motorcade live from the airport to the athletic complex, Petrino can be seen snuggling with his wife in the back seat of Jimmy Rane’s Cadillac.

At the press conference, Petrino will talk about redemption. He’ll talk about second chances. And he’ll thank the Auburn Fambly for welcoming him home, and that Auburn has always felt like home. “It’s great to be back home in Auburn,” he’ll say, and the Fambly will be ecstatic.

At the trophy ceremony the morning after the National Championship game, Alabama head coach Nick Saban will be asked about Petrino’s return to coaching at Auburn. Saban will say “I’ve always had a tremendous amount of respect for Bobby, and I’m glad to see him get a second chance as he’s an excellent coach.”

Then, as soon as his last picture is made with all the BCS and AP hardware, Saban will make a phone call to his agent Jimmy Sexton, asking him to get on the phone with Mal Moore to extend his contract through 2025.

In the 2014 Iron Bowl, Saban will lead the Tide to a 52-9 win over Auburn on the floor of Bryant-Denny Stadium. But the state media will opine that Auburn is just young and Petrino needs more time…

So there it is. Will I be right? We’ll see…but I’d say the odds are pretty good.

(Follow me on Twitter for news, commentary and smack.)

187 thoughts on “What’s next for Bobby Petrino? My money says it’s Auburn.”

  1. I’m not a football fan, but are you freaking serious? You’re an idiot..Petrino is washed up in major college football – certainly the SEC…he’ll end up like Bama’s carefully selected coach, Mike Price, a few years ago and will finish out his college coaching days in a less-than-mediocre conference, coaching a less-than-mediocre football team, like New Mexico have no business being a sports’re just another biased bammer (isn’t that what other schools call Bama fans?)..

    1. NOT a football fan? Then WTF are you doing on this website? Closet Boog – I wouldn’t admit it either.

      1. Pete this Kevin is the guy how’s not a football fan but has had season tickets to Auburn for years. I guess being an Auburn fan would make you “Not a Football Fan”.

  2. Is it really appropriate to make light of the tree poisoning at Auburn? Last time I checked that was still a felony and still a very hurtful act. If you visit the trees you’ll see they really are dying.

    1. As soon as people stop dying from a lack of clean drinking water…

      As soon as every orphan has a home…

      As soon as we finally put an end to child abuse…

      As soon as adults stop preying on children…

      As soon as hunger is no longer a cause of death…

      As soon as a lack of simple vaccinations that we take for granted are not the cause of death elsewhere…

      As soon as violent offenders are taken off the streets for good…

      As soon as crimes against women cease…

      …I will give a damn about two stupid trees in a one horse town in Southeast Alabama. Get a clue, pal.

      1. Crimes against women? Are you seriouse you dumbass? You bring that up after Upshaw beats down a female. You ignorant slut.

  3. The only question is will the barn be able to hold off two years for fear the viles will pounce at the end of this year. As you pointed out chisnik is probably not nervous since he knows where the bodies are I m sure he ll get invited to join the barn coaches retirement home

  4. Ha ha, you guys are right on today. I love it. So Cheese Dick knows where the bodies are buried? I bet Tubbs does too. But all he wanted was his 5 million dollars and to get the hell out of that sordid cesspool. Can you imagine a dumbass throwing away 3.6 million dollars a year for a reach around and some ass pounding with another coaches fiance. What a phucking retard. And can you imagine how Dorrell’s fiance feels knowing his sweetheart and wife to be was draining Patrino’s balls for over a year. Ha ha ha! That sucks. Patrino said the sun and wind made him lose control and crash. Bwaa haww haww! A soft slippery hand is what made him crash! The team is talented. I just hope they don’t rally round and pull an undefeated season like the Barnturds did the year they were put on probation. Wouldn’t it be funny if they get Malzhan and Awbie gets Patrino? RTR!

  5. Absolute brilliance ITK, well done my friend! The 10% rule certainly applies here; that is whats blowing their mind. Pure genius!!!

  6. I believe every word of that story Cappy!!!! That scenario is about what I would expect in this day and age especially from the barn.

    1. It really is. I just wanted a written record of it so I can compare my prediction with what really plays out. But I can honestly see all of that happening.

  7. Hey ITK are completely mentally handicapped or just an inbred half wit c0ck sucker? If it’s the first I’m really proud that you learned how to write and use the Internet. If it’s the second why don’t you stop choking on dre kurkpatricks dick long enough to take some time to think for a minute you worthless waste of space and pathetic excuse for a human being. I bet god wants a mulligan for creating you

        1. See, loser, had I not struck a nerve with you you wouldn’t be so mad right now.

          And when people are mad they say stupid things.

          So why so mad, friend? Because you realize Auburn’s football program is the house of cards that we’ve always known it to be, and Alabama is going to pound your beloved Tigers from now til eternity?

          Look on the bright side. You always have swimming.

          1. I’m not mad about a football team. I’m mad about your response to that guy’s comment about the trees. That’s just insensitive and honestly pretty asinine. It’s those type of ignorant, small-minded comments that make me want to take you outside and curb stomp you.

            1. As I said, when people are mad they say stupid things.

              Now for the English lesson.

              Something can’t be “pretty” asinine. The word “asinine” by definition is “extremely stupid or foolish.” So, something can’t be “pretty extremely stupid or foolish.” “Pretty” is a qualifying adverb meaning “fairly” or “moderately.” So something can’t be moderate and extreme at the same time.

              Hence, the only stupid or foolish thing I see here is you trying to use big words on a blog. Move on pal. I’m ‘Bama. You’re Wofford. Oh, and Auburn still sucks.

            2. Your ridiculous dismissive attitude of everyone is so disrespectful and unforgivable. You make me embarrassed to be part of the human race with you.

            3. Trees, really? You just suggested violence to a human being and your concern is trees? You don’t have a spine to admit you’re just pissed cause you have a crappy football team, crappy coaches, and a crappy athletic program to carry you through your pathetic day during any significant sports season. Go plant some trees somewhere if that is your big reason for living. I’ve planted enough to forest your entire pathetic campus in my life – trees are easily replaceable – humans not so much. You may actually be the exception.

              1. Just because you say something doesn’t mean it’s true. Keep saying it all you want it doesn’t change anything. You know what I’m mad about you’re just playing dumb (at least I can only hope you’re playing dumb and not that stupid). It’s not about football, it’s not about trees, it’s about a lack of respect for something that means that much to an entire community.

                1. An inspirational song right about now would feel right after that moving speech. If only Whitney Houston were still with us.

        2. Some of the article I agree with and some is out in left field, which makes it funny but also rediculous. There will never be a 695 yards on 20 rushes game. Probably never be a game in which Bama scores 50+ points on anybody much less in an Iron Bowl. If Patrino follows Price who actually did better at a more difficult school in Wash St, then he will not coach a BCS school again, much less in the SEC. However the other stuff is entirely possible, including Nicky re-upping just because of Petrino coming to Awbie. Bwaa haww haww. I mean if he can’t beat Bama with his own State to recruit in then how could he beat us with only 1\4 to 1\3 of a State to recruit in? RTR!

        3. I think it’s funny as hell cocksucker. If I could get away with it I’d poison the motherphuckers myself. Poisoning some phucking trees isn’t shyt compared to robbing trailer parks at gunpoint. Phucking Deyer just admited his gun was used in the robberies. What the phuck was a minor college football player doing with a Goddamn gun on campus anyway? No asshole, you are mad about the whole thing because you root for a joke of a program and know that as absurd as the article is, it could actually come true. And you aren’t whipping anybody’s ass. You’re just a loudmouth piece of shit hiding behind the internet. You ever get in front of my face and run your cumhole at me like that and an ass whipping will be the least of your phucking worries. You bastards aren’t even relevant anymore. We curb stomped you asses in football, twice in basketball, three in softball, in womens gymnastics, and our pathetic baseball team just swept your #21 ranked team for three. To me there are no other sports that count. RTR!

          1. I don’t give a shit if you worship at the idol of Harvey Updyke and poison trees you little pussy. And yeah I’m not really concerned about any ass whipping you might lay on me you punk little pussy. I could give you the first 10 punches and it still wouldn’t even matter you cum guzzling pathetic excuse for a man.

            1. If you would’ve said 11 it would’ve REALLY been effective.

              Now if you keep using language like that in here I’m going to have to tell your mom.

                1. Homo, that’s all you’ve done here. I’m reacting to YOU. You started the pissing contest here. I’m just soaking you in it.

                2. Nah I’m pretty sure you started it by saying you have to be delusional or small-minded to care about a crime committed against the campus of a university. Your hateful speech started all this.

                  1. Well being wrong isn’t anything new to you.

                    It actually started when you became butt-hurt at my satiracle prediction and you just “had to give ’em bammers a piece or yer mind!”

                    And if you’ll check, the only hateful speech here originated from your sperm-laden keyboard. You’ve used profanity in almost every post, and threatened violence against me and others in more than one. Since I have your ip address (71.82….) I have what I need should you wish to act on those fantasies. It’d be fun to come visit you in “trail”, as you call it. Therefore, the next vocabulary word I’ll share with you is: hypocrit.

                    1. Yeah it explains that I love a campus because of what it represents. It explains that I respect my past and where I came from as well as what lies in store for the future. Yours just explains that you’re hateful and insecure.

                    1. Here’s some more for you:

                      41 – the # we own in the head-to-head record vs. Abarn

                      14 – the # of National Championships we own to your 1.5

                      22 – the # of SEC Championships we own to your 6

                      53 – the number of bowl appearances we own, an NCAA record

                      31 – the number of bowl victories we own, another NCAA record

                      2 – the number of trees no one but delusional Aubies like yourself give a damn about.

                      And just to continue to put you in your place, head-to-head scores this year:

                      basketball – 68-50, 55-49 (both Bama)
                      baseball – 10-6, 4-3, 6-2 (all Bama)
                      gymnastics – 196.325-196.250 (Bama)
                      softball – 4-2, 5-2 (both Bama)

                      Dang, will Auburn ever beat Alabama in anything again?

                      1. 1-0: Number of people in trail for felony crimes committed against rival’s school. (Bama)

                        1-0: Number of CEOs of Apple from each school. (Auburn)

                        1-0: Number of academy award winning actresses from each school. (Auburn)

                        1-0: Number of students from each campus arrested for teabagging (aka sexually assaulting) another male. (Alabama)

                        1-0: Number of Alumni who were arrested in one of the largest Ponzi schemes ever committed. (Alabama).

                        I got plenty more bro.

                        1. How does one get thrown in “trail”?

                          You know what losers do? Try to divert attention from the butt whippings they’re handed on the field by focusing on irrelevant information, such as what you’ve offered here.

                          At what point in this year’s Iron Bowl did you stop watching? Did you see ALL 42 points dropped on your Tigers, or did you shut it off early? My guess is that you turned it off.

                        2. Oh and just to rub it in a little, your scores are wrong. You’re conveniently leaving out that first baseball game that Auburn won 8-3 on March 6th. Sweet research dumbass

                          1. Woo, you rubbed it in there, pal. 1-9 sounds so much better than 0-9. I’m sure there’s a swimming win you’ll try to throw in though.

                            Moral victories. It’s the Auburn way.

                          2. Wow seriously. You’re so into football that absolutely NOTHING outside of what happens on the field matters? What a shallow and unfulfilling life.

                            1. No I get a lot of fulfillment destroying douches like yourself in public forum.

                              Are we still upset about the trees? I thought that’s how all this started with you. I guess it’s about more than the trees afterall, liar.


                            2. It started with the trees but then it continued because you are just a huge douche. Guess what…it was still just a football game. But since you’re into this kind of stuff last 30 years of the Iron Bowl….17-13 Auburn.

                              1. HA! I KNEW IT WAS COMING! The WORLD FAMOUS Auburn exclusionary argument, blocking off significant portions of history to support a weak argument!

                                You DO know that the world existed before 1982, don’t you? Yikes, did I just spoil something for you?

                              2. Yeah and it’s true the world existed before 1982…but just a guess, you didn’t. So I’m just pointing out that in YOUR lifetime, Auburn has been dominant and that probably explains a lot of your insecurities.

                                1. Wrong again. Man, that’s becoming sort of a habit of yours. I remember clearly all 9 glorious years in a row Aubie came to Legion Field so hopeful but going home a loser. Again. And again.

                                  I guess I wouldn’t want to think beyond 1982 either, friend.

                                2. Wow, I can’t believe I was wrong about guessing some dude I’ve never met’s age. What are the odds of that one? Seriously who cares if I’m wrong about you age you old hack.

                          3. Man, that was pretty funny right there. And I wouldn’t be shocked if it really happened. If Bama beats Auburn this year and next, you WILL see a desperate Auburn program make changes, and push the envelope on breaking the rules again, trying desperately to catch up with Bama. We all know they measure their program against Bama, and every move Bama makes causes a reaction down on the farm. They will likely end up on probation, or hiring Patrino. Or both.

                          4. I feel that most Auburn fans yesterday and today are just mad for the way the two schools were created. EAMC!!! That tells it all. RTR

                          5. Brando ..about 90% of the Bama fans live in the state of Alabama (don’t get out much) and are more cognizant of what Auburn is doing than is healthy. About 40% of the Auburn fans have the same affliction with Bama.

                            Want proof of that cognizance? Just read this “article”. what in world other than a neurotic obsession would cause the CR to dream this up.

                            Like so many other times on here that you guys reach delusion …..I’ll bet however much you want that Petrino is not the Auburn coach by 2014 or even 2015.

                            1. Hoop, you wouldn’t know sarcasm or humor if it bit you on your ample behind. You also don’t know what you are doing when you start using numbers that are not 42 or 14. Leave the stats up to the people who know how to manipulate them.
                              And I’ll take even money that BP is even now being talked about by your so-called Board of Trustees in your so-called institute of higher learning in SW Georgia.

                          6. Tttylkg,

                            Octavia from gumptown wouldn’t have won the Oscar if the novel had never been written by a Bama graduate…you guys can claim the gay Apple CEO. You homophobes at Auburn talk about him behind his back

                            1. Haha what? I just claimed him and said I was proud to do it. I don’t think that’s homophobic. I’m pretty sure you’re the homophobe since you brought up his completely irrelevant sexual orientation.

                              1. There are two things that’ll get you killed in Lee County:
                                Being black and/or being gay. Unless you play for their football team, in which case both are okay with them.

                                1. SInce ITK says something it must be true. Oh wait no it’s not because I live in Lee county and don’t care anything about somebody’s race, religion, or sexual orientation.

                                    1. Oh wow, I’m so surprised. A bammer going for a bestiality joke. I get it because Auburn has an agriculture science and veterinary program that helps feed the state. Yeah eating food is totally overrated.

                                        1. You obviously don’t know what the word sympathy means. Otherwise you wouldn’t keep saying you’re glad somebody poisoned trees on campus.

                                            1. People in need in the county that you “live” in.

                                              It’s easier to cry over some trees…..trees that weren’t even part of your silly tradition until the 70’s.

                                            2. You do realize it’s possible to care about more than one thing at the same time? Wait I guess you don’t since the only thing you think about 24/7 is Bamma Football. I bet you even make your wife wear a Trent Richardson helmet and jersey when you’re doing it so you can picture Trent.

                                              1. I haven’t thought about that yet. Thanks for the idea!

                                                Your inability to see beyond your own obsessions and flaws while pointing out others’ is quite astounding, however. I vaguely remember Jesus covering this idea. Something about a speck and a plank. You should look it up.

                                              2. Haha ok, because you’re not being totally hypocritical right now or anything. Don’t start busting out the “Jesus” argument on me right now. That just means you’re running out of steam and you have nothing left so you’re running to the “you aren’t being a good christian” argument. Weak sauce man, I thought you were better than that.

                                                1. Careful. If your university finds out you don’t believe you might have your card revoked. And you will not be invited to the next group sing of “Lean On Me”. I still can’t believe your pathetic fanbase actually did something so sophomoric. But you were probably lapping it up, weren’t ya?

                                                2. Did sophomoric one of your hooked on phonics flashcards for today? You’re throwing that one around all over the place.

                                                  1. Actually the first time I’ve said it, and your first sentence didn’t begin to make sense. Is your pulse rate that high right now? You really need a proof reader. Did your mom have to go to work or something?

                                            3. I owe the CR readers an apology – I engaged what I thought was going to be a thoughtful and honest writer with some inkling of sports knowledge when I responded to our little friend Ttylkg. However, I misjudged his abilities and now see that he is just a typical Boog troll with nothing on his mind except delusions, trees and maybe his sister. I didn’t recognize this soon enough, and now he thinks his thoughts are relevant on this board. I will no longer respond to any of his rants or idiotic posts.

                                              DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS!

                                              1. No, you had no intention of engaging in any sort of thoughtful conversation. As soon as the word Auburn gets brought up some switch goes off in your head and you just immediately go to your buzz words like “barnard, barn turd, cheeze dick” and don’t listen to anything that is said. You are so obsessed with proving that Auburn is full of nothing but cow-college incestuous idiots that you can’t acknowledge their accomplishments. Scared much bro?

                                                1. Sorry – the boog troll brought up stuff that he/she pulled out of his/her behind and I’ll have to point it out to him/her: No, boog troll – I never used ANY of those words in any reply or post I made to you. All of that stuff that you wrote in reply to my apology above came from your infertile imagination. There is nothing about the boogs that I’m scared of except armed athletes in groups of 3 or more – possibly in groups of one or less if they are sneaking up behind me on a street corner in Birmingham after having used synthetic pot and holding a heavy object. Otherwise, I have found your posts – while somewhat readable in the beginning – more and more sophomoric and completely unreadable as you have blathered on. You have forgotten to quit while you’re ahead, so why not just quit while you are miles behind?

                                                  1. Because every time I say something I get the best laugh I’ve ever had reading whatever dribble you decide to conjure up. It’s great stuff. Although you didn’t use any of the words I said, it’s more the sentiment I was talking about. I feel like saying boog troll is the same thing.

                                            4. The response to this post makes me more suspicious that the barn may indeed pull that trigger before cbp s rehab is done for fear the viles will go first. And 42-14. I understand it would grate in my craw also.

                                                1. HA! And here it is AGAIN! The infamous look beyond the immediate here and now into the past. You’ll prolly wanna keep that tape handy the next few years. Once you shut all the windows and stop the newspaper it’ll seem like it’s still possible.

                                                  1. HAHAHAHAHA look at that, a Bammer pointing out how irrelevant the past is. Coming from the team that brings up their 14 National Titles….. you do realize that one of those National Titles you claim comes from a year you finished 3rd in the SEC. You guys even claim National title from 1925 based on a system that didn’t award the title until 1927….two years after the fact.

                                                1. Yeah, if you guys count ones going all the way back to 1925 then why not. If we went by your system we could claim 2004 as well because some third rate magazine named us national champions. I mean for goodness sake, one of the national championships you claim was awarded by a geologist with his own rating system.

                                                  1. Here’s what’s not up for debate:

                                                    You’re comparing yourself incessantly to Bama, not the other way around.

                                                    Your aubsession has you imprisoned “in trail”.

                                                    That’s enough for me.

                                                    1. BTW, do you have an Alabama Polytechnical Institute shirt from that ’57 season? Because that’s what you were called at the time.

                                                      Now THERE’S tradition.

                                                    2. haha I mean on trial, but whatever typos happen. I’m not comparing myself to Bama, I’m just pointing out your flaws. It’s probably not fair though because it’s too easy.

                                              1. Obviously you don’t. You spent all morning responding to me. So you have NOTHING else to do… although Finebaum starts soon, I know that’s the only commitment you have for the day.

                                                1. Yeah because you haven’t been on here….a rival’s blog…all day either.

                                                  But you’re not aubsessed with your defense of all things aubie. Riiiiiiiiiiiiightt….

                                            5. Bottom line is that Auburn University is trash. YES, it is because I say it is. Backwood gumps who believe AU is a Christian University while at the same time being racist (Auburn fraternities, Corky Frost) and homophobic…unless an AU graduate is one or both (see Apple CEO and Octavia Spencer). What other clown college seriously believes Cam Newton is a glorified saint because he’s a great athlete…”Look, he came back to read DR Seuss to some elementary kids!” NO, he came back to claim his final check for his services to Booby Lowder. Auburn ppl who post all day on a Bama blog are insecure pussies. However, I’d b more than willing to meet some of you Internet tough guys in public

                                              1. Typical hypocritical Bammer talking about how good and pure his university is. I’m not trying to bring race or sexuality into this you guys are…but since you went there Alabama has a bit of a racist past if you remember. I’m not even willing to say Alabama is trash, it’s a solid school. I don’t hate Alabama, I just hate you Bammers who talk out of your ass then ask for a fight. Seriously RC? Are you trying to say you want to meet me in person then fight me? Dude, what’s your problem. This is all fun and games you worked up little man. I want to meet you in public too….I’ll buy you a beer and say War Eagle.

                                                1. Give me a break. Read all your trashy posts ALL DAY LONG. Hey, buddy, I graduated from UA. You come on here posting gibberish, and act really arrogantly. The offer still stands

                                                2. If you’d like me to point out for you in this very thread where you were the first one wanting to fight, I can. But most times the dogs that bark the most want no part of an actual altercation. And in that category, I’d say you’re a chihuahua.

                                                  1. Total BS I never said I wanted to fight anybody. I just said hyperbolic statements to get a reaction out of you thin skinned chumps. Mission accomplished. And RC, I’d love to meet you sometime. I’ll buy you that beer and shake your hand, if you decide to punch me after that then go for it. I’ll even turn the other cheek and let you get that one too.

                                                    1. Riiight.

                                                      I’m still trying to figure out how you’ve spent a whole day on a rival blog and we’re the ones with the problem.

                                            6. Nah you don’t have a problem. Being a douche isn’t really a problem, it’s just more of a choice.

                                              1. If you could even get close to what a douche is made for many of your problems would be solved. Of course we all know that isn’t happening.

                                                1. Haha oh wow good one man. You totally burned me. Geez dude, you’re just getting lazy now with your insults.

                                                    1. That metaphor doesn’t really work bro. You can’t “win” a comments section on a shitty blog that nobody reads.

                                                      1. There are two of us talking here. Only one can see the stats. Once again, you talk with knowledge you don’t have.

                                                        Now say something else dumb.

                                                        Oh, 42-14.
                                                        And Crystal, friend.

                                                    1. Ok call me in 10 years and we’ll see, but even if you do win 10 straight I still don’t care. I don’t base my self worth on a football team whose success I had nothing to do with.

                                                      1. And the fact that you assume I do makes you…wait for it….wrong again. Shocking, I know.

                                                        BTW, what’s your parents’ number (so I can call you in 10 years)?

                                                        1. Articles that expose your beloved school for what it is: A division-II school wrapped in funding. I’m taken back that you don’t think higher of my work.

                                                        2. BTW, I love how you don’t care about results but you quickly jumped in to point out a rogue baseball game I left out.

                                                          You, dude, have made my day today. You are hilarious.

                                                        3. I don’t care about the results, but I do care about making sure you know when you’re wrong. Two totally different things

                                                            1. Totally believable, seeing that you’ve spent a whole day on a rival blog fighting for Auburn to the death.

                                                              We’re totally with you.

                                                              1. Which circles us back to my douche comment earlier. Surely with two degrees you can figure out how to get a little action.

                                                      2. Haha ok D-II? And you’re right Alabama doesn’t have any funding either? What the heck are you talking about with that argument you idiot?

                                                          1. Good one. If Auburn isn’t a real school then neither is Bama. They were tied on the U.S. News public university rankings last year.

                                                            1. Auburn does have some really good departments…engineering, agriculture, etc. Bama has a good business school, communications school, fine arts program. It’s AU’s football program that historically is a sham, depending on Bama to be at its weakest in order to succeed.

                                                              But you don’t care about results, so we’re now in agreement on everything I just said, right?

                                                              1. Finally, you admit that Auburn has it’s merits. Maybe you’re not as a big a douche as I thought.

                                                                1. With two degrees you should know “its” when in its possessive form doesn’t require an apostrophe.

                                                                  I knew you were lying to me. Was it Devry?

                                                            2. I also understand trend analysis and that says the trend since I’ve been alive is Auburn constantly beating down Bama.

                                                              1. Where have you been the last four years? That trends seems to have stopped in its (see, no apostrophe) tracks, reversing itself.

                                                                  1. Selective reasoning. It’s the Auburn way. Is that in the creed, by the way?

                                                                    “I believe human history didn’t begin until 1982 when that mean ole Bear died.”

                                                                    1. I believe if I tell myself long enough Auburn is as good as Alabama, it one day will be.

                                                                      I believe in education, but I went to Auburn anyway.

                                                                      I believe Bear cheated all those years he beat us down like a red-headed stepchild.

                                                                      I believe cattle makes good companions.

                                                                      I believe if we come up with a creed it’ll make us seem legit.

                                                                      I believe being in a cult isn’t so bad afterall.

                                                                      I believe if I tell myself results don’t matter getting our butt whipped by Bama over the next ten years won’t hurt as much.

                                                                      And because Auburn men and women believe in these things, maybe one day big brother across the state will give us our due.

                                                                  2. What’s so funny is that in that same 30 year span you hold on to for dear life, Bama own’s three NC’s.

                                                                    But you don’t care about results, remember? So there goes your trend theory.

                                                            3. 42-14 with a strong prospect for more where that came from must really be starting to hurt. This is how the tiggers react when they can t win on the field

                                                              1. It really is Chuch. I’ve had fun with this guy today, like shooting fish in a barrel. But it’s really somewhere between scary and sad.

                                                                1. I’ve had just as much fun watching you guys chase your tail and waste an entire day just to prove to yourselves that I’m wrong.

                                                              1. They usually only come out when Alabama is down and they’re winning, then they claim such huge devotion under false circumstances…..Waiting for a reply such as “All Auburn fans went to Auburn” or some other lie in 5,,,4,,,3,,,2,,,???

                                                            4. RC- I hate to get into this but thing-a-bob said he lived in Lee County, I think. Did that not tell it all ? RTR

                                                              1. If he lives in Lee County, his CPU is connected to a 100 mile long ethernet cable plugged in somewhere in Jefferson County.

                                                              1. 42-14

                                                                You never answered me. At what point did you turn the game off? Did you see our last three touchdowns or not? I mean we scored six, but you know..

                                                            5. Sorry, but there’s no way Petrino will end up at Neckburn. He’s already had one stint at the place and he knows it too well. There’s no way he goes to a place where the likes of Jimmy
                                                              Rane and Pat Dye will be looking over his shoulders and watching every move he makes. Not to mention the continued presence in Neckburn of the Corrupt Midget, Bobby Lowder.

                                                              No, folks, I see Petrino sitting out the 2012 season and then sometime in December being named the head coach at UThug. The orange pukes in Sucktown are getting pretty desperate. They badly need a savior and Petrino, while a scumbag, is just the man who can turn things around on Floppy Top. They’ll give him $5 million a year plus Dollywood and downtown Kingsport to lead the Sucks back to glory.

                                                              You can take it to the bank.

                                                            6. I’m starting to understand why Alabama fans are hated by the entire country. It’s not just the fact that they poison trees and commit sexual assault on other men.

                                                              It’s the fact that no matter how well Alabama does, they’re always comparing themselves to Auburn.

                                                              1. Laughable, Albert. If there was another school to compare Bama to, it certainly would not be Auburn.

                                                                But it’s fun to pretend, isn’t it Albert?

                                                            7. Brilliant! I think you are right! Rumer has it that Petrino is building a home in Auburn! It may happen sooner than you think.

                                                            8. Pingback: First pieces of Petrino to Auburn falling into place | Capstone Report

                                                            9. Pingback: Who will Auburn hire next? Looks like it’s Gus Malzahn | Capstone Report

                                                            10. Pingback: Bobby Petrino trending to Auburn proves their “creed” is garbage | Capstone Report

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