Auburn delusion at an all-time high

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How do you recognize an opponent racked with fear? When the object of that fear shows the first sign of vulnerability and elation erupts.

In this case, when the University of Alabama’s first chink in the armor in the last 3 seasons showed against a common opponent last Saturday, pandemonium spread far and wide among the Aubies.

I knew they were bothered by our success, which included our 22nd SEC Championship and 13th National Title, but never did I imagine that it shook them to their core. And the response? Orgasmic jubilee.

Personally, I’m enjoying it.

I witnessed two ladies in their fifties hugging, one saying to the other “I’m so happy!”

In a public forum before a performance, I heard a person offer “condolences to our Alabama fans in attendance”…classless but typical.

My personal favorite, I had an associate tell me “It’s over!”

It thrills me to think they’ve been hunkered down in their orange and blue storm shelters for three years trying to weather the storm. It thrills me even more that they think the storm is over.

Abarn has long enjoyed the most delusional, smoke-and-mirrors fan base of all time. The smallest achievement is magnified fifty times in convincing fashion.

We saw it last season in living color when “We led ya’ll for 58 minutes!” I admit I struggled to manufacture a response because never had I heard something so pathetic.

Now Navid Nousel is no doubt donning a cape with an interlocking AU on it, screaming in his den “We’re coming for ya Bamur!”

Navid Nousel left reality behind a long time ago, but then again, he’s not alone. Reality has never been a member of the Ahbuhn Fambly.

Reality: The Tiggers defeated USCe in the friendly confines of their stadium.
Aubie delusion: A quality win nonetheless, but not quite the same as the defending National Champions and current No. 1 team taking a 19-game winning streak into Columbia, South Carolina, wearing the target on their backs with a GameDay-hyped crowd in a frenzy and a team that, according to Steve Spurrier, played at an all-time high (in school history).

Reality: Halfway through the season, Abarn is 6-0.
Aubie delusion: That means something. They’ve defeated one team in the top 25. In their house. Other games? Allow me…

Five wins against unranked opponents:

Arkansas State at home – (2-4) whose highlight this season is beating North Texas.
Missy State – (4-2) whose highlight is defeating the 2010 version of Georgia…but also Alcorn State and Memphis!
Clempson at home (2-3) – currently on a three game skid, including a loss to gutted North Carolina (but did beat Presbyterian handily!)
Louisiana-Monroe – (2-3) – with losses to Arkansas State, but did edge SE Louisiana by 1.
Kentucky – (3-3) – who was flying high till they entered conference play (0-3). Wins over Akron and Western Kentucky were awesome though!

And to boot, Missy State, Clempson, and Kentucky were all nail biters that came down to the wire, as did USCe. Clempson had to give the game away. Missy dropped a clutch, uncontested pass late in the contest. Kentucky racked up 34 on the vaunted AU D.

Meanwhile, across the state…

Alabama has competed against and defeated 3 out of 4 ranked teams, two in the top 10 and one on the road. Unfortunately their road games haven’t come against impotent Missy State or Kentucky, but instead against #12 Arkansas and #19 USCe.

Admittedly, Alabama faltered in a horrific performance against an inspired and energized USCe on the road last Saturday, the first of six straight opponents who enjoy a week off prior to their “jewel” game of their season. And yet, despite the set of information I just handed you, we get this from our Aubie delusion brokers:

“Here’s the truth and you know it…AU is foaming at the mouth to get to Nov. 26th. Last year, AU took the best team bama will have in the next 50 years to the wire (notice the pitiful two-handed grasp on last year’s moral victory) with an average (at best) qb and medivac unit for a defense that didn’t substitute its linebackers a single play. You think we’re scared now now with Cam Newton and a D that can actually shuffle some players?? No, the truth is that every one of you bammers are nervous as hell about that game. Bama will lose to LSU and AU and finish the season 9-3.”

So Cam unleashes the fury against five unranked opponents and the AU defense is giving away points like its candy, and now Black Friday is a given. In our house. Where we haven’t so much as given up a touchdown this season. Let alone haven’t lost there since 2007.

Do you see why we love Abarn fans? They’re like cute little Chihuahuas running around the house. They bark like crazy, but can’t really do that much to you. Oh, and they’re fun to kick.

And with the second half of the season coming, it’s going to be more fun than ever!