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Must be a loser to be a college football analyst

Dear ESPN,
I just learned that you’ve booked another of our former coaches, this time Coach Fran, to be alongside Dave Barnett for the Alabama-Clemson game later this month. Your ESPN radio will broadcast the game, and the tandem will be on hand to give us all the action.

Oh goodie. Thank you so much for giving us yet another former Alabama coach with less than positive feelings about us to call one of our games.

I’ve been to Bristol, Connecticut a few times, but I’m not sure what it’s like to live through a football season up there. I am, however, somewhat of an expert on the greatest time of year here in Alabama, and let me tell you…there is nothing, and I do mean nothing, like waiting from January till August for football season to finally get here, and then waiting all week for the next game, and then waiting all day until game time, then turning on your broadcast for one of our games only to be met by a man who loathes our University.

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Good job, ESPN. Well done.

We all loved tuning in to your station(s), the equivalent of a sports broadcasting monopoly, only to find Bill Curry staring back at us with that smug grin on his face. It’s been great hearing him pontificate these last ten years, and even better reading his blather on your website as he positioned himself as an “expert” on Alabama football; this as we’ve wandered through our darkest decade in our rich history.

Curry and Franchione’s presence on your network proves what I and many others have known for years. You have to be a loser to be a college football analyst. No, I don’t mean that haphazzardly. I mean literally. In order to be an expert about college football behind the camera, you have to be a loser on the sidelines.

Curry posted a snazzy 34-43-4 record at his alma mater. Then, obviously because we were being punished by God, he was given the post at Alabama, where he went 26-10, losing three straight to Auburn. He then bolted Tuscaloosa for Kentucky, where in his seven seasons he shelved six losing seasons, including a one-win 1994 football season. It took a school without a football program…with obviously no knowledge of the sport…to give him another shot. Say hello to the Division I-AA cellar, Georgia State!

Fran blew the doors off in College Station with a 25-22 record, which included the largest loss in school history, a 77-0 drubbing by Oklahoma in 2003, and a loss to Baylor which ended a 13 year winning streak against the Vanderbilt of the Big Twelve.

In closing, I’m looking forward to the day when you add yet another steller broadcaster to your crew. If we can tolerate all the “ummmms” and “uhhhs”, I know Mike Shula will have plenty of good to say from the booth as you drop him in place for the Iron Bowl.

44 thoughts on “Must be a loser to be a college football analyst”

  1. Just more proof that ESPN hates your guts….When Tubbs and Fulmer retire, they will be calling all the ESPN games for Bama….Book it !!!!!!

  2. ESPN… I completely agree with Inthe know72 and want you to know my entire family will be listening to it on the net instead of tv because we can not stomach another minute with fran.. Eli Gold will do.. matter of fact we are thinking of dropping espn stations all together due to your recent changes and joining a few sites for better uptodate info and certainly better class of announcers than what you will have. have you ever listened to frans voice. geez I would have thought that alone would have dropped him from your list of canidates.. are you deaf?
    Yes I am a Bama fan, and yes I dislike the man and I think it is terrible that you let him call a Bama game…Do they make espn bobble heads for you guys if so I might have to bring out my putter again. Shame on you espn.. your ratings just went down…

  3. ABC is broadcasting the Alabama game on television. At least we’ll get a good crew for the primetime broadcast.

    But I pity anyone who must listen to ESPN radio. OUCH.

  4. He won’t be on the television broadcast -on ESPN radio. There is a different crew for television and radio. If you want to listen on the radio, you can listen on the Alabama Sports Network. Whos listens to ESPN Radio?

  5. Hey Cap!
    That’s funny! You now you liked Fran when he was our coach….don’t deny it…we all like him. You know why we liked him? We were absolutely pathetic in Dubose’s last season. Fran came on the scene and with his organizational skills and his on-field coaching tactics, he won some games…namely beating Auburn’s ass in dominating fashion (the last time we have beaten those..ahem scuse me.)

    The next season with Fran we beat the hell out of Tennessee for the first time in a while…beat them good on their own turf. If Fran had not been spending all of Iron Bowl week working a deal with Texas A&M we would have beaten Auburn again. If not for probation, we would have been in the SEC Title game regardless of the outcome of the Auburn game. We loved him cause Fran had our football players looking like the ass kickers we all want them to be.

    Then he left us…the C**K S***ing MUTHER F****R and we all loved seeing him implode at A&M. I agree with what you wrotte their about ESPN and Fran,… But don’t forget he was once one of the most popular coaches in modern Alabama history, second only to Gene Stallings in the post Bryant era.

  6. YOU KNOW YOU LIKED HIM WE ALL DID ONCE….. no I Don’t want to hear his whiny ass voice on ESPN.,,,,,, I CAN’T even turn on the radio broadcast cause Snake is gone!

  7. I think Franchione is a good coach. I’d LOVE to sit down and talk with him about the problems in UA’s athletic department.

    Franchione made a big mistake leaving. He would have dominated the state, and thereby the western division of the SEC. He was a great gameplan coach—probably the best offensive mind since Homer Smith worked as OC.

    But I agree with IntheKnow’s analysis, ESPN’s commentators are washed up idiots who couldn’t get another job, except from some morons who don’t understand football…like what happened with Bill Curry 🙂

  8. Most of the coaches…if they could still coach… would rather do that than broadcast… Lou Holtz did the gig for a while then went back to coaching…Terry Bowden openly wants to coach again…Dick Vermeil?

  9. Hilarious post, intheknow. The line about God punishing you with Curry is great.

    Hunter, I’m still waitin’ for someone to disclose a “source” on these allegations that Franchione was “working a deal” with TAM the week of the Iron Bowl.(and no, the fact that he left for A&M two weeks later does not prove that he was negotiating with A&M instead of going to practices and meetings any more than the fact that Fran whipped Saban’s a$$ the week before to the the tune of 31-0). Alabama, the home of moral victories and endless excuses.

  10. So does THIS qualify as obsession? Take a look at the first response as well. Jeez move on already. He was 4 coaches ago for chrissakes.

  11. If you think dominating a season, barely losing to the National and SEC Champions, but losing to a mediocre Tuberville whom he literally crushed the year prior to that, and nearly losing to a below average Hawaii team, both occurring while rumors WERE SWARMING was just coincidence then good for you!

    Don’t you worry, after Nick Saban crushes Tuberville this year, Franchione’s mishaps will officially matter no more!

  12. Tider, trying to make an Aubie consider logic is like trying to make a gay man like women. You’re not going to do it. The whole world sees what happened those last two games in 2002, but to the Aubsessed nation, the world is still flat.

    Julio would like 60 Minutes to do an exposay on the subject, apparently. I’d prefer one on the Opelike/Auburn police’s relationship with the AU Athletic department.

  13. Ahhhh the insults pour in, but the “sources” still remain a mystery. Btw Tider, that “mediocre” Auburn team also barely lost to UGA that year, in fact a week before the IB. (you know, the same day that Fran beat Saban 31-0. I guess Fran had the players prepared for the LSU game, and then immediately started “negotiating” with A&M in the locker room in Baton Rouge on Saturday night after the game, huh?)

    btw, Hawaii was actually pretty good that year. They went 10-4, and I believe Timmy Chang set the NCAA record for passing yardage in a season that year. I’d hardly call it strange that Hawaii was difficult to beat.

  14. When Saban “crushes” Tubberville this year? BWAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

    You are kidding , right?

    On what do you base this prediction?

    Preseason ranking?

    Last years preformance?

    Returning players?

    Oh , I remember,,,,,delusion.

  15. Unlike some of these Posters with a bad case of Sometimers – I drank the Fran Kool-Ade and was desperate that Fran would be the “Answer” to the “Riddle” that has haunted the Program for 15 years or more. I was wrong . I was deceived by a Liar and I suspect that feeling extends to Texas. Has this ever happen to you ? Right. I have no problem with a Wealthy Man earing an honest living (sic) and Fran’s lying mouth will fit nicely on ESPN’s miniscule Radio Audience. Hell – He will fit nicely in ESPN’s “scene”. He will talk a lot of bullshit for 2 years at least and will be “cleansed” for another desperate D-1 program to hire.
    Hell folks – Even Curry can get a job ! I will say that as a working man – I am amazed at this Fantasy World that this bunch works for ( any college- pro – Media – Throw a Dart ! )they shovel money at the most mediocre people- that produce so little. sigh.

  16. Ballplay Indian,

    ESPN is not the only entity which hates UAT’s guts…pretty much everyone does. Why? Because of their arrogance and sense of entitlement, based on some ancient success. The fact that they have sucked for as long as anyone can remember doesn’t seem to interfere with the majority of the delusional rednecks who think that they will somehow get back to “their rightful place.”

    I know lots of people who have moved to B’ham from other places who had no opinion about college football and UAT in particular until they moved here — and they now hate UAT and its fans with a white-hot passion, just because of the sheer unfounded arrogance.

  17. Arrogance ! It’s always been about Winning. The same fire in my belly must burn in the Team I pull for. Excellence and the championship is the goal. I don’t need a motivational speaker to tell me what the “Fire ” is. You are absolutely right. The damn thing must be settled on the Field.
    Welcome to Southern Football Kevin.

  18. Shane is a BLOGGER

    It won’t be long before this blog will be rit of bammurs.

    Clemson 44
    bammurs 6

    The TIGERS are coming!

  19. Does it really matter if Bama was ‘distracted’ back in 2002 when they lost to Auburn? Of course not. Bama Fans would you care if you beat Auburn in a game in which Auburn was distracted? Of course not. A win is a win. In 03 Auburn sure had plenty of distractions but somehow found a way to win.

  20. As down as everybody talks about Bama being down over the last twenty years, let’s revisit. We managed a share of the SEC in 1989 and won the SEC championship and a National Championship in 1992 and won the 1999 SEC. Compared to Auturds sharing an SEC in 1988 and sharing in 1989 and winning it alone in 2004. It is going to be bad down on the farm when we are no longer “down”. Oh, I forgot beating Alabama is your National Championship. Always the bridesmaid never the bride, hang around Auturds, we will show you how to win the big prize. If it is facts it can’t be arrogance.

  21. LMAO, who gives a damn about Fran calling the game on radio? What does it matter? It will have about as much impact as Bama has had on the national scene in recent memory, which is not saying much. Oh, by the way, this is FinebaumJunkie, and its good to be back. And happy birthday to me…..37 here. Thank you, I’m sure you all wish me the best. And Amy, if that prediction of yours happens, I will kiss that big ole trailer park, pimpled, flabby, butt of yours. LOL, just kidding…I do have my standards.

  22. FinebaumJunkie, aren’t you a little too old to be trash talking on the internet.

    And how ironic is it that you represent a college “city” infested with trailer parks and Wire Road rednecks, yet you refer to someone else as that?

    And about Fran, I’m sure it matters as much to him as it did Phil Fulmer at media days in 2002, the day he failed to show up!

  23. Franny’s fat fanny you have your standards which is why you’re probably married to a hideous wildebeest and extracting your anguish out on an innocent lady that you’ve never met or seen, on the world wide web. Why not take that fat beast out of the trailer park on a fancy date for once? Or are you too ashamed others will point and laugh?

  24. Kevin, this “arrogance” that you speak of, does it in any way at all resemble the childish arrogance that the poster children (AUtards) of Alabama Tech football displays after a win over a team of which the facts provided shows you had a struggle defeating before the Alabama program self-destructed.

    You may claim to “know” a few AUtards in your family who had no opinion on college football whatsoever, but the general consensus reached their verdict long ago on who the most arrogant fan base is simply based on their stepchild-esque behavior after a few consecutive victories* over their “superior” aka “fatherly institute”.

  25. If you’re as old as Moses (like junkie), I think it’s time to slow down and start finalizing your will and making funeral arrangements.

    I dread turning 37. I’ve got seven more years to go. Boo hoo!!

  26. Itll be here before you know it kiddo….I would bet that you talk just as much smack then as you do now….

    Bama Man….Lets go back to post Bryant for Bama and Auburn…..Whats that 1983?

    I believe that we would have around 5 SEC championships…How Many does Bama have in that span?

  27. You mean the SEC title you shared with LSU in 1988, who had more SEC wins than you that year?

    And in 1989, you shared a title with Alabama and Tennessee who each had more SEC wins than you did that season, with Alabama leading the win-list of course?

    Using your logic, what about the post-Dye era? How many have you won since then? Only 1, which it took you all 15 years to win, which is about the same time span it took Arkansas to finally win the West.

  28. Bama football started and ended with Bahr…..I thought that it would be a good reference point….Well call it A.B. (after Bahr)……Bama hasnt been able to compete with Auburn A.B.

  29. Playing with an indians balls, now I know you don’t want to start making comparisons, believe me it will embarass you Auturds, like I said the day Auturds break ANY of UAT records, please let me know, oh, that’s right, I am sorry you won’t be with us anymore.

  30. You’re exactly right, Ballplay!

    We weren’t able to compete with you in recruiting during our down period, which led to the decline in our performance and the rising of yours!

    Now backtrack just a tad and you’ll notice that when we were able to compete, you only won T-H-R-E-E Iron Bowls in the entire decade of the 90s.

    Kinda like how Tuberville couldn’t compete any at all at Ole Miss, or at Alabama PolyTECHnic Institute, except for the years of turmoil, which was 2000 (almost Shula like), and 2002-2007.

  31. NYC … your on pace for 1 Iron bowl victory THIS decade….Remind me if Bammaer was on probation in the 80s A.B. (after Bahr)…..

  32. Ballplay, I will remind you of this, look it up “the school with the third most probations behind Ariz St and SMU, the mighty A-U-T-U-R-D-S”

  33. While we’re on the subject do Bama’s victories over Auburn in the late 70s & mid 90s count? Auburn was on probation then. So I guess not.

  34. Bamaman ….How old are you?

    If your under 20 you dont know of a Bama team with any sort of tradition as you were 4 years old MAX when they won the Nat. Championship in 92. (luck by the way)

    If you 30 or younger, then you remember Auburns dominance over your crappy 80s decade teams…

    If your 40 or younger, (this is where im at ) you remember NONE of bamas 70s dominance… You just remember your parents talking about it…

    If your 50 or younger, your more worried about your 401k than anything else.

    If your 60 or younger , your just worried about getting your viagra refilled…

    Your TURDISHUN dont mean SQUAT…..Its what you can do in the here and now that matters boy…………

  35. I love getting under the skin of these slimy Auturds trolling a Bama website. Ballplay what is your obsession with Alabama, I have never, ever even attempted to find an Auturd website, and how the hell do you know what I can remember and don’t based on my age. I know at least we have tradition, but that is something you would’nt understand because you have none. Is the most the Auturds can do is hope to beat Alabama when their down? That is your “here and now boy”? What a joke. Stay tune, we will show you how to win the big prize.

  36. Ballplay if you think I believe you are forty or younger, I don’t. You refer to time catching up with people on your blog and call people boy and son too much for that, but my goodness, if it is true, you have never experienced what it is like to be a National Champion because that half of one was over a half century ago.

  37. Wrong on the age, Wrong as your delusional belief that the Auturd program is even worthy of standing in big brother’s shadow. Your silence tells me you are in the 60 to 70 year window.

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