Sports in Paradise By Dale Jones

As I have stated in the column before, I believe the Auburn vs. Alabama rivalry is the best rivalry in all of college sports. There are a number of pro sports rivalries that probably garner more national attention, but people all across the country are aware of the major clash that happens every November in this state.

When Harvey Updyke Jr. decided to call a sports radio talk show to claim he had poisoned the trees at Toomer’s Corner in Auburn, he won the award for the top two bone-headed decisions of the century – one, for poisoning the trees with Spike 80DF, and two, for calling a radio show to admit it.

Auburn fans have been screaming ever since about the injustice to the very trees that they shower with toilet paper after winning football games.

Now it appears that some Aubies have taken justice into their own hands by attacking Updyke at an Opelika gas station on Thursday.

According to Updyke, his tires have been slashed in a Walmart parking lot, he and other family members have been threatened and his attorney, Glennon Threatt, Jr., says that he is concerned for his client’s safety.

Auburn fans, you might want to remember before you find yourselves in the slammer, that should the 62-year-old Updyke be found guilty of poisoning the trees, he could face as many as 10 years in jail.

Whatever the case may be, this madness has to stop.

This is the deep south, however, and this is Alabama and Auburn, so something tells me that the we have a better chance of seeing Democrats and Republicans sitting around the Washington Monument holding hands and singing Kumbaya then we do Tide and Tiger fans toning down the hatred.

According to Opelika Police, Updyke says he was attacked following his court appearance when he stopped to buy gas. He thinks it was a group of people, but he doesn’t remember because he says that he blacked out.

I don’t know what to believe.

Updyke obviously has some very serious issues. Based on the fact that the gas station has no security cameras and it appears that nobody saw the attack that happened at 1 in the afternoon, we are going to have to believe that the man was indeed attacked.

If that was the case, how pathetic!

Updyke poisoning the Toomer trees, equally pathetic!

Anyone planning to dismantle the newly christened Saban statue outside of Bryant-Denny, just stop right there.

Let’s all get back to tailgating, eating grilled chicken and burgers, telling a few Bama and Auburn jokes and enjoying the greatest game that there is.

Put down the poison, put down the crowbar, unclench your fist, and let’s act like we have just a LITTLE bit of class. Both of you!

Hit ‘em striaght
—Dale Jones is a reporter / sports columnist for Gulf Coast Newspapers and a Member of the Alabama Sports Writers Association. You can reach Dale at djones@gulfcoastnewspapers.com.

72 thoughts on “Jones: Time to calm down and show some class”

  1. Auburn people have no class. They preach it, but don’t teach it. They talk the talk but do not walk the walk. Chizik in October: “It’s a God thing.” Chizik in January-NC Celebration: “War DAMN Eagle.” HYPOCRITE!!!!

    It cannot be a “God” thing when you have cheaters in your program, racism within the Athletic Department, dirty players, armed robberies, and so forth. God doesn’t want false prophets, Coach Chizik. Demand Excellence from your program, fans, and old-timers (Dye and Lowder). Give them an ultimatum and walk the walk. Tell them to clean it up or GET THE HELL OUT!!!! Not just the armed robbbers, but the old timers too. Have some backbone, Coach Chizik. BE YOUR OWN MAN!!

    Auburn people will tell someone not affilliated with both schools all sorts of lies about Alabama and its fans. Auburn fans lie daily on their forums and blogs with this “Auburn fans graduated from AU or have connections” lie. It is a lie. I’m a graduate of UA, and MOST AUBURN PEOPLE that I know did not graduate from Auburn. Their false “connections” are the same ones used by sidewalk alumni everywhere. HYPOCRITES. They love their African-American athletes as long as they keep their mouth’s shut, but one sense of justice, you’ll see the spectacle at the Eric Ramsey graduation in ’93. HYPOCRITES!! Auburn, stop being a trashy institution. Stand for what is right, what your purported “Creed” (giggle) teaches you. Stop being dimwitted Old South hypocrites, and start living in the real world. Now, I’ll just sit back and wait for all the Auburn white trash to post. C’mon Finebaum Junkie and Nicket, you toothless Auburn inbreds!!

  2. i guarantee the classy bama fanbase would not have tolerated skank like dye lowder for 50 yrs

  4. RC, You have proven my point. Remember a few days ago I posted a list of things that people see? You had a beauty of a post going talking about class and such. Then you bring the God issue into it and end with a pathetic worn out battle cry? I thought you had a little game, but boy, was I wrong. I’ll give you credit for one thing though. You do have a little decency in you, in that you didnt throw in the trademark symbol at the end of God, like I have seen a particular righteous person that would be better suited being employed drawing Sunday morning comics on here often do. Its not that you called me out as it is you DID mention my name. Except for that last part, which I have already covered, you carry yourself fairly well. We disagree and thats fine. I look at it this way, when it comes to judging me when I die, I’m faithful that none of you will be the one to determine my eternity, and vice versa. I enjoy debating and the such, trading barbs back and forth. I can go all night with the likes of you, Brandy, hell even TMC and several others in here. I’ts fun and to be honest, some of you are downright funny. Then you get to the garbage, which I have said my last piece to and will not utter his name again because sadly I fell into the gutter with him and another for a while, but enough. Anyways, I need to grab some shut eye, as I had an eventful day in Opelika….bwaaahahhahaha couldnt resist that. What a bunch of BS.

  5. If Harvey really did get beat up HE DESERVED it!! Both fanbases
    have some nut cases who have made the rivalry look really
    pathetic. I like beating Auburn 50 -0 in football or any other
    sport but it just really a sport. The bigger problem is trying
    to stop the tax and spend congress and finding somebody
    with common sense to be president. RTR

  6. Good point Don. I agree with you on that, cept the Bama beating Auburn thing. There is so much more to come, but people are not listening. They soon will be.

  7. Finebaum,

    you’re exactly right. There is so much more to come out about Auburn’s shady athletic program via Chaz Ramsey and Greg Robinson…oh, did you not know he got out of his commitm….oh, be sure to pay attention! The Calloway thing is a laughable, dead mess. Nobody’s coming out against Bama

  9. Tip of the Iceburg!â„¢ You Bammers won’t be laughing so much when god smites all the non-Auburn fans.

  10. “Auburn people have no class.”

    Rc (Rotten Crotch),

    As a no-class Bammer Moron, that’s the pot calling the kettle…..!

  12. and i see that putrid Vowell from the Flatlands is back.Hey Indy – teach Taylor Bray how to block on a reverse before he gets deboned.

  14. R.C.

    The point of my column (which you obviously either missed, or kept your crimson colored glasses on to read) was that there is a lack of class on BOTH side.

    You mentioned cheaters, racism, dirty players, robbers, etc at Auburn. You MIGHT want to stop for a minute and consider history and some of the actions of both Alabama boosters and players.

    Ultimately, this is a GAME! A competition. We are fortunate to have two GREAT institutions with GREAT students and GREAT athletes at both schools.
    But it is clueless, classless fans ON BOTH SIDES that are turning this otherwise FUN rivalry over to the dark side.

    Let’s try to keep that from happening, shall we?

  15. “The bigger problem is trying
    to stop the tax and spend congress and finding somebody with common sense to be president.”

    NOW THAT WE CAN AGREE ON!

  19. Why is that Alabama is always on probation, yet they accuse everyone else of cheating? No SEC team has been on probation more than Bama in the last 20 years, yet you clowns pretend that UA is squeaky clean and everyone else is the problem. You hicks are blind.

  20. “Why is that Alabama is always on probation, yet they accuse everyone else of cheating? No SEC team has been on probation more than Bama in the last 20 years, yet you clowns pretend that UA is squeaky clean and everyone else is the problem. You hicks are blind.”

    My sentiments EXACTLY!

  21. Nobody is saying Bama is squeaky clean. Bama paid the price for cutting corners. We expect Auburn to do the same, now that they have been caught.

    How come when Auburn (or UT) gets in trouble, they try to throw Bama in the middle of their messes?

  22. I didnt realize Auburn had been caught. Please provide you evidence to support your claims.

  23. Big Fail Dale. Didn’t Auburn writers concoct lies about recruiting in Gadsden, Foley and Mobile? All cleared by the NCAA. Jeff Lee and John Stancil and their Russelville smear campaign will be no different. Didn’t Auburn supporters come after Mark and Julio under the guise of poor old crippled man wants to go fishing one last time. How’d that class act work out? Didn’t the same Auburn booster hook Harris up with a computer and cost him 4 games? Didn’t Auburn just this week re-elect the 26 billion dollar loser, Bobby Lowder,the undisputed King of play for pay? Home invasions, rampant drug culture, NY strippers for recruiting weekends. The NY Times, ESPN,HBO and many others tearing Aubie to shreds to the point they can’t even field 2 squads for a legit spring game.All Barntard U. has is one lone transplanted Texan who poisoned a tree. Your dead on about a lack of class.But the facts show it’s all one-sided.

  24. No Bammerbino,

    Bammer fans show very little class; just look at the posts on this site!

  25. You use the term BARNTARD U and then claim “a lack of class from the other side”.

    You say things like “Bobby Lowder, undisputed king of play for pay” yet you give nor cite ONE SINGLE SHRED OF EVIDENCE!

    Rampant drug culture. BASED ON WHAT?

    Strippers for recruits? PROVE IT!

    Do you not see you obvious lapse in logic and reason. You spew nonsense and tout is as fact. You are the epitome of BAMMER!

  26. Dale,

    you obviously do not spend enough time on Bama forums, or you would see how high and mighty the white trash fanbase of Auburn acts on a daily basis. I don’t need to be schooled by the likes of you on proper ettiquette. Yeah, that’s probably spelled wrong, bite me. Just look at one of the above posts. Some trashy AU fan talks about UA probation when AU is 3rd all time in NCAA history. His butt buddy, IndianaVOL agrees with him, MAJOR shock

    indianaVOl, are you 5?

  27. LMAO@ these barntards comparing message board banter, on a Bama site no less, to the far reaching false allegations from their websites that border on breaking felony privacy laws.There is no comparison, and as long as you barntards keep firing the 1st shot, you’ll be shot back at with the facts.

  28. uh, LordSaban, 5 NCAA investigations. They won’t stop until they find something. It’s just a matter of time. It might not be next week or next month, because 5 investigations are going to take a while. I am sure they will thorough. Name another school that had 5 NCAA investigations at the same time that come out squeaky clean. You can’t.

  29. Again, sticking to facts, (something you people know nothing of) you have NOTHING on Auburn. Do you not understand the concept of backing up your claim. Like, when you say there are 5 NCAA investigations going on at Auburn… PROVE IT! Give me something. Don’t just vomit up crap like that without supporting it you jackass. I pointed out FACT by stating that no team in the SEC has been on probation for CHEATING as much as ALABAMA has been in the last 20 years. 16 out of the last 20 years. All of your responses are nothing other than baseless claims and empty allegations.

    Im sorry to boggle your minds with words so unfamiliar to you like: EVIDENCE, SUPPORT, REASON, LOGIC, & PROOF. But look them up! They might come in handy for that Burger King interview!!!

  30. The fact is , Auburn has some serious problems right now. Multiple players admitting to pa-for-play. An ex-coach admitting to pay-for-play. Four players committing armed-robbery. Several individual aspects of Auburns recruiting practices are under investigation. Like the Tiger Prowl. Troopas use of street agents. A player in LA going back to school bragging about an iPhone and a wad of cash for visiting Auburn, who he signed with. Cam Newton and his father, who admit they are so close and tight with each other, yet Cam didn’t know what his dad was doing in shopping him around. He was willing to go along with whatever his dad wanted. Pat Dye, convicted of pay-for-play, is still part of the Auburn program. All of these are FACTS. Not made up by Bammers, not hearsay, but reported in the news, and from the involved parties own mouths. The NCAA has even changed the rules so another Cam situation won’t happen in the future. They are embarrassed by the situation, and Auburn blatantly committing recruiting violations is not going to help.

  31. Big Fail Dale. Let’s hear some more about Auburn’s middle of the pack number of SEC championships are GREAT. Or how 2 tainted NC’s to show for 120 years of football are GREAT.That’s some Barntopian fantasy world you live in.

  32. “Dale,

    you obviously do not spend enough time on Bama forums, or you would see how high and mighty the white trash fanbase of Auburn acts on a daily basis. I don’t need to be schooled by the likes of you on proper ettiquette. Yeah, that’s probably spelled wrong, bite me. Just look at one of the above posts. Some trashy AU fan talks about UA probation when AU is 3rd all time in NCAA history.”

    Just goes to prove my point that Rotten Crotch and his Bammer Moron bretheren are no-class BOOBS!

  34. Idiot VOL, you can’t be a real person. You HAVE to be acting to be such a dumbass. You had me fooled there for a minute. But now I am on to you!

  35. LordButthurt. You mean facts like Pat Dye and Eric Ramsey? Terry Bowden? Tubberville? McGlover? Chaz Ramsey? Those facts? Junior Rosegreen? James Brooks? SACS probation for academic fraud? They’re all just bad dreams.Follow along behind the biggest loser and crook this state has ever seen in Lowder. It’ll be A’right.

  36. “You really think Peyton Manning ( family very wealthy in his own right)would need to accept $$ to attend Tennessee???

    You are TRULY DELUSIONAL!

  37. “The NCAA Committee on Infractions released a statement last year calling the University of Alabama-Tuscaloosa the following:

    A “serial repeat violator,” with an “abysmal infractions track record” and an “extensive recent history of infractions cases unmatched by any other member institution in the NCAA.”

    “This was written in response to the school’s textbook probation appeal (which was summarily denied).

    This is the school’s most recent major NCAA rules violation. It has landed the University of Alabama-Tuscaloosa (UAT) a three-year probation that will last through June 10, 2012, their second major NCAA violation in less than 10 years.”

    So much for your silly argument that the Crimson TURD is CLEAN now!!

    “The NCAA Committee on Infractions released a statement last year calling the University of Alabama-Tuscaloosa the following:

    A “serial repeat violator,” with an “abysmal infractions track record” and an “extensive recent history of infractions cases unmatched by any other member institution in the NCAA.”

    “This was written in response to the school’s textbook probation appeal (which was summarily denied).

    This is the school’s most recent major NCAA rules violation. It has landed the University of Alabama-Tuscaloosa (UAT) a three-year probation that will last through June 10, 2012, their second major NCAA violation in less than 10 years.”

    So much for your silly argument that the Crimson TURD is CLEAN now!!

    “The NCAA Committee on Infractions released a statement last year calling the University of Alabama-Tuscaloosa the following:

    A “serial repeat violator,” with an “abysmal infractions track record” and an “extensive recent history of infractions cases unmatched by any other member institution in the NCAA.”

    “This was written in response to the school’s textbook probation appeal (which was summarily denied).

    This is the school’s most recent major NCAA rules violation. It has landed the University of Alabama-Tuscaloosa (UAT) a three-year probation that will last through June 10, 2012, their second major NCAA violation in less than 10 years.”

    So much for your silly argument that the Crimson TURD is CLEAN now!!

    http://www.ncaa.org/wps/wcm/connect/e8ec210041daa384a4c3fc0136064c64/20100323+D1+IAC+Tuscaloosa+Report.pdf?MOD=AJPERES&CACHEID=e8ec210041daa384a4c3fc0136064c64

  38. Whatever Vol. Bama is still going to kick UTs ass, scream cheater all you want. We still fill the stands, win national championships, and piss people like you off. Life is good. It must suck to be a Vol fan right now.

    Bama is clean RIGHT NOW. They can’r afford to get into any more trouble. The text-book thing is a little different than pay-for-play, and covering up for a rapist BTW.

  39. Indiana VOLqueer:

    Grab your buttcheeks. Tennessee is headed towards probation VERY SOON. Probation couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch than Auburn and Tennessee fans

  41. Can anyone post any links with any news on AU’s ongoing investigations? AU family, get ready for some type of sanctions. I say this solely because now that the NCAA is ‘all in’ on these investigations they will make it their mission to find something. If no rules were broken, I hope y’all are cleared, but it would look bad on the NCAA if all this time was wasted and nothing to show for it. Anyway I hope bama wrings the tigers tail next iron bowl.

  42. That “dead mess” you speak of is far from that. But thats the least of your worries, you just don’t know it yet. Yeah, we all know Auburn is the only school that cheats and that THE University of Updykes are all pure. I’d love to get a picture of each of you when you realise you got your own fires stokin, but if ya seen one toothless Bama grin, you have seen them all.

  44. Finebaum Junkie,

    you can try to pull an “Auburn” and set up as many Bama players that you want, make meritless accusations, or play Colombo and actually find something, but the NCAA will not touch Saban’s program. However, they do not feel the same way about those lying, false prophet, hypocrites at Auburn University. Go Orange and Blue, Burn Baby Burn!!!!

  45. Indiana Volqueer,

    your Pansy ass would prolly like to bury your head in some dude’s crotch. See, I can be as idiotic and sophomoric as you. “Up yours?” Seriously???

  46. Atlanta Roll we cheer for the mighty crimson tide and I have
    read your ideas for a long time and you blast me on this blog.
    Well you are NO BETTER than Indy Vol in my eyes as that is
    low as it gets. RTR

  47. fbj is just lashing out because of the AUpocolypse! Yall just ignore him he will eventually go away….oh wait no he wont he is too busy aubsessing over alabama! Fbj dont fight it anymore just go ahead and convert to bama! Hell you spend more time worrying about them anyway so u may as well be a fan!…..btw im still waiting on ya little feller! Oh and cheesedik said to tell ya he has a steak dinner tomorrow night he still needs his teeth back !

  49. “Bama is clean RIGHT NOW. They can’r afford to get into any more trouble. The text-book thing is a little different than pay-for-play, and covering up for a rapist BTW.”

    Please elaborate!

  50. Look guys I know u all think im an idiot and thats ok…i know it too I just get so frustrated knowing that my second tier football program has hit rock bottom.all I can do now is hope and pray that alabama goes down too! I appologize for all the remarks I make but its really all I have left to hold on to… Go vols!

  51. “Look guys I know u all think im an idiot and thats ok…i know it too I just get so frustrated knowing that my second tier football program has hit rock bottom.all I can do now is hope and pray that alabama goes down too! I appologize for all the remarks I make but its really all I have left to hold on to… Go vols!”

    Nice job at hijacking my screen name.

    Bammer cheats in many different forms!

  53. 1-6 vs Saban overall and 0 fer 4 since he came to Bama hurts don’t it Rotty Topper.46 measley points to 123.Go Vols!

  54. Bammerbino,

    Looks like Bammer has some ground to make up after the Vols smacked the TURD 7 in a row and 11 of 16 during the FULMER years! I would not get used to a long streak just yet!!

  55. nce again I lash out. I am sorry for bringing up the seven straight over bama without mentioning the 11 game winning streak alabama had over tennessee. I am begining to sound like an auburn fan mentioning the 6 game streak over bama and omitting the 9 game streak bama had over auburn. Not to mention bama still has the over all win record over both schools. Once again I am sorry!

  57. I am so sorry for beating up on Indiana Vol. The posters on this site owe Indiana Vol and apology.

    It is true, The Crimson Tide program has been cheating for decades and got what is justly deserved with the Logan Young incident. We were quick to blame Tennessee and Phil Fulmer for the problems, but it was all Alabama.

    We have accused Tennessee unjustly over the past few years, when there has been no sanctions or legitimate proof of wrongdoing by Tennessee. As far as Alabama is concerned, we are GUILTY AS CHARGED.

  58. NO it is I says me! Look at me im so blinded by my owbs truths im talking to myself now! Only one thing left to do and that is find my lane kiffin blow up doll and take it out on him! Hmmmmmm back door or mouth?……decisions decisions….oh well may as well do both!……brb!

  60. Looks like Bammer has some ground to make up after the Vols smacked the TURD 7 in a row and 11 of 16 during the FULMER years! I would not get used to a long streak just yet!!

  61. I dont know I meant by the TURD comment im so delusional now I dont know wether to shyt or go blind so ill just close one eye and fart!

  62. “Bama is clean RIGHT NOW. They can’r afford to get into any more trouble. The text-book thing is a little different than pay-for-play, and covering up for a rapist BTW.”

    Still waiting on your explanation!

  63. Based on the first comment and those thereafter, I can see that the wholey worthy article posted was TOTALLY IGNORED.

    Cursing and nasty name calling just for the sake of it is redneck.

    Redneck ain’t classy. The Bear would be embarrassed.

  64. let me rephrase that….the bear would be embarrassed of how the NCAA mucked up the newton ordeal.i myself know that auburn has to do anything possible to compete with alabama I just hate we have got caught ….oh well it was nice while it lasted!

  65. The real truth here is this great classic rivalry will be a thing of the past if this stupidity does not stop soon.Just like other games Lsu…Tulane and so on.Our Iron Bowl will be taken away just because of a few stupid people doing dumb things or some one getting hurt or killed.This is the course that this rivalry is headed.Sorry to say but it is a true fact..

  68. Might I add tho that I think this article is tryin to take some of the heat off of auburn
    a truly unbiased column of such a subject would look at the entire history of each institution . Having said that you would have seen that auburn is historically the dirtiest program in the nation hands down…IF they werent going back just enough years to make it look like auburn was on the better side of the rainbow! Its just like when they only go back on the win loss record onlyfar enough to make auburn look like the dominant program. Just a little FYI!

  69. LOL!! Are you really trying to suggest that Rivals has an Auburn bias??? Two points that you guys fail to consider:

    1. The article clearly states that it is based on facts, not speculation or accusations. I recognize that your guys often get these mixed up (particularly when it is convenient – see Calloway for example), but the rest of the world recognizes the difference.

    2. You can’t have it both ways. On the one hand you guys argue that Bama has paid their dues and has been clean for the last few years (i.e., the past is in the past). On the other hand, when it benefits you, you guys want to consider ancient history.

    You guys have to be the most hypocritical group of people I have ever seen. How about this: If you want to point to McClover as evidence that Auburn cheated, you have to also admonish Saban, given MC said LSU (during Saban’s time there) also gave him money. If McClover is a credible source, he’s a credible source. There’s no way you would argue he is lying about one school/administration and telling the truth about the other… would you???

  70. I did however forget to mention that mcglover never implicated the LSU coaching staff. lol my mind tends to get clouded from time to time because of my envy if alabama and their championship ways. I know I shouldnt post stuff about other schools cheating because hey we all do it right? I think why I do such random things like this is because im tired of my beloved tigers being put under the microscope! I mean if auburn has to burn then so should alabama its only fair ! Oh yea and the fact that auburn has won “1.5” titles under scrutiny and probation has slipped my mind as welll! But hey at least we are still better than bama in being the dirtiest in history not just the past 30 years!

  71. Well the only thing that really matters is who is caught cheating RIGHT NOW. We all know which school that is. That is the school that is going to be punished, and that school will be sweating it out until the NCAA concludes their investigations.

    Everything is fine at Bama. Saban has done an excellent job since he has been there, and has built the program up to become a powerhouse for years to come. Auburn has taken shortcuts and many secondary violations to catch up, and now they are paying the price.

    So the past doesn’t matter as much as how the future is shaping up. Bama has an experienced team loaded with talent, Auburn has a depleted team, and is under a dark cloud. Which programs future looks the brightest?

  72. Truthfully?……Alabamas looks brighter! Their future’s so bright I gotta wear shades!

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