At this point only the most delusional Auburn fan…and there is an army of them…would believe there hasn’t been any funny business going on down on the farm…for years. Once again, the impartial national media…not Bama Magazine, Capstone Report or Tider Insider subscribers…has continued sniffing around the cow patties in Lee County, and once again, what’s coming up stinks to high heaven.

The Sporting News’ Matt Hayes wrote a scathing article about improprieties in Auburn stemming from an overall larger culture of cheating.

One jewel in the article, among many:

“Typically, it goes something like this: win a championship, recruiting improves exponentially, win more championships (see: Alabama). Unless, that is, the very foundation of what you do and who you are has rotted away long ago.

“Unless, that is, you stumble upon fools’ gold by landing an elite player — who turned in the greatest single season in the history of the game — and then hold on tight while he carries you to unthinkable heights.

“Decades of dirty dealings for one national championship. Reward, ladies and gentlemen, can’t outrun risk.”

Clay Travis has made putting Auburn under the microscope his personal hobby as of late, appealing to give the 2010 team full NCAA immunity to find out what was really going down as they cheated their arses off that season.

Another gem, from his article: “Even 1980′s Miami players are like, ‘Damn, y’all need to chill at Auburn.’”

ESPN’s Shaun Assael covered an apparent ongoing drug problem at Auburn.

One gem, among many:

“The Magazine/”E:60″ investigation revealed that while Chizik and Auburn athletic director Jay Jacobs were aware of the football team’s 12 positive tests for synthetic marijuana, they kept the results secret, even from the parents of the players.”

Of course, the most infamous of works casting a negative shadow on the Plains began with Selena Roberts’ article, “Auburn’s Tainted Title: Victims, Violations and Vendettas for Glory”

Of course, Auburn’s Jay Jacobs and former head coach Gene Chizik have offered denials, as have a few of the players quoted in the report by Roberts. And the Auburn spinmeisters have been hard at work, dissecting the words of those offering a disparraging view of the Auburn Athletic Department.

But sooner or later, Auburn fan, you have to ask yourself why. Why are so many pointing fingers toward your lovliest village, two years removed from your first taste of glory in 50 years…fresh off another average year in 2011 and an absolute abomination of a season in 2012? You can’t say it’s Crimson jealousy…heck, Bama has shelved three BCS National Championships in the same era.

Afterall, so many who don’t live in rural Alabama around the country are just jealous of those who live in rural Alabama, and want to take it down, right?

Auburn fan, you have to listen beyond the PR spin and sports relations talking points doled out to in-state media outlets like Halloween candy. Sadly, these latest points of contention are just the tip of the iceberg for a program that’s broken beyond repair. What’s wrong with your program, how do you fix it, and if it doesn’t bother you that all this is going on, who really has the problem?

After all, it’s them, not you. Right? Everybody…all the independent voices around the country are the ones lying, not Jacobs and company. Right?

(Follow ITK on Twitter for Bama news, commentary and smack.)

On December 4, 2012, the Auburn University football program made a statement, but nobody is sure what it is.

It could be “We don’t have a clue what we’re doing.”

Or it could be “We want a head coach that we can control.”

Or it could be “We asked everybody and literally everybody but one candidate turned us down.”

Whatever the statement may be, Auburn football spoke loud and clear on this day in history, screaming that it is content to stay exactly where it is.

For you see, after firing the only coach to lead the Auburn Tigers to a national title since before the Kennedy administration, Auburn replaced their axed coach with, well, Gene Chizik part two.

The author of the Dipsy-Doo, Trickeroo Offense© is back in town.

Yes that’s right! The head man who was trolling high school sidelines just a handful of years ago, with only one year of head coaching experience…if you call Arkansas State college head coaching experience…is now the head coach in Lee County.

Let me repeat…the husband of Krazy Kristi is back!!!

The creator of sissy football, where we try to trick you rather than line up and play man football to beat you, is back!

And the recipient of this barb from Alabama strength and conditioning coach Scott Cochran…

…is back!

Tide fans everywhere sat on pins and needles for a few hours as it was unknown if the Tide defensive coodinator Kirby Smart would be offered and/or accept the job. Losing Smart would “smart” just a bit, though it’s hard to imagine true angst over any new head Auhbuhn man with Alabama head coach Nick Saban still at the helm.

But a Smart departure for the Plains would have served more of an in-your-face than a “here-we-come” statement.

Instead, Tide fans are celebrating Christmas early as the baboons in Lee County continue their cultish, fambly ways.

The only time Malzahn’s offense succeeded against Nick Saban’s defense was when he had a once-in-a-lifetime, lightening-in-a-bottle, freak of nature quarterback under center. And that was an improbable, narrow one point win. Luckily for Malzahn, Cam Newtons come along every year. Oh wait….

And the other times?

26-21 and 42-14.

Saban said in his first press conference in Tuscaloosa “We have an opponent in this state that we work 365 days a year to dominate.”

Looks like that job just got a little easier.

(Follow ITK on Twitter for Bama news, commentary and smack.)

Clay Travis is a douche, and as we all know, douches are good for only one thing.

Travis, the unapologetically biased Volunteer blogger has been out front with his ridiculous fantasies of John Gruden coming to Tennessee in replacement of fired coach Derek Dooley.

Today Travis’ fantasy has come to an end. Reports indicate that the Monday Night Football analyst declined the opportunity, though nothing concrete indicates he was ever seriously considering it.

But that never stops Travis from making things up, much like the fabricated T-Town Menswear reach he attempted to make a story last year.

His website serving as the TMZ of college football news, Clay Travis is a fool, and yet again, he’s illustrated it for us in living, hilarious color.

(Follow ITK on Twitter for Bama news, commentary and smack.)

Today worlds collide in Lee County, Alabama as two of the most hapless programs in college football collide on the gridiron.

The dysfunctional Arkansas Razorbacks (1-4) march into Jordan-Hare Stadium to take on the impotent Auburn Tigers (1-3). That’s right, combined the teams are 2-7, with impressive wins over Jacksonville State and LaMonroe (in OT).

Moral Victory U will face the Razorbacks fresh off an impressive showing against LSU two weeks ago, where yet another team rolled into Jordan-Hare uninspired to give the Tigers an “A” game to contend with.

Storylines to watch:

• Will Onterio McCalleb break the NCAA record for most rushes ending with a sprint out of bounds? He only needs 4 to own the record. I mean, there are times he runs out of bounds with his shoulders square to the pressbox. Impressive.

• Will John L. Smith say something stupid in an on-camera interview?

• Will Auburn head coach Frank Chiznik honestly refer to a win in the post game presser as a “great win for Auburn University?”

• Will Tyler Wilson’s offensive line even try?

• Will both defenses hold the total yards gained to under 1,000?

Either way, with an Auburn win Auburn fans will declare that their season has taken an upward turn…a win that would be the equivalent of kicking a kitten. A loss and the armor of a supposed championship program continues to crumble.

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Denard Robinson is an amazing talent. Especially when he’s playing Navy. Or San Diego State. Or worse, today’s Notre Dame, which is not your father’s Fighting Irish.

Visit any intramural field on any college campus today and you’ll find a flag-football quarterback whose throws resemble Robinson’s. His deep ball is often left up for grabs for whoever can jump the highest.

In the open field he’s dangerous. The problem is, he won’t see the open field Saturday night. Alabama will contain Denard Robinson, hedging him in and forcing hime to beat them with the pass…which he can’t do.

The team that held the most dominant offensive college football player in 30 years to 39 yards on the ground…a player who towers over Michigan’s mighty might QB by half a foot and outweighs him by close to 60 pounds…will spend the evening containing him and forcing him to use his arm rather than his legs. Cam Newton, could also pass, but even then had some freak of nature things go his way in one of the more unlikely games of the century. Denard ain’t no Cam, and the planets don’t appear to be aligning for him this Saturday night.

On the occasion that Robinson does get loose, in his tenure at Alabama, Nick Saban has brought the best of open field tackling to Tuscaloosa. Defensive players don’t get out of position, and they don’t whiff at air as you run by. Arm tackling in T-town left with Mike Shula as he packed up the U-Haul for Jacksonville.

On the flip side, Bama’s offensive and defensive lines are beastly compared to the Wolverines. This may be the best offensive line Alabama has ever put together on one unit. Eddie Lacey will have an array of holes to run through all night, as will TJ Yeldon, poised to introduce himself to America as the next great Alabama running back.

This will open up the field for the Tide’s new receivers to shine. Amaari Cooper. Remember the name.

Look for Robinson to have a flash or two, just enough to give Brent Musberger something to gush about. But don’t count on him giving Bama’s defense more than a flesh wound.

The ITK final score prediction?

Michigan 13
Alabama 33

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Today the AP released its preseason poll for the 2012 football season, and there at #2 sits the Crimson Tide of Alabama. Last month the coaches voted Bama #3, though if figured in the post-Tyrann Mathieu era the Tide may have faired even better.

But stop for a moment and let this sink in. 2012′s season will mark the fifth year in a row that Alabama has been a national title contender.

Not since the 1970′s has the Alabama program been in this good a shape. Bama has enjoyed success since then, but not the kind of “sustained success” that makes teams see you on their schedule and pencil in a loss.

It’s the kind of success that makes the Tim Brandos of the world hate saying your name on the air as you stick it to them year in and year out and make them have to like it.

It’s the kind of success that makes your rivals’ fans sound like blithering idiots when jockeying their average team’s accomplishments against yours.

Sustained success. Not a flash-in-the-pan, great season amid a career of 7-5′s. But sustained…you-hate-playing-us-because-we’re-going-to-beat-you-down…success.

So how did Alabama head coach Nick Saban get Alabama here? Simple. He had a plan.

From the beginning Nick Saban talked about “the process.” 2007 was the teeth cutting season where the team and fans had to buy in to what he was trying to do. A roster full of riff-raff completely used to molly codding through practice (and sometimes even games) had to die off and go away. And ever since that 2008 break out year, for the most part the Tide hasn’t looked back.

You’re not going to win every game. But 49-6 later, I think it’s safe to say Saban’s plan is a proven one. You may disagree, but virtually every AP writer and NCAA coach with a say has a different opinion. Alabama is replacing almost an entire defense, receiving corps and it’s Doak Walker winner at running back, and the worst anyone will place them is #3. It’s worthy of note that Bama received more first place votes in the coaches poll than even LSU, and that was WITH Tyrann Mathieu still on the team.

So what is his plan? First, we know what it’s not.

It’s not towel waiving, getting players on campus without their families in order to do the kind of things your parents warned you about. It’s not loosely streamlining players with unproven transcripts, or as time will tell, possibly much worse.

And it’s not building a program on empty emotion, with cute catch phrases and group sings of “Lean On Me.” Or limo rides. Or pool parties.

Simply put, those kind of plans…if they are even plans at all…are chocked full of a tasty nougat center, and what they get you is yearly marginal success.

Those plans are how a team like Auburn finds itself missing 43% of its 2009 and 2010 recruiting classes. Forty percent of Auburn’s four- or five-star signees listed by Rivals.com from those years are gone. Gone. Maybe a major reason why the Tigers’ offensive backfield presently consists of four players, two of which have never played a down of football. One of the two that has weighs 168 pounds and if given the chance prefers the out-of-bounds line to the goal line.

Their quarterbacks are in good shape, as long as they’re not called on to pass. Clint Mosely isn’t an SEC quarterback, and Kheil Frazier might eclipse the accomplishments of Kody Burns if a few chips fall into place for him this season.

One of their can’t miss linebackers, a player I overheard two barner friends of mine celebrating when he signed, is struggling to even break into the rotation.

And as we’ve covered here, the string of arrests, suspensions and dismissals is alarming at best, telling at worst.

Then there’s the NCAA, currently sniffing around “at least” one situation in Memphis.

Auburn fans simply don’t understand how bad a shape their program is in at present. A freak 2010 blinded them to the reality of the situation. They are facing another abysmal season where at times they will not even look competitive. And this from a regime now in its fourth season.

So how does a team that has recruited so well and even won a national championship…albeit diminished with controversy…find itself in such bad a shape? If there is a plan in place, there’s a good chance nobody knows what it is.

Now, shift your focus across the state.

Nick Saban’s plan has more sustenance. It isn’t sweet and chewy. It’s made out of titanium. Heck, let’s just celebrate the fact that he even has one.

It’s a plan that focuses on developing the player far beyond the football field. The Tide’s academic center is producing results that is turning the heads of parents serious about their son getting an education.

The Tide’s national championship football team had 21 graduates, one shy of the BCS National Championship Game record Bama set in 2009. Football also had the second highest graduation rate among schools in the final 2011 BCS top 10 and has posted the second-highest graduation rate in the SEC each of the past three years.

As a group, Alabama’s more than 525 student-athletes averaged better than a collective 3.0 grade-point average for the 2011-12 academic year, including 48 who maintained a career GPA of 4.0. Overall, five teams posted GPAs above 3.5 for the second year in a row. That same group has produced four national championships on the field since January of this year.

Saban’s focus goes beyond the classroom into the heart of the player, exposing his team to people that can teach them about life. The Tide was one of the first in the college ranks to employ the services of Trevor Moawad, a sports psychologist specializing in mental conditioning. His company, IMG Performance Institute of Bradenton, Fla. works with professional athletes to fine-tune their psychological preparation for high-stress athletic performances.

But there is a string of speakers who Saban brings in to meet with his team. The latest taking place just this week, as Chris Herren, the focus of ESPN’s most powerful 30 For 30 episodes told his story of substance abuse. Friday a member of the Navy Seals addressed the team on how to deal with life when everything isn’t going your way.

Then there is physical conditioning. Scott Cochran’s fourth quarter program has transformed Alabama from being a team that gave up in the fourth quarter under Shula…having never overcome a deficit within that quarter in his tenure…to a team that physically pulverizes you once you’re tired and worn down.

And finally, then there is the professional possibilities. If you have what it takes to enter the NFL draft, there is a darn good chance you’re gonna get paid. It’s kind of hard to argue with the number of players Saban has had taken in the draft since 2008 (24), not to mention the eleven (11) first round draft picks he’s produced in that time. That’s not far from half.

So at Alabama, if you make it into the NFL draft, there’s almost a 50% chance you’re going in the money round.

So, six years into his stint as Alabama’s head coach, it’s no wonder the Crimson Tide again finds itself at the epicenter of college football. And this sustained success is the kind of thing that strikes fear at the heart of Bama haters everywhere. Saban has never stayed anywhere long enough to see his plan work. Not like this. Maybe it’s for that reason he’s said he will end his coaching career in Tuscaloosa.

Simply put, Nick Saban has a plan. A real plan for sustained success. And, unless you’re totally immersed in hate-filled delusion, it’s hard to argue that it is working to perfection.

What we are seeing is a return to the 1960′s and 1970′s for Alabama football. All because of a plan.

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Jim Brown is an idiot. The bruising running back who made his name when weight training in the NFL was considered science fiction has fired off his mouth again.

Brown, a bitter, washed up NFL legend, had a few unconstructive things to say about his former team’s acquisition of former Alabama running back and Doak Walker Award winner, Trent Richardson.

“I think the kid is a good working back, and if you’ve got everything else around him he can play his role. But when it comes to outstanding, I don’t see anything outstanding about him. It’s not said in a cruel manner. He’s very efficient, and that’s what you want.”

In the radio interview with WKRN radio in Cleveland, Brown continued.

“I’m not trying to be mean. There are certain people you look at and there’s something special about them. I don’t see it.”

Since hanging up his cleats in 1965, Brown’s lone personal accomplishment has been his supporting acting role in the Wayans brothers’ “I’m Gonna Get You Sucka” in 1988.

Still, he’s a media guest of the Charles Barkley ilk guaranteed to give you a sound-byte…perfect for radio this time of year. Here’s more:

“You’re not going to make it with strength and ordinary speed and quickness,” Brown said. “I don’t think it’s even an issue. When you deal with Richardson, he comes out of that Alabama mold. He’ll work hard for you, and he’s kind of an all-around back. But if you look at Cleveland, I would have gotten me a couple of receivers.”

Interesting that Brown made that assertion, since the Browns organization’s well-documented pass on making Brown a part of their team.

Jim Brown was a prodigy on the field in his day…again when defensive tackles weighed in at a buck eighty. But today, Brown needs to shut his old, bitter hole.

Trent Richardson is everything that Brown is not…positive, youthful, and playing in a league where defensive backs can break you in half. A far different NFL from the one Brown “dominated” in his day.

Richardson’s style of carrying multiple defenders with him down the field has been compared to Brown at times, which is what could be irritating the old blow hard.

The difference is, Richardson does it against grown men as big or bigger than himself. Kickers and punters in today’s NFL are bigger than linebackers were in Brown’s day.

Trent has his opportunity to leave his mark in Cleveland. Brown has sure left his. The difference is, Brown’s mark leaves a smell from which most want to stay far away.

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As the Southeastern Conference baseball tournament begins, Hoover businesses are getting ready to feel, well, not much of anything.

Since the Alabama baseball team invented new and creative ways of being terrible this season, the city of Hoover will feel the brunt of their malfeasance with lower than normal revenue over the week and weekend.

“When Alabama isn’t in you might as well not even play it.”

So said Rick Dedmon, former controller of the Wynfrey Hotel. “When Bama isn’t there it’s like having Christmas without Black Friday.”

Hotels aren’t the primary benefactors from Alabama’s presence so much as restaurants and other business like convenience stores in and around the area, but there’s still a marked difference even in the hotel industry.

“Alabama fans travel. Pure and simple. And some will stay at a hotel even though home is less than an hour away.”

It’s a well known fact that Alabama fans are a gift to the travel industry. It’s not quite a “build it and they will come” mentality…it’s more certain than that. Put a quality product on the field and Alabama fans will respond…in droves.

For all the jokes about southerners, their passion for sports is no laughing matter. And at the top of that list are Bama fans, who will travel to the moon if their Tide has a chance to do something worth watching.

“When Alabama has a down year there’s no comparison (financially) to when they’re on top” said Linda Carper, one of the founders of Bama Fever. I met Linda years ago while doing business with her, during the Dubose regime to be exact. A delightful lady who has withstood some of the best and worst coaches in ‘Bama history, she understands the big business that is Bama sports perhaps better than anybody.

And it is that. There’s a reason why Bama consistently finds itself in the top tier of programs who finish in the black each year.

In fact, this spring The Sporting News reported that a recent study showed Alabama as the most profitable athletic program in the country, netting a cool $31,684,872 in 2010-2011. Penn State was a close second, but the Tide was the only SEC school in the top ten. The SEC’s closest competitors? Arkansas and LSU…trailing by a whopping $20 and $21 Million, respectively.

Where was Auburn? Try 26th, banking less than a 10th of what the Tide raked in.

Numbers don’t lie, and those numbers aren’t exceptions to the rule. They ARE the rule.

So when a tournament rolls around where 66% of the league’s membership is invited to participate, Alabama does no one any favors by not fielding a team good enough to have its ticket punched.

Like Jack Nicholson’s character in the classic “A Few Good Men,” love the Crimson Tide or hate them…”you WANT them on that wall. You NEED them on that wall.”

Now is the SEC Baseball Tournament in the same income bracket as the SEC Football Championship Game or the Basketball Tournament? Of course not.

But when you tune in this week in-between yard work and King of Queens reruns, the empty seats you’ll see everywhere represent more than just an immitation of a UAB homecoming game.

It’s lost revenue by way of empty beds, fewer tables, fewer drive-throughs, less gas and less tickets purchased.

Will the remaining eight teams bring fans? Of course. But you’re kidding yourself if you say it’s the same.

But it’s because it’s in Birmingham, right? Partially, yes. But keep an eye on Oklahoma City if the Tide softball team makes it to the World Series. Last time I checked that city isn’t in Jefferson County, AL, but it’ll be swarming with Crimson and White, and Hampton Inns, Best Westerns and maybe even a Hilton or two will be smiling because of it.

So Mal Moore, you listening? Great job on the Saban and Grant hires. But will you please get us a baseball coach that can lead us back into the baseball relevance we once enjoyed? The City of Hoover…and wherever a future site for the event may be…thanks you in advance for looking into it.

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I’ve lost count of the number of days and nights NFL reps have pounded on my door trying to force me to play professional football.

All I simply want to do is follow my dream of living in middle class America, living paycheck to paycheck. I really just want to be locked in to a dead-end job somewhere, hopefully working in a cubicle where I can’t see daylight until I clock out. Or if I’m lucky, I’ll get to spend my days down in a mineshaft.

I just want to do something with my hands for 40 hours a week in hopes that I’m awarded two measly weeks of vacation where it’s all I can do to muster up enough cash to take my family to Panama City, Florida. Or if I get fancy, Gatlinburg.

But no. NFL team owners, coaches and representatives have other ideas. They’re trying to force me to play in the NFL, where my signing bonus alone could retire my current mortgage with one stroke of the pen. They want to put me in the top 1% in world’s economy, where one year’s salary, if managed correctly, with a little discipline, could set my entire family for life.

Sound familiar?

It doesn’t to me either.

But if I hear one more former professional athlete whining about concussions I’m tempted to assemble an army of coal miners and kindergarten teachers to kick his butt.

Last week’s death of Junior Seau has once again opened discussion on the long-term effects of playing professional sports, when the discussion should center on the fact that no one made him enter the arena to begin with.

Don’t get me wrong; Seau’s death is a sad one. Just ask his mother. Suicide is one of the saddest tragedies in this world because it’s one of the most selfish acts a person can perform. You think all your problems go away with one shot, but instead you only transfer all your despair to the innocent feet of the ones who love you…the ones left to pick up the pieces of what you’ve done.

But Seau certainly wasn’t alone. Jim McMahon has made a living crying about the long-term effects of his injuries. The former Chicago Bears quarterback has sought sympathy…and more…over concussions he suffered during his career.

And of course, McMahon isn’t alone. This month more than 100 former NFL players filed a federal lawsuit in Atlanta claiming that pro football didn’t properly protect its players from concussions.

According to the AP, these players are among over 1,000 former players suing the league that greased their palms earlier in life: The same league that made these players’ fortunes possible. Fortunes, mind you, that these gentlemen would’ve never enjoyed coaching high school football. Or selling cars. Or running a lawn service.

If only they weren’t forced to play that evil game.

The fact is, every one of them somewhere in their football journey were faced with this realization:

“Hey, you know what, football is a violent game. I’m using my dome as a missle, and that could be bad. I might want to consider another way of making a living.”

Exactly zero of them were awakened from their beds by the NFL gustapo, forced at gunpoint to don the colors of an NFL franchise. No, exactly all of them did so willingly, cashing every last fat paycheck the league threw their way. And now that their careers are over, they want more.

Every football player from seventh grade on understands that injury is part of the game, having either experienced it themselves or witnessing a teammate go down. It’s why college juniors forego their senior seasons to avoid injury and cash in on their talents while they can.

Now don’t get me wrong, concussions are obviously a real issue. But there’s a reason we no longer have real jousting in this world. It’s because somewhere in history someone said “You know, I really don’t want to risk taking a wooden steak through the chest whilst riding on horseback. I think I’ll do something else.”

And until the game of football reaches a similar fate as jousting, due to the same self-preserving realization among its players, I simply don’t want to hear it.

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Auburn’s offensive coordinator, Gus Malzahn, is an offensive guru. Need proof? Just ask any kool-aid slurping Auburn fan who still worships at his feet.

Poll any barn dweller and they would gladly shed Auburn Head Coach Gene Chizik before letting Malzahn go. In fact, when Camgate was still in session, one fan I had a conversation with said he hoped Chizik would take the fall for it and Malzahn would succeed him as head coach.

Malzahn’s fame grew to epic proportions as Auburn climbed the ranks in 2010. However, may I offer that Barney Fife…even Jim Fyffe…would’ve looked like an offensive genius with Cam Newton in his backfield?

The fact is, the last four games, Auburn, the offensive juggernaut that they are, has struggled to put more than 17 points on the board.

Wasn’t this the genius who could take Chris Todd and create a force to be reckoned with? That’s what so many Auburn fans…and Auburn posters here…have said.

But can I remind you that Todd’s team finished the regular season 7-5 in 2009? In fact, those Tigers were wins over Ball State and Furman away from repeating 2008′s mark of 5-7.

But that was so two years ago, right? Gus has it going now, doesn’t he? To quote the great Lee Corso, not so fast my friend.

I offer you this: Last week, against LSU in Baton Rouge, a place an offensive coordinator is supposed to make his money by keeping his team in games, Auburn managed just 248 yard of offense. But mind you, 106 of that came in the fourth quarter once the Bengal Tigers’ scout team was on the field.

Oh, and that powerful dipsy-doo, trickeroo offense? 10 points.

The week before Gus’ powerful machine managed just 278 yards against Florida…at home…against a team with no quarterback. Why does this matter? Short Florida possessions resulted in a tired Gator defense and yet the Tigers had to string together points like somebody trying to string together loose change to buy lunch. 17 points at home is impressive, ain’t it?

By comparison, Tennessee, in all their ineptness (new word), managed 279 against the Gators, in the Swamp. Anybody ready to call UT’s offensive coordinator a guru? Anybody even know who he is??

Against Arkansas the yard total was greater (395), but is a Gus Malzahn offense supposed to settle for just 2-touchdowns? Auburn fans should hope not; they were hammered by a team that got 38.

Auburn eclipsed the 300 yard mark again against South Carolina, but managed only 16 points.

But remember, the games I’ve just mentioned are in reverse order. Auburn’s production total is going backward, not forward.

So many times people have haphazzardly (and ignorantly in this writers’ opinion) mentioned Gus Malzahn as a solution for possible head coaching openings in the off season.

But do you really want a guy in charge of your program who wanted to turn a team with Felix Jones and Darren McFadden in the same backfield into a passing team?

Do you want a guy calling the shots who had Cam Newton in his backfield last year yet had to rally from behind no less than eight times in that dream season?

Do you want a guy as your head coach who uses oversized ex-president heads and pictures of other neat-o things to signal in plays?

Do you want a guy who, eight games into the season, is trying to find solutions to Auburn’s offensive woes with his third quarterback? Wasn’t Gus allowed to attend spring and summer practices? What took him so long? Confident Auburn fans?

And do you want a guy who has to count on trickeration to be successful?

In last Saturday’s game, CBS analyst Gary Danielson said it best.

“Gus Malzahn can’t continue to count on being able to ‘trick’ the LSU defense. At some point they’re going to have to line up and block somebody.”

Sorry Gary, but Auburn can’t. They don’t play big boy football in Lee County.

Instead they opt for junior league, flag football type shenanigans you’d see at your local little league park.

Which is why the Malzahn clan shouldn’t worry about moving companies or forwarding mail any time soon.

The only way the “Guru” is leaving the Plains is with a pink slip.

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Well, the final preparations are done, and with the NFL season set to kick off in about a week, the final roster spots are being filled.

We’ll keep you posted on your favorite Tide players regarding who goes where, who gets cut, and who is taking their game to the next level in football’s premiere league.

Final stats of the preseason:

Arizona Cardinals – defeated DEN 26-7
Brodie Croyle, QB – 10 for 16 for 104 yards (6.5 avg), (81.2 NFL rating)
Rashad Johnson, DB – no stats recorded

Atlanta Falcons – lost to BAL 21-7
Julio Jones, WR – 1 catch for 25 yards
Mike Johnson, OL – no stats recorded
John Parker Wilson, QB – 16 for 33 for 146 yards (4.4 avg), 2 INT’s. (35.7 NFL rating)

Baltimore Ravens – defeated ATL 21-7
Terrence Cody, DT – no stats recorded
Jarret Johnson, LB – no stats recorded
Chavis Williams, LB – 3 tackles (2 solo) and a pass deflection

Buffalo Bills – lost to DET 16-6
Marcell Dareus, DT – no stats recorded

Chicago Bears – defeated CLE 24-14
Mark Anderson, DE – no stats recorded

Cincinnati Bengals – lost to IND 17-13
Evan Mathis, OT – no stats recorded
Andre Smith, OT – no stats recorded

Cleveland Browns – lost to CHI 24-14
Ramzee Robinson, DB – 1 tackle (solo)

Detroit Lions – defeated BUF 16-6
Anthony Madison, DB – no stats recorded

Green Bay Packers – Defeated KC 20-19
Charlie Peprah, DB – 2 tackles (solo)

Houston Texans – lost to MIN 28-0
Antoine Caldwell, OT – no stats recorded
Kareem Jackson, DB – no stats recorded
DeMeco Ryans, LB – no stats recorded

Kansas City Chiefs – lost to GB 20-19
Javier Arenas, DB – 3 KO returns, 89 yards (29.7 avg – long 49), 1 punt return for 8 yds
Wallace Gilberry, DE – no stats recorded
Bobby Greenwood, DL – no stats recorded
LeRon McClain, FB – 2 tackles (solo)

New England Patriots – lost to NYG 18-17
Brandon Deaderick, DE – no stats recorded

New Orleans Saints – lost to TEN 32-9
Mark Ingram, RB – no stats recorded
Roman Harper, DB – no stats recorded

New York Jets – lost to PHI 24-14
Greg McElroy, QB – 3 for 6 for 29 yards (4.8 avg), (63.9 NFL rating) – injured thumb
Lorenzo Washington, DE – no stats recorded

Oakland Raiders lost to SEA 20-3
Rolando McClain, LB – 3 tackles (solo)
Justin Smiley, OL – no stats recorded; saw significant playing time.

Seattle Seahawks defeated OAK 20-3
James Carpenter, OL – no stats recorded

St. Louis Rams – defeated JAC 24-17
Marquis Johnson, DB – no stats recorded

Washington Redskins defeated TB 29-24
Anthony Bryant, DT – no stats recorded

In other news:
• Simeon Castille was cut by the Minnesota Vikings.
• Greg McElroy ranks 3rd in NFL QBs in preseason passing.
• Cam Newton ranks 12th in the same category.

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With yesterday’s and today’s revelations that the NCAA is not only still investigating Auburn’s widely-alledged illegal recruitment of Cam Newton, but that the governing organization may actually know who the bagman is, it’s a valid point that the Chizik household may need to clean the guest bedroom.

Looks like they have company.

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The scariest thing about doing business with a piece of garbage like Cecil Newton is the waiting game.

It’s not a matter of if he’ll open his mouth and say too much, but a matter of when.

And as the investigation Auburn fans said was over rambles on, as spoken from the lips of the man at the center of it, it’s Auburn that will continue to inherit the aftermath for years to come.

Yesterday’s story in the Charlotte Observer should be disturbing to Auburn fans because it points out that papa Newton in his narcissism just doesn’t know when to shut up.

And now that the Newtons are in a new town, there are a whole new set of journalists who, unlike in this state, may be willing to do their jobs.

As pointed out here, Cecil’s non-denial continues to leave the can of worms he said he wanted closed wide open.

And as the Newtons continue to sail for greater shores, Auburn continues to hold the bag.

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You’re alone, Jay.

In the endless flow of Lee County propaganda, does anyone actually believe the blather trickling from the Auburn Athletic Director’s mouth in the press conference announcing Chizik’s new deal?

Apparently Florida didn’t. When the Gators recently needed a new coach, where did they turn? To alumnus Gene Chizik, fresh off of a national championship* in just his second year?

Nope. It appears they saw through the smokescreen too.

Fact is, as Chizik enters his fifth year as a college head coach, in years where his team didn’t buy a once in a lifetime, lightning in a bottle player, his record averages to 4-8.

And for those interested, six months after this player sprinted away in the cover of night for even more money, the NCAA is still investigating why a player would turn down $180,000 at Mississippi State to come to Auburn for free.

Cam is gone; Gus soon will be too. And soon Auburn will be stuck with a Les Miles kind of deal; a bumbling moron they can’t get rid of without breaking the bank. And I, for one, am tickled about it.

Maybe Jay is right. After some stellar (and what many call questionable) recruiting the last couple of years, what excuses will Auburn have if their $3.5 Million dollar man doesn’t produce at least nine wins this season?

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Another Auburn football player has been arrested; this time it’s Auburn running back Onterio McCalebb. If you’re keeping score at home, this is number six since the end of the 2010 season, that we know of.

Today, according to CBSSports.com, McCalebb was picked up on May 14th, for driving an “unregistered vehicle.”

The second half of the duo that some feel is the best returning backfield in the SEC, McCalebb was driving a vehicle that didn’t have a license plate, registration decal…and subsequently proof that it belonged to him.

Nor could he produce a driver’s license, according to the report.

McCalebb’s mugshot, courtesy of http://www.dekalbmugs.com/

Somebody tell Onterio that Bobby Brown wants his "every little breath I take" video hairdo back.

According to the website, McCalebb was admitted on May 14th at 7:08pm. His charges: LICENSE REQUIRED; SURRENDER OF PRIOR LICENSES.
UNREGISTERED VEHICLE; NO TAG, REVALIDATION DECAL, OR COUNTY

So today, ask yourself two questions:

1.) Who did that car belong to?
Can a program already under intense suspicion for improper benefits and gifts given to producing players (McCalebb’s a starter who had 810 yards last season) afford something like this to hit the news?

2.) Why hasn’t the local media reported this?
Once again, we have to get the news from the national media, not the “unbiased” Alabama media. Why is that?
(Update: al.com finally reported the incident today (5/17), three days later.)

The most laughable item to the article:

“With charges this minor (relatively speaking), it seems unlikely (McCalebb)…will miss any time, and certainly not more than the Tigers’ opener against Utah State. But with Gene Chizik no doubt on the warpath after the embarrassment of the earlier arrests, McCalebb is probably on his way to getting very well acquainted with the Jordan-Hare Stadium steps this summer.”

So the warlord who stood mere feet from seeing his player cleat kicking an Oregon player in the unprotected face, only to put that player (Eric Smith) immediately back in the game….we’re supposed to believe there’ll be discipline?

Riiiiiiight. There’s a better chance Perez Hilton will open mouth kiss a girl.

I just hope the NCAA doesn’t get wind that a star from a school already under suspicion is driving around in a car that may not be his.

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