cup of coffee

We all know that Auburn fans are a little dense. They’re Koolaid drinkers eager to lap up whatever the soup du jour Auburn spinmeisters serve up. But in recently talking with a friend of mine, who happens to be of that persuasion, it was fun to experience the revelation come over him that there isn’t a single player on the Auburn football team that has ever scored a point against Alabama. Not one. The entire 100+ man roster hasn’t done it, as it hasn’t been done in three years.

The last offensive point scored against Bama came on the go ahead touchdown in 2010. Offensive guru Gus Bus Malzahn failed to lead his mystical offense into the endzone in 2011…points came from defense and special teams, again from players who are gone. And of course, in the beatdown in Bryant-Denny last year Auburn never came close.

It was even more meaningful to hear him realize that the coach they have to correct this has only been a head coach one year, and must face Nick freaking Saban to right the ship. At the depths of Shula-itis in Tuscaloosa, it was never, ever this bad.

We all know what a sham the Tiger football program is. But when you get to experience one of their fans realizing it before your eyes, it’s a precious, precious thing.

We mentioned yesterday several Tide football commitments already in place for the 2014 class. Another hopeful the Alabama coaching staff hopes to land is Hoover High School cornerback Marlon Humphrey. The 6’1″, 170 son of former Alabama running back Bobby Humphrey is built to play corner, but making him an even more attractive catch is this:

Marlon Humphrey

A prototypical corner with unreal speed tutored by the game’s greatest coach who has put four DB’s in the NFL draft’s 1st round at Bama. Come on Marlon, do the right thing.

What kind of team buys its player’s championship rings for winning a non-championship caliber bowl game? Texas, that’s who. Is there a bigger loser in college football than Texas’ Mack Brown? Brown is trying to bring Upward Sports to the University of Texas, where everybody wins. Following an abysmal 2010 season, and middle-of-the-pack 2011 and 2012 finishes, the washed up, also-ran Longhorn head man opted to boost morale and buy his players this for their win over Oregon State in the 2012 Alamo Bowl:

Texas’ rings for winning the freaking Alamo Bowl.

Somewhere Alabama head coach Nick Saban’s notion that “You gotta earn it!” fell to the floor in Austin.

At Alabama you get one of these for winning it all. At Texas, you get one for beating a team not even in the top 10 in a nothing bowl game. Somewhere the seniors from the 2011 Bridgepoint Education Holiday Bowl are yelling “Hey what the heck? Where’s ours?”

If you want a marker for how far your program has fallen, this is it. If you can’t be a winner according to the rules, change the game. Way to go Texas. In a state where you like to boast of doing “everything big,” add sucking to that list. If this happened at Alabama, I would be embarrassed, ashamed, and a sitting duck for ridicule. Just mark the above photo down at the 1,053rd reason I so appreciate Nick Saban.

Well, it looks like the NFL has its diva for the 2013 season, and what better place for dramatics than at the New York Jets? Geno Smith’s draft saga has already replaced the drama that surrounded Tim Tebow’s presence on the team.

Enough said.

The Jets organization is a complete circus. A sideshow. Now with five quarterbacks currently with the team, ESPN has enough fodder from this one team to fuel SportCenter from July – December.

One has to wonder, how in the world former Alabama quarterback Greg McElroy hasn’t yet evolved into being the permanent starter? McElroy rallied the Jets past the Cardinals last December but couldn’t get past the egos of the Jet’s front office. And if there’s a place where blind arrogance is the cause of many a bad decision, it’s the NFL.

The Jets shed Tim Tebow in the offseason, acquiring journeyman quarterback David Garrard, a 10-year veteran. Then of course, the epic draft story of Geno Smith, the next circus act in a Jets uni. The two newcomers join Matt Simms, Greg McElroy, and of course, Mark Sanchez. No way all five QB’s will stay in town after drills and cuts begin.

I just hate it for McElroy. I’ve always said the best job in America is 3rd string NFL quarterback; hold a clip board, never get hurt and make $800K. But there are better places to do it than in New York.

The face of wussified failure.

Finally, former Bama head coach Dennis Franchione just got a new deal at Texas State. Fran took over in 2011, and in two years he has managed a 10-14 record as the Bobcats transition into Division 1. Currently his salary is $350,000 annually, but for averaging fives wins a year Fran will earn $400,000 a year beginning in 2014. Now there’s a deal former Iowa State coach Gene Chizik would be proud of.

Only in America. Meanwhile, Alabama head coach Nick Saban brings in about $400,000 a month.

Good move there Fran. You saw the challenge at Alabama and you ran. Good luck against Prairie View A&M and South Alabama next season. If you need us at Bama we’ll be vying for our fourth crystal football in five years. But I’m sure you’ve made Kim proud. Just don’t tell her our strength and conditioning coach earns more than you.


(Follow ITK on Twitter for Bama news, commentary and smack.)

Tags: , , , , , ,

5 Responses to “Which current Auburn player has ever scored against Bama? The answer is in your Sunday Cup of Coffee” Subscribe

  1. bamabino May 5, 2013 at 12:25 pm #

    Alamo Bowl Championship rings? This is like Dixie Youth baseball for 7 year olds. Everybody gets a trophy. Mack has even outdone Les with his “We’re #2″ rings, Urban Meyer’s “We beat #24 while on probation” and Tuberville’s “People’s Choice Awards” in 2004.

  2. The Conduit May 6, 2013 at 8:46 am #

    Zero is my favorite number in college football.

    182 points a game for Oregon or Ohio State doesn’t have anything to do with who they are playing or how well they performed.

    Sorry, THE Ohio State, my bad.

    But a zero? It’s nearly impossible to do against even a terrible team. If you just think about what it means to stop over one ton of human bone and tissue from trying to move a ball less than three hundred feet for sixty minutes it becomes clear how difficult it must be.

    Do it in a title game against a favored opponent in their backyard puts a gigantic exclamation point on deciding who the best team was that season.

    But do it to Auburn and, oh man, does it feel good. 49-0 is one thing, and it’s a big, glorious thing at that. Not getting even a field goal in a rivalry game at the very end of your season must be nauseating, although I hadn’t thought about Auburn not scoring on Alabama once with any of their current players. Say what you want about how good Alabama is, but it’s hard to pull a zero. We didn’t do it against Notre Dame. We couldn’t stop Florida Atlantic from a touchdown last year either.

    But Auburn?

    Zero. My favorite number. I wonder if we can see some Auburn players graduate (retire?) this season without ever scoring a single point on Alabama?

    Roll Tide.

  3. Crassus May 6, 2013 at 12:23 pm #

    Western Carolina pulled a zero too. Neckburn is in great company.

    • The Conduit May 6, 2013 at 12:54 pm #

      Western Carolina scored points in every other game last year though.

      Auburn, not so much. Roll Catamounts.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Which current Auburn player has ever scored on Bama? - May 5, 2013

    [...] current Auburn player has ever scored on Bama? Which current Auburn player has ever scored against Bama? The answer is in your Sunday Cup of Coffee… __________________ "Those are no ordinary Hippo's. Those are Unicorn-Hippo's, The most [...]

%d bloggers like this: