COMMENTARY: The Gene Chizik interview you will never hear

Guest Commentary by Yellowhammer

The Chiz

The Chiz

Host: Welcome former Auburn Football Coach Gene Chizik. We are glad to have you today on JOX.

Chizik: Well thanks Hammer glad to be here.

Host: Coach I realize that before we came on air you requested that I only ask certain questions but knowing that nobody cares to hear predictable questions with rehearsed answers I am going to ignore that request and ask what everyone wants to know and quite frankly the Auburn alumni and fanbase deserve.

Chizik: Uhhhh ok..??

Host: First of all Coach, what is the real motivation for you to come out and defend the university that fired you a mere 5 months ago?

Chizik: Well, as you know I am a man of great integrity and I want it to be known that we were a clean program that did it right.

Host: I realize that your buyout is scheduled over a course of several years and that probably in some technical sense that makes you still an employee of Auburn but are there stipulations within your contract that state you could lose your buyout if you came forth with derogatory comments or allegations?

Chizik: I am not able to answer questions about my contract.

Host: Are there extra incentives that have been offered to you to publicly speak in Auburn’s defense?

Chizik: Again, I can’t answer those types of questions.

Host: What about your assistants? Are the Lupers and Troopers of the world also being paid “hush money”?

Chizik: NEXT QUESTION!

Host: Ok, lets talk about Pat Dye.

Chizik: NO COMMENT!

Host: What do you mean, I haven’t even asked a question?

Chizik: NO COMMENT!

Host: All right, I can only guess that leash is still on your neck, next question. Cam Newton. How much coaching went into preparing Cam for his NCAA interviews and who did it?

Chizik: I don’t know what you are talking about!

Host: Well if you recall someone close to the coaches at Mississippi State reportedly stated that she spoke to Cam Newton on the phone and that he told her the Auburn offer was “too much”. Now in the NCAA investigation Cam told the investigators he had no knowledge of his dad shopping him to Miss. St. Someone here is lying, who is it? Did someone at Auburn tell Cam to lie to the NCAA to save his eligibility? Who did that?

Chizik: We’re done. This interview is over!!

Host: Okay. Okay, coach just one more question.

Gene Chizik: WHAT??!!!???

Host: How does it feel to be the latest member of The Processed Club?