FAN REVIEW: Tennessee fans—From Class & Championships to Crybabies & Irrelevance

We’re on a three week journey examining the fanbases of each of the fourteen SEC schools. Yesterday was Texas A&M; today we take a hard look at Rocky Top.

Ah yes…Rocky Top—that obnoxious refrain, Smokey the blue tick coonhound and the Volunteer Navy are vivid reminders of what it means to be a Tennessee fan. Of course, so are Lulu and Junior.

Lulu and Junior
Lulu and Junior

But there are two better examples than any of those.

From the obesity to the douchery two men tell the story of Tennessee football’s present age—failed detective Phil Fulmer and Internet douche Clay Travis. These men are crybabies who have cried their way with Tennessee into irrelevance.

What made these men crybabies? Their obsession with Alabama. It turned the class of men like General Robert Neyland and Johnny Majors into faded memories. The Third Saturday in October became a time of hatred instead of a tough battle fought by men of great character. Rank-and-file Tennessee fans mirrored Fulmer’s obsession. Many Tennessee fans tell stories like Travis of a day when the Alabama Crimson Tide made them cry:

Clay Travis
Clay Travis
“Throughout my youth, year after year, Alabama beat Tennessee. It didn’t matter how bad the teams Bama trotted out wearing crimson jerseys were, the Tide won. That culminated in a 9-6 loss in 1990, a defeat so crushing that it represented the last time I ever cried over a sporting event.” (Source and more on Clay’s Rage)

Don’t let that quote fool you. Clay has been crying ever since. His stories of suits and Alabama football players was an inept attempt to derail Alabama. It didn’t work.

Fulmer’s obsession with Alabama led to clandestine meetings with Alabama turncoat Tom Culpepper. Time Fulmer should have spent on coaching was spent on gossip.

Naturally, rival fans were upset. So upset that one explained the hatred of Tennessee in this video:

“I just hate them. They are lowdown. They are dirty. They are snitches. I hate Phillip Fulmer. I hate their colors. I am not a dog person…I hate Neyland Stadium because it looks like a garbage truck worker convention,” said this Tide fan. As for Tennessee orange, this guy compared it to the puke orange like the inside of a pumpkin.

So much for the days when Alabama football coach Paul W. “Bear” Bryant invited Tennessee coach Johnny Majors to watch an Alabama practice. Majors was a class act and so were the Tennessee fans of that time. Fulmer and the Tennessee nation stabbed Majors in the back and soon turned their Byzantine methods on Alabama.

Here is what makes Fulmer’s story tragic—other coaches like Steve Spurrier, Houston Nutt and David Cutcliffe believed Alabama was cheating. Of course, these men did things in a more responsible manner and did not waste hours on stakeout trying to outfox Mike DuBose and his staff of recruiters.

Both Fulmer and Travis spent more time crying about Alabama than focused on their own team. That is what got Fulmer shown the door by Tennessee fans. By the end of his career, Fulmer sucked and so did the Vols. How much did Fulmer suck? They ran him off and hired walking NCAA violation Lane Kiffin. It was a hire that Volunteer fans cheered and embraced. They embraced him so much they held a riot when Kiffin bolted for USC only 14 months after becoming Tennessee’s coach.

Yes, Tennessee fans rioted over Lane Kiffin.

Angry students lit a mattress on fire. Seriously.

Weak.

But, at least at that point in January 2010, Tennessee fans still cared.

Fast forward to 2012 and Tennessee has trouble filling up the stadium. In fact, Tennessee football attendance was 107,593 in 2005, but has fallen to 89,965 in 2012. You can read more about Tennessee’s decline here.

That only tells part of the story. Volunteer fans are so apathetic that they won’t even turn out for a radio station’s signing day party complete with a lingerie (or is that a bikini?) clad hot girl serving as their fax cam girl.

Tennessee-sports-radio-Fax-Cam-Girl
Tennessee-sports-radio-Fax-Cam-Girl

So, at this point, we are left with the conclusion that Tennessee fans are the most pathetic in the SEC. Why? It’s simple.

When Alabama was faced with the malaise days of Mike Shula, Dennis Franchione…even Mike Dubose, Bama fans still showed up and Bryant-Denny was filled. It was this dedication that made it possible for a good coach to regain Alabama’s footing.

But right now, it’s easier to give away tickets to a Lyle Lovett strip show than a Tennessee football game. The Volunteer nation has rolled over, and what was once a formidable force to be reckoned with is no more. It’s why highly touted in-state recruits like Dont’a Hightower and Vonn Bell spurn the Volunteers for greener pastures in places like Alabama and Ohio.

If there was a college football Cialis, Tennessee needs it, and in high dosage.

Instead, Tennessee fans in the Volunteer Navy have jumped ship. They’ve given up. All they can do is look south and see what they wanted to destroy, what they wanted to be, racking up Crystal footballs like they rack up moonshine whiskey.

But it’s understandable that they’ve thrown in the preverbial orange towel. Right now, Tennessee is Vanderbilt’s bitch. How the mighty have fallen. Tennessee used to be Alabama’s bitch.

Past reviews:
Alabama – February 11
Texas A&M – February 12

Tomorrow:
South Carolina

50 Comments

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  1. 5
    pete4tide

    Another indication of Volunteer apathy….9:20 am after this scathing piece was written about the Vol fans, and not a single comment from anyone. Not even their most idiotic fan, Indy. Nothing. They have no defense of this hapless program that may be bankrupt and out of business by the end of the next season. Pitiful.

    • 9
      Indiana Vol

      Bammeralbino, aka, scumabg extraordinnaire,

      Take your opinion and stick it where the sun don’t shine. Don’t you have a goat to hump?

  2. 11
    Crimsonite

    Oh you can bet Idiot Vol will be here running his crotch. First he has to get off his sister. But me personally, I can’t wait for the South Carolina thread. Please do it up good. I have virulently hated SOS – Sack Of Shit for about 30 years. Rocky Top is not relevant. RTR!

  3. 14
    Chuch

    The most damning thing is that they are just not relevant in any football conversation and have so little hope of becoming relevant. Nobody cares about ucheat or their fan base. It is exquisitly delicious that they have done to themselves what they wanted so desperately to do to us. Makes this all the more enjoyable. There is Scripture and psychology books that describe the wages of hate and we have been blessed to get to observe it. Six in a row and hopefully sixteen to go

    • 20
      The Conduit

      “Only excerpts have leaked thus far…”

      Where? Where have the excerpts leaked? They certainly weren’t leaked by the site with the story saying the excertps were leaked and a damning expose report that will crush Alabama is coming out Friday, that’s for sure.

      “Only excerpts have leaked thus far.”

      I’m sure they’re not releasing the excerpts because they’re just maintaining such vigorous journalistic integrity.

      Roll Tide.

  4. 21
    Crimsonite

    Bwaa Haww Haww Haww Haww Haww!!!!! Takes a real small mind to be snookered by a real small mind Idiot Vol.That halfassed website is nothing more than a sensationalist living off of small minds. Their key word links lead to nothing more than fucking advertisements. One of them you can’t even leave the page after you load it. Internet crooks is all they are. Yeah dipshit, Saban’s legacy is gonna be the death penalty. That’s why he ran so fast to coach the Cleveland Browns for 10 million dollars. Bwaa Haww Haww Haww Haww!!!!! Er, uhh, I’m here waiting on Friday again, and again, and again, and again —————-. Was that fantasy a good orgasm for you, you goat fucker? Or was the one with your sister better? Threepeat coming for UcheaT. Three losing seasons in a row. ROTFLMAO! RTR!

    • 22
      ITK

      Anyone with a Gateway computer, dial up internet access and marginal brain activity can set up a blogspot just like that and write whatever they wish. I’m serious, IndianaVol is a danger to himself.

    • 26
      Indiana Vol

      CrimsonTURDite, aka Harvey Updyke,

      I read where you are going back to the slammer; better be careful in the showers!!

      Bwaa Haww Haww Haww Haww Haww!!!!!

  5. 27
    The Conduit

    Maybe it’s just me, but I couldn’t get IV’s link to work regardless on two computers and in two verisions of two browsers;

    http://socyberty.com/issues/alabama-football-program-violations-released/

    Then again, this is about UT.

    Then again, there isn’t much to talk about for UT the past several years.

    I can’t relate. We have been down before at Alabama, but never like this, certainly not in my lifetime. It’s sad. Neyland I can at least understand why people would enjoy, but it’s a mess, even the lots surrounding it are crumbling and filthy. I haven’t ever seen anything like that at Bryant Denny. It’s sad. Any time any football program dies so clearly it’s just sad. I love college football. Sure, I can’t stand Tennessee, but nobody deserves to watch their football show die like this.

    OK, maybe Auburn, but still.

    Roll Tide.

    • 28
      The Conduit

      Ah, nevermind, I got the link to open.

      It’s predicting the future. Which is nice. Because when talking about the future, you can say things like, “Alabama will face the death penalty,” or, “Tennessee beat Alabama in a football game,” or, “Tennessee wins 3rd national title in four years.”

      See, because the future is a place where anything can happen.

      This won’t, though. What kind of a report would be, well, wait, what the hell kind of report is it anyway? If this story was about Auburn or Tennessee I still wouldn’t care because it tells you it’s saying nothing, it’s only goal is to try to convince people that something might happen three days from now in a report that’s already written that might destroy Alabama?

      It’s sad when that’s the best chance for hope a Tennessee fan has. I can’t relate to that. It is sad. I can’t believe it’s gotten this bad for Tennessee. Only Auburn deserves it this bad.

      See you Friday. Roll Tide.

  6. 29
    Bgobble

    Tennessee had rather be Vandys bitch than Alabamas whore…

    Before writing… Remind yourself that 4 Alabama faggots have shamed the crimson program…

    FALL IN WITH THE REST OF US… By god!

        • 34
          ITK

          Vol, you say the same thing every time you come here. There really isn’t any coherent thought behind anything you say. It’s just mindless insults that rarely come within striking distance of making sense.

          I’m not making fun of you or putting you down, but you sound like a drunken homeless man who comes out from underneath the overpass on occasion to scream at passing cars. I want to understand you, so can you help me? What is your motivation? And how did you make enough cash to buy a computer and gain internet access? Are you in the library when you write?

        • 35
          WhoreEagle

          What? Indy,seriously, I hope you are getting help. This is not an insult, just really feel you have some real problem.

  7. 42
    Crimsonite

    Does that mean you actually live under an overpass? Was that you I saw today? How many handouts does it take tp earn money to hire a lawyer to sue CR? Bwaa Haww Haww!

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