Attention Gene Chizik: Zeke Pike fits in perfectly at Auburn

This week Auburn freshman quarterback Zeke Pike went home for the summer.

That’s right. It’s almost July. And while most college football players are busy conditioning, working out, and getting themselves ready for the grueling college football season, Auburn’s can’t miss QB phenom has packed it in for his home state of Kentucky.

The punk kid who took on the Alabama fanbase via twitter last summer, before he ever donning a putrid orange and blue jersey, isn’t on campus.

Why, you ask? Well, it isn’t to take on a summer job or serve his community. Instead, the infamous tweeter was either sent home or allowed to go home by Auburn head coach Gene Chiznik because, well, he needs time to think.

To think about whether or not he’s cut out to play college football. To think about whether or not he has what it takes to be a team leader under center. To think about whether or not he really wants to be an Auburn man.

Auburn man? Gene, what are you talking about?

Zeke Pike was MADE for Auburn! He exemplifies everything about the school’s athletic program.

Sure, he got busted last Saturday night on a charge of public intoxication. Sure he was suspended for his first and last game of his high school senior season…the first because of being ejected from the last game of the previous season, the last for (alledgedly) “getting a little help from his friends” Cheech and Chong style in the high school locker room. Sure trouble seems to show up wherever he goes.

So what he was ejected from 7-on-7 tournament game in high school after heaving a ball in anger at an official.

Auburn, Zeke Pike is what you want!

I’ll never forget Auburn QB Ben Leard throwing the ball at an Alabama player late in the game in 1999, the clock winding down with Auburn’s first defeat on the plains drawing nigh. That’s the kind of umph the Tigers would get from Pike. Nothing says leadership like your field general picking a fight on the field.

Remember, we’re talking about the team that lost a player to federal prison just this month, with two more waiting to be sentenced.

Those players, remember, used the gun of former Auburn running back Michael Dyer, who testified he also used the wacky weed while at Auburn.

We all scratched our heads at how Auburn’s BCSNCG MVP stayed clear of any wrongdoing in the armed robbery case involving Antonio Goodwin Mike McNeil, Shaun Kitchens and Dakota Mosley. In most cases the person contributing the weapon is considered an accomplice.

Remember, this is the program that exalted Nick Fairley, who played anything BUT fairly. In 2010 Fairley delivered cheap shot after cheap shot, almost starting a riot in the Georgia game. If you didn’t want to be hit late you didn’t need to line up opposite Fairley and the Auburn’s defense.

This is also the program that exalted a known thief and academic fraud in Cam Newton. His malfeasance while at Florida was well-documented, stealing a laptop and fleeing the school for JUCO as he faced academic expulsion. Yet when he got to Auburn, he was considered a hero…I bet those online courses Auburn allowed him to take (in lieu of having to go to a real class) were 100% legitimate too.

And don’t forget about Eric Smith, who intentionally cleat kicked an Oregon player in the face mere feet away from Auburn’s heach coach, only to receive “a firm talkin’ to” before being sent RIGHT BACK into the game. This is the same player who “allegedly” beat a fellow Auburn student at a hotel, leaving him for dead in the parking lot. Yet, he was allowed to play on.

And of course, there’s Dyer, Auburn’s latest “answer.” The little shetland pony runningback was practically adopted by Bo Jackson, who apparently would break into cold sweats if Dyer came off the field and he couldn’t put his arm around him.

But what do Dyer, Fairley, Smith and Newton all have in common? Let me crack the code for you:

If you contribute at Auburn, you’re in. As in all in. As in the fambly will cover for you. But if not, you’re not.

Simply put, if Zeke Pike would’ve just waited until he was named the starting quarterback, and led the Tigers to wins over LSU, Georgia and/or (especially) Alabama, Pike could sacrifice babies on the 50-yard line and the Auburn Fambly would simply sing “Lean On Me” has he did.

I can still hear the voice of an Auburn friend of mine who assured me “Zeke Pike” was the future for Auburn, maybe even winning the starting job as early as this year. Sadly, this is the same poor soul who assured me Auburn “wouldn’t miss a beat” this season with T.J. Yeldon at runningback.

But if Auburn’s head coach, Gene Chiznik, would just listen to me…and the Auburn Fambly, if you would just lend me your ear, let me reason with you. Give Zeke Pike another chance.

Because the little punk exemplifies everything your program is…perfectly.


(Follow me on Twitter for capstonereport.com news, commentary and smack.)

19 Comments

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  1. 1
    BamaBrando

    haha! This is great! And so very true. Pike represents the type of ‘character’ that sums up Chiziks recruiting. You can see the pattern over the past few years. It is a desperate attempt to keep up with Bama, but how many of these risky character players can he recruit before it bites Auburn in the ass?

      • 3
        BamaBrando

        I see that one thing it is doing, it is depleting future upper classes. When these low character players leave for whatever reason (prison, Arkansas State, etc.) It leaves Auburn with a perpetually young team. The funny part is, a lot of Auburn supporters slam Saban for players transferring, like he is doing a really bad thing. When Saban embarrasses Auburn in the Iron Bowl again this year, these same folks will be as dejected as they were when Tuberville was on his way out after 36-0.

  2. 5
    DES

    Didn’t Pike talk a lot of trash about The Tide even before he came down to API ? LOL!! Maybe the policeman who arrested him was a “Bama man.Wonder what’s going on in his mind now? RTR

  3. 6
    RC

    My scoop tells me that Pike is seriously thinking of transferring to Louisville. Much promising future athletically, academically, and character-wise. Coach Strong won’t compromise his principals to try and gain an upper hand. Remember, you heard it here first. Just call me the scoop master

    • 9
      Finebaum Junkie

      And not last week, and not even last year, right RC? Lmao, you turds know whats coming, and you don’t like it one bit. Anyways, I have a scoop for you all. In a few weeks, RC and I will be starring in our very own weekly television series. It will be titled “The Racist and The Rapist”!

  4. 10
    RC

    Junkie,

    What’s coming??!! The kid will never play, and if he does, his emotions will get the best of him. Do you really think that little turd will hold up with his history and the discipline it takes to play big time college football. Unless there’s another cheating ringer like Cam Newton suiting up, AU won’t beat Alabama for years. A quarter of Chistik’s recruiting classes have either quit or are on their way to jail, dinkus!

    You can keep calling me whatever you want, but the facts are we both know you don’t have a
    girlfriend. If you do, post her pic so we can see the little whore. She would have to be a whore, to be with a dip-stained, cum guzzler like yourself

  5. 11
    Finebaum Junkie

    I wasn’t talking about Pike RC. You will see whats coming in due time. And yeah, yu are kinda right about the girlfriend thing, I kicked her sorry ass to the curb over a month ago…and in hindsite, I should have let you rape her ass when I had the chance, that way you could experience a vagina thats not a blood relative to you.

  6. 12
    RC

    Ooooh, “what’s coming in due time.” OK. Phillip Marshall, Mr. Auburn conspirator. Nothing is common, I would have heard about it, like I’ve been hearing that Cam Newton got a 15-yr old girl pregnant. Yeah, something’s coming alright, especially when news leaks out that Chette Williams & Chizik sent hush money. STAY TUNED. You’ll then start calling Cam the ‘N’ word, you racist!

  7. 15
    ITK

    Finebaum Junkie tactic #1: Promise something taken completely out of his imagination “is coming.”

    ITK record against it:

    ITK 86
    FBJ 00

  8. 16
    BamaBrando

    Ha! Auburn: New OC. New DC. Same below .500 head coach. Has been out recruited by half the SEC the past four years, and can’t seem to keep good players for more than one season. And here is FBJ promising something is coming, and we won’t like it!

    Sorry, bud, Saban has proved already that he wasn’t a fluke, and he is still one of the best, if not the best recruiters in college. He is reloading from several top recruiting classes from the past four years. He has been one of the most consistent winning coaches over the past four years. Auburn is not even in the preseason top 25. So many players are getting arrested, and their NC MVP transferred. Auburn will be extremely lucky to win 8 games this season. Bama, LSU, Arkansas, and Georgia will still beat the crap out of them this season.

    Have you been keeping up with anything FBJ?

  9. 17
    Crimsonite

    What the hell kind of football fans do they have in Wisconsin? The last post on their Rivals board was June 25th, and there was nothing of value then. I can’t believe nobody is jumping on that controversial story about Bama refusing to play them. Can you imagine the flak that something like that would create with another SEC team or a Pac 10 or ACC or even Michigan or Notre Dame? Damn, if the Whisky fans are that blase, I don’t know how they get up enough ambition to go to a football game in a blizzard. Bwaa Haww Haww! RTR!

  10. 18
    Be4Bama

    Wisconsin doesn’t want to play BAMA. that’s exactly why we aren’t hearing anything from their fans.
    I’m still waiting on the breaking news we were promised a few days ago.

  11. 19
    Tattoo

    I guess if Zeke Pike was playing for tiny Tim he would have got 1/2 game suspension like DJ Hall. At least Chizik sent this 4 star Qback home till he cleans up his act. Jamarcus Savage 4 star DE axed for breaking team rules. See, Chizik lives up to rules unlike Nicky who benches players for 1/2 game.

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