Magazine covers that make us think football

As a kid I used to love this time of year. School’s out, plenty of free time, no responsibilities, and all the college football preview magazines start hitting the stands.

You know you were like me, buying ’em up with what money you had so you could memorize the jersey numbers, heights, weights and hometowns of the players on your team.

Recently I had to hit a local bookstore with my daughter, and as she looked for the series of books she wanted to read this summer (yeah, I’m worried about her too), I found myself wandering over to the magazines to check out the college previews.

One of the saddest parts about living in the internet generation is that I don’t buy or even see these magazines anymore. Maybe I should, and in honor of nostalgia, I think I will again. But even though it’s been a while, I wasn’t surprised to see high expectations for the Crimson Tide heading into the 2011 campaign.

This one projected Bama in the top spot, that one had them just behind Oklahoma; all had the Tide in the top five. If preseason magazines mattered, however, last year’s Auburn would’ve been bowling in Nashville instead of Tempe. The actual season, balls bouncing your direction and officials looking in the other mean more than a glossy cover that the mag companies know will sell. Still, the consensus appears to be the Bama is again a force.

While at the magazine rack, however, I was intrigued by the sea of periodicals that lined the back of this bookstore. Pick a subject and there was a magazine for it. It was pretty incredible, actually.

But as I looked around, I couldn’t help but make the connection between these magazines and the SEC this upcoming football season. In no particular order, I give you my findings.


Folks, this is a bad football team with a long way to go. A shell of itself under Fat Phil in the glory years, beating Tennessee has almost…almost…lost its luster. I said almost. Dropping number five in a row this season will still feel pretty dang good.


The only way the Rebels…or Black Bears…or whatever they are now…can hope for a winning season is for good ole fashioned luck. Not even signing 38 players, forcing a change in over signing policies, has helped Houston Nutt. And yes, Auburn fans, it was Nutt, not Saban that forced that rule. I guess you have to sign 38 GOOD players. Problem is, they may not have 38 good ones on their entire roster.


You can get the Tigers 75-1 in Vegas today to repeat, but the unlikely odds of * University bearing any significance on the landscape of college football won’t stop the Auburn Cult Fambly from believing. Success this season will mean getting to a bowl…any bowl. And if you think otherwise you’re just inebriated. The NCAA’s official letter of inquiry should offer quite a sobering effect, however.


Hey, have you heard the latest on Kim Kardashian? Yeah, I don’t care either. Not a day goes by where I don’t wonder about the basis of her fame. She’s not an actress. She’s not a singer. She’s not really a model. She’s just a good looking woman who has Bruce Jenner as a step-dad. In short, she’s living off the past others created for her, in much the same way the Florida Gators will be this season. They will be as competitive as Kardashian is hot, and I like Will Muschamp. But the Gators are now three head coaches removed from “their” Bear Bryant, who they continue to have to face each year. Something tells me this year’s bout with Spurrier could get ugly.


I could not believe it when I saw this one. There is actually a magazine devoted to aquarium life. And just like Vandy, nobody cares. When will the SEC do the right thing and show them the door?


I can’t look away either. Every time I see Lady GaGa it’s a freakshow. Like LSU. How this team is competitive, if not a contender year in and year out under “the Hat” I will never know. The man is an idiot. But LSU is stacked, and I mean stacked. The game of the year in college football will be November 5th in Bryant-Denny Stadium. It could decide one half of this year’s BCS National Championship game.


If I were a Georgia fan I would be kicking myself. In the race for power in the SEC East, Tennessee has careened off the track and into the grandstands, and Florida has slowed to pit. Georgia should’ve been poised and ready to take over, right? Nope. South Carolina has looked more like a Pheonix than a Gamecock, rising from the ashes to come into power. Georgia can get to Atlanta this season, but the quarterback play has got to continue, and Isaiah Crowell has to contribute early behind an offensive line that has to gel. The defense also has to get nastier, and Mark Richt has got to find his swagger again. Whoever they’d face in Atlanta will crush them, but the Dogs can get there if all the details come together.


Okay I know that was too easy. But while the Gamecocks will be favored to make it back to Atlanta…and they WILL be well-stocked for the journey…how about showing some gonads, Spurrier? How’z about doing the right thing? You’re making Gene Chizik’s “18 strikes and you’re out” program look like Alcatraz. Jeff Garcia has done just about everything a player can do to get tossed, and yet he will still likely find himself under center this fall. Good message there, Steve. Although selfishly I hope he is there, because if they face Nick Saban’s 2011 Tide in Atlanta, redemption will be on the minds of the Bama D. Garcia may go the way of the full rotation of Michigan State QB’s Bama dismissed from the game last January.


The Hogs will make a lot of waves this year, and thankfully Bama gets them right out of the gate at home. Oddly for a Petrino team, defense will lead the way, and that unit will be mindful of the Tide’s late game performance to salvage a win in Fayetteville last season. Still, whoever gets this team in October and November shouldn’t plan any post-game victory parties. Arkansas is for real.


Have you had your fill of the Royal Wedding yet? My gosh, Kate frequents magazine covers almost as much as Kim Kardashian. And am I the only one who thinks Prince William would have zero shot at a chick this cute if he weren’t a prince? Equally, Kentucky again has zero shot of achieving anything resembling significance this season, and with every year that passes the Cats continue to miss their chance to end that horrifying losing streak to Tennessee. The Vols won’t be down forever, but Kentucky will.


There is reason for a lot of optimism in Starkville. The Bulldogs may have their best head coach ever walking the sidelines, and Dan Mullen appears to be pretty happy there. They own the state (Ole Miss will never beat Dan Mullen again), and continue to acquire the players to make Mullen’s system work. The November 12th match-up with Alabama will be a barn burner. Still, best game of the young season will be in Auburn on September 10th. If Mullen can score 100 on the Tigers he will.


It is not going to be a fun date on the schedule for Alabama’s opponents this season. For one, all the tough games are at home. Next, the Tide finally has a bad humor for Auburn rivaling what they felt for Florida in 2009. Alabama is as loaded and deep at every position as they’ve ever been. There isn’t a team in college football with more ability and depth than the 2011 Tide. And it’s a good place to be when your only weakness is trying to decide which future All-American will lead your team at quarterback for the next three years. Bama will simply be downright scary; what you saw in the Capital One bowl will be a regular site this fall. That said, circle the Florida game in the Swamp as this year’s South Carolina game. By the time they play the Tide should be No. 2 at worst, and the place will be jumping. Though Alabama will be the better team, they will have to survive everything the Gators have to make it out of Gainsville with a win. And that should happen.

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Add Yours
  1. 1

    Last time I checked, Mississippi State plays Alabama in Starkville. Not T-town. Good luck in Starkvegas “God’s Country!”. GO STATE!!

  2. 3

    Magazine memories galore.My dad used to buy Street and Smith’s.The 1st one I remember in 3rd grade around 1966 had Spurrier on the cover. I used to draw football players in class and caption them, “Boo Auburn” Boo Georgia”, etc. The teacher caught me one day and I got my 1st “we’re not supposed to BOO anyone” lesson.

  3. 6

    I have about 50 close Auburn friends. I don’t know any of them that are predicting more than 9 Auburn wins. I’m guessing 6-8 depending on how well the young kids grow up.

    As usual illiterate rednecks have to exaggerate in order to try and make your point.

    Stop listening to the stooges on the Finescum show.

  4. 7

    Hoopie, you make my point for me beautifully. Thank you so much. Nine wins? If you need me to drive you home, call me. You don’t need to get behind the wheel right now.

  5. 8
    robert garrard

    Dream on Redneck bammers. You were almost a consensus number one pick last year and YOUR BIG BROTHER (AUBURN) was picked in the twenties by most. What were the final results, you dumb Rednecks? Alabama is just a media darling, which causes these predictions. Alabama will be lucky to win nine games this year with a new qb and Trent Richardson at rb, not to mention the offensive coaching staff you retards have. You delusional goobers have absolutely ZERO chance of winning another national championship! We will beat the holy s*#t out of you losers at Jordan Hare this year! Oh yeah, you can write that you little midget nickie bitches!

  6. 9

    Dang, Robert….Lay off the caffeine and keep the cell phone away from your head for at least an hour.

  7. 10

    Oh BTW..

    “You delusional goobers have absolutely ZERO chance of winning another national championship!”

    You’re talking about Auburn….Right?

  8. 11

    roberta, keep on dreaming. That fluke season Auburn had last season was once in a lifetime for you guys. You had to come from behind more often than not, and your QB, who was 80% of your scoring offense is gone for good. You were a one hit wonder, and now reality will set in as you will be forced to watch as Bama steals your thunder yet again this season. Bama has the depth, the experience and the talent. Auburn has no depth, 2 good recruiting classes, new QB, new OL, new DL, and hardly no starting experience. When you want to discuss facts instead of name calling, maybe someone will take you seriously and not consider you an idiot, which you are if you believe the crap you are spewing here.

  9. 12
    robert garrard

    Nick Satan is going bald on top and he is pretty damn short, therefore you wife beater wearing toothless wonders will win about nine games this year (if that).
    p.s. I think bammerbrando has a man crush on midget nickie

  10. 13
    robert garrard

    Oh yeah, Auburn won the national championship and has two more heismans than you morons. Sorry little brother, maybe someday you will grow big and be like Auburn University.

  11. 14
    Nicket the Ewok Coach

    Dont bother trying to convince BamaButtHard that AU is a real football team who will continue to kick his ass in JH West. I think the record is like 9-2 in their own stadium against AU.

    No Gomers, go sell some more crack like Jimmie Johns.

  12. 15
    Nicket the Ewok Coach

    Your articles are again more irrelevant as ever. And you wonder why no one else in the SEC can stand Alabama?

    It’s due to articles like this crap. Should we even bother to play the game on the field since you guys have another “dynasty” team? It sure will be sweet to see your midget go down again this year.

  13. 16

    Like I said roberta, if you can’t discuss the facts, you resort to writing garbage. Good luck getting over your 5-7 record this season. We probably won’t be seeing you around here anymore, so just let me go ahead and thank you now for your obsession with Bama even though things won’t work out like you think.

  14. 17

    And welcome back Nicket, I just thought you were finishing off your sex offender sentence, or the Cult had put you to work in the cattle pasture for the summer. Glad to see that you can get the internets in prison!

  15. 18
    robert garrard

    Nickie Satan is a terrible x’s and o’s coach. The only way he is able to win is his recruiting. He knows that he is a inferior coach and has to have prime-time players in order to hide that fact. The way he gets those players is what is in question. We all know that it is more than suspicious that players like Calloway and Kuondjo choose Auburn because that is where THEY want to play ball, only to have their family or “guardian peaches” freak out about their choice. Could it be that some money and promises have already changed hands?! Hmmm. I live here in Florence and everybody knows the deal with Calloway and “peaches” relationship with the bammer boosters. It’s only a matter of time you redneck bammers. The NCAA is currently checking out more than the Calloway deal. That is only the tip of the iceberg.Bammer is already on probation. Next is the death penalty. So I hope little tiny nickie enjoys having his servant bring him oatmeal cream pies (the thin ones you bitch!). It won’t be long until he’s buying and opening the box his little bald headed midget self.

  16. 19

    come on roberta, explain to us bammers how Auburn, with 6 starters returning, absolutely no depth on defense, replacing Cam, and the entire offensive line, is going to compete with a strong Bama team, who only lost 6 starters off of a 10-win team. The same team that beat Auburns ass in the first half of last years game 24-0. You think Auburn is going to come back in any game last year without cam? Auburn will compete with ole miss for the bottom of the west, and you think they are going to go toe-to-toe with Sabans Bama team, ranked in the top 10 every year he has been the but his first. Vandy has as good a shot of winning the SEC as Auburn.

  17. 20
    robert garrard

    Bammerbrando, Satan only had one good(not great) season at lsu. He was then a FAILURE with the dolphins. He had an defected regular season with homobama, although nickie got his retarded a*# beat by a weak coach (meyer) and then got ran by a joke of a ute team. How freaking pathetic! You name me a game that the mighty Coach Chizik was supposed to when that he did not win?! Coach Mal was able to develop Chris Todd into a record breaker my brother. He can and will do the same with anybody that starts at qb for auburn. Our two best rb’s are back and Jeff grime will have plenty of talent to work with. Ted Roof has had time to implement his system with the help of Coach Chizik, who is a MUCH better defensive mind than little tiny nickie. Trust me, you redneck won’t win the Iron Bowl for a long long long long time! Oh yeah, AUBURN WON THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!! HAHAHAHA!!! BAMMERS SUCK AND SO DOES THE REDNECK TIDE! BEAR GRANT WAS A TOTAL DRUNK THAT BEAT HIS WIFE! WHAT AN EMBARRASSMENT YOU BAMMERS ARE TO THE STATE OF ALABAMA!

  18. 21
    robert garrard

    Before you critic my spelling, I am typing with a Droid phone which completes the words for you. I’m hoping that you bammers can figure out what I meant in my previous post even though you are ALL idiots (every single one of you)!

  19. 22
    C Hammah




  20. 24
    robert garrard

    C Hannah, excuses again you bitch? Give me facts about satan’s illustrious career. He is the most overated coach and bama is the most overated program in the history of college football. Don’t give me this crap about 2,026 or 1,225,876 national titles! You rednecks are full of s@#t about the number of legit titles you’be won! Auburn is on top baby and you bammers are our little nickie bitches. GET USED TO IT LOSERS! AU #1

  21. 25
    robert garrard

    Nick Saban is a homo. I’m serious, he has gay tendencies. Although, what bammer fan isn’t a little odd?! I know bammers can’t help it, you idiots were all raised in dysfunctional families. You TOOLS lost to Auburn at home after having a huge lead! Even your coaching staff is dysfunctional(like all of you wimps). I think it is obvious Kirby Dumb doesn’t think much of coach satan. Your team is a joke!

  22. 26

    come on roberta, you are just dancing around and dodging the facts again. Look, Auburn has a team FULL of unproven players, with little or no SEC experience. Bama is just the opposite. Saban has a better record than Chizik, has won 2 National Championships, and sent more players to the NFL than Chizik. You are basing all of your hopes and dreams on ONE season at Auburn. You are highly delusional, and refuse to face the facts. There is no hope for you ever living in reality. Your own coaches are even saying that Auburn has a ton of inexperience for this year. Yet you want to criticize Saban and his body of work, which has produced more than Chizik ever has. You are a joke, obsessed with slamming Bama. Bama will be the team to beat in the SEC this season, like it or not. Auburn will be fighting Ole Miss for last place. I hope you show up here during the season when the things I have told you turn out to be true, but I seriously doubt you will be here, because you you be hiding your head in shame. Roll Tide, you worthless, delusional Cult member.

  23. 27

    NCAA is not investigating in Russellvillle, AL. I’m not sure the barners want the NCAA there. They may find out how AU switched Brent after he had been commited for a year? I think Luper wanted that story to die really fast. I really do not understand barner logic. A 5-19 loser coach comes in and pulls a top 20 class. Goes 3-5 in sec and pulls a top 5 class. How? Now we know the pay for play comes out, free iphones, and Trooper’s flat out lies. The barn wins a tainted NC* and they pull a top 10 class, which should happen after a NC*. Although it has been kept quiet, but the barner’s only 5 * lineman from Texas not coming, so they really didn’t break the top 10. Alabama has has consistent top 5 recruiting classes. How? Tradition, winning and the new NFL U. I don’t understand how the barn fans can’t see the above pattern and question how did then get that top 5 class? Especially with the accusations of paying players and using street agents as middlemen. Really, why would a top recruit want to play for a loser coach and the “the family” line is bullshit.

  24. 28

    roberta can’t handle the truth. He is too busy dodging and deflecting the facts so he can sleep better at night. Call names, say Saban is gay, and that makes everything better. The truth is Saban is a better recruiter, on the field coach, motivator, and organizer than Chizik will ever be. His record proves it, and he will continue to win this season, and be in the hunt for the NC for his remaining years at Bama. One-hit wonder Chizik will drop off the radar this season, and Auburn fans will be ready to fire him when they get embarrassed at home by Bama. Will Chizik fall back below .500? He will this year.

  25. 29

    Looks like robertacraphard woke up and greeted the sun like he does each and every day – with Crimson in his eyes.Thanks for playing Rollin With the Tide roboto ! Roll Tide.

  26. 31

    Roberta is the pivot man, on the 32-man Auburn Circle Jerk team. He has won numerous awards for his talents at the position.

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