Clowney, Dick Vitale and horrible basketball…

I’m so glad Valentine’s Day is over. Are you with me? Look, I’m a happily married man with an incredible wife and family…but is there a more obvious Hallmark holiday on our calendar each year than Valentine’s Day? When standing in line to buy flowers, candy and other junk I get the same sinking feeling I get when I’m sitting in my accountant’s office as he prepares my tax returns: That time of year is here again, and there’s nothing I can do about it but submit.

Oh well, at least it’s over. Unfortunately, so is meaningful college football news. With Jadaveon Clowney’s announcement yesterday recruiting is over, which means it’s officially the silly season.

So, here are a few post-Valentine’s Day treats for you to chew on…

Jadaveon Clowney
Yesterday the nation’s most prized high school recruit announced he would be a Gamecock. No real surprise there as there was huge pressure (including some possible family logistical factors) for him to remain in-state.

Clowney’s high school highlight reel is unreal. The first time I watched him I eventually ended up laughing out loud at the site of the man-child dominating what looked like middle school opposition. If you remember the dodge ball scene in Billy Madison, it’s like that.

But will that dominance transfer to college? No doubt he’ll be a factor, but I’m reminded that Roy Upchurch’s high school highlights were the stuff of awe. In college he was just good.

There are questions about his academics; I personally want to see his birth certificate to prove he isn’t 30. But I can honestly say I look forward to seeing him suit up for the Gamecocks. Mainly because ‘Bama won’t have to face him in his college career unless South Carolina gets to Atlanta…something that won’t happen again for a while. South Carolina doesn’t appear on Bama’s schedule again until Clowney is a fifth-year senior…something else that’ll never happen.

Bama Basketball RPI
The RPI for the Tide basketball team has made it to 87. The Tide continues to look impressive, but the snow job they got in Nashville didn’t do them any favors. Bama travels to Baton Rouge to face a dreadful LSU team this Thursday, then settles the score with the Hogs at home on Saturday. Two very winnable games.

Then the following Wednesday Alabama hosts the Auburn Tigers, college basketball’s version of the New York Nationals (that’s only funny if you’re familiar with the Harlem Globetrotters).

Bama then travels to Oxford for a rematch with the Rebs, sure to be a tough out. Then if those three games go as planned, Alabama gets a showdown in Gainesville possibly for all the regular season marbles. Bama closes out the season at home against Georgia.

By all accounts Alabama should win four out of the next six. Do so and they are a bubble team. Win five and selection Sunday gets interesting. Win them all and they’re in the dance.

Tide Gymnasts rack #101 in a row over Auburn
I really don’t have much to add to that, except that beating any team on any level over 100 times in a row is ridiculous. That record includes (for lack of a better term) round robin meets where Alabama and Auburn are competing along with other schools.

Last Friday night Bama bested Auburn 197.105 to 194.850 in Tuscaloosa…apparently a blowout in the gymnastics world.

I’m not one to sit here and act like sports like gymnastics and swimming matter…nobody flies their flags for those sports. But losing 101 times in a row to your rival? How pathetic. Here’s hoping Milton McGregor doesn’t ever take a liking to gymnastics.

Bing!
Just four more days until college baseball season gets underway. The Tide welcomes Alcorn State to the Joe this Friday thru Sunday. The game time temps will be in the mid-60’s with clear skies; great reason to go hear the sound of aluminum hitting a baseball.

I won’t plagiarize Jim Rome’s take on college baseball, but I agree with him that when a 160 pound college freshman can accidentally hit a 430 foot shot with an aluminum bat, it’s not baseball. It’s entertaining, but not baseball. Could I do it? Yes. If I hit the sweet spot just right on an 85 mph pitch. An aluminum bat is like the golf clubs they make today. You don’t have to be a good golfer, just have to hit the ball just right with the right tools.

Still, a day at the Joe is a good day, and I plan on making several games this year. And for a double header, the first pitch is at 2:05 Saturday afternoon, followed by a 6:00pm tip against Arkansas Saturday night. Sounds like a good day to me.

Foster: Australian for finally gets an SEC win
What’s worse than the Auburn basketball team? The Alabama women’s basketball team. Sunday afternoon the lady Tide welcomed the Florida Gators to the newly renovated Foster Auditorium, where they will be playing their games from now on.

The result? A 64-59 win, just their second in league play. Bama travels to Auburn this Thursday where they’ll try to complete the sweep against the Tigers, dropping their second game this season to them.

But the race is on to see which team will have the better league record in their new home, the Auburn men’s team or the Alabama women. They both own one home win in SEC play in their new arenas…though Bama has only played one game in their new house. Alabama gets just two more shots while Auburn gets three. May the best pathetic excuse for a basketball team win.

Dick Vitale
Finally, for the love of all that’s good, will someone please catch this man in a sex scandal…or record him making racist remarks…or discover that he’s really a Russian spy?

Anything to make him go away.

I tried watching a game he called last weekend and just couldn’t. He’s like that family you know with that annoying little dog that won’t shut up. His voice just drones on and on, like a garbage disposal grinding chunks of meat. And heaven forbid there be silence in the broadcast…even three seconds. No sir. Dicky V is going to vomit all over himself and the microphone with phrases and sentence fragments that don’t mean jack.

I would rather watch an old Jefferson Pilot SEC game of the week football broadcast, where the guy said the phrase “big man on big man” a hundred times during the game. Or a Golden Girls marathon. Just anything but Vitale. Please…

(Follow me on Twitter for capstonereport.com news, commentary and smack.)