SEC, make Vandy move their @*#$ benches

Dear Commissioner Mike Slive,

Since you have nothing better to do but keep watch for fax girls, would you please get off your pasty, old, white duff and make Vanderbilt move their benches to where virtually every other bench resides at every level of basketball?

I mean, from Upward basketball leagues to the NBA, nobody has their benches underneath the damn goals.

What difference does it make, you say?

Tonight, down 3, Alabama basketball coach Anthony Grant tried to call a timeout before Vanderbilt’s shooter took the second and deciding free throw to seal a four point game.

What’d you say? Your bedtime is 8:30 and you didn’t see it? Did he get it? Well, I’m glad you asked.

NO, you moron. He didn’t get it because Grant stood some 90-feet away from the action, the shots being taken on the other end of the court.

In a normal gym, Grant is around midcourt and the plea would’ve been impossible to ignore. But instead, the circus that is Memorial Gymnasium struck another victim.

Would it have mattered? Well, we’ll never know, will we?

So good Commissioner, before you pop another Geritol before bedtime, could you do what you do best…pick up the phone and make a call to an athletics director to stop stupid shenanigans that’ve gone on too long?

Wait. Vanderbilt doesn’t have an athletics director, do they?

Well in that case, just lend me the keys to that gym and I’ll personally undo the spastic travesty that has been allowed to go on forever.

Idiot.

Yours truly,
ITK

(Follow me on Twitter for capstonereport.com news, commentary and smack.)

25 Comments

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  1. 8
    CRIMSON HAMMAH

    per espn radio – come october cheez’s and au asterisk will be as big as a starship….espn is the worldwide leader in sports – look it up

  2. 10
    DAMAGE INC.

    BTW – the “attack” from the barner faithful in here is quite pathetic – maybe they actually have their free speech amendment here unlike the Aubarn boards which censor anything about the asterisk that wil be imposes on 2010* – also anything “negative” about $cam is a big no no because he “helped an elementary school out” during his attorney fee driven tenure – you phuckers are a bunch if chimps

  3. 11
    DAMAGE INC.

    Forgive the iPhone typos – it really IS annoying when you’re trying to type on the pressure sensitive keyboard – apple iPhone: did you mean “insert word”??????? Hell no I didn’t!

  4. 12
    BamaBrando

    It’s okay Damage, this coming meltdown of the Auburn fanbase this season is going to be hilarious. I doubt Scott, mike reaves, 47, 334, Mandyke, none of these guys will even be brave enough to come back here from the embarrassments that are coming.

  5. 15
    AubFan334

    So the starship is coming in october now? Are you part of the same cult that wore all black , ate poisoned applesauce, and waited on the comet to fly over and pick them up? We can only hope so. Can see hammah now describing the starship to the local news from his trailer park…”It sounded like a train…rolltide”

  6. 16
    bamaferg

    It has been explained MANY times why the benches are the way they are at Vandy. Their court is raised and extends all the way to the stands. If the benches were on the side, they would be blocking the view of the 1st 4 rows of courtside seats. Its not a gimmick- just a rational solution to not piss off the high dollar ticket holders. And this is from a Bama grad(98).

  7. 17
    Crimsonite

    Give me a break fool! As if they didn’t know that when they built the damn thing? That is their worse than dumbáss excuse and even more dumbáss is anybody who believes it! Now either the architech was a total retard and the rest of the genius’ with no common sense at Vandy didn’t catch the unbelievably obvious “ERROR”, or the administration was so greedy for more seats that they ordered them built lower. The first excuse is not believable and the second means it was done on purpose, which is probably the real truth! And before you ignorant bastards run your mouth anymore you best just STFU because the only problem you have with ITK saying it is that this time it wasn’t your team playing and you didn’t get to say it first. And on a connected note, we got royally phucked last night because we sunk the tieing basket that would have sent it into overtime with Bama having the hotter hand, and the phucking official said he stepped out of bounds and took the basket off. The replay clearly showed he was not out.

  8. 18
    CRIMSON HAMMAH

    U STUPID IGNORANT SLUT – ESPN RADIO ANALYST SAID OCTOBER – I DK WHEN THE NCAA IS DROPPING THE HAMMAH – THE MINISCULE MEMORABILIA SCANDAL AT T OSU TOOK 9 MONTHS – AU CHEATING IS BRAZEN ONLY SMU COMPARES SAYS AN NCAA INVESTIGATOR IN INDY,IN….AU CHEATING 100 X MORE COMPLEX

  9. 19
    ITK

    bamaferg, I’d buy that if the ENTIRE Vandy cheerleading squad wasn’t courtside the entire game.

    No way anybody behind them saw anything. At some point they’re going to have to be made to fix that train wreck. I can’t imagine those logistics are fair to anyone.

    I vote next year we make their bench sit in section AA, row 16, seats 1-16.

  10. 20
    Dozier34

    ITK, the sky must be falling bc we actually agree on something. The arena’s setup makes no sense to me. Now hammah, who exactly is “The” espn analyst. Please tell me the identity of “The” analyst, i’ve been dying to find “the’s” true identity for so long. While I’ve heard “The” analyst has impeccable sources I cant ever figure out who “The” is. Also, your really on top of your game knowing there is a NCAA investigator in Indy, only a genius could figure out there would be one where their headquarters are. Now, go ahead and act like the Intelligent, mature, adult you are and call me a stupid ignorant slut. I’m sure it’ll make you fe better.

  11. 21
    Dozier34

    Hammah, You’ve got to have some kind of inside source or ability to see into the future. I’ve never witnessed someone whose info and predictions are as spot on as yours. So please enlighten us on AU cheating methods that are so complex. If anyone can explain it, I’m sure it’d be you. I’ll hang up and listen.

  12. 22
    Nicket the Ewok Coach

    You stupid ignorant slut. Intergalactic-planetary-planetary-intergalactic. I think the cult you are trying to remember is the Heaven’s gate cult in which Hammah is a card carrying member.

    ITK, I agree with you again, the stars and planets must have aligned tonite, but Vandys arena is retarded and that is the only sport they are even decent in other than the math team.

  13. 23
    I bought my Alabama shirt at Walmart so that makes me a fan

    Damn aubies suck!!!!!! There is no way the NCAA will let them get away with this thievery!!!!!! Sure they ruled him eligible earlyer on in the year but I googled on ESPN and they said theres no way Auburn will get away with it!!!!!!! Auburn sucks!!!!! Please write more articles about Auburn on this Alabama fan website!!! Alabama will be way better then Auburn next year!!!! Auburn sucks!!! I never went to Alabama because I couldn’t afford school but i grew up a Bama fan watching the bear!!! Auburn sucks!!!!! Roll Tide!!! RTR I love Alabama and I hate Scam Newton!!! Auburn sucks!!! I want to go yell more Raciest comments at black students because I am a dumb ass uneducated Alabama fan!!!! Auburn sucks!!! It wont stand!!!! Sure we could have prevented it all from happening up 24 to 0 at home but we didn’t so Auburn sucks!!!!!!! Cam Newton cheated!!!! take it away so I can have some type of moral satisfaction!!! Auburn sucks!!!!!!

  14. 25
    I bought my Alabama shirt at Walmart so that makes me a fan

    Come on my fellow Alabama fans lets show our class my killing a tree and yelling at black students!!! We are so classy!!!!! Roll Tide!!!!

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