SEC, make Vandy move their @*#$ benches

Dear Commissioner Mike Slive,

Since you have nothing better to do but keep watch for fax girls, would you please get off your pasty, old, white duff and make Vanderbilt move their benches to where virtually every other bench resides at every level of basketball?

I mean, from Upward basketball leagues to the NBA, nobody has their benches underneath the damn goals.

What difference does it make, you say?

Tonight, down 3, Alabama basketball coach Anthony Grant tried to call a timeout before Vanderbilt’s shooter took the second and deciding free throw to seal a four point game.

What’d you say? Your bedtime is 8:30 and you didn’t see it? Did he get it? Well, I’m glad you asked.

NO, you moron. He didn’t get it because Grant stood some 90-feet away from the action, the shots being taken on the other end of the court.

In a normal gym, Grant is around midcourt and the plea would’ve been impossible to ignore. But instead, the circus that is Memorial Gymnasium struck another victim.

Would it have mattered? Well, we’ll never know, will we?

So good Commissioner, before you pop another Geritol before bedtime, could you do what you do best…pick up the phone and make a call to an athletics director to stop stupid shenanigans that’ve gone on too long?

Wait. Vanderbilt doesn’t have an athletics director, do they?

Well in that case, just lend me the keys to that gym and I’ll personally undo the spastic travesty that has been allowed to go on forever.


Yours truly,

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