God is on Auburn’s side

God loves football. And God really loves Auburn. We know that because God’s prophet is Gene Chizik, and he declared this the case after Auburn’s dramatic win over Clemson.

Chizik said of the win, “It’s a God thing.” (source: AUbeat)

Hallelujah!

But if God cared, couldn’t he have covered the spread?

Or fixed the game clock?

Or given Auburn a lake instead of Clemson?

Alas, my faith is not what it should be. I must dig deeper into the religious teachings of the Chiz; there are no doubt impressive things that can be discovered from the liturgy of the Church of Auburn.

Thing like, Blessed are the rich in fambly, for they shall see Pat Dye. And the traditional hymn for this season Ave Cam!

Hail Cam
Full of (laptops)speed
The Lord is with thee;
Blessed are thou among quarterbacks;
And blessed are the fruits of thy
Arm!
Touchdowns!
And Holy Malzahn
Father of offense
Score for us fans
Now and forever.
War Damn Eagle!

Gene Chizik is a joke.

But we already knew that.

I’m just glad to find out God really does care about football. I’ve always felt bad spending so much of my life thinking about the sport. Now I can be comforted that when I stand before the Judgment Seat and Almighty God asks me what I have done in this life, I can say that I gave a damn about football. That should score me some points. Maybe it’ll get me a bigger mansion in heaven.

55 Comments

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  1. 1
    mandy

    You better worry about getting there first. I dont know any bammer trash thats heading that way. You are all idiots and dumber than dirt. BTW all you fools please go out and find jobs this week so I dont have to pay for your welfare and food stamps.. Tks in advance.

  2. 2
    aubrnfan

    agree mandy us auburn fans are tired of payin for bammers. hell, i stuggles paying rent for my single wide as it is. war eagle.

  3. 3
    aubrnfan

    oh and Mandy aint no real auburn fan. she julio and bpi are damn faciest bammers tryin to infiltrate our precious family to poison our bodily fluids.

  4. 4
    J.w.

    Yes there is a football god and i thank him for healing Ingram and getting him back.Man that dude did not miss a beat.Looks like ARK will be in deep dodo trying to stop both of these guys.Saban will come up with plan to slow Mallet and offense will cruise thru this game.Really i am not going to sweat any more games like last season because after yesterday even tho it was Duke,this team proved it can score any time it wants.With that said i really feel bad for other teams after looking at the faces of Duke players trying to stop this Dam good Alabama football team.RT,,,

  5. 5
    BPI

    Cap, I thought this was ITK’s material until I saw your name attached to it.

    Di you really have to go there ? Come on man. Really ?

  6. 6
    aubrnfan

    BPI just come out of the closet and admitz your an imperialist bammer trying to infiltrate our precious family. LEAVE NOW BAMMER.

  7. 9
    julio

    That was an idiotic, stupid, and defenseless thing for Chizik to say. You can try to spin about how he was merely saying that the team’s effort in the game was a testament to the team’s faith, but it would total BS. It was a stupid thing to say, period.

    See, here’s the difference cap (and ITK, brandii, EG, and the rest of you). We’ll admit it when our coach says something stupid without reservation. When the mighty saban compares losing a game to 9-11 or Pearl Harbor, or blames the fans for losing to utah, you mindless bunch of hicks will try to either outright justify what he said, or at least try to minimize the utter stupidity of it.

  8. 10
    Crimsonite

    Wonder how much money the Clemson center bet on the Barnies to win and cover. No way in hell an experienced center picks up the ball before he centers it on just one play of the game and that play makes Aubie a winner. Fixed, I say fixed! Aubies’ gonna get an arse whuppin’ next week from USCe. Bwaa Haww Haww! RTR!

  9. 11
    mandy

    How long are you fools gonna keep saying were gonna get beat next wk. and the wk after. You better worry about your own damn game and quit worrying about little ole Aubie. After all we arent worth a shite so why keep talking about it. Worried much? You dipshits.

  10. 12
    DAMAGE INC.

    Well Mandy I always enjoy a female with a mouth. I’m not worried about Auburn. Just proves to me Aubarn just barely handled a middle of the pack ACC team in overtime – Shrug

  11. 13
    ITK

    Chiznik’s comments are proof positive to the delusion that exists in Auburn. And if the leader thinks like that, guess what his followers do?

    Bingo.

    The Church of Auburn…Cappy, you just coined a keeper for us all. That’s what this cult is becoming, and it’s getting scarier by the day.

  12. 14
    mandy

    Since Im a roll. Your coach is ugly and old and so is his old lady and Mark Ingram looks like a ape and you know what I mean by that so dont act stupid.

  13. 15
    julio

    and just as I suspected, not a single bammer has the guts to even respond…because there’s nothing you can say. Saban would make Jim Jones proud.

  14. 17
    Finebammer

    Response, Julio? Really want one???

    Face it, idiot, you’re the minority, buddy. Just as most Alabama fans will defend Saban without reservation, so too aubies chizik.

    Ive criticised saban when I felt he deserved it. Did so when he spoke on booing.

    As usual Julio, you’re a pretentious POS.

  15. 18
    bamabino

    Chiznitt is a disrespectful buffoon. No one with even an ounce of respect in the remains of the pinky nail they just trimmed would ever say “It’s a God thing.” and disrespect the Good Lord in such fashion.He must be the Devil’s minion.Reap what you sow Green Gene.DWWD Y’all.

  16. 19
    Crimsonite

    Boy, we have a couple of faggot cocksuckers infesting this board. Aubie is a pos and even their own fanbase knows it. While basically the whole country Is saying we’re invencible. Jealousy is an ugly thing tol see. RTR!

  17. 20
    auburntigerfan

    Auburn will dominate this year just like they did last year. The only games they lost was cos Bammer cheats and everyone knows it.
    good luck with Arkansas. Bammerneckturdtrash!!!! 6 in a row!!!!

  18. 21
    auburntigerfan

    Scarbinsky said that Auburn was like …. 2 plays away from 1-2. He is a dooshbagger.
    We are just playig alittle game of okey-doke with the rest of the SEC….When we win the SEC this seaso (Herbstreet SAID we would, Yall will see for yall’s selfs. Consider your self educated Bammers.

  19. 22
    BPI

    Auburn is not where they should be 3 games into the season. Just my opinmion. I said this year wouild be the litmus test, and frankly, we dont look as good as I think we should.

    That being said, I dont think its too late for the team to turn the corner and improve.

    Another thing, Clemson was physical. There was some hitting in that game. they were well coached and hungry. Write this down…..Clemson will go very far in the ACC , if not win the ACC….Again, just my opinion.

  20. 23
    BamaBrando

    Julia, you are still stupid. Now shut the hell up. Clemson just softened you up for S. Carolina, who will beat Auburn by 2 touchdowns. No one cares what Chizik says. Now we know how full of it he is. After all the sun is orange, and the sky is blue, so God must be an Auburn fan, right?

  21. 24
    BamaCLT

    Mandy, didn’t I stand behind you and your 19 kids at H&R Block? If I remember right, I paid in $36,000 last year while you only made $15k and got back $7k. A Bama degree carries much more weight. There’s not a big niche for sociologists and animal doctors these days. On the positive, I’m sure you’re pregnant and you haven’t seen your man this week since he took off with your Honda Civic and cell phone back to the projects. I’ll compare W-2’s with you any day. I can put you on as a 1099 employee for $11 / hr as my gopher… that is IF you want a job. I’m sure you ride the line so the food stamps and gub’ment subsidies keep rolling your way. Idiot.

  22. 25
    BamaBrando

    mandy, if we were worried, then why are you here? It’s coming, you know it is. Number 3. Ya’ll will be ready to fire the guy this year, when the new slogan becomes ‘8 is great’.

  23. 26
    Crimsonite

    Butt Plug, you may be right about Clemson. And because of Dabo I wish them luck. Also JHS looked like a MASH unit Saturday night. However, just what does it mean to win the ACC? Last year Clemson and N. Carolina were the divisional champions and both were slaughtered by mediocre SEC teams USCe and Georgia in their intrastate rivalries. We’ve
    already witnessed the total collapse of the pride of the ACC in the first two weeks of the season. RTR!

  24. 27
    BamaBrando

    Bama has already shown you Auburn people how to properly beat ACC teams. Don’t act like you have won the National Champiosnhip yet. Auburn would be a good fit for the ACC, since the competition is about equal. But of course in the Auburn world of if’s and but’s, Clemson would have beat Penn St. by 2 TDs.

  25. 29
    ITK

    Oh listen Brando, the most comical thing of Saturday night, apart from Chiznik attempting to play the part of Moses, was the scene after the game. Everyone in the stadium thought they had just won the SEC, even the coaches. Players hugging, coaches almost in tears, it was humorous to say the least.

    The only reason it is so embarrassing to watch is because that was us just a few years ago. Beating a middle of the pack ACC team in Bryant-Denny would have looked just like that in 2004, and folks, that’s where abarn is right now.

    Don’t get me wrong, it was a great win for abarn. I’m just glad we’re not at that point anymore. Having to rely on opposing receivers to drop game winning passes, letting an injured QB almost beat us, depending on the other team’s snapper to botch simple assignments….we’re way beyond that now, thankfully.

  26. 30
    BamaBrando

    What Julia? Who said anything about Duke? Only a blindly obsessed fool like you reads what you want to read, never mind the facts.

  27. 31
    BamaBrando

    And you are so right ITK. I saw it too. You would think they were about to tear down the goalposts. And by the way, was it just me, or did Auburn take a bunch of cheap shots at Clemsons players? It looked like they were going for the knees an awful lot.

  28. 32
    julio

    Oh, I’m sorry brandii. When you said bama showed us how to beat acc teams, you meant the other acc team that bama played this year which was…….(And no brandii, neither Penn St or San Jose are in the ACC.)

    You’re right ITK, it was was ugly. For a minute there it reminded me of the way bama went nuts last year after squeaking by a 7-6 Lane Kiffin coached Tenn team at home by relying upon the kicker to shank two easy FG attempts straight into Cody’s belly button. On second thought, it wasn’t quite that bad.

  29. 33
    ITK

    Brando, you mean using the helmet to spear Clemson’s QB in the back while he was being held up by a couple of other players?

    Or are you talking about hitting the kick-returner while he had clearing taken a knee in the end zone?

    Please clarify.

  30. 34
    BPI

    ITK….You need help. As Seinfeld said to George, Not just your run of the mill shrink…But you need a team. At the collegiate level.

    The CLemson game was a killer football game. And they are not a middle of the pack team in the ACC. They were the conference runner up. And I will go out on a limb and say they will be in the title game again this year.

    That was a slobberknocker of a game. Reminded me of last years Iron Bowl with the way they were laying the wood.

    But, it was Auburn , so you have to belittle the game.

    Whatever.

  31. 35
    ITK

    So Cody has a belly button on his right arm…hmmm, that’s a medical phenomenon for sure. He should probably get paid for that some how.

    And you’re right; I had forgotten how deep the rivalry was/is between Auburn and Clemson, and what a jerk their head coach was/is. Squeaking by them in week three is the same as a close win over a bitter rival in week eight.

  32. 37
    BamaBrando

    No Julia, the past two undefeated seasons at Bama that opened with sound beatings of Clemson, then V Tech, both ranked teams. You assumed Duke, which wasn’t a ranked team. Oh, and Clemson wasn’t ranked this year either. But either way, it still stands. Bama has shown you how to beat an ACC team.

    ITK: You got it. Chop Block U is learning new and improved ways to play dirty under Chizik, God’s coach®.

  33. 39
    julio

    So you’re saying you would have a different opinion if the clemson game would have been played in the 8th week rather than the 3rd week? And you’re belittling Clemson for being in the ACC, all the while forgetting that you acted like Bama beat the NE Patriots after beating Clemson and Va Tech in the season openers in 08 and 09?? Do you even pause to ask yourself how stupid something sounds before you post it on the internet?

  34. 40
    BamaBrando

    I always thought God was a Bama fan since he lead us through the wilderness for 10 years before He sent us Saban hahaha.

  35. 41
    BamaBrando

    Dang Julia, take a deep breath, calm down. As an Auburn fan, you should know better than to get upset by something said on a BAMA SITE. Damn, you whine too much. It is going to be a long season for you if you can’t lighten up, girl.

  36. 42
    julio

    Nick Saban – a man who loves to publicly drop four letter words in front of small children everywhere and hates losing as much as September 11th and Pearl Harbor.

  37. 43
    BamaBrando

    Julia – an obsessed Auburn girl who will go to the grave wishing Auburn could be like Alabama.

    I wouldn’t trade Saban for any other coach. So, keep showing your hate, and we will continue to know we have the right guy, whiner.

  38. 44
    BPI

    Clemson would beat Duke by 40. Why even bring that up ?

    I know that Clemson is in a weak conference. but they are not a bad team.

    Isnt there some unwritten Bammer law that says you cant bash a team coached by a former Bammer player ?

    We could have beat them by 40 and you would still find something to write about.

  39. 45
    BamaBrando

    And why are you here again then? Since you know what is going to happen, don’t you think it is foolish to try and stop it? It is just a game. You come here to talk trash, but you don’t handle it very well.

  40. 49
    bamabino

    At the Church of Sacred Barn Thy Redeemer do they worship Beelzebubba? Do they sacrifice goats? Do they do snake dances? How about midnight masses? Selling your souls and making pacts with the Devil disguised as “God’s thang” to hex opposing centers will only carry you so far.They should sacrifice a couple of walk-ons this week and pray to Beelzebubba for an O-line and a secondary.

  41. 50
    ITK

    No, I remember full well. I just enjoy thoroughly listening to you hang on with two clinched fists to the events surrounding a game that happened almost three years ago.

  42. 51
    Crimsonite

    No Butt Play, nobody in the ACC beats anybody else in the ACC by 40 points. Check it out. And Duke was no pushover last year. They beat Maryland, NC State and Virginia while pushing Miami, Wake Forest, Virginia Tech and North Carolina. The truth is you let Clemson them get tough with you. They came out and bitch slapped you and ran through your O line like water through a sieve. If you had busted em in the chops from the first snap like Bama does, you would have had em on their heels for the rest of the game instead of turning JHS into a MASH unit. RTR!

  43. 52
    Alex Hamilton

    I’m shocked Mandy. Bless your heart you have to be the first Two Dollar Whore in history that pays taxes. Thank you from the bottom of my Bammer heart. You have a social conscious.

  44. 53
    Crimsonite

    Two dollar whore? That’s being a little generous don’t you think. Like my dad would have said, “a two bit whore”. RTR!

  45. 54
    Bama Fan in NYC

    Mandy,

    You’re what I like to call a “stereotypical, holier than thou art” Christian. People like you make me sick, and you’re the exact reason I stay as far away from church as I possibly can. You say, “You’d better worry about getting their first”, as if you’re a better person, yet, then you turn right around and refer to a collective group of people as dirt, trash, and idiots. That’s VERY christian like of you, lady. I’m sure your god would be proud!

  46. 55
    BamaBrando

    So, the iron bowl this year will be God’s man, Chizik, vs. Satan himself, Saban. And now since it has been revealed to us that God is in Chizik’s hip pocket, all the Awbun family must rally and pray the mighty Bammer falls (and toe the company line. I will bet the Barn starts going to Church of Chiz now). Because we all know Chizik wouldn’t cuss in front of young kids, or compare a football game to pearl harbor, even if it used metaphorically. Somebody has to stop it, and the anti-Saban has come to save all Aubbies from wallowing in mediocrity.

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