Sports In Paradise By Dale Jones

Okay guys, it is July 3rd. We are only two short months away from kickoff. So, in preparation for the upcoming football season, let’s quickly run down our preparedness checklist:

__ Renew subscription to Sports Illustrated, Sporting News and Sunday NFL package from satellite network provider. Check!

__ Set up your 2010 Fantasy league football team and prepare for your automated draft.

__ Make advanced pre-game meal grocery list that will need to be restocked weekly to include hot wings, popcorn, chips, salsa, hotdogs, pigs-in-a-blanket, M&M’s, peanuts, and other assorted items. Check!

__ Order several packs of back-up batteries for the remote control. Check!

__ Organize a weekly file on the computer listing Thursday night college games, Friday night high school games, Saturday morning GameDay sites, your favorite SEC line up, specific Sunday NFL games and Monday Night football games that you will want to watch. For good measure, throw in a couple of your nephews’ 95-lbs rec league games. Check!

__ Run to the local Team Spirit store and rack up on new caps, jerseys, banners, mugs, coasters, houndstooth hats, tiger tails, bumper stickers, folding chairs, umbrellas, temporary tattoos, door mats, those lovely inflatable noise makers and anything else to adorn your car, house our cubicle to show off your team spirit. Check!

__ Take 30-minutes each day to freshen up on you favorite Alabama or Auburn jokes for when you return to work on Monday mornings. Check!

Here are a couple of examples:

It is reported that Nick Saban will only dress 20 players for the Iron Bowl this year. The rest will have to dress themselves.

An Auburn Football Player and his date are walking along in a park. His date says suddenly, “Awww, look at the dead birdie”. The Auburn Player stops, looks up, and says, “Where?”

__ Put “The Morning Buzz with Dale Jones” radio show number on your speed dial (251-923-BUZZ / 923-2899) so that you can call in on Mondays and Tuesdays to complain about last weeks’ games, and use Wednesday, Thursday and Friday to predict this weeks’ games. Check!

__ Coordinate your ‘honey do” lists to work around all of the football you will be watching, which narrows it down to a small 24-hour window on Tuesday and Wednesday. Check!

__ Keep the local florist number close by to order flowers for your spouse early every Thursday morning. Should you find any extra time on Saturday (due to a bye week or a rain delay), take advantage of the opportunity by taking her out for dinner. Just be sure the place has some large, strategically placed HD-televisions. Check!

__ Be sure to send a wedding gift to your family member who decided it would be a good idea to plan his/her nuptials on a Saturday during the fall. Check!

__ Set aside an hour to attend church on Sunday mornings. You’ll need some forgiveness following some of the words you’ll use on Saturdays. Check!

Sixty two days and counting!!!

-Hit ‘em straight!
—Dale Jones covers sports and news in Baldwin County.

2 thoughts on “Jones: Football checklist 2010”

  2. “There was no mention of Beer.
    This is deeply disturbing on many levels.”

    bingo! that’s a goodie!

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