From the readers: Some comments worth reading

Our readers are funny and creative. Here are a couple of samples from the comments over the last few days. These reader creations made me chuckle; I thought I’d make sure more people saw them in case you might enjoy them too.

What a Kevin Scarbinsky draft looks like:
UNCANNY RESEMBLENCES BETWEEN CHIZIK/SABAN CONTINUE TO AMAZE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE!!!
Recently some of you may have noticed that I have uncovered some earth-shattering coincidences that show a parallel between Coach Gene Chizik and Coach Nick Saban. And that there will be fierce competition coming from Lee County in the near future.

As a totally unbiased journalist I would be remiss if I did not further investigate these similarities and put them in print.

So we (here at the Birmingham News) assembled a crack team of investigative reporters to look into the matter further. (SPOILER ALERT!!! The events and details below may shock and surprise you.)
Are you aware that Gene Chizik coached at Iowa “State” and Nick Saban coached at Michigan “State” and Louisiana “State”. Creepy stuff, huh?
Also the names “Gene” and “Nick” have 4 LETTERS EACH. When I learned this fact, I fell over in my chair and dented my beret. But it goes much deeper. MUCH MUCH DEEPER.

Both Chizik and Saban had mothers who were female and both of these mothers were (in fact) BORN DURING THE 20TH CENTURY!

Both Chizik and Saban are currently married to women who were BORN IN THE 20TH CENTURY!!! (Okay, now this is starting to get REALLLLLY SCARY!)

Both Chizik and Saban have at least one top 5 recruiting class.

Both Coaching staffs have an offensive Coordinator who came from a mid-major university. (Okay…. you just can’t make things like this up…Is there anyone else out there who’s skin is starting to crawl?)

This is starting to get really spooky……

BOTH coaches have tried to recruit some of the same recruits. Does anyone need any more proof of the telekinetic connection between these two future Hall of Fame coaches?

Both Coaches uses knives, forks, and spoons when they eat and they are BOTH right handed!
Both coaches are indeed….. RIGHT HANDED…

I am currently seeking a court order for DNA samples to ascertain if Chizik and Saban were twins separated at birth.

At the very least, this is irrefutable proof that Auburn University is back on track and soon will dominate the football landscape.

An “Auburn Fan” about the 2009 national championship team:
2009 Bama. They were a fair team.

But the greatest team to ever play in the State of Alabama played in Auburn.
Let me set the mood.

The year was 2004. Bush the Younger was president. Obama Bin Laden had not yet been elected president.

There…. on the most beautiful plains, in the loveliest village, was a young upstart team of ragtag underdogs, Named the Auburn Tigers.
Now y’all Bammers try to keep up…..
A young and very manly Coach Tommy Tuberville was the coach. And it was a glorious season. Cadillac Williams and Ronnie Brown rushed for 17,000+ yards. Jason Campbell threw for 600 yards a game. And 47 members of that team went in the first round draft to the NFL.

After the greatest, most epic and most heroic season (think: Rudy, Remember the Titans, Brian’s Song, And every Jean-Claude Van Damn movie ever made rolled into one.) Sadly, the BCS decided that Auburn was just too good to play in the National Championship game and felt sorry for USC and Oklahoma. That was the year that Auburn won the penultimate honor of Farmer’s Market National Champions Trophy and the Golf Digest National Championship. And honorable mention for the Nobel Peace prize.

Top that Bammurs. 2 National Championships in the same season!!!

Cadillac Williams refused the Heisman and the Oscar for Best Actor due to the famines in africa and world hunger. The nation mourned. But we understood. And eventually we recognized that Cadillac’s unselfishness probably saved millions of lives.

It was a simpler more innocent time. When only Bammer was on probation for cheating the 187th time. Ah … those were the days.

As far as Heisman Trophys?

They havent got it right since Bo Jackson won the Heisman.
Remember Bo Bammers?
22,000 yards rushing, 693 TDS. Averaged 95 yards a carry (or 312 if you played that stupid ass video game were he ran up and down the field 16 times before finally scoring).3.7 40 yard dash. Ring a bell?

How about the time that Bo threw a 105 yard pass and caught it for the TD? Bad memories for a Bammerneck aren’t they?

Coaches?
Nick Saban can hug my left hut Bammers. Think: Patrick Fain Dye. Thats right. Pat Dye.
Sure Sabear has like 1 and 1/2 national Championships. But Pat Dye dominated the footabll world. He beat Y’all bammers so much you had to plot and scheme to get rid of him.
Pat Dye is a Giant among men.

So in closing. 2004 Auburn was the best football team EVER! 2 national Championships and Nobel Peace prize (almost) in the same year. Cadillac 17,000 yards. Too good for the Heisman. Bo Jackson …. the last real Heisman winner. 3.7 40 yard dash. Pat Dye bammer cryptonite. Pat Dye’s Pants, justified in laying down on the job.

And remember Bammers. Y’all suck and you cheat.

6 Comments

Add Yours
  1. 1
    Ballplay Indian

    Cap…be honost. You know that BOTH of those paradies where on the Alabama side. And truth be known they were probably the same person. While funny, lets not pretend that these were anything other than tounge in cheek satire.

  2. 2
    capstonereport

    Of course they are. That is why I bumped them…and I thought I indicated they were “creative.” And it might encourage someone to share a spoof of Alabama fans expectations going into 2010. 🙂

  3. 3
    Ret

    barnies setting the mood?…..LMAO
    It sounded like a fairy tale, told by a Troll!…..I never thought that Trolls could dream!

  4. 6
    BammerBob

    I just had to put a post on here for all of my Bammer Bros to read.
    Firstly…
    We are the Champions. Aint if great. But lets look into the crystal ball.
    What does the future hold?

    !83 more championships… consecutive….Why? Well why the hell not?
    The plan is simple. Cloning. We clone Nick Saban. Then we clone the 2009 team. Easy stuff. While we are at it we can just clone the hole Bama Nation. Why not?
    Think about it.
    There really isnt a downside. None of us will have to work. We can also clone so many Erin Andrews that we can each have our own personal Harem. Admit it Bro’s. I am onto a winner here.
    Oh and of course. We can clone our favorite beer and have a never ending supply for our Erins to bring us, (Dressed only in an apron. Of course)

    As I sit here in my living room and spring is ….er…uh… springing outside. I look at my 8X10 glossy of me standing next to ol’ Crystal there at wal-mart. All I can think is Dayum! that is one fine looking man with one fine looking trophy.
    I also have a wallet size pic I show to all of my friends. And the Barners I know.
    Envy….
    They envy me so much, that I almost do the snoopy dance everytime I think about it.
    They envy my custom made Phil Fulmer Dartboard. And they envy my toilet that has Pat Dye’s likeness painted in it so that the men folk in this house will always have a place to aim and spray.
    They hate every single one of Daniel Moore prints. (Especially the one I had commisioned of Nick Saban kicking Gene Chizik right square in the a**.)
    They envy my Crimson colored truck, My Crimson Tide National Champions tag on front, My Crimson Tide sunshade in the back gLass. Hell they even look like someone farted everytime one of them sees my Crimson Tide Keychain.
    In short, they hate me and how classy I look in all of my bammer apparel and gear.
    Thats ok though.
    As long as we have Nick Saban at the Capstone, I will be able to rub their nose in their inferiority. I like that…Alot.
    So remember Barnies.
    We got A Crystal Trophy.
    And y’all got some unemployed waitress named Crystal who “works” at the local truckstop….

    If I seem to brag alot on myself in this post, SO WHAT! Bama won the NC. And that makes me special!!!!
    Eat me!

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