Capstone Saturdays: Auburn Hell

auburn hell
Editorial Cartoon: Auburn Hell

This is a tall statement, but perhaps there is no worse time in history to be an Auburn fan than right now. If you’re an Aubie, you live, breathe, and die Alabama football. The demise of your big brother across the state is what keeps you going. It’s the focal point of your existence. You would rather see them lose than your Tiggers win.

Today, Alabama stands on the verge of its most successful and decorated season in its rich, illustrious and tradition-filled history. And while earlier this decade nothing could go right for the Tide, today nothing seems to go wrong. It has to be excruciating to be a barner at the moment. Here are seven reasons why:

1. January 2007, Bama hires Nick Saban. After a rough first season, finishing 7-6…ironically potentially the same record Auburn will likely finish with this season yet they call 2009 a “success”…Saban racks up back-to-back undefeated (regular) seasons, equaling Chiznip’s win total in only one of those two seasons.

2. December 4, 2008, Bama loses a heartbreaker to Florida in the 2008 SEC Championship Game, then lays an egg against Utah in an embarrassing Sugar Bowl loss. Surely the making of a program’s fall, right? Nope. Bama responds with an encore that includes 12 more regular season wins and takes the West again.

3. November 27, 2009, Auburn plays its best possible game, employing new formations, trick plays and strategy unseen prior to its clash with the undefeated, highly ranked and Western Division Champs Crimson Tide. They jump out to a quick 14-0 lead. But methodically, Bama comes back. Finally, holding to a one point edge, Abarn sees Greg McElroy methodically eat the fourth quarter clock, driving Bama into field goal range for the go ahead kick…subsequently leaving the door open for Tigger victory, something Bama has been accustomed to doing for years. But this Bama team is engineered by a coach who knows how to deliver a knock-out blow in enemy territory, calling timeout and trumping a run to ensure a touchdown. Then you watch the coach who you’ve convinced yourself is the answer waste 1:13, wandering around in his own confusion while doing his best Les Miles impression. Hard to sleep that night, I’m sure.

4. December 5, 2009. If Auburn couldn’t take Bama down, surely they could sit back and enjoy the Gators finishing the job. Nope. Alabama systematically dismantles the Tim Tebow machine. Bama strikes a 13-0 season on its way to the National Championship game in the Rose Bowl, a storied stadium rich in the tradition of Alabama football. Another tough night to sleep if you’re wearing Aubie pajamas.

5. December 10, 2009. “If the Notre Dame job ever comes open, Saban is gone.” Those words danced in the hearts of every barner out there. Along with phrases like “Saban is a nomad…he’ll never stay anywhere long.” Notre Dame is the ultimate job…and he’s Catholic…oh yea, he’ll go if Weis ever gets canned. Well, Weis gets canned, Kelley gets hired, and Saban stays put, with plans to dominate college football from home base, right here in Tuscaloosa. This must wake you up at night if you’re “fearless and true.”

6. December 12, 2009. But, if Auburn couldn’t beat Bama, at least they could dash their Heisman Trophy hopes. Holding Ingram in check in the Iron Bowl would surely steal Bama’s thunder in the race for sports’ most prestigious individual award. Nope. Mark Ingram becomes the first Alabama player to win the Heisman, and Aubies everywhere have to watch Pat Sullivan shake hands with his new fraternity brother. That picture will burn in a memory for a lifetime.

7. December 13, 2009…and finally, the hardest realization. As a barner, you’re inferior, but you’re not stupid. You’ve watched good football all your life, primarily because the University of Alabama shares the state with you, but you’ve even had a few flash-in-the-pan good seasons of your own. Though attempts for self-brainwashing are somewhat successful, something eats at your conscience that you’re doing yourself a disservice. And no matter how hard you want to convince yourself that Mr. 12-24, Gene Chiznip can compete with three-time SEC Champion and soon to be two-time National Champion, Nick Saban, who now can now boast recruiting/producing a Heisman Trophy winner, you know Chiznip can’t. You know that “AUlmost” is as close as you can hope for. You know 7-5, 8-4 or MAYBE 9-3 (if the NCAA lets you schedule Furman twice) and a Florida bowl are about as good as you’ll do with Chiznip, while your big brother continues to play big boy football and shelve the hardware. But really, that’s not all that different than what you’ve experienced all your life. It’s an Auburn tradition. And doggone it, be proud of it.

Yes, today it’s great to be from Alabama. And before I forget, December 13th is Chizikmas here in our state…the day one year ago that Auburn gave us orange and blue mediocrity for years to come. Hug an Auburn fan today! Merry Chizikmas!


Add Yours
  1. 2
    Crimsonite from the planet Crimson in a galaxy far far away. FormerlyE.G. White

    Kind of hard on those incestual little buggers weren’t you? Bwwaaa Haaww Haaww! But you forgot to mention our stocking stuffers. – LSWho and UcheaT being busted the NarcZAA! RTR!

  2. 3
    Crimsonite from the planet Crimson in a galaxy far far away. FormerlyE.G. White

    Kind of hard on those incestual little buggers weren’t you? Bwwaaa Haaww Haaww! But you forgot to mention our stocking stuffers. – LSWho and UcheaT being busted by the NarcZAA! RTR!

  3. 4
    Jon Crabtree

    Being a hunted terrorist in Afghanistan is a more popular venture than being a Auburn fan these days. Seriously folks, how can you be seen in public in Alabama with any Auburn apparel on and not feel like someone is snickering and laughing at you? If you have two people in a grocery store and one is wearing a clown suit w/ big floppy shoes and a red wig and standing next to that clown is a decked out Auburn fan, you have to ask yourself… What’s up with the dude in that clown suit and what’s he doing standing next to Ronald McDonald?

  4. 5

    Love it.

    They asked for it and they knew it was coming.

    Being aubarn is a rebellious statement. Look at me I don’t care if these colors don’t match. I don’t care to tell the world I pull for an inferior program. I am from ALABAMA and I am a bold in my idiocy.

    It sux to be an aubarn tiger!

  5. 6

    Too bad Sullivan or Bo couldn’t win an Iron Bowl or an SEC Title or a berth in a National Title game in their Heisman year as well.Two other dates of interest for Aubie faithful are the season opening games in the Georgia Dome.Bama has rode that to a 3-1 record there and an SEC Championship and a shot at the BCSCG.That makes Coach Saban look like a genius.Didn’t Aubie decline the same invitation?

  6. 7

    This just goes to show the classlessness of Alabama fans. Every Auburn fan I know is PROUD of UA and of Mark Ingram! We’re proud an SEC team is going to Pasadena and we’re proud an SEC man won the Heisman. And we are PROUD of our team! Not every year will be a good year and that’s quite alright. We don’t need the pity of immature and low class people. WAR DAMN EAGLE!

  7. 8
    Jon Crabtree

    Ashley, Try going to some of Auburn chat and message boards and read the vile and disguting remarks by Auburn fans about Mark and Alabama. Auburn has been relentless in their assault on Alabama before Saban arrived. Now the “Tide has Turned” and you guys start whining and crying about Bama fans returning the favor. I just read dozens of comments by Auburn fans on and ESPN’s website that were terrible about all things Bama. Don’t dare come on here and say Barners haven’t trashed Bama and Ingram. You guys from Auburn have double standards and can dish it out but can’t take it.

  8. 9
    Bob Grossberg

    Actually, this article shows how pathetic Alabama fans are and how obsessed they are with Auburn. You guys are undefeated, playing for the national championship, and Mark Ingram just won the Heisman. Yet, instead of writing articles about that, you write about how bad it sucks to be an Auburn fan?

    Congratulations on the great season. By the way, it’s always great to be an Auburn Tiger and the Auburn Spirit can never be crushed. Auburn could lose 50 games in a row and Alabama could win 50 national championships in a row and I would still proudly wear my Auburn gear, because Auburn is so much more than a game played by 18 to 22 year old kids. But, if it makes you feel better about yourself to think that we’re ashamed or hiding in fear then ok, you just keep thinking that.

    Stay classy Alabama fan!

  9. 11

    LOL “If you’re an Aubie, you live, breathe, and die Alabama football.” says the article talking about Auburn on the bammer website a month before their biggest game in 17 years.

  10. 12

    Auburn Fan – a person who sits on their biggest rivals site to lecture everyone about being obsessed with their team.

  11. 13

    Idiot – an Auburn fan sensitive to Bama fans bashing their school on the Bama website, keeps constantly coming to the Bama site be bashed.

  12. 14

    What do Osama Bin Laden as president of the United States and a 2nd Auburn National Championship have in common?

    Neither will ever happen.

  13. 16

    All we can think about? Unlike simpleminded people such as Buster, most people can keep track of multiple things at once.

    Just this morning I watched an NFL game and wrote a column about Tennessee hostesses and also found time to find photographs to post of Mark Ingram winning the Heisman.

    I feel sorry for you Buster if you can’t do more than one thing. 🙂

  14. 17

    While trying to openly deny it, it is obvious that fans of both schools are obsessed with each other. That is only natural since they are in the same state. For either side to say they are not obsessed is stupid. This article proves that AL is obsessed with Auburn. Auburn does the same thing.

    By the way, I got all my Christmas shopping done today and watched/listened to the Vikings/Bengals game. I’m a multitasking fool. 🙂

  15. 18
    Jon Crabtree

    This site is for Bama fans, why are barners even here? I never post a comment on a Barner site. I admit I check in and read the comments though. If I cliccked on a link and it brought up a Barner site I would calmly leave. Truth is these barners are seeking out Bama fans and are busy obsessing them. Kinda’ like stalking if you ask me.

  16. 21

    For all you barneys,

    My hatered for the barn stems from the pathetic attitude shown by aubarn fans after a rise on the plains and a fall at Tuscaloosa. I have yet to meet one barn fan that has learned to win or lose with class. Do Dye or Tubberville set an example of class for aubarn? The in your face crap from the barn is what turned my hatered on.

    For the statement about loving aubarn no matter the record

    If football does not matter, why are you here. There is nothing anymore special about the barn than any other school. Everything that makes you feel warm inside about the barn happens at every other school in the country. It just like thinking your hometown is more special than mine.

    There is nothing that sets the barn apart especially football.

    You barneys are getting what you deserve and have asked for. You all ran your mouths, you all acted in joy when things were bad at BAMA, and you can all stick it, because BAMA is back to a place you never thought would happen again when you choose your pathetic village.

    It sux to be an aubarn tiger!

  17. 22
    Alex Hamilton

    Matt, Ashley, Chad, & Bob….dear, fat Bob…..

    Eat shit and die!

    An Auburn fan calling Alabama fans classless is about as absurd as thinking a college junior coed actually has a legitimate interest in an 18 year old boy beyond a half and half session the day before signing day.

    You people keep trying to lay claim to the moral high ground. You are the same assholes that snickered and jeered at Mike Dubose, Price, & Shula. You pissed your collective pants laughing at Alabama in 1997, 2003, & 2007. You all called us foolish for paying our coach $4 million for six losses. You’re the ones that piled on after La Monroe. You’re the ones that gave us the “Fear the Thumb.” You’re the ones that patented the denigration and condescension. In other words, you started this shit.

    The entire reason this cartoon is appropriate is that you people are the ones that revel in Alabama’s failures. Now, we are aptly pointing out that in our victories, you are all out of reasons to celebrate.

    No, wait. I don’t want you to eat shit and die. That’s uncalled for. I want you alive so you can revel in the glory that is Alabama Football.

    Wear your Orange. Be proud. And by all means, talk to your Parents & Grandparents. I got a feeling you will need to find out how they survived the 1970’s as an Auburn fan. You’re going to need their guidance.

    Oh, and keep track of your children. You see, David Housel’s little bullshit call to arms earlier this decade was wishful thinking. But, when Alabama is truly dominant, children of Auburn parents change sides in droves. That is what will cut your hearts out! Enjoy that.


  18. 23
    tide fans are trash

    “If you’re an Aubie, you live, breathe, and die Alabama football.”

    So says the guy who writes an article about Auburn. Moron.

  19. 24
    Crimsonite from the planet Crimson in a galaxy far far away. Formerly E.G. White

    Ashley, apparently you don’t HAVE many Auburn friends, nor do you blog much either. Try logging onto the Rivals sites at Texas, Nebraska, Stanford, TCU and Cincinatti. Eventually there will arrive some Barner asshole spewing out vitrol against Mark Ingram or Bama in general. Try logging on to the Rivals sites of LSU, Tennessee, Ole Miss, Arkansas, Georgia, So Carolina or Florida. There you’ll find Barners permanently camped out and bashing Bama, passing on false information and soliciting help to destroy U of A. You motherfuckers follow us from coast to coast like turdflys on sugar cane. I doubt there are many people who spend more time than I do runnin’ chat boards, else they’re unemployed. And I’ll tell you right now, Alabama fans will jump in the shit and slug it out at the drop of a hat when attacked and we’ll go to our rivals or opponents board and flame. But i’ve never seen a Bama fan trolling around the country pullin’ that low-life shit against the Barn or UcheaT! NEVER! Ya’ll are demented stalkers!

  20. 26

    Good comments Jon, Alex, UAROX, BamaBino, BamaBorn, E.G., JW and of course Cappy…

    The bottom line is, Abarn fans took this rivalry to a new low this decade, and now they are just beginning their long-term sentence to pay for it. Hearing them whine is music to my ears.

    True we have bigger fish to fry, but I agree with Cap that we can multitask…dominating the landscape of college football while rubbing it in their noses.

    It’s great to be from Alabama!

  21. 27

    Auburn fans brought this on themselves and can take a flying leap. We’ve had to put up with their crap for the last 10 years till we are blue in the face.

    “Punt Bama Punt”, “Bama’s Scared of Jordan Hare”, “Honk if you sacked Brody”, Fear the Thumb” – on and on and on it went. I think there was a anti-Bama slogan on every third bumper and tee shirt. You couldn’t attend church, stand at the water cooler at work, go shopping, watch a kid’s little league game, or even take a whizz in a public restroom without some Barner trying to verbally smear it in our faces either.

    Obnoxious Barners suddenly appeared out of the woodwork. People you had known all your life, and didn’t even know their allegience, suddenly became raging AU fans with a chip on their shoulder and a score to settle. Every one of them revelled openly in Bama’s misfortune and most of them poured it on every chance they got.

    I never thought much about hating on Barners (or even using the word ‘Barner’ for that matter) till Bama’s program took an unexpected dive and it all started – an continued relentlessly year after agonizing year. They never tired of trying to make us miserable, and they loved it.

    I now watch every Auburn game I can and root for them to get their butts whipped. The worse they loose the better I like it. I’m for Bama and whoever is playing the Tiggers. I swear, I even pull for Tennessee to beat Auburn. I’m rubbing it in to the bone every chance I get too. Honestly, I would gladly take a loss in every other game as long as Bama beats the Cow College – and I’m serious.

    Most of them won’t even look you in the eyes now. Imagine! The same rude people who pestered you relentlessly, non-stop, for 10 long years suddenly don’t want to talk about it and now just want to ‘get along’. Well, THAT’S TOUGH! It’s going to suck being a Auburn fan for a long time, and I’m going to do my part to remind them of it.

    Every Bama fan in the State now has the equivelent of a Doctorate in poor sportsmanship, courtesy of beligerent Auburn fans, and we are itching to put it to good use.


  22. 28

    What happened?

    Barney…..Barney……Here Barney,

    As if you didn’t know, this is just getting started.

    GET USE TO IT!!!

    It sux to be an aubarn tiger!

  23. 29

    It’s absolutely hilarious that you bammers are so delusional that you think the “denigration” started merely 10 years ago, and that it was started by Auburn. This started back in the 60’s with Bear. RC didn’t even catch himself referring to AU as a “cow college”. You know who coined that phrase about 40 years ago?? It was Bear. It was also Bear who slapped at AU unmercifully in his autobiography written in 1972. Remember his little joke about trying to call Shug early in the morning when Shug wasn’t in yet, and Bear asked the receptionist “What’s the matter honey, don’t you people take your football seriously over there?” There’s also a lot of people with no ties to either university who will tell you that Bear played a major part in reporting AU to the NCAA back in the 70’s which resulted in probation. I’m sure all the bammers will say he was right to do so. Funny that you consider Phil Fulmer to be the devil incarnate when he did the same to Bama.

    Bottom line is that this is a bitter rivalry, and I personally love it that way. Both sides are equally denigrating when they’re up, and it stings when you’re down. But don’t ever think that AU “started it”, or that AU has a lock on the bs. It flows equally on both sides.

  24. 30
    Crimsonite from the planet Crimson in a galaxy far far away. FormerlyE.G. White

    You’re basically correct Julia. But you still suck! Ha ha! As for Bear, he was teasing with the receptionist as any intelligent person would understand. As for Cow College, I’m sure Bear would love credit for it. Hell, I’d love credit for it, to go along with the Tide box and toilet paper on a stick that I invented in 1978. However, all Ag schools like the Barn and Miss St and Texas A&M, etc. have been referred to as cow colleges long before Bear came around. RTR!

  25. 31

    Just “teasing the receptionist”?? He wrote about in his book. If you look at it that way, all AU fans were doing was “teasing” when we stuck fingers in the air and yelled honk if you’ve sacked Brodie.

  26. 34
    Alex Hamilton




  27. 37

    Blaming Coach Bryant for Barners’ conduct in the 21st century is the biggest cop-out I’ve ever heard.

    I’m probably old enough to be your Daddy, Julia (and might be). I lived the Bryant era, and I don’t ever remember anything quite like the disrespect you losers have directed towards us during the past 10 years.

    Why in heck are you reading Coach Bryant’s book anyway??? You wouldn’t be obsessing over the Tide now would you?

  28. 38

    What is hilarious is the delusion of all barneys to think they have an argument. You have a close look at one of the greatest college football programs in history. What spews from your mouths is jealousy. The barn has never been anywhere and has yet to do anything in your life time. You went undefeated, and the rest of the country looked down their nose and said you have not earned the respect needed to play on the big stage. I heard things like if it had been BAMA they would not been giving the chance either. (of course from a barner)BAMA went 7-6 in 2007. I don’t remember what week BAMA received the No.1 ranking in 2008, but Julio will.

    What has happened to the barney dream?

    I guess it lives on as it always has. One day we will grow up and be better than big brother.

    At sometime in the unforeseeable future, the barn will rise up and win the Iron Bowl, but it does not appear you will ever win the National Championship or be given the chance even if you deserve it.

    The barn is an inferior program to THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA. For whatever reason you chose the barn, simply learn to live with the fact that no true BAMA fan could ever understand your lack of reasoning.

    No one likes to admit being wrong. What is the saying? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Drop the jealousy and truly become your own man. Don’t hold yourself to standards that can not be achieved. Do not argue with someone who has proven superiority. Keep your mouths shut so your idiocy is not known by all. When the day comes and you win more than you should, act like you have been to town once or twice. Until you accept this, we will continue to rub it in your nose every day. I listened to it daily for longer than I care to remember. I could barley tolerate any barner for more than 1 minute before November 29, 2008. 36-0 closed the mouth. Pulblic mouthing has ceased from the barn. A few understand their heritage and see the dynasty that is forming at the CAPSTONE.

    It will be a long ride for the barn.

    It sux to be an aubarn tiger!

  29. 39

    RC, you think you might be my Daddy? I kinda doubt it. My mother has never been known to hang out in trailer parks, tractor pulls, the free clinic for herpes, the food stamp office, or the drunk tank in the county jail so I don’t see how the two of you would have crossed each other’s paths. I guess you just got her confused with that night of passion that you shared with your sister. I’m sure you were pretty wasted that night on your daily intake of moonshine and sniffing paint thinner so your confusion is understandable.

    BB, your ignorant self contradiction is priceless. In one sentence you admonish AU fans to “act like they’ve been to town once or twice” when they win. In the very next sentence, you proclaim that bammers will proudly “continue to rub your nose in it every day.” Is “rubbing your nose in it” what you meant by “acting like you’ve been to town once or twice”? Heck, if that’s the case we’ve been acting properly for quite a while.

  30. 40

    RC, I want to apologize to you. Julio will never understand the fault of talking to an elder the way he just did to you, but he is the perfect representative for the classless group of people called Abarn fans. Rest assured, his parents probably taught him better and are no doubt ashamed of him. On holidays his extended family looks out the window with dread, afraid to see his car pulling into the drive. He’s blinded by his own hatred to the point that the defense of Abarn football trumps being a good citizen and treating others, especially elders, with respect. And, he’s no doubt a complete joy for his wife, kids and co-workers to be around. When you say your prayers tonight, just thank God that this is the only place you have to interact with him, and pray for mercy on those who are less fortunate than you. And if you have one left in you, pray for him too, that he might someday gain some perspective and learn to control the adrenaline rush when faced with the opportunity to attack a man old enough to be his father.

  31. 41

    errr ITK….I know you read everything through crimson colored glasses and have a knee jerk impulse to agree with everything a bammer writes and to dispute everyting an AU fan writes, but you do realize my post was in response to RC first making a joke that he slept with my mother and possibly fathered an illegitimate child with her don’t you?? And you accuse my response of being classless simply because that toothless redneck is my “elder” ??????? Geez boy, you got some serious issues. I think you’d defend Charles Manson if you heard he was a Bama fan.

    P.S. I’m sure you would have nothing but kind words in response if an AU fan made the same remark about your mother…..right?????

  32. 42

    Julio, your reading comprehension is not priceless. My hard earned tax dollars were wasted during your elementary years.

    My admonishment of the barn stated “when you win more than you should act like you have been to town once or twice.”

    I am going to spell this out to you. You won more than you should have and acted a fool, and you have yet to stop. One day again you may win more than you should. The lesson of the day should speak volumes to the fool you have been, but you obviously have missed many lessons in your life. You ran your mouth, you continue to run your mouth, and you come on a BAMA blog and spew vomit daily. The contradiction is only to your ignorance in understanding the English language.

    Have you seen me posting on a barn blog? Have you heard me spewing about how I have been letting the barneys hear it at work? I have been BAMA as long as I remember, and everyone who knows me knows this. I don’t have to say a word in public. The jealous rage of all barneys is enough satisfaction in public, but I will rub you and all of your foolish barney friends who visit this blog ever chance I get.

    Its simple. You come here looking for an argument. We own you. You know it. What is the argument? One that you have no chance of winning, because you and your pathetic cow college have never gained the respect you cherish. Your colors suck and you have a losing heritage. The only thing about the barn that is cool is the eagle flying around the stadium before kickoff.

    It sux to be an aubarn tiger, but the eagle is cool!

  33. 43
    Crimsonite from the planet Crimson in a galaxy far far away. FormerlyE.G. White

    I told ya’ll. Right now there’s a Barner Bastard just showed up on the Texas Rivals board Orange Bloods. He goes by Auburnvet. The Son of a Bitch is slandering Bama, our fans and the State media and saying we’re all disrespecting Texas and saying they have no chance to win. Trying his best to give them BB material. I tore him a new asshole, but the traditionless bastard doesn’t have any business over there! RTR!

  34. 44

    Thanks I.T.K.

    They don’t teach proper etiquette down at the Barn. You know – eat with your mouth closed, tip your hat to ladies, don’t scratch your balls in public, respect for elders – that kind of stuff.

    Hey Julia, (It has a better ring than JuliO)

    Read any good Bama books lately? I hear there’s one where Coach Bryant tells all about owning your team for 9 years in a row or something like that. You will probably want to run out and buy that one.

    BTW… I said MIGHT BE, as in ‘who knows’. Not COULD BE, as in ‘there is a distinct possibility’. But I can guarantee you one thing – I definitely ‘WOULDN’T BE’ your daddy for love or money if I had a clue the dumb broad would raise our daughter to be a stinking barner.

    Yeah, Formerly Ed, those AU fans will stoop to any level in their never ending quest to slander Bama. Like I said in my 1st post, every third AU bumper and tee shirt has something negative about Bama (see the post for a small example of them) instead of something positive about the Barn. You would think they would spend more time supporting their own program instead of bashing the Tide.

    You just don’t see that very often with Tide fans. We are content to fly our team’s colors and logos without all the silly little idiosycratic slogans bashing others. Our bumper stickers and shirts say “12 National Titles” or “22 SEC Championships” or “Roll Tide”. We are content to showcase our own accomplishments.

    But not Auburn people. They have no accomplishments and instead gain solice only by bashing others. That is precisely why they deserve all the disrespect they are about to recieve.

    In other words, they asked for it.

  35. 45

    Oh this makes a lot of sense, RC: “MIGHT BE, as in ‘who knows’. Not COULD BE, as in ‘there is a distinct possibility'”. So you’re saying that you slept with my mother and it MIGHT have resulted in my conception, instead of saying that you slept with my mother and it COULD have resulted in my conception. Well gee, that’s not insulting at all. I mean, you wouldn’t find it insulting at all if some toothless idiot such as yourself claimed to you that Charles from Reeltown MIGHT be the true father of your children (as in “who knows”), as long as they didn’t say that Charles from Reeltown COULD be the true father of your children (as in “there is a distinct possibility). I mean it’s not like there’s a direct implication that Charles slept with your wife either way, right?

    If you’re gonna talk smack, be enough of a man to do one of 2 things when you get called out on it:
    1. Stand directly behind what you said instead of being a spineless weasel and crawfishing by concocting some semantic BS that tries to convince people your comments were misunderstood or were taken out of context, (Geez, even alex at least stands by what he says), or
    2. Admit your comments were out of line and apologize.

    Either way, you’ll at least be a man. You’re nothing more than a freakin’ Bill Clinton coward trying to parse the definition of sexual relations and the word “is”.

  36. 46


    Since your daily lesson has yet to be learned, let me spell this out to you.

    RC: “I’m probably old enough to be your Daddy, Julia (and might be). I lived the Bryant era, and I don’t ever remember anything quite like the disrespect you losers have directed towards us during the past 10 years.”

    RC was stating the obvious that all but you see. RC believes you are a bastard son of promiscuous woman and you are most likely young enough to be his son. He admits that he was once promiscuous himself, and it is possible he fathered a child unknowingly.

    Your lack of respect in general proves that you were not raised by a father whom loved you enough to displine you in a correct manner. So, RC and the rest of us know you are a bastard, or your father had no time for you. Your need for attention shows the desperation for acceptance you never received as a child. This is shown by the vomit you spew on this blog. The need for attention leads one to believe your mother did not have time for you either. At minimum, your mother did not find a father figure that kept your arrogant selfish butt in line. I have yet to meet many people born and raised in the state before the early 80’s that would show the lack of respect you show for others. If your mother and father would not keep you in line, there were several school teachers that would. If the school teachers failed, you would have had your butt kicked daily at school until you learned how to respect others. Most of us can tell you are nothing but a young punk that sooner or later will meet an undesirable fate.

    You are crying out load for help and most likely have your entire life. Your hate is more in depth than a rivalry. Because you see yourself as an underdog, you misplaced your love in an under dog football program. You jumped on the wagon while the barn flame spread throughout a young rebellious generation. The under dog was finally taking over the king and you joined. As the king is taking back his throne and the under dog never received any recognition, you have faced the reality of being the under dog both in football and in life.

    You may need to seek medical attention to assist you in recovering from an undisciplined childhood, but you should first seek the Love of Christ. His Love will never let you down, and he will continue to be an under dog until his return.

    In the unlikely event you were raised by both your biological parents under one roof, they failed you and themselves miserably. Please do not repeat with your children.

    I know this is some what serious, but this young man has been screaming for help for sometime.

    I hate aubarn (the attitude that is). I hate the colors. I hate the slogans, but I don’t hate people.

    No joke Julio. Find some help and receive peace.

  37. 47

    BB, you reference Christ in your post but I’m a little confused on what they are teaching you in your church. See, I’ve been a devout Christian my entire life and have regularly attended church since the day I was born, but I missed the part where Christ directed his followers to tell people they’ve never met (or anyone else for that matter) that it is obvious to all that they are the “bastard son of promiscuous woman”. Please direct me to the chapter and verse upon which you base that proclamation, as it has slipped my attention in bible study.

    I must admit that you are the most sanctimonious person I’ve ever come across, because it really takes a lot of gall to post a dissertation filled with sexual innuendo, insults against the virtue of a woman you’ve never met, insults against a man’s committment to his children that you’ve never met, expresses personal hatred for an institution of higher learning, and then closes with a directive for the reader to seek the loving grace of our lord and savior. Most Christians would be terrified to post such a falsely pious and hypocritical message, but not you BB.

    We all talk smack on here, but its a little silly to take things personally. Even RC’s smack about my mother doesn’t bother me personally. See, none of us actually have any idea who the others here ACTUALLY are. We’re really just figments of each others’ imaginations. Oh, I’ll always respond in kind when another poster talks trash, just like when RC decided to make a sexual mother insult when I was only talking about football. (Funny how you’ve conjured up in your imagination that I started it.) But I can honestly say your last post was the first one I ever read here that creeped me out. Geez boy, if you think citing the love of Jesus Christ is an acceptable manner to support the bile you just spewed you’ve got some serious soul searching to do.

  38. 48

    Look, Fool. You, your slut mother, and your stinking school can kiss my Bama butt right where it puckers like a tobacco sack. I’ve wasted my last stroke of a key on you and will now ignore your every comment as with any other internet troll.

    Thanks, Bamaborn, for saving me the trouble of typing an explanation of modern english to this fool. Obviously he has a typical Auburn education to go along with his lack of home training.

  39. 49
    Alex Hamilton

    I love it. It is with great pride that I see my fellow Bama men calling “Julia” by his deserving name.

    After all, if you’re going to be an orange whinnying bitch, you should have a female name.

    Now, keep this in mind too. It’s “Plays with His Balls”. Just like “Dances with Wolves”, say the name the way it’s meant to be. You gotta be respectful of the injuns, y’all.

  40. 50


    Another day, another lesson

    How is it you write with such intelligence but have no comprehension skills?
    I never stated your mother was promiscuous nor did I definitively state you are a bastard. I made an attempt to interpret a statement you did not comprehend.
    RC: “I am old enough to be your daddy (might be)”
    You argued over might and could. The initial statement must be broken down for your lack of comprehension. RC clearly states he is old enough to be your father. By saying he “might be” implies the following: You may not know who your father is. (see definition of bastard) It makes you no less a bastard if you mother has lied to you as to whom your biological father is/was. RC also admits that he may have fathered a child unknowingly. Can monogamous men and women bare bastard children? (without medical intervention) Therefore, he meant the opposite. He and your mother were both promiscuous.

    I stated you are a bastard OR your father did not find the time to properly discipline you as a child. Do you understand the word OR? Your lack of respect for anyone proves your father was not a constant force of discipline in your life. Disrespectful men were disrespectful boys, and some thing is missing from your childhood. You know the answer, and it is one of the two. You had no father figure, or if nyou did, he failed you.

    You having been screaming for attention from the first time I opened this blog. It is well known to most who visit this blog that you and ball play are one in the same. As Julio you show some restraint but as ball play your true self is revealed.
    Do you normally visit places you are not welcome? You realize you are not welcome here and continue to visit. Why would a person that is not welcome continue to intrude? I would think the normal smack from a barney is to be expected and most of us find it amusing. However, you cross the line with personal attacks at every chance.

    As to my references to Christ, it is quite possible for you to be secure in your salvation, but you are known by your fruits. Your fruits have no respect, restraint, or discipline. Your lack of respect, need of attention, and your uncontrolled rage needs intervention. To claim to be a devout Christian for your entire life is the most hypocritical statement any person could make. It is contradictory. Show me Book, Chapter, and Verse that allows salvation as a birth right. You need help, and unknowingly you are screaming for it. Man up to yourself and receive it.
    A football team will never fill the voids you have shown in your life. Your mother’s honor was questioned and your come back was to question his wife’s honor. You go to extreme measures to defend the barn, but what a small rebuttal for someone questioning your mother honor. You should see how your priorities are misaligned, and how easily we read between the lines. You love the barn more than your own mother.

    The talk is straight. I did not tie Christ and your mother’s honor into one subject. I never implied anything about who started this. I only pointed out your lack of comprehension and the person you have shown yourself to be. We all easily understand you are young, immature, and obviously have scores to settle. You anger is misdirected and sheds light as to why you respond the way you do. This is not imaginary. You come here and speak thoughts you have daily, but in a civil society are not able to express. All things posted here are real thoughts and show the real character within. Your within is in desperate need of help. It’s not all your fault, but if you do not change, the person you are within it will soon be seen on the outside. This is the undesirable fate I was speaking of yesterday and this will be your fault.

    Free lessons to be continued

  41. 51

    BB, just 4 quick things and I’m through with you:

    1. Wow, that’s the longest, most defensive diatribe I think I’ve ever read. “Methinks he doth protest too much.”

    2. See rules 1&2 I posted in response to RC’s pathetic attempt to crawfish out of what he said in an earlier post.

    3. You state that I have been “screaming for attention from the first time [you] opened this blog.” Until your responses to this particular article, I don’t recall a single post you’ve ever made. In fact, I don’t even remember seeing your name. But you sure seem to be obsessed with me, which is quite creepy. Which brings me to my final point:

    4. You have convinced yourself in your paranoid, delusional world that Ballplay and I are the same person? Yeah, and those 2 alter egos are also responsible for the Lindbergh kidnapping and the Kennedy assasination. Is the sky pretty in your little private world, BB?

    P.S. RC, thanks the graphic desciption of the area that you fantasize about having kissed. Excuse me while I go hurl up my breakfast.

  42. 52

    One last thing I forgot to add, BB. You stated, “I would think the normal smack from a barney is to be expected and most of us find it amusing. However, you cross the line with personal attacks at every chance.” I challenge you to find one instance where I ever took a personal jab at someone on this site without first having taken one from them. All I have ever done is talk smack about football, and you bammers get so flustered that an AU fan would dare come here and do that that you feel justified in responding with personal attacks. You then become incredulous when I have the gall to respond in kind, and hysterically accuse me of being the classless one. Even as you noted with RC, “[y]our mother’s honor was questioned and your come back was to question his wife’s honor.” (and I didn’t question his wife’s honor in the slightest. I asked him how he would feel if some toothless redneck such as himself were to question his wife’s honor like he questioned my mother’s honor.)

  43. 54


    A short lesson,

    You owe Bill Clinton and apology for calling him out for parsing his words.

    I hope I have crept you out enough to never return. You are not welcome here.

    Why did you just not come right out and say you and ball play are not the same? You danced, but most here know the truth.

    Seek help for both sides of yourself.

    Look what the barn has done to this man. He can’t comprehend, he can’t tell the truth, and he has at least two identities.

    I’ll be gone a few days after January 7, and most likely will not return until sometime in August. You and all of your barney identities will be safe until then.

    Just so you know, and I think you already do. I found this blog mid season or earlier last year, and I have not changed my identity.

    It sux to an aubarn tiger!

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