Capstone Saturdays: Headset Trouble, the Truth

electricity
Editorial Cartoon: UT Headset Trouble, the Truth

It’s an old, tired joke…one that I even uttered myself to an obnoxious Volunteer last Saturday.

“Hey, how do you like the electricity here?”

You can insert running water, inside toilets, paved roads…you get the idea. But it turns out, my question could not have been more accurate. You’re not going to believe this.

Last Saturday, and in the days following, Lane Kiffin made several flagrant allegations that someone at Alabama had tampered with the UT headsets. Nevermind the absurdity of the accusation, seeing that we too would be stripped of our headset usage. But as that beautiful friend called “irony” would have it, the problem resides with his own staff’s inability to properly distribute power.

Alabama’s sidelines, home and away, are equipped with multiple power stations where any and everything a team needs can be plugged in. Fans, heaters, electronic equipment, and yes, headsets, are powered by these units. But just as any of the outlets in your home have a limit of how much power it can pull, so do these stations. It’s a universal truth in electricity.

However, instead of distributing power evenly between the power stations, UT’s staff chose to plug everything into one…leaving the others unused. So, just as Clark W. Griswald discovered, plug too many items in, and BAM. You’ve got yourself a tripped breaker.

This information comes directly from a University employee and can be easily substantiated by any news outlet who chooses to pursue it. When I found out…and boy what a small world we live in…I counted it as my personal gift from God. As His word says, “pride comes before a fall,” and while I don’t know if you call what Lane Kiffin spews every day pride,  it’s certainly ignorant stupidty, and he’s on his way for one nice fall. I wonder how long the University of Tennessee, rich in history and tradition, will tolerate this sort of adolescent behavior?

If anyone sat on the side opposite the pressbox last Saturday, you could see someone in Crimson sprinting across the field and redistributing power among the outlets. Then, like magic, the problem was solved. Of course, in most parts of East Tennessee, electricity IS likened to magic.

I realize a story like this is incredible in every sense of the word, and depending on which side of the fence you sit on, you’ll believe what you want. But I’m telling you, this one  is 100% true. And Lane Kiffin, once again, has proven himself to be the ignorant, obnoxious, immature imbecile that he is.

39 Comments

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  1. 2
    finebammer

    read ‘bobby fischer goes to war’ by dave edmunds and john eidinow.

    bobby fischer was a huge underdog to boris spassky and the soviet chess machine going into the world chess championship the summer of ’72. (it seems so long ago now)

    fischer was a chess genius. but he knew he was one man up against a chess juggernaut. so he took his game to the next level.

    he bitched about the lighting, the tv cameras, the crowd, the setting. he made deals then walked out on them in the middle of matches.

    he fucked with their heads. and the icelandic officials unwittingly accomodated him in doing it.

    he kicked spassky’s ass.

    lane kiffin WANTS you to think he’s crazy. he WANTS you to dismiss him.

    also think of the ali/foreman “rimble in the jungle” fight. same strategy.

    yeah, kiffin’s crazy.

    like a fox.

  2. 3
    MBQ82

    Comparing Lane Kiffin’s whining, complaining, and weekly crow eating to a chess genius’ plot to beat a master is about as long of a stretch as I can imagine. But, even by your own analogy, Kiffin falls short of his competition’s potential (Nick Saban, Urban Meyer, ect…) The only thing is, Kiffin didn’t kick “Spassky’s” ass. He lost and he lost fair and square. If anything, they owed him a couple of flags. (Pass interference on Julio on the fade route in the end zone, holding on Marcel Darius twice, the illegal onside kick’s block, ect…) I understand that you want very badly, even NEED to believe what you said to be true. You are a fan of a team with lots of tradition and pride….but I am afraid that little voice in the back of your mind was correct when you typed, “crazy like a fox.” It’s denial and you reek of it.

  3. 4
    Indiana Vile

    ALABAMUR CUT THOSE HEADSETS OFF… MY SOURCES FROM AUBARN TOLD ME THEY DID AND THEY ARE VERY RELIABLE SOURCES.

    LAME KIFFIN WILL WIN NASHUNAL CHAMPONCHIP!!! I LUV LAME KIFFIN!!! GREATEST COACH EVUR!!!1

  4. 5
    intheknow72

    It amazes me how much credit people are giving this twit, as if there’s some over all “master plan” behind what he says and does.

    In truth, he simply has no discipline and can’t control himself…namely his tongue. Now THAT’S someone you want to entrust your son to for 4-5 years, isn’t it?

  5. 6
    SEBama

    That whole staff is a loose cannon just waiting to explode. I even wonder how long Kiffin will stay in the college ranks before he moves back to the pros.

  6. 7
    intheknow72

    Well, if he moves back up it won’t be due to his success. It’ll be because he continues to ride on the coat tails of daddy.

  7. 8
    julio

    I can’t stand Kiffin. I think he’s an immature, classless loudmouth. I think his post game comments were reprehensible. That being said, let’s examine what happened on Saturday…he took a team that didn’t even belong on the same field with Bama and damn near won the game. But for missing 3 of 4 field goals, UT WOULD have won the game. The simple truth is, Kiffen outcoached the living hell out of Saban on Saturday. Oh, I know you bammers will scream about that. Don’t just shout baseless insults. Tell me why it isn’t true. (And ask yourself this…weren’t you screaming at the decision to throw 2 fade routes at the end of the last drive of the 1st half when Ingram had just plowed all the way down the field?? See, that goes under the “coaching” category.)

  8. 9
    TideAvenger

    “he took a team that didn’t even belong on the same field with Bama ”

    Why is that? It isn’t like UT was recovering from probation or anything. Fulmer left a lot of talent for LK, including at least 2 top 5 recruiting classes on the current roster. Even Crompton was a 5 star and one of the top qb’s in the nation.

    “Kiffen outcoached the living hell out of Saban”

    Is that why it was probably going to end 12-3 before a FLUKE fumble from a player who normally NEVER fumbles? And wasn’t it Kiffin that stupidly decided to waste 45 seconds and kick from beyond the reasonable range of his struggling kicker, instead of trying to move it a few yards closer? I’d say that goes under the “coaching” category as well.

  9. 10
    Taxman

    There is a great coach at Tennessee named Kiffin, his unit is responsible for keeping Tennessee in games against Florida, Alabama, UCLA, and Auburn. There is an imbecile named Kiffin his units are responsible for losing games against Florida, Alabama, UCLA and Auburn. I leave it to the Aubs and Viles to figure out which is which.

  10. 11
    julio

    I love how the bammers call everything bad that happens for you in a game a “fluke.” See, a fluke is when something really crazy, shocking and unheard of happens that truly shouldn’t. The “bluegrass miracle” btwn LSU and UK some years ago was a fluke. The Cal-Stanford “running through the band” incident was a fluke. A fumble from a guy that doesn’t fumble very much is not a freakin’ “fluke”. If any fumble was ever a “fluke”, it was UT fumbling out the back of the end zone in 05 at the end of the game.

    As to Crompton, are you saying with a straight face that Crompton has played like a 5 star caliber qb??? Have you kept up with UT at all over the last couple of years??? Have you not noticed that he’s been a complete joke for the last 2 years?? That’s hilarious.

  11. 12
    E.G. White

    You dumb bastard. Crompton and the other stars have been coached down. UcheaT had a #5 class in ’05, a #4 class in ’07 and after all was said and done, a top 10 class last year. Going into last years meltdown all the national pundits said UcheaT had talent equal to So. Cal and Florida and better than Ohio St and LSU. Now, because they didn’t pan out, all the dumbasses are saying they are destitute. BULLSHIT!!! I don’t give a shit how poorly Crompton plays. He’s a 5 star just like Berry and Brown. They are loaded. So don’t come over here with your retarded bullshit you immature, uninformed tit turd. And yes it was a goddamn fluke for the Heisman leader, who had not fumbled in 330+ touches, to lose the ball 1 second before his knee touched the ground at such a critical moment of the game. All we were doing was running out the clock. At that point the stats were even and we had beat them by the same margine as Florida and just as soundly. They added 75+ yards to their O stats after that. So fuck you! RTR!

  12. 14
    E.G. White

    And we’re not whining about the outcome or the fact that Julio was cheated out of a td by blatent pass interference that wasn’t called or that we undeservedly dropped in the polls. The fucking whining is coming from UcheaT over penalties, officials and headsets. And it came from the Barners after Kentucky and after Arkansas saying Arky could have beat anyone in the country. LMFAO. And on the LSU board Barners are posting that they couldn’t beat the Corndogs and the officials too. Whine, whine, whine! Pussies!!! Fuck UcheaT! RTR!

  13. 15
    intheknow72

    I’ll be the first to say Alabama was outcoached in that particular game. UT’s gameplan was simple but effective, and well-executed. Alabama tried to get cute when it could and should have crammed it down their throats. As the game unfolded, everything that could go wrong did.

    See Julio, coaching is just one part of the game. Having an inept coach like you do, you desperately want to point to the chink in our armor and say it’s not just an AU problem. Grit, fight and talent play roles as well, and when we had to make a play to win, we did. And don’t worry; we got a wake up call and a “W” at the same time. Doesn’t always happen that way. 3 in a row over UT. Streaks are fun, don’t you think?

    I remember 2004, how excruciating it was to watch AU win week after week, when our team was impotent, knowing the beatdown was coming in game 12. I can’t imagine doing that two years in a row (and counting). I feel for you bro.

  14. 16
    julio

    “And we’re not whining about the outcome or the fact that Julio was cheated out of a td by blatent pass interference that wasn’t called or that we undeservedly dropped in the polls.”

    Hmmmmm, interesting. Specifically whine about a pass int. call and dropping in the polls, but say that you aren’t whining as you whine. I guess you think that masks the fact that you’re whining.

    ITK, you can’t imagine doing that 2 years in a row????? Hell, you did it for 6 years in a row. You’re right…streaks are fun.

  15. 19
    Indiana Vol

    The truth from anyone associated with the Crimson TURD program; please. The Bammer Morons Morons could speak the truth!

    LIARS!

    Bammer cut the power supply to those headsets to CHEAT, something the Tuscaloser school is an expert at!

  16. 20
    Indiana Vile

    I TOLD YAL’L THEY DID CUT THAT POWER OFF!!! THEY NO LAME KIFFIN WAS GONNA WIN NASHUNCAL CHAMPONCHIP IF MADE TENNURSEE BEAT ALABAMUR BUT THEY CUT THAT HEAD SET OFF AND WE LOST CAUSE OF THAT.

    BUT LAME KIFFIN WILL WIN NASHUNAL CHAMPONCHIP NEXT YEAR. MARK IT DOWN! I LOVE LAME KIFFIN!!!1 GREATEST COACH EVUR!!11

  17. 22
    StevieRayVol

    That recruiting class that Crompton was in..THEY ARE GONE..Crompton was red-shirted along with Dan Williams, Andre Mathis, Rico McCoy and Demetrice Morley( kicked off the team)…We have 5 players who could start for Alabama…2 Freaking Walk-ons in the offensive line..Wes Brown shouldn’t even be playing…Hardesty was a part of that recruiting class with Crompton…Eric Berry, Rogan, Dan Williams, Chris Scott, Hardesty maybe..Crompton at this point is better than McElroy..Who else..freaking freshmen and sophmores everywhere..Who do we have that could start for Bama or WILL EVEN PLAY IN THE NFL?…And Fulmer left “SOME TALENT” put they were head cases and got run off..so we are playing with the cupboard bare..Give Kiffin a year or two to get his players in..and watch them…

  18. 23
    Jack F Earl

    Tennessee {pride of the south, best in the SEC since 1796) Beat Bama’s booty. You are lucky that you get to field a team of 15 men each Sat. instead of the standard 11. Better Luck next week. I predict LSU and Florida will play in Atlanta with the winner playing USC in the Rose Bowl. and that is not South Carolina since the mighty Orange will crush them next week.
    “The Earl of Lonsdale” has spoken!!!

  19. 25
    alex hamilton

    The Earl of Lonsdale? So, does that mean you have 80% of your teeth?

    I know the guy that runs the clocks at all Bryant-Denny Games. He confirmed Capstone’s story here as the gospel truth. Kiffin is an absolute arrogant smartass and once again he opens his mouth and has no idea what the truth in fact is.

    IndianaVol you’re the biggest loser douchebag I have ever seen. You whine and cry when your arrogant coach LOST the game. He decided to kick a 44 yard field goal after a 47 yard attempt was five yards short and a 43 yard attempt was blocked. If any other coach in the SEC was in that situation, they all would have gone for the throat, rather than line up for a field goal and basking in their premature ejaculation, er, celebration.

    The best part of the entire game was knowing that Kiffin was stunned and deflated after just previously beating his chest and ripping his headset off in arrogant celebration. Kiffin is a pompous ass. And everyone loves seeing that pompous, piece of shit loudmouth fail. Everybody loves it.

    Now for the whinebag Vile that wants to claim that there is no talent on UT: Bullshit. Per rivals.com UT had the #4 class overall in 2005 (Crompton, McCoy, Cottam, Brown, Hardesty & Rogers). In 2006 the #23 class (headlined by Daniel “the leg” Lincoln). In 2007 the #3 overall class. In 2008, the #35 class. In 2009, the #10 overall class.

    But, UcheaT had no talent on the field last week, right? Bullshit. Fulmer did as good of a job as anyone in his last four years of recruiting. Furthermore, Bryce Brown and the #10 class were available to play last Saturday. So, with a 5 star QB that is a Fifth-Year Senior, UT could not beat Alabama. Fucking loosers!

    Here’s a thought for your UT logic. UT had an average recruiting class of #15 from 2005 to 2009. That’s fairly good in anyone’s book. You can’t say UT has no talent. What is lacking at UT is the coaching. Or, to be more precise, UT’s coach lacks NUTS to go for the kill when the game is in hand. Our coach will cut your throat and stomp on your face. Your coach sprains his wrist patting himself on the back. That’s why Alabama won, and UT is a fucking loser.

    And Julio, you’re still an ignorant slut. You have no clue how to spell and no clue about football. You also are a fucking dumbass when it comes to predictions. Enjoy that ass kicking Ole Miss will put on you Saturday. Have you bought your Pizza Bowl tickets yet? Loser.

  20. 27
    julio

    alex, does this mean we’re not friends anymore?? If we were no longer friends, I just don’t think I could bear it.

    P.S. Glad to see someone posted bail for you on your latest wife beating charge. I’m sure everyone in your trailer park was starting to wonder where you’d been.

  21. 28
    intheknow72

    Alex…thanks for confirming my story…more will come out I’m sure, but CNS is not interested in getting into a spitting contest with the adolescent up at UT. He’ll just beat him every year and that’ll shut him up.

    Julio, spousal abuse is nothing to joke about. Stop doing so in here immediately.

  22. 29
    zionhippy2

    BAMA CHEATED BEFORE THE GAME STARTED STARTED SATURDAY.1.PAYING OFF THE REFS
    2.CLAIMING THE HEAD SETS WOULD NOT WORK.
    LIKE THE NCAA SAID UAT HAS CHEATED MORE THAN ANY SCHOOL IN THE NATION.

  23. 30
    julio

    Interesting ITK. It’s perfectly acceptable (and even encouraged) to make jokes about UT fans and incest, but you are offended by an obviously satirical joke which compares a particular reader who makes physical threats and blatantly misogynistic remarks on this site to a stereotypical redneck wife beater. (You might remember that I first made that joke about alex after he referred to wives as the “vagina in the house”, and then threatened to punch me in the face.) Personally, I thought responding by jokingly referring to him as a wife beater was pretty mild given his comments. However, alex is a Bama fan so I guess there’s nothing he can say to a barner which you would find offensive.

    All of that being said, I will refrain from any further jokes about alex (or any other reader) being a wife beater. I only wonder how long alex can go without threatening to punch somebody in the face.

  24. 31
    intheknow72

    Save your bleeding heart crap for another forum, Julio. I’m sure you are taking part in charitable activities this weekend to “prevent incest in Tennessee.” Please.

    If Alex made those comments, shame on him, regardless of who he supports. But don’t hide behind “obvious joking remarks” to become part of a bigger problem called spousal abuse.

    And since you have a hard time stereotyping Bama fans as a whole, lumping them together with everything you hate while drawing broad assumptions at your convenience, I’m sure it’s only a stone’s throw for you to apply that same practice to other groups who don’t look like you.

  25. 32
    julio

    Oh, what a pathetic attempt to turn the tables on what was said, ITK. You were the one who got bent out of shape, so spare me the “bleeding heart” accusations. You were also aware that alex was making those comments at the time he was making them, because you even jumped in with some cute remarks of your own. (Don’t worry, I didn’t get offended by your joke about my wife demanding that I retrieve her purse. Obviously, you would have contacted the Natl. Org. for Women to stage a protest if someone made the same joke towards you.) Now you’re suddenly offended by alex’s comments after you get called out on it. Amazing.

    Did you seriously just try to intimidate me by playing the race card???? That’s the funniest damn thing I ‘ve ever read on this site!!! Who are you, Al Sharpton???

    BTW Rev. Jackson, I worked at my last employer for 5 years before accepting my current position. They had approximately 60 employees. About 52 of them were black. Enjoyed that job more than any I’ve ever had, and I probably would have stayed there the rest of my life if they could have afforded to pay me more money. How many people of color work with you, Oh Great Enlightened One???

  26. 33
    intheknow72

    Why you continue to trivialize important issues is beyond me. This is just football in here, Julio. Step back and take a look at the forest (beyond the trees).

    And can you honestly write post without cursing? Demonstrate intelligence by not cursing, please. I know it’s a stretch, but we’ll all be fooled anyway.

  27. 34
    Taxman

    Leave poor Julio alone, mentally speaking he is nearly defenseless. I mean his best attempt at humor was directly plagiarized from a twenty year old movie.

  28. 35
    intheknow72

    I know, Taxman. Sometimes I get ahead of myself and forget. Right now he’s probably scouring his Thesaurus, looking for big words to use. God bless him.

  29. 36
    julio

    Taxman, not that I’m above plagiarizing a good movie quote (in fact I’m rather partial to it), but I’m not sure what quote you’re talking about on the 20 year old movie. Help me out.

    ITK, you’re still far and away my favorite to trade smack with on this site. Truce. (until the next prime subject rolls around.)

  30. 37
    intheknow72

    Ditto, Julio. We need each other in a sick, co-dependent sort of way. I like you bro…and in the back of my mind afraid I’ll come home to a boiling rabbit in my kitchen. So, aside from our gridiron differences, I’m glad you’re Aubsessed and on here. 🙂

  31. 38
    Indiana Vol

    Crimson Turd Moron Nation,

    Get ready for your 2nd season in a row with nothing to show for it!

    Meanwhile, your future owner Lane Kiffin and the Vols will win out and get a good bowl win to propel the Vols back into the national spotlight. Next year, Kiffin will pick up where Fulmer left off, owning the behinds of the Dirty Habitual Cheaters.

    Per Kirk Herbstreit on College Gameday, “teams had better get their licks in on the Vols now, because the Vols are back and will be a force in the SEC for years to come.”

    READ IT AND WEEP; low-life scum!

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