Shane: Top Ten Sports Media Wackos

By Shane from Centerpoint
As a tribute to all the hard working sportswriters out there, and in light of the ever increasing popularity of lists, I’ve decided to compile a ranking of sports personalities. This list consists of a group of guys who, being allowed by profession to pontificate to the people, just might take themselves a little too seriously.

Now, to qualify for the list you must be an arrogant, self-centered, talking head that really believes that the masses wait on pins and needles to read or hear what you have to say. By the way, journalists from every medium easily qualified.

Why waste time – here goes:

#10 – BRUCE FELDMAN Who is this clown? He looks and talks like a National Public Radio reporter. There’s no way this character ever played a down of football. Works the periphery surrounding college football, because he apparently knows nothing about the game.

#9 – TONY KORNHEISER I’m not sure why he’s involved in sports broadcasting. Tony looks like a homeless dude, has a loud mouth, and is totally obnoxious. I suppose he ate a few bags of pork skins at lunch one day and passed a football, because he actually thinks he’s an expert.

#8 – LOU HOLTZ I so sick of hearing Lou’s false teeth slide while he slurs out his doctrine that I could pull an Elvis and shoot my TV. Yea, he’s forgotten more than we’ll ever know, but does that really matter if Dr. Lou can’t deliver his message without sounding like a fool.

#7 – DANNY SHERIDAN Introducing Mr. Authority. Danny treats everybody like they’re a stooge. He claims that he is the only one who knows anything about football, because he actually studies the game. I guess nobody else is smart enough. Honestly, this guy has the personality of a door knob.

#6 – KEVIN SCARBINSKY The man is just irritating. Thank goodness he is an opinion writer, because he sounds like Mickey Mouse on the airwaves. Scarbo is a media guy #5 wannabe (you’ll understand in a minute). In addition, he wears a black French beret in public. That can’t be normal.

#5 – PAUL FINEBAUM Paul always has a nasty, caustic edge. He attacks the weakest point and usually twists the point of any topic in his favor. This guy is like a sports vulture, waiting for the injured to falter. The pundits tell me Finebaum is a master of the “crawfish” maneuver as well, who always slides out of paying the price for what he says. F-bomb is talk radio’s version of Teflon Don.

#4 – KIRK HERBSTREIT Kirk’s Big 10 bias bleeds into every take on college football he’s ever given – he’s too vanilla. To compensate he sometimes over-hypes everybody else. The man even claimed that Auburn’s new head coach, Gene Chizik, is a good coach. Go figure! Besides, I bet Herbstreit spends more time in front of a mirror than Erin Andrews.

#3 – BRENT MUSBERGER This cat has the single most irritating voice in the history of sports broadcasting. His Pac 10 and Notre Dame biases hang from his neck like badges. It is also very evident that man hates the SEC.

#2 – HERB WINCHES Yes, I know Herb isn’t working in the business. That just serves to validate my reason for having him second on this list. Winches is the biggest know-it-all in the history of sports journalism; and anytime he was on the air, he hogged the microphone like nobody’s business. Others never could get a word in edge-wise when Herb was near the mic.

#1 – TIM BRANDO World meet Brando – the original “legend in his own mind”. Tim resembles a cartoon character. He is a name-dropper and a self-promoter extraordinaire. He speaks with a southern drawl and sports the ugliest toupee in the business. Brando is so self-absorbed that he could fill a four-hour radio show talking to himself about himself. Tim always offers his opinion on anything and speaks with authority, even if he knows that we know he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Tim is the mouth of the South.
—Shane writes a weekly column for the Call News and the Capstone Report.

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41 Comments

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  1. 1
    Auburn is a joke formerly the fan known as Ballplay Indian

    Shane…..You could have substituted your name for any of the ten mentioned and no one would have noticed the difference in description.

  2. 2
    capstonereport

    I thought this might have been the best line Shane has ever written: “Besides, I bet Herbstreit spends more time in front of a mirror than Erin Andrews.”

  3. 3
    OMNIPRESENT

    WOW!!! Shane you know this makes you look like a HATER right? @least this wasnt a regurgitation of your last 3…..
    And you would blow the hooker that blowed the dude that blowed finabaum last to be an in studio guest any of the peeps you named!

  4. 5
    Rick Jones

    The thing Shane doesn’t realize is that people actually listen and read what the ten people listed have to say. Nobody cares what Shane says. The former sports editor of the Western Star…what a joke.

  5. 6
    Taxman

    Rick, while I disagree with alot of what Shane has to say. I have to point out that while claiming not care what Shane says; you take the time to read and then respond to it.

  6. 7
    Pluto

    My List. 1. Mike Raita 2. Rick Karle 3. Ray Melick 4. Metrosexual Lance 5. Jeh Jeh
    6. Jay Barker 7. Kornheiser 8.Jim Nance
    9. Chip Caray tie Don Sutton 10. Brad Radice tie Jim Dunnaway
    so many names….

  7. 8
    CrimsonBrother

    Why are these COW COLLEGE people still around?

    I guess their just waiting on another 36 to 0 AZZ WHOPPING in “TOILET PAPER STADIUM”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I read where the COW COLLEGE people were gonna have one last prayer for the now DEFUNCT COLONIAL BANK and Bobby Lowder at half-time of the first high school team the COW COLLEGE plays in “TOILET PAPER STADIUM”!!!!!!!

    Gonna miss all those eagles on all those Defunct Bank signs. LOL LOL LOL LOL

    ROLL TIDE BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    21 SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS

  8. 10
    Auburn is a joke formerly the fan known as Ballplay Indian

    How ia Jim rome not on this list ? he is the pinnicle of annoyance. Also , what about that dooshbag on ESPN ? You know, that really annoying skinny black dude ? Hes got to be in there as well.

  9. 11
    Tidefan63

    Arrogant but amusing Shane. I do enjoy reading your articles though and listening to you on Finebaum. How does that saying go about “living in glass houses”?

  10. 12
    Ty from T-town

    The List:

    Shane, it is not surprising that our narcissistic friend Brando, fired back after hearing about his number one ranking on the list.
    The fact that he even mentioned the list on his nationally syndicated radio show, only validates the truth of the list.

    Its either that; or wig-glue and top-shelf bourbon just don’t mix.
    Perhaps he would come off better, wearing one of Scarbinski’s berets.

    I agree with the Capstoner.
    Kirk, definitely spends more time at the day-spa than Erin, but you can bet your ass that Musbuger is somewhere in the back of the building, roasting in a tanning-bed with Herb Winches.

    Personally, my favorite cut was the homeless reference to Kornheiser.
    The Network attempted to bring back Howard, and all we got was a wacko.
    I still think that old number four, would make a good Dandy-Don;
    But down here in T-town,
    Finebaum, is still King of the Craw-fish.

  11. 14
    The BAMMER From St. Clair

    YO! Since Ol’ Shane has taken the time to give us his “Top 10” list of analysts of our FAVORITE sport, let’s “compare & contrast” these guys with the WRITER of THIS COLUMN that we ALL BOTHER to take a look at whenever we choose or find time to peruse. First of all, BRUCE FELDMAN. Last time I checked, A LOT of these guys never played a down of REAL FOOTBALL. Did YOU play football, Shane? HS, maybe. College or pro? I DON’T think so but YOU’RE REPORTING, or at least making an effort. TONY KORNHEISER: “loud-mouthed, totally obnoxious.” Shane, we’ve heard you on Finebaum’s show. JEALOUSY because Kornheiser has a NATIONAL PLATFORM, but you ARE loud-mouthed & apparently somewhat obnoxious. Two things in common. Moving on, LOU HOLTZ. AT LEAST YOU ADMITTED you don’t have his knowledge of the game. DANNY SHERIDAN: with THIS GUY, I must confess that I agree with you. Though knowledgeable Sheridan comes off with the ATTITUDE of “I’m above you.” I won’t put you in the same boat with him. KEVIN SCARBINSKY: once again we find some COMMON GROUND. Yes, he is IRRITATING, but so are you! PAUL FINEBAUM: Shane, while F-BOMB does “twist” things to his favor and is able to maneuver his way out of “paying the price for what he says,” DON’T BITE THE HAND of the one that gives you a SMALL PLATFORM. He doesn’t need you but he DOES TOLERATE YOU. REALLY. You should be kind. KIRK HERBSTREIT: let’s see, he shows his Big 10+1 bias. YOU SHOW YOUR SEC BIAS, DUDE! Also, Kirk IS knowlegeable; he PLAYED the college game. LEAVE HIM ALONE! He’s a respectable man. BRENT MUSBERGER: He tends to lean more toward the Big XII, not the Pac-10. Hates the SEC? That’s a stretch, but his bias DOES SHOW, much like yours. HERB WINCHES: yeah, he was a “mic-hog” when he was in the business but HE WAS and probably still is somewhat INFORMED. YOU simply ACT like you’re informed. Finally, TIM BRANDO: Shane, this guy could take you to task everyday & BEAT YOU DOWN. Its as SIMPLE as that. Comparison? There is none. Brando is NATIONWIDE, Shane. You’re on the map ONLY BECAUSE of someone’s CHARITY. They USE you. You would do yourself a favor to REALIZE this. As for what I think of ANY of these guys, I find SOME of them entertaining and SOME of them irritating. Dude, you’re a WANNABE and you’re NOT IN THE SAME LEAGUE with ANY of the people you listed.

  12. 16
    Haly Bourbon or Greg from Mountain Brook

    I am of the opinion that Shane’s Top Ten Wacko article was actually ghost-written by Paul Finebaum himself. Now, I like Shane and think he is smart, funny and is an excellent addition to the Paul Finebaum show but I find it hard to believe that he could come up with stuff by himself. This is the work of a real pro. Each damning criticism and lampoon were so well-crafted. Remember Paul is an accomplished author and satirist and still has joke books that sell on Amazon.com. In fact, the observations were so accurate that Tim Brando himself had to respond. That is further proof that Paul had a hand in this somehow.

  13. 17
    Rick Jones

    Sorry Taxman… I didn’t read this article or anything else Shane has written. He read this on Paul Finebaum’s show, and I responded as I did here. I followed the link on F’baums website, saw the title and responded. What is sad is Shane uses comments like clown and wannabes in reference to others, when he exemplifies these traits. If you wish to defend Shame, have at it.

  14. 19
    OMNIPRESENT

    WOW Saint,

    Remind me to NEVER…….EVER get on your bad side 😉 I agree with what you said Shane should be thankfull and he should ALWAYS be CAREFUL!!!

  15. 20
    Roetide

    Wow Shane. This is such a joke. Do you even proofread these? Any paper that would print what you write is the reason the industry is in the toilet. By the way this is the first and last thing I’ve ever read of yours. At least the people on your list make a lot of money for their opinions. You just write them to be hateful.

  16. 21
    The BAMMER From St. Clair

    YO, OMNI! When I read this stuff, I COULDN’T HELP but see some of the same TRAITS in Shane of which he had THE AUDACITY to gripe about concerning the guys he listed! Let’s face it; he’s a BOOB & A WANNABE. I laughed when I read his column, and I’M STILL LAUGHING at him! Maybe the guy could be a comedian because I laugh at A LOT of what he writes.

  17. 22
    Einstein

    To Greg from Mt. Brook and all others: I’ll assure you that every line in that list was originated by Shane himself. Paul Finebaum did not contribute one word. I know Shane well. Don’t underestimate his wit. By the way, he gets a huge kick out of the “mindless meanderings” of clowns like Bammer from St. Elsewhere. He tells me his mantra is, “Keep the red-necked rookies doing the boogie. Boogie on gentlemen!

  18. 23
    The BAMMER From St. Clair

    YO! FIRST we have “Greg from Mountain Brook” or MAYBE I should say “Greg the MOUNTAIN OYSTER” saying that Shane couldn’t cook up this rubbish on his own, and NOW here’s “Einstein” or IN THIS CASE I’ll refer to this so-called genius as “Frankenstein” saying that ol’ Shane came up with these critiques ALL ALONE. Whether he had help or not WE ALL KNOW that Shane is THE CLOWN that “Frankie Einstein” refers to ME as. ANYONE who has read my posts will tell you that there IS some thought and some REAL analysis that is interjected into these “mindless meanderings.” SHANE, keep thinking that you have an “inside track” into Tide Athletics and the REST of the SEC and ALL OF US will keep laughing at you! When we check the dictionary for the meaning of “comedic relief” we will see your picture (or caricature in this case) included. BRING ON THE GAMES! The season CAN’T start too soon! LATER!

  19. 26
    DennyChimes

    Shane struck a nerve with Brando on this. The fact that Brando had to come out and defend himself only validates the truth of what was said. Although, I do agree with some of the above comments that some of the traits Shane accuses others of applies to himself moreso.

  20. 33
    zionhippy2

    FELDMAN PLAYED MORE FOOTBALL THAN YOU INSANE SHANE.you have a lot of nerves calling tony kornheiser obnoxious
    when you are the idiot of the finescum show.turn the tv off if you dont like lou
    holtz.sheridan knows more about football
    than lil ole you will ever know.scarbinsky tells it like it is.paul
    finescum has become the joke around the radio circuit. herbstreit does a great job.herb winches built jox into the sports magnet it is today.brando is the very best on tv today. you iceman insane nutjob shane get a life.

  21. 34
    Indiana Vol

    #1 – Shane from Centerpoint. This moronic boob thinks he knows football, but he doesn’t know SH#T! For someone who claims to be intelligent, this Crimson Turd ass-kisser doesn’t know when to shut-up.

  22. 35
    CrimsonBrother

    Capstonereport Home page column titled:
    “Inferiority Complex: Colonial and Auburn”

    link http://capstonereport.com/?p=2360

    Panov says: “Most of my discussions with Alabama fans are based on mutal respect for two good programs.”

    Panov is one more funny guy or girl.

    Panov is a microcosm of how (many) COW COLLEGE people would like to frame the dialogue NOW!!!!

    Where was Panov philosophical diatribe’s (let’s just all be reasonable) when Wing-Nut was holding up those fingers on the field or wearing those shirts (fear the thumb) or making those smart azz comments in public?

    I’ll tell you where Panov was, he was rolling on the floor laughing his azz off.

    Now the shoe is on the other foot or where the SUN don’t shine (some might say) so Panov like many other COW COLLEGE people want to play nice NOW!!

    Alabama will beat the HELL out of the COW COLLEGE again, but this time in “TOILET PAPER STADIUM”!!!!!!

    Panov, I’m trying to be reasonable like you COW COLLEGE people were at one time.

    ROLL TIDE BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    21 SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS

  23. 36
    Hal Henson

    Shane,

    You would make my list as the Number One wacko if you truly had ANY credentials. The Call News??? You consider yourself a jouranlist…with your grammar and writing style. Where did you get your journalism credentials? The Western Star?

    I look at your list and nearly everyone has reached a very high pinnacle of success. Wackos? Pretty successful wackos. If only you could fall into that category…you wish!!!

    I believe you are a Tim Brandon wanna be…I wish he had not even given you the time of day, although you do provide good comic relief.

    I think you should give up on being a “journalist”, you are an embarrassment to yourself. A stand up comedian is probably your calling, because I laugh my ass off everytime I hear you.

  24. 37
    warbird

    Shane, heard Brando beat you down today on Finebomb’s show. He had you whimpering in the corner just like you used to in CP. Bet all these folks here would really like to know what kind of “football player” you really were.

    Here’s a hint…he would have been great had he not had to go to the doctor so much…to get the splinters removed from his azz from riding the pine!!! He was pitiful. We kicked his azz EVERY day.

    He is as good a “journalist” as he was a football player…a perennial bench warmer and backup AT BEST!

    You know its true Shane…admit it. The truth will set you freeeeeeeeeeee…

  25. 38
    Joppa

    Shane, you nailed Brando! I couldn’t have said it better myself. I’m just glad that someone sees him as the arrogant person he is. His supposedly attempt at humor is one you left out. I remember the Top 10 list that he came out with that even PF ridiculed. He is the joke!

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