Arise, O Gators, and judge your own cause. Remember your reproaches to those who are filled with foolishnessâ€”like the Bulldogs. Listen to our prayers, for Gamecocks have arisen seeking to destroy the Gator Nation.
Behold, someone dares to deny thy servant Tim Tebow the unanimous vote for the meaningful preseason All-SEC. This cannot stand. Our great inquisition at SEC Media Days 2009 uncovered the author of this evil. Steve Spurrier has rejected thy truth. He has turned his back on the great Gators. He has denied the greatness of Tebow. Spurrier is a heretic. Let his actions condemn him. Let him be accursed. Let him be known as the Anti-Urban.
No one whatsoever may infringe this our written decision, declaration, precept, injunction, assignation, will, decree; or rashly contravene it. Should anyone dare to attempt such a thing, let him know that he will incur the wrath of the Florida media.
Given under our hand 27 August, 2009, Birmingham