By Hunter Ford
Saturday morning I woke up and looked out the window. It was raining frogs. I hopped on my unicorn, Pegasus, and flew to Tuscaloosa.
I sat in the press box with Paul Finebaumâ€™s brother-in-law, Shane from Center Point.
I watched Alabama lose a football game to the University of Louisiana-Monroe. No really. In case you have been in a cave in Afghanistan, Alabama really did lose to a team that was beaten earlier this year by Troy.
I was not at a loss for words after the Alabama/La Monroe game. Embarrassing, pathetic, unbelievable and surreal all come to mind.
Now, as an Alabama fan I have to decide what to do next Saturday when Alabama plays Auburn.
Maybe I will wash my cat and take her for a walk on a leash. Or perhaps I should volunteer to hand out Barack Obama campaign literature at a KKK rally.
Either one of those ventures will be more interesting than the upcoming Iron Bowl.
In times past, I have felt badly for Alabama players when they lost a close game in a valiant effort.
Alabama players gave a great effort against LSU in a close loss. When Alabama lost to the state university of Louisiana, currently headed for the BSC National Championship game, I was proud of the intensity I saw.
Crimson Tide players where whipping around the field that day like screaming banshees.
Against the directional school from Louisiana last Saturday, Alabama looked like a bunch of sloths on Valium.
So, all is lost right? Maybe not. Maybe, just maybe, enough of the current Tide players have enough pride and spirit left in them to go to Auburn and end the Tigerâ€™s five-year dominance of Alabama. Maybe Alabama will go to the Liberty Bowl in Memphis with a 7-5 record and celebrate the 25th anniversary of Paul â€œBearâ€ Bryantâ€™s last game by throttling Central Florida or Tulsa or East Carolina like they should have throttled La Monroe. 42-7 sounds about right.
Maybe, this season wonâ€™t be a total disaster after all. And maybe Alabama didnâ€™t make the worst business decision since New Coke by paying Nick Saban (who is 0-1 against UAB) millions to come to Tuscaloosa.
In 1984 Alabama went into the Iron Bowl with a 4-6 record. The Tide was ensured of its first losing season in 26 years and its first season without a bowl trip in 25 years.
Auburn had Bo Jackson and was one win away from a Sugar Bowl trip.
Alabama had lost its homecoming game that year to Vanderbilt.
Alabama beat Auburn 17-15. It eased a lot of pain to beat Auburn then and it will ease a lot of pain to beat them now.
So donâ€™t give me that crap about, â€œbeating Auburn wonâ€™t erase how badly this season went.â€
I donâ€™t live and work around La Monroe fans. I donâ€™t have to hear their B.S. all year long about how they beat Alabama.
Beating Auburn will be sweeter than ever. I will taunt my Auburn acquaintances (I have no Auburn friends) by sayingâ€¦â€œSo what if we couldnâ€™t beat the Warhawks? We beat a bunch of Tigers who yell War Eagle!â€
The leprechaun is at knocking on my door. That means itâ€™s time to feed my pink elephant Henry.